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Chapter 44:

Nastasia had went straight to her hotel room after the bus ride. They had several hours to kill before they left for practice. She was deeply upset about what AJ had said to her. She still couldn't understand how he could say something like that.

Howie had taken Alexandria and Chase out to a local park for a few hours. He was extremely upset with people hiding things from him, he just wanted to get out. Something inside him was reaching the point of exploding, and he couldn't understand.

"Staz? Babe? You in here?" AJ called softly as he knocked softly on the door, which eased itself open. He had told Lauren what he had said to Nastasia. Lauren was extremely upset, like Denise had been. They both suggested he stop in and apologize.

"I don't want to talk." Nastasia whimpered. AJ walked in anyway. He looked to see Nastasia curled into a tight ball. Her chin resting on her knees as she hugged them, tears trickling down her face.

"Are you okay?" AJ asked, worry casting in his soft brown eyes. He slid onto the bed beside Nastasia. Nastasia jumped as she looked at her long time friend.

"I'm fine. Peachy." She replied sarcastically.

"I'm sorry for what I said Stazzie." AJ answered back.

"You mean about me being abusive?"

"Yes, I didn't-"

"Your right, I'm just turning into my father." Nastasia snapped back. Her fears had been sneaking back up on her. The nightmares making her frightened. She felt her body start to shake as AJ held her tightly.

"You're not your dad Staz, you're not."

"But what if I am? What if I turn into him? What if I hurt Lex? I couldn't live with myself if I hurt Lex. Not her JJ, I don't want to..." Nastasia sobbed, her voice catching with the sobs. Releasing the true feelings she had been thinking.

"Sweetheart, you'll never hurt Lex. She loves you too much. And you love her." AJ whispered, his voice soft. He was suprised by the thoughts rushing through Nastasia's head. He thought she had been okay.

"I just start having dreams about him JJ. I can't stand it. I dream of the time I got the scar on my back. And how you and Laurie kept begging me to go to the hospital. Then Lauren's mom finally took me. My dad flipping again and..." Nastasia felt a sob catch in her throat as AJ winced. He remembered too.

"Staz don't."

"He beat me for days after that JJ. Don't you understand? I was so bruised. I couldn't even move! I don't want to be like that! All it does is haunt me! I was bleeding-"

Nastasia was about to continue, but she heard the door open. She jumped as Howie walked in. No children. He had dropped them off with Denise, who begged to have them.

"Hey...What's the matter?" Howie asked as he saw the tears streaking his wife's face. AJ looked pale as he stared back at Howie.

"Nothing." Nastasia whispered.

"You're crying." Howie observed, anger rising in his voice.

"AJ punched me a little hard." Nastasia answered, a lie. Howie could tell. He felt his anger reach a point of no return. He couldn't believe his love and his best friend were lying to him.

"Why won't you tell me?"

"Tell you what D?" AJ asked, his voice shakey.

"What the hell happened with Staz! She's been like a freakin' stranger to me since the day we got married! And all you guys do is cover her tracks! Protecting her! PROTECTING HER FROM WHAT DAMNIT!?! I want to know! You can't keep fucking lying to me! I wish I never had gotten married to her in the first place!" Howie yelled loudly as he stormed out of the room, slamming the door hard behind him.

AJ looked pale as Nastasia looked badly shaken. She began to cry softly. AJ threw his arms around Nastasia, hoping to stop the crying. Not that it would happen. Her heart had shattered.

****

Later that day Nastasia had went to Lauren's room to play with the kids. No one but AJ knew of Howie's outburst. And they hadn't seen him since. Nastasia knew to keep quiet, although it tore her to pieces.

"Hey babe, what's the matter?" Lauren asked quietly as she watched Chase play with Alexandria, giving her the teddy bear then pulling it away.

"Nothing." Nastasia answered, forcing a smile.

"You sure?" Lauren asked again, knowing something was wrong. She wasn't sure how to bring it up. She knew Nastasia would confide in her eventually.

"Yeah, I guess." Nastasia sighed as she fell onto the bed. Alexandria watched her mother sigh heavily. She crawled over and began to whine, begging Nastasia to pick her up. Nastasia smiled softly as she kissed her daughter. "Do you love mommy?"

"Mama." Alexandria cooed.

"Would you miss mommy if daddy took you away?" Nastasia asked softly, making Lauren's insides chill.

"Staz?"

"Nothing." Nastasia replied as she cuddled her daughter tightly.

"Did I tell you who called today?" Lauren asked, changing the subject, knowing she could bring it up later to AJ or Howie. One of them would tell her what's up.

"No who?"

"Devon."

"DEVON?!" Nastasia gasped, her green eyes sparking with worry. "Our Devon? The Devon?"

"Duh."

"What'd he want?"

"He wants to see me again..."

"Laurie, you can't. You'll fuck up your relationship with AJ. And you guys are married, you can't get divorced. It'd hurt me too bad." Nastasia replied, worry casting in her eyes.

"I'm not sure..."

"Don't Laurie!"

"I love AJ...and nothing can change that. Devon made me so mad when he tried to mess things up with AJ. So, I hung the phone up on him. All he did was cause hurt between AJ and I."

"Go with that feeling!"

"But Staz, seriously. Aren't you curious to see what he turned out like? I mean, we've known each other since high school. I mean, I guess a little of me is interested in seeing what he's like now..."

"No! Curiousity killed the cat!"

"Dumb saying."

"So?! Laurie, say you won't." Nastasia pleaded, so much like AJ and Chase. "Laurie, it'll kill AJ. Please don't think about it. Think of AJ, that's all that counts..."

"I'll think about it." Lauren replied.