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Chapter 38


Amber drove around a bit till she came upon a park. She shut off her car and made her way to swings and sat down. She watched the sunset in it’s oranges and gold’s and felt the light wind blow as she began to swing back and forth. She couldn’t believe she had told A.j how she felt about him and kissed him. She never had any intentions of falling for him, that was the last thing on her mind. Her mind told her to love Brian but her heart told her otherwise. Amber just sat there in a daze, not even noticing someone sit next to her in till they touched her hand and then she looked up to be met with a pair of eyes she would know any where.

“Brian? What are you doing here? How did you find me?”

“I followed you.” He softly replied.

“You were following me? Why?” Not hint in her voice of being mad.

“You know at first I didn’t want to believe it.” Brian sighed. “I wanted so badly to just pretend even for a moment that you loved me as much as you put out.”

“Brian I do, it’s just…”

“A.j” Brian sighed. “How can I ask you to give him up? Amber it’s so plain to see, you love him and there’s no more denying it, lord knows I’ve tried long enough.” Brian cupped Amber’s cheek and wiped away a small tear that had escaped from her eye. “I want you to know I will always love you Amber, no matter what. I just wonder if every time you were with me, were you thinking of him?”

“No. Brian I do love you but…” Brian cut her off with a soft kiss. She was breaking his heart and she knew it. “Brian…I’m so sorry. I never meant…” She cried harder.

“I know. I can’t live in his shadow; I can never be A.j to you. It hurts but I feel that if I love you as much as I feel here.” He pointed to his heart. “Then I have to let you go.”

“I’m not lying when I tell you I love you Brian.”

“But you’re in love with A.j and I wont hold you back from that. That’s what you really want, you want A.j, and he’s whom you’re supposed to be with.”

“Yeah. But there’s one very, very big problem.” Amber looked down.

“What’s that?” Then as if a light bulb went off in his head Brian knew who she was talking about. “ Krista.”

“Bingo.” Fresh tears filled Amber’s eyes. Eyes that once upon a time held so much laugher and compassion where now filled with so much confusion and doubt.

“Well, all I can do is wish you the best Amby.” Brian kissed her forehead. Amber laid her head against Brian’s chest as he held her. “I want you to be happy Amby, I really do.”

“I know, but I feel like the bad guy. Here I am breaking up with you when you were one of the best things that ever happened to me and for what; For a guy that’s already taken and threw away any of those kinds of feelings for me a hell of a long time ago. God, could I be any more stupid?”

“Your not stupid for feeling the way you feel. I’m the one who should feel stupid, I thought I could make you love me like you love him but I couldn’t.” Amber was going to say something but Brian cut her off. “Shhh. You don’t have to say anything, it’s not anyone’s fault. You want A.j like I want you, you need A.j like I need you…you love A.j like I love you.” Brian finished softly.

“Your right. But I’m not gonna sit around and just be depressed over it.”

“You won’t be depressed, Caitlin, Nick and I will be there for you.” Amber sat up and looked at him as he wiped away the remainder of her tears.

“I know it’s just…I feel I need some time alone, to be around my family.”

“But we’re your family.” Brian stated.

“Yeah I know, I mean I’m going back home for awhile ya know? Just let things cool off.”

“Amber you can’t run from your insecurities! You have to face them, they won’t just go away.” Amber got off the swing, turned around and looked Brian dead in the face.

“I’m not trying to run away from anything Brian!” She yelled in frustration.

“Aren’t you the least bit worried about how everyone is gonna take to you just up and leaving?” Amber sighed as she ran a hand thru her hair.

“Brian, I’m so sick about worrying about what other people are gonna feel about everything! That’s my biggest problem, worrying about other people. Well this time Brian I’m gonna worry about me!” Amber pointed to herself. “Not in all my days on this earth have I stop to think what Amber wanted, what Amber needed.” Amber walked closer to Brian. “I need this get away Bri, I need to get away for this…just for awhile I’ll be back. I need time to breathe and be me and I can’t find that here, what better place then home? Then maybe I’ll forget about A.j, and I can finally give myself to you fully, you don’t deserve any less then that.”

“Amber I…

“Bri I’m not telling you to wait for me cause god knows how long I’ll be gone and it wouldn’t be fair to you, it’s just a thought.”

“It’s a very nice thought.” Brian smiled and kissed both of Amber’s hands.

“Yeah…It is.” She smiled.

~*~Meanwhile~*~

A.j tired to let Amber’s words sink in but he was having trouble believing it for some reason. Yeah she kissed him and damn she could kiss. A.j placed his pointer finger and middle finger to his lips; he could still feel her warmth. A.j couldn’t understand what was going on, had she loved him all along? Or was she jealous of Krista?