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A/N: Ok this is the last chapter that will cover the day that changed America and the attitudes of people. Take care and enjoy this chapter. Please let me know what you think about this chapter. Until later, bye for now.

“A Hero’s Heart”

**~ “Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”- Helen Keller.


**~Chapter Nineteen- How To Say Goodbye~**



-September 11th 2001. 10:12 am. New York City, New York. Central Park West, 23rd street. Fire Company Twelve.



Brian sighs and finishes loading the last wounded person from the station into the ambulance as a young teenage woman locks the doors and runs into the passenger side seat. Brian waves and turns to head back into the fire station when he hears yelling coming from A.J. and Nick.



His heart pounds against his chest as he hurries over to the guys yelling. Nick grabs Brian’s shoulder and points to the small television screen on the wall inside the station. “Another plane! This one hit the pentagon!”



A.J. feels his mouth drop open as he watches another airliner on the television set crash into wooded area. A reporter shrieks out in the news that the United Flight 93 was invaded with terrorists but innocent fliers help stop the airplane from heading to New York and tried landing in Pennsylvania but crashed instead. Lives were lost but more were saved in the end. A.J. feels the goose bumps rising in his arms in fear. He hugs himself tightly and gulps down the tears that were rising.



Brian watches the screen in horror as the TV showed how the incident occurred. Jalisa watches in pure shock as her eyes watch the scenery unfold before her.



“Oh God, not again!” Anita the young adolescence firefighter screams out as she places her dark chocolate hands over her eyes.



Rose screams out and she feels Nick besides her breathing rapidly. “Nick! It’s getting worse. Look what’s happening!” She states shaking in fear. Jalisa pulls Rose towards her in a hug and watches the planes on the television crash over and over again.

~*~



Kevin paces around the sidewalk in front of the firehouse, he was a nervous wreak and he wasn’t told of the news of Lawrence and Darrel as of yet. Henry runs out the firehouse and crashes into Kevin.



“Hey I was looking for you. I already told the others about Lawrence and Darrel. I thought I could tell you separate from the others so it’s a better time than any right?” Henry states, his tan complexion covered in the white powder of the soot that trampled and covered the streets and buildings surrounding.



Kevin stops pacing and looks at Henry curiously. He could already feel the news he was about to hear will be bad. His heart banged and he feels a trail of sweat rolls down the side of his slightly soot covered face. “They’re dead, aren’t they?”



Henry sadly nods his head as tears pricked the edges of his dark eyes. Kevin swallows hard and watches the North Tower standing alone, lonely without its partner.



Kevin gulps and head back into the station, his tears won’t come out now, he only wanted to save the citizens that was around the remaining Tower. “I’m going.” He mumbles to Brian who was standing next to him.



“Going where? I know you’re not heading back to the Towers. You heard what happened. The city is under serious surveillance right now. You can’t go back.” Brian shouts, his ocean eyes opening wide.



‘That’s why I’m going. There’s too many people in need and I’m not standing here in the back to watch it when I can do something to stop it.” Kevin states: putting on his helmet and stepping into fire fighter boots.



“Whoa Kev. Hold up. Think this through. Do you know what you’re getting yourself into?!” Brian states following after Kevin who’s rushing out the station along with some others from the station. “Kevin! We were told to stay in the station. Something could happen to you!” Brian yells, his statement vanishes through Kevin’s ear as he disappears through the thick smog of the streets. “Oh Kev. I’m going with you.” He whispers softly running through the debris of metal, paper and scraps of torn jewelry from deceased victims.

~*~



-September 11th 2001. New York City, New York. Central Park West, 23rd street. Fire station Twelve.



Jalisa hangs up the phone and orders Nick, A.J. and Howie to head over to the North Tower. “You guys listen carefully, I need you to take the people around that area that are wounded and bring them to the ambulances that are parked down this street. No cars are coming in and traffic is halted so you guys gotta run over there. Don’t go in the building, we already got the rest of the company over there to get others out. Don’t go in, understand!” She states, her light brown eyes scanning the three men before here. Her eyes lower, “Where are the other two?”



Anita shakes her head and pokes Rose on her side. Rose shrugs her shoulders and shakes her head. Nick looks around the station and A.J. scratches the side of his head gently.



Howie stares at his friends and finally speaks up, “I saw them heading out the station. They’re heading back to the Tower. Brian tried talking Kevin out of it from what I heard but I couldn’t see what happened cause of the thick smoke. By the looks of it, it seems they both headed out.”



Jalisa shakes her head softly and runs to a small walkie talkie hoping to get in contact with the other two. “They can’t go in the building! They have to know that!”



Henry stumbles in the station and leads the others out, “They headed out, let’s go, we have to catch up to Kevin and Brian.”



Nick and A.J. run out the station with Howie and Henry leading the way out. Rose watches the men clear the station. She takes a seat besides her friend Anita.



“They’ll be ok right?” Rose asks softly pushing stray blonde tresses away from her face.



Anita shakes her head, “I don’t think anything is safe. Lawrence is gone and so is Darrel. I don’t want those guys to have to be on the deceased list.” She sniffs back tears and covered her face with her hands.



Rose gulps and watches the horrific scene over and over again of the collapse of the building in her mind. Those images will be imprinted in her mind for a long time.

~*~



-September 11th 2001. 10:28 am. New York City, New York. Greenwich street, World Trade Center.



Kevin races up the smog covered street in time to feel a terrible vibration erupt from the sky. Kevin looks up to see the North Tower crumble and topple under its own weight. The Tower let out a loud last cry as it falls to the ground crying out in pain. Kevin can hear Howie scream out and tug on Kevin’s arm.



“Go! Get out of here! We’ll be crushed under the building!” Howie yells as he watches the North Tower explode and crumble sending sprays of metal debris and paper towards their direction.



Nick drops the water hose he was holding. He stands in fear to see the Tower crash down on the ground sending a violent earthquake down the street he was standing on. Nick could feel Brian push him and yelling to “Run!”



Nick in shock stumbles and trips on the ground as innocent people crying and screaming run towards his direction in chaos.



Nick can feel Kevin lifting him off the ground and pushing him to run. “Nick, you gotta move! The building is crashing and coming at our way!”



Nick turns back to see the remains of the North Tower. Only the metal outlining and foundations poked from the ground of what once was the building. The image is quickly covered by an over powering thick smoke that fills the already smog filled area. The black smoke and fire raged on as firefighters from other companies try to take it out. Hundreds of police cars filled the now desolate streets, as many officers scurry around to save people that were caught under the building debris.



Brian begins coughing heavily as the smoke invades his lungs. Howie grabs Brian’s arm and pulls him over to their station. “Brian you ok?”



Brian shakes his head as he tries to take a deep breath. Sweat formed at his forehead as he tries to take a deep breath.



“It’s the smoke. He has to cough it out, to relieve him. He’ll be ok D.” A.J. states, patting Brian’s shoulder.



Nick and Kevin are the last to enter the station again and were covered in the thick white powder of the smoke. A few employers from the Towers walked by pass the station and seemed to be shock with the collapse. A few men stopped by the fire station and give their thanks for helping them escape the area without getting hurt.



Nick smiles and shakes a man’s hand. “You just get home and rest. It’s gonna be a long day for us.”



The man nods his head and walks away, his black business suit now stained with the white soot and powder of the Towers. Kevin gulps and shakes his head, he places his hand on Nick’s shoulder gently.



“You scared me back there Nicky. I thought we were gonna get crushed under the building.” Kevin whispers, his usually deep voice cracked in sadness.



Nick turns to face Kevin and throws his arms around the older man, embracing him as he lets the tears run down his face. Nick could feel Kevin’s arms wrap around him trying to comfort him. Nick stares at Kevin’s face and he sees a tear drop rolling down Kevin’s soot covered face. “They’re gone. Kev. They died saving lives.” Nick whispers, biting his lower lip gently.



Kevin gulps and nods his head, “I know. I heard. Nick, I gotta tell ya something. I don’t think I can do this any more.” He whispers quietly, his emerald eyes burning with tears.



Nick stares back at Kevin, “You have to do this. There are people out there that need our help. You can’t just give up.” Nick argues with Kevin, his ocean eyes burning from the smog that invaded the station and streets.



Kevin points back to the blinding white smoke, “Look at that! What am I suppose to do?! I’m responsible for the safety of the people in this city and I let them down. I can’t do this job knowing I failed once.” He yells in pain, the tears coming out rapidly from his emerald eyes.



Nick raises his eyebrows, “What!? So you’re just giving up like that. Kevin you can’t save everyone! It’s not your fault with what happened today. No one knew this was gonna happen! But don’t go blaming yourself about this.” Nick was quite in surprise for he never saw Kevin go weak, but this was the first time.



Kevin sighs and shakes his head, “Nick, it’s too late. I already signed the papers. I’m leaving the fire company next week. Henry is gonna be co-owning it with another chief.”



“What?!” A.J screams out, overhearing the conversation. “Kevin! No! What are you doing man? Are you insane? You’re leaving the company for what?” A.J’s voice stained with hurt.



“I don’t know what I wanna do yet. I just don’t feel right doing this any more.” Kevin says simply walking back into the lobby of the fire station.



Howie who was standing near by to hear the conversation, shakes his head, “Looks like we did lose someone else in this company.” He whispers and wipes his hand over his tear stained eye.



A.J. sighs and stares outside at the blanketed white covered streets. Fire trucks and police cars were buried beneath the rubble of the remains of the collapsed buildings.



Brian rubbing his sore throat, stands next to A.J. “Alex, don’t be mad with what Kevin did. I can’t blame him for what he’s doing. It’s too much pressure for one person, so I understand why he did it.” Brian whispers.



A.J gulps and watches the thick smoke infiltrate the streets and pass by him. “I know. So what do we do? We lost another brother from the company. Two is enough but now with Kevin walking out. I’m starting to think maybe I shouldn’t be here.” His chocolate eyes scan the smoke and see two employers in business suits pass by them.



Brian lets out a deep breath, “J, don’t say that. Just cause Kevin stopped dreaming, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.”



A.J. shrugs his shoulders, “I’m tired. I’m getting some rest. I heard we gotta be back there to look for any survivors buried beneath the rumble.” He whispers and heads into the station and up the stairs to his room.

~*~

-September 11th 2001. 7:16 PM. New York City, New York. Central Park West, 23rd street. Fire company twelve



He hangs up again frustrated that he couldn’t get through and make a call to his family. He knows they were worried sick about him, but the Towers took down all the phone lines around the area and even his cell wasn’t working properly. He rolls his dark coffee eyes over to the window only to be greeted by the thick black and cloudy smoke. His dark short brown hair lied matted with water. He had taken a quick shower to take off some of the soot that had stuck to him, but he still felt the blood from one of the people who he saved during the collapse. He looks to the empty bed besides his, Brian’s. And wonder how Brian is handling the fact that Kevin is leaving. It won’t be easy, that he knew. Nick had been cursing and trashing the room he shared with A.J. because he was truly upset with Kevin’s decision.



Howie on the other hand didn’t feel surprised with Kevin’s sudden departure. He knew Kevin wanted to do other things and get away from this job for a while. He would often catch Kevin talking to his wife on the phone on how he wanted to quit and go home already. He remembered Kevin saying he didn’t want to see another dead body, it would hurt him too much and he wanted to be able to sleep again without worrying if he was responsible for letting a person die.



So Howie can relate to Kevin’s choice and understood it perfectly. He himself felt tempted to leave the fire house and call it quits at times when it gets to be too much. He felt at times his heart was becoming cold to all the lives he saw gone. Howie sighs and lies back on his bed. He hadn’t cried yet, he guess it was too soon and that he himself was undergoing shock. But the tears were there ready to be freed and that’s what Howie did.



He let the tears pierce his eyes and roll down his face as he remembered how he let down a little child who was caught under the collapse of the building. Howie didn’t get there on time and it was too late for the child. So those tears are for that child and for the parents who lost their children. The tears were for the women who kissed their husbands goodbye to never to see them again, those tears flow down like the sadness of death that consumes each person’s body at the time the plane crashed. Those tears are for those workers who called their families one last time to tell them goodbye and that they love them. Because they will never see them again and those tears are for those missing family members who they may never find. It broke Howie’s heart to know the reality of this tragedy that the nation had fallen to. But what could he do, he was just one man and he doubts one person can help ease the discomfort his friends are facing.

~*~



He turns on the television screen only to see the same news discussing the tragedy he saw. He turns off the television in the lounge room and lets out a deep breath. He rubs his weary blue eyes and gazes sadly at the picture of the company. His eyes well in tears to see Chief Lawrence and Darrel smiling back at him from the picture. In that picture he sees his cousin, his friend- Kevin smiling. Brian remembered those were one of the few times Kevin truly felt happy about doing what he does as a job. But now, it seemed Kevin lost the happy smile, the smile fading until it just disappeared and that concerned Brian. But he knew it was because Kevin was becoming unhappy with this job. It’s not that he hated being a fire man, in fact he remembered when they were young how much Kevin loved the idea of becoming a fire fighter. But death takes it toll and it changed people, it changed Kevin. So now Brian was left to make a decision after next week is over. He will either continue working here or like his cousin: leave this life behind to do something that can put a smile back on Kevin’s face. He was beginning to option for the second choice, though he couldn’t make that announcement until later. Until he was sure he was ready to give this life style up.



Brian leans back on the worn sofa and stares at the picture of the entire company. He knows things will never be the same, his intuition was right.

~*~



He rummages through his suitcase to find a crumpled picture of Lawrence and him back on the day of Lawrence’s daughter, Erica’s birthday party. A.J scans the picture and tries to take out the creases and wrinkles that had formed on the edges of the picture. He smiles and looks around the room that Nick had trashed a few minutes ago. Not that it mattered cause Nick who’s lying on the top bunk taking a nap stated he’ll clean it up when he gets up. A.J. figured that was how Nick took out his anger and sadness. As for him, the news with Kevin shook him up. Kevin was the one who tends to pull the guys through things, but with him leaving the station, how will the station operate. A.J. wanted to reach out to Kevin and tell him what he was doing was a mistake but how can he if he felt the same way. A.J. longed to go back home now more than ever since this incident, he wanted to hold his fiancé and hug his mother. He wanted to see his family and be there with them but that was impossible now. Airports are shut down and hospitals were full of the injured and wounded. It’s not like he really had anywhere to go at this point. A.J. stared at the picture in his hands.



He wanted to cry, scream, curse and break things in all his anger and sadness, but it seemed Nick beat him to it. Sighing sadly, he tucks the picture and pushes aside some of the mess of clothes on the floor, Nick had thrown in his fit of anger. He walks over to his bed and places the picture on the desktop near his bed. He wanted to know that Lawrence was still in the station somehow and this could help.

~*~



Kevin folded a couple of t-shirts and packs them into his small carry on suitcase. He knew for sure he made the right choice. He couldn’t work under all this pressure and his health could be at risk if he stayed longer in this job. Kevin yawns and stares outside the evening sky as the sun begins to set. He longed to be away from all the hurt and pain so he figured leaving away from here would help. Brian wasn’t dealing with the news like Kevin had expected. It seemed that Brian was distant about the whole thing, he didn’t even bother speaking to Kevin even after Kevin announced to the entire company that next Friday was his last day working with the fire company. He shouldn’t feel preoccupied about Brian’s distant attitude, he tends to do that to sort out his feelings. But it bothered Kevin that Brian couldn’t even look at him in the eyes anymore. It made Kevin feel like he somehow had embarrassed Brian with the announcement, but that was the least of his concerns. Today he was gonna go out and search all through the night for any remaining survivors possibly buried beneath the rumble of the collapsed buildings.



He zips up the suitcase and pushes it under the bed. He grabs his keys and was about to leave but turned back around to see the paper he had wrote the poem a while back from Adam’s death. Curious he picks it up to see the poem completed with all the other guys parts printed neatly above and below his part. On the top of the page it stated a title called “Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely.” Kevin smiles and places the paper back on the mahogany desk and notices a tape recorder lying there next to the paper. Curious, he pushes play and was engulfed with a beautiful voice of his cousin singing, as well as Howie’s, A.J.’s and Nick. The part which Kevin wrote no one sang it but went over to the next part they each wrote. At the end of the song, he hears Brian’s voice speaking:



“Just like this song Kevin, it’s incomplete without your voice. And so this company will function just like that. Know you’re needed and if you do go, know that we won’t ever forget you. If you go, I want to go with ya and the others going too!” And with that the tape stops running and Kevin smiles placing the tape recorder back on the table. He walks out the door of his room feeling glad that he had such good friends.

~*~



-September 11th 2001. 8:15 PM. New York City, New York. Central Park West, 23rd street. Fire Company Twelve.



Nick opens his eyes and hears A.J. shuffling through some belongings. Nick gazes at the picture A.J. placed on the desk top and he feels his heart breaking. He was just beginning to know Lawrence and Darrel and now they’re gone. It felt strange to him, their absence. And with Kevin making it official that he was leaving next week, he felt torn in so many ways. He looked up to Kevin in so many ways and admired the man. Kevin always faced the battle and was always strong, but now when Nick saw him cry today and tell him that he didn’t want to do this any more, Nick saw the real Kevin. The one who has feelings, who’s heart does break, who feels helpless. Now it seemed that instead of Kevin helping Nick out, it was Nick’s turn to help him out. He hoped the tape he and the others worked on today gave Kevin some impression on how much his presence is felt by everyone in the company. Nick knew if Kevin really was leaving that he would leave too. He didn’t want to be here without all his friends. He lost two and he couldn’t lose another one.



Nick sits up from the bed and jumps down beginning to clean up the mess his anger had made. He felt a hand clamp down on his and looks up to see A.J. smiling.



“’bout time you woke up! I was tired of seeing this room a big mess. You’re worse than me!” A.J. states smiling: his chocolate eyes gazing at his friend.



Nick smirks and with the help of his friend cleans the room.



“Guess we should go now. They’re asking for more help on ground zero.” A.J. states, placing a book back on the shelf.



“Yeah, maybe Kevin changed his mind with the song we left him.” Nick whispers, pulling off his t-shirt and putting on a black tank top.



“Maybe.” A.J. says softly and holds the door open waiting for Nick to follow him out the room.

~**~



**~To Be Continued…~**