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Chapter 124:

" Well Howie? " Lauren questioned, breaking the silence that was growing.

Howie opened his eyes again, blinking back tears as he stared at the ceiling, but a few escaped down his flushed cheeks. He didn't answer.

" Howie? "

" What? " Howie grumbled.

" Let's talk. "

" Fine, talk. "

" Not just me. You're gonna talk too. "

" I don't feel like talking. "

" Like we told you D, that's too bad. You're gonna talk anyways, " A.J answered.

" I think you guys are wasting your time. "

" We're not the one who's wasting it, " Brian said softly.

" Just answer one question for us, and if we're satisfied, we'll leave you alone, " A.J answered.

" Fine... "

" How come you did what you did? " Lauren questioned as she watched Howie sink farther into the couch.

" I don't know... "

" C'mon...you must have had a specific reason. "

" I said I don't know! I don't know what I was thinking, " Howie answered, glaring hatefully at Lauren. " I don't remember most of what happened. Only the part back at the hotel... "

" You don't remember anything before that? "

" No...I don't remember going out to the bar and getting drunk...that part is totally erased from my memory. I barely remember being back at the hotel...and saying...saying t-the things I said to Staz... "

Lauren felt a sudden wave of nausea wash over her, but she quickly recovered before anyone noticed, though A.J eyed her suspiciously. Her stomach felt a little queezy, and she remembered how it had felt the same way that morning. Though she passed it off as meaning nothing.

" Ok, let's forget about the scene back at the hotel for right now. I just want to know what was going through your head when you left. "

Howie sighed, shutting his eyes to rest. The longer he kept his eyes open, the more and harder his head pounded, and the lights weren't helping either. He thought silently for a minute, thinking back to the day before. He still couldn't remember being at the bar, but he very vaguely remembered before he had left and how he had been talking to Lauren.

" Need some asprin D? " Brian asked as he stood up.

" Might help... " Howie answered quietly as Brian walked off.

" Well? " Lauren proceeded.

" Well what? "

" What were you thinking? "

" I don't know... "

" C'mon D, we're just trying to help. Wether you want to admit it, you need to talk to someone right now. I personally want to know what you were thinking, " A.J said.

" You want to know what I was thinking J? I was thinking about how sick and tired I am of always trying to be there for Nastasia and her not letting me. Or about how I desperately want to help her and just care for her, and she just denies me of that. And about how she'll confide to you about anything, but she won't confide anything to her husband. Her husband damnit! The person who made the damn vow to be there for her always and to listen, care and love her unconditionally. THAT'S what I was thinking, " Howie hissed.

" Howie- "

" I've always been there for her, but whenever a problem arises, who the hell does she run to? Defenitely not me. She runs to you and doesn't even give me chance to help her. I'm tired of it. She's my wife, and sometimes I wonder if she actually really is, " Howie whispered as he began to tremble, the tears returning to his eyes.

" Listen man, I'm sorry you have to feel that way, and I'll talk to her. I know she's your wife and maybe she does shut you out way too much, but- "

" Not maybe, she DOES. "

" But for you to go out and do what you did when she needed you to be there, that was wrong. "

" I couldn't handle being there at the moment. I just needed to get out. "

" Don't you ever think Nastasia feels that way? But does she leave like you did? You just walked out on her during one of the hardest times in her life. That was kind of shitty to do... "

" She had you to help her, just like I've been saying all along! "

" I was trying to calm her down because you weren't doing a very good job at it. I wasn't trying to keep her from you and I didn't expect you to just walk out and leave. I don't think she did either. "

" She didn't need me th- "

" This is the last time I'm going to say this, so you better get it through your head. She needs you more than anything, more than she needs me. And sometimes she has trouble opening up to you- "

" More like always... "

" Let me finish. She needed you more than ever to be there for her last night. She did NOT need you to walk out like you did. "

" Fine, I made a mistake. "

" You need to tell Nastasia that. "

" No... "

" Why not? "

" We're not on speaking terms, as if you haven't already noticed. "

" Maybe she needs you to go on your own to go talk to her. Instead of her coming to you. "

" Is she really thinking about divorce again? " Howie whispered, his brown eyes pleading for the answer " no ".

" To tell you the truth...I don't know...that's why you need to go talk to her. "

*****

Howie felt his stomach do flips as he walked back towards the bunks. He had finally agreed to go talk to Nastasia, now the only question was, would she agree to talk to him?

His whole body ached. Half being from the massive hang-over he was experiencing and the other half being from the pain he had caused Nastasia, something she didn't deserve.

He quietly pulled back the curtain and found Nastasia and Alexandria curled up together, sleeping soundly. He slowly felt a smile form on his lips, but the smile soon dissappeared, and he ached more. Finally reaching out, he gently touched Nastasia's shoulder, waking her up.

Nastasia turned to her other side and opened her eyes, a small squeak escaping her lips. She could feel herself tremble slightly. " What do you want? " she hissed.

" I want to talk to you. "

" Why? Just so you can call me a bitch again? Because if that's the case, I don't want to hear it. I do not need you calling me a bitch. "

" That's not what I was going to say- "

" You know what? I don't care what you have to say at the moment. I don't want to speak with you, or see you. I am so dissappointed in you. "

" Baby- "

" Don't Baby me. Just get out of my face. "

" Look Stazzie, I'm sorry- "

" I don't want to hear it. Now if you would please go away. My daughter is sleeping and she does not need to be woken up. "

" Stazzie- "

" I don't want to see you until you get your act together. Until then, Just stay away from me and stay from my daughter. " With those last words, Nastasia slammed the curtains shut, causing Howie to fall backwards onto the ground, leaving him no other thing to do but cry.