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Chapter 1: Living On Borrowed Time

"Nick?"

Nick fought to keep his breathing under control. It didn't help much that his heart had jumped a mile high into the middle of his throat and his stomach was tying itself into a terrible mess of knots. All of their hope, their optimism, their patience had been washed down the drain. And what did he end up with? A sealed death sentence. There was nowhere else to turn. Their resources had finally run dry. "A-are you positive?" He struggled to get his voice to project, and still it came out no louder then a whisper. Tiny droplets of sweat began to accumulate along his gray hairline and the temperature in the exam room seemed to drop twenty degrees in temperature. And it didn't help much that he was already having trouble keeping body heat as of lately. Finally Nick leaned forward, hands clutching his knees and his shoulders hunched in defeat.

"I'm sorry, Nick. Really, I am. I want more then anything to tell you different," Dr. Garner answered, his hand making its way to Nick's bare shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. He stood there silently, staring down at the aging man before him that he had grown close to over the course of the latter year. He felt the man shudder beneath his touch and he frowned. Through all of the years he had spent in the medical profession, not once had he gotten used to having to tell one of his patients that they were living on borrowed time and that that time would soon run out. He doubted he ever would.

All Nick could do was nod. He reached for his light teal-colored cotton button up, fidgeting with the white buttons to distract his mind from the inevitable. The four walls that constructed the room seemed to grow smaller with every second the clock ticked by. "How long?" Nick asked admist the thickening silence. He continued to fidget with the tiny buttons, refusing to make the least bit of eye contact with his physician.

Dr. Garner inhaled deeply before taking a seat on the rolling stool. He clasped his hands tightly together in front of him as he rested his elbows on his thighs. "There's no way to really say," he began to explain, his brows creasing. "The advanced stage you are at leaves you at a big disadvantage-"

"Yeah, I'm gonna die. So of course that's a big disadvantage," Nick interrupted, his tone tinged with sarcasm. But when he looked up to meet Dr. Garner's gaze, Nick's features spoke otherwise. Salty tears were brimming at the corners of his azure eyes just waiting to spill over. He looked away again. "Sorry, that was uncalled for..." he muttered, running a trembling hand through his unruly salt and pepper locks.

"It's alright, Nick," Dr. Garner responded softly. He reached for Nick's medical file atop the counter, wanting to draw out all possible directions they could take with further continuation of Nick's treatment. But as much as Dr. Garner hated to admit it, he knew there wasn't anywhere else to really go. They had tested their limits, even broken some of them, and pushed Nick's deteriorating health as far as it could go. Yet all they accomplished was a faster rate of deterioration. They were at the end of their ropes, leaving Nick's situation looking as dark as it could possibly get. "We can start up with the chemotherapy treatment again, and hope that something changes, but, I want to be honest with you-"

"It won't change," Nick finished for him. He knew that, felt it deep down. All of the chemotherapy treatments he had gone through had already proved fruitless in outcome. And they always seemed to make him sicker each time. It wasn't worth the added pain when Nick knew the treatments were doing nothing to help his condition. So he shook his head vehemently. "No...no, I don't want to do that," he said, chewing on his bottom lip.

Dr. Garner nodded, flipping through a few sheets. He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, his hazel eyes skimming over the information on each sheet. "Did Maggie come with you today?" he questioned finally glancing up again and finding Nick fumbling with putting his shirt back on.

"No, I told her this morning that she didn't need to. I didn't think it was- ...She's out running errands," Nick answered feebly, his face contorting into frustration while he failed miserably at buttoning up the front of his shirt. He didn't even want to give a thought about his wife and what he knew her reaction was going to be when he arrived home. "Damnit!" He took a deep breath, to catch his bearings and involuntarily began wheezing, a rough coughing spasm erupting from deep in his chest. Dr. Garner was immediately on his feet and at Nick's side in seconds.

Dr. Garner's stethoscope found its way onto Nick's chest, the cool metal sending a shock through his body. "How often do you get these attacks?" he asked seriously as Nick's breathing slowly returned to normal, but the hint of a wheeze was still very much present.

"Nearly once every day or close to it. As of lately that is," Nick answered, shrugging away from the icy instrument. He clentched and unclentched his fists several times, trying to ignore the tingling sensations he kept feeling in each hand. Finally he returned to the task of fixing his shirt the right way. The room was getting smaller and his lungs were feeling more constricted with each breath of stuffy air he inhaled, despite the fact that he was starting to shiver more noticably. "A bit difficult to catch my breath afterwards."

"I'm going to prescribe you a one day dosage that should take care of that problem for tonight," Dr. Garner instructed, carefully scribbling messy scrawl on a tiny sheet of paper. He licked at his dry lips, studying it for a moment before he held it out to Nick. "This will only be a temporary fix until we get you back here to the hospital tomorrow for more testing. I'm going to order a series of MRI and CT scans, and a bit more blood work to be sent to the lab. Nick, I want to put you back on the oxygen tomorrow."

Nick frowned openly. "For how long?" he rasped.

"I'm afraid it will be permanently this time. You should be alright for tonight as long as you don't overwork yourself and you rest the remainder of the day, but starting tomorrow I want you back on it. If for any reason you have another attack tonight and suffer complications from it, I want you to go straight into the ER and have them page me. If I'm not there, they can reach me at my house. Talk to Maggie tonight and have her come with you tomorrow, alright?" Dr. Garner watched him carefully as Nick gazed off into space. His cheeks had become blotchy and his eyes glazed over. Dr. Garner's heart broke slowly just looking at the man. "Nick?" he called out, once again placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm dying..." Nick whispered and it was as if he could feel the life he had left beginning to drain from his body. He wanted to throw up, wanted to scream at the absurdity of the idea. But most of all, he felt like just curling up into the fetal position and crying until he couldn't possibly cry anymore. "Oh God, I'm actually dying..."

A shrill beep filled the entirety of the room and Dr. Garner apologized, removing the pager from his belt loop. "There's an emergency in the ER they need my help with. Nick, take as much time in here as you need. And I'm sorry. I wish I could have given you better news today."

Nick watched as his physician excused himself from the tiny room and as the door closed with a click, a strangled sob erupted from his throat, one he had been working so hard on containing. But he could no longer contain it as the truth finally hit straight in the gut. His world was coming to an end and there was nothing he could do about it.