Crazy thoughts goin on inside my head
And all I wanna do is lay em to rest...
Just let em fall all over the floor
Then these mother fuckers will be able to read my mind
Then maybe they'll be able to understand
What the fuck is goin on with me
Maybe then they will understand how much love I got
I'm sorry but if only I had the balls
To pull a trigger
Or to push this blade just a little bit deeper
I'd be looking at the pictures of you in my wallet
And kissing them goodbye
Because I cant give you a peck on the cheek
If only I had that little bit of courage
And not that lot-a-bit of fear
I wouldn’t be sitting here right now
This blade wouldn’t just be resting on my wrist
It would be resting IN my wrist
If only I had the strength
I'd be swinging from a rafter
In my daddies room above the bed
If only I had the knowledge
I'd walk into the bathroom
And take my step mommas pills
If only I had the wisdom
The bullets wouldn’t be sitting by the gun
They'd be sitting in my head
And my brain goo would be here and there
Maybe then
Just maybe then
They would understand
Understand the true me
Maybe then they would be able to
To see my thoughts
If only I had the stamina
I'd run and jump off the top
Of the tallest darkest building
If only I could only see my feet
Hitting the ground that’s what they would be doing
Hitting the ground and running...
Never stopping
If only I had the balls
I'd walk into my dads room
Grab the keys
And drive off the closest bridge
If I only had the pride
I'd walk out back
With a can of gasolene
Swallow a match
And show my momma
Just what she means to me
If only I had the love
I'd be being lowered
Into a 6 foot hole in the ground
Tomorrow
If only I had not the friends
That I have now
I'd break the glass of my computer
With just one punch
And slice my wrist across the jagged ends
If only I had the trust
For an after life
I'd be floating skyward
Towards the moon
If only I had a fear of god
I'd be pushing this icepick
Into my temple
In and out it would go
If only I had the aim
I'd throw this dart high into the sky
And let it fall back down into my eye
If only I had the brain
I'd be sinking into the deepest depths
Of the ocean as we speak
If only I had faith in myself
I'd be falling onto the concrete
Out of a 17th story window
If only I had the talent
I'd play the electric guitar
Until my fingers bleed through
And created a pool of blood
All around my basement
If only I had the tools
I'd make and electric chair
And take my fat ass a seat
If only I had the creativity
I'd think of some other creative way to kill myself
And if only I had not the care
If only I had not the care for you mother fuckers
I wouldn’t be putting the knifes away,
I wouldn’t be putting the bullets back in the box,
I wouldn’t be putting the guns under the bed again,
I wouldn’t be pulling my fist away from the computer screen,
I wouldn’t be closing the pictures of my homies in my wallet,
I wouldn’t be wiping my tears away,
I wouldn’t be letting the glass shards fall from my clenched fist,
I wouldn’t be I wouldn’t be putting the kitchen knives back in the sink,
I wouldn’t be putting the gasolene back in the garage,
I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this bullshit about killing myself
I'd be sitting there laughing having a good time with my homies...
That’s what I'd be doing..
