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Chapter 118:

Nastasia glanced back at Brian for a moment. She ached so horribly inside. It felt like someone was tearing her insides apart. She didn't want to talk about it though. She didn't want to talk about anything, she just wanted to be alone.

Brian sighed as he stared back at Nastasia. " Fine, if you absolutely do not want me here, just tell me and I'll go away. "

"Right..." Nastasia sighed as she folded her arms under her chest. She let out a heavy breath of air, she didn't want to hurt Brian, but she didn't want him there either.

" Just say the words and I'll go away, because I'm getting the sense that you don't want me here, and if that's the case, then I'm just wasting my time. "

"We all waste our time...in one way or another..." Nastasia muttered as she closed her eyes for a moment. It felt like her mother was actually there, she could see her lovely green eyes...the ones that were so warm when Nastasia brought home a good grade, but then they turned hurtful when her father came home.

" I'm just gonna go, maybe you'll talk later, " Brian answered as he turned around and began walking, keeping his pace slow.

"I'll be back...whenever..." Nastasia called after him, not accepting his comfort or his conversation. She turned back to the water, leaning against the railing she rested her chin on her hands. Tears started to slowly drip as she heard Brian's footsteps retreating.

Brian walked back over to Nastasia and pulled her into his arms as her body erupted into sobs and she began to shake. " Sweetheart...shhh... "

"I th-thought you w-were leaving..." Nastasia sobbed as she felt her body shake harder. She sat down on the bridge again, sobbing harder and harder. Brian rubbed her back softly.

" Did you actually think I would leave? " Brian snickered, just wanting to cheer her up.

"I w-wished..."

" Staz... "

"Doing any better Staz?!" Nick grinned as he came back onto the bridge. He looked to Nastasia, who gave no response. And then sighed.

" Nick, give us another minute? " Brian asked.

"Jezz, I'm so loved over on this bridge!" Nick answered with a nasty glare towards Brian, then walked back off, waiting for AJ to show.

" Don't mind him, he's just upset because he hasn't had anything to eat in the past hour, " Brian joked.

"Figures." Nastasia answered as she wiped the tears away with the back of her shaking hands.

" Now do you want to talk? "

"I..." Nastasia just couldn't find the words.

" You? "

"Me...how many other words are we going to use to refer to me?"

" Uh...hmmm...you got me stumped on that one. "

"I'd say so..."

" At least I admitted it. Now that takes guts, " Brian chuckled.

"True."

" But to get Nick to admit to something like that, uh...like no chance...unless food is involved. "

"Yeah, I suppose you are right... He'd crack for a BigMac and fries." Nastasia answered as she looked over towards Nick, who was standing around looking for someone. Which made Nastasia a little nervous.

" Did somebody say McDonalds? " Nick called.

"No!" Nastasia answered for Brian, seeing the irritated look on his face.

" Bite my head off, damn, " Nick shrugged as he turned away.

"Fine I will." Nastasia grumbled as she averted her gaze back to the water.

" Sometimes I just want to beat him, but if you'd like, I could give you the honors of doing that, " Brian answered, he was desperately trying his best to cheer her up.

"It's not really worth it."

" Why's that? "

"Because hurting someone for your own benifit isn't right." Nastasia answered hatefully as her eyes turned a dark shade of emerald.

Brian looked at her with shock, he hadn't meant it like that. " Staz, I didn't mean- "

"I know what you meant, and you know what I meant."

Brian sighed, for once he wasn't succeeding at cheering Nastasia up. he didn't know what else to do.

"Sometimes I wish I could put my life on pause and just rewind it back..." Nastasia answered after a few moments of silence. She felt the wind blow through her silky hair as she rested her chin on her knees.

" I think we all do at some point...but why? "

"See, I could go back to the point where my parents were together...erase the conception of me...then my momma wouldn't of had to stay with him." Nastasia answered hatefully.

" I don't understand, " Brian whispered.

"Neither did I." Nastasia answered as she heard a loud commotion by Nick. Brian felt his body snap to attention as Nastasia peered over.

Howie, A.J and Kevin, jumped out of the rental car. Each of them had a look of relief plastered on their faces, Howie more so than A.J and Kevin. Nick followed closely behind them.

"God Brian, I thought you said you wouldn't tell?!" Nastasia groaned loudly as she immediatly jumped up.

" Hey, I never said I wouldn't! " Brian defended, jumping up also.

"You are such a jerk!" Nastasia groaned, "C'mon Brian! This is so not fair! I'm not going to have no freakin' five guys yelling in my face!"

" They aren't going to yell at you! Stazzie, I'm worried about you and so are they! "

"Then I don't need five guys expressing their sympathies about something that's not going to change! She's dead! She's in a hole, buried because I didn't help her! Let me be!" Nastasia shot back.

Brian stumbled backwards from Nastasia's words. " Nastasia, stop! " he said angrily.

"You can't sit there and tell me to stop. I am an adult and I can make my own desisions." Nastasia snapped as she turned away from him, tears burning under her eyeslids. She refused to let them fall, she just started to walk.

" Nastasia, wait! " Brian shouted as he went after her. He grabbed her arm to spin her around but she pushed him away and he fell to the ground.

Nastasia picked up speed as soon as she heard Brian yell her name again. Then the chorus of four others. She didn't want to be there, she felt suffocated.

" Staz! Stop! Wait! " Howie called after her desperately as he ran after her.

Nastasia heard Howie call as something struck a cord in her heart. She stopped running for a moment, totally confused. Nastasia was so lost within herself.

" Staz! " Howie called again as he watched her collapse to the ground. He picked up his speed and as soon as he reached her, he fell to the ground beside her, pulling her sobbing body into his arms. " Stazzie...sweetheart...baby... "

"I w-want to s-stop hurting..." Nastasia begged as she wrapped her arms around Howie's neck. She continued to cry openingly. She didn't know what else to do.

" Baby...I know... " Howie whispered, holding her tight, letting her know he wouldn't let go.

"She's dead...She's gone Howie..."

" I know baby, I know, " Howie answered, rocking her.

Nastasia held on tighter to Howie, she thought she might drown in depression. Her tears kept flowing as the rest of the guys eased their way over to where Howie sat holding and rocking Nastasia.

A.J looked on with an aching heart as he watched Nastasia cry in Howie's arms. " Stazzie, I'm so sorry... " he whispered.

"She's still g-g-gone...it d-d-doesn't matter JJ." Nastasia whispered as she buried her head in Howie's shoulder.

" I know she is...I'm so sorry... " A.J choked, regretting that he had told her when he did. He knew he should have waited, but he didn't.

"I'm s-sorry too, I d-don't hate you JJ..." Nastasia answered softly as she choked back her tears.

" Why did you run away baby, why? " Howie questioned, pulling back from her for a second and staring into her glistened ocean eyes.

"I don't wanna be here...I want to be alone..."

" You shouldn't have run away. I was- "

"I wanted to be alone!" Nastasia answered, her voice more firmer.

Howie looked hurt by her statement.

Nastasia looked away for a moment, she didn't care that anyone else was hurting inside. She didn't feel like she could care about anything anymore.

" Stazzie... "

"What?" Nastasia sniffled as she looked at all five guys surrounding her. She then felt Howie's hand bring her gaze back to him.

" You don't want us around? " Howie questioned seriously.

"I just want to be alone..." Nastasia answered softly.

" Fine, " Howie said quietly as he stood up.

"Howie, we can't leave her!" AJ hissed.

" She wants to be alone, so I'm going to leave her alone! "

"Howie, she can't..." Brian whispered, "She won't be okay if we leave her alone..."

" At least come back to the hotel Staz, " Howie suggested quietly. He knew Brian was right and he didn't want to leave Nastasia alone to begin with.

"I'll feel trapped in the hotel..." Nastasia answered softly.

" Well, I'm not going to just leave you here... "

"I'll get there okay."

" No. "

"No?"

" I'm not leaving you here. "

"But-"

" No. "

Nastasia rolled her eyes, "Fine, whatever."

" Come back to the hotel. I don't see you got any other choice. "

"I never do."

" You know that's not true. "

"Can we just leave?" Nastasia answered.

" Yes, let's go. "