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Chapter 28:

Nastasia kept her gaze locked with Howie's gaze. He seemed to be surprised by her outburst, like he was when they fought. Nastasia had no clue what else to say to him. Her emotions were extremely mixed up.

Howie felt his heart shatter to pieces as he saw the tears start to rain down his wife's cheeks. Those tears were his fault, once again. "Stazzie..."

"You scared the hell out of me! Do you understand what I felt like inside? When I saw that....that....that stupid picture!" Nastasia burst as she tried to fight away the tears.

"Stazzie...I..." Howie mumbled as he looked at his bandaged right hand.

"You what? I'd like to know, I mean, trying to take your life. This ought to be a good one." Nastasia replied quickly. Her anger flaring out, he had scared her. She wanted to die when Lauren said she had to go to the hospital.

"I...damn..."

"Damn? What does that mean? I really want to know what's in your head right now. Because I want to get this over with, you have to know how much I hate fighting Howie."

"Why would you want to get this over with? You don't love me anymore, I don't see why you're really here..." Howie muttered, his voice trailing off at the end of the sentence.

"I don't wha-" Nastasia couldn't find the words to finish her sentence. Her heart stabbed with pain as she looked back to her husband. She loved him more than life itself. And those words were so familar... The words her mother used to use when Nastasia left the house to live with AJ and Denise. So many years ago, and it was still ringing.

"You don't love me anymore..." Howie whispered, looking away from Nastasia.

"Why wouldn't I love you? What, what gave you that idea Howie?" Nastasia answered, her tone becoming softer. Fear starting to ice her heart over.

"I...I don't know," Howie mumbled quietly. He realized she hadn't actually told him that she didn't love him.

"Do you see this?" Nastasia answered softly as she tapped her engagement ring and her wedding band. Both sparkling under the lighting.

"Yes..." Howie replied, not sure of where she was going.

"These are something you gave me to show me that you loved me, right?"

"Yes..."

"And I wear them to show you that I love you. I never ever told you that I didn't love you. I love you with all my heart. Okay?" Nastasia answered softly as she sat down on the bed. He looked at her for a moment, pondering the answers she had given.

"I'm..."

"Your?"

"I'm sorry..." Howie answered as tears trickled down his cheeks. Nastasia felt her heart shatter as he continued to cry openingly. Nastasia reached out to be comforted as she felt tears burn her eyes.

"I'm sorry too." Nastasia whimpered as Howie quickly wrapped his good arm around Nastasia, inhaling the sweet scent of vanilla and roses. He loved the smell of it, it made him feel wanted. He loved the feel of Nastasia in his arms. He couldn't believe he was going to give that all up.

"I never...I just thought... You were so mad Stazzie... I thought you hated my guts...that you never wanted to see me again. It hurt so bad. I didn't care about anything else because you didn't love me anymore." Howie answered, the words just flowing out of his mouth.

"Just because we fight doesn't mean I don't love you. Hell, I fight with JJ and Laurie all the time...but I still love them." Nastasia answered as she broke their hug to look at Howie.

"Then you still love me?" Howie whispered.

"I never stopped." Nastasia answered as she brought her lips to his, inviting the touch and warmness they brought. Something she had almost lost that day, which scared her more than she'd ever know.

****

"Ahem." A voice called, clearing their throat loudly. Nastasia broke the kiss to look up and see Lauren and AJ with Chase and Alexandria.

Alexandria looked to be having a fit of tears. Nastasia felt bad for leaving her out there. She immediatly got up and brought her child into her arms, hugging her tightly Inhaling the fresh baby scent that she loved so much. Alexandria quieted as she felt her mother's loving arms around her.

"Sorry JJ." Nastasia laughed as Howie looked to see Nastasia holding Alexandria. His heart iced over with pain, he could of killed himself. And he never would be able to see his wife cuddling his daughter like that. He wouldn't have been able to make love to his wife anymore, or see his daughter smile.

"How are you Uncle Howie?" Chase asked as he looked at his uncle in the hospital bed. He looked worse than it was. Lauren understood why Chase looked upset.

"I just have a bit of a headache." Howie answered as he smiled down at Chase.

"He has a hard head, what can we say?" Nastasia replied, making sure she was away from Howie. That way he couldn't smack her from the comment she made.

"You guys fighting anymore?" Lauren asked.

"No, I can't fight with someone who's injuried. It makes me feel bad."

"Shut up Stazzie!" AJ laughed. Nastasia shrugged as she walked back over to Howie. She leaned in and let Alexandria give her daddy a kiss, then she took her place. Kissing him, passion drawing out of their kiss.

"Guess they aren't mad anymore." Lauren teased.

"So, what's happening with you D?" AJ asked as Nastasia broke the kiss. Happy to have Howie alive and well.

"I guess I can be discharged anytime." Howie answered, his head and hand pounding with pain. But he didn't think about it too much, it was a small price to pay to keep his life. And he knew Nastasia would make it feel better.

"Are you going to practice?" Lauren asked.

"No, he's not allowed." Nastasia answered quickly.

"Why?" AJ asked.

"His concussion is seriously bad. He's going home to rest. It's time for Howie and Stazzie time. We need it... Plus he's not allowed to sleep-" Nastasia answered grinning lightly, making the rest laugh. Somehow, Howie knew things would get better.