[ - ]
Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer Chapter or Story Microsoft Word Chapter or Story
- Text Size +
Chapter 51:

Nastasia walked hesitantly onto the bus. She knew Howie was waiting in the back for her. She didn't know if she had the heart to go back there and face him. She didn't want to face the fact that they were probably divorcing. Thinking that was what he wanted to talk about.

Besides the fact that her head was throbbing with pain from the hangover, her heart began to pound harder with each step she took. It seemed to take her forever to get to the back room of the bus, and once she finally did, she saw that the door was closed. She just stood there staring, knowing Howie was inside, still waiting for her. Raising a shakey hand, she clutched the door knob and turned it.

Nastasia peered inside. Howie sat on the couch. Holding the rings she had forced into his face. All she wanted to do was run, and never come back.

Howie looked up from the rings and found himself staring face to face with her, and his eyes filled with sorrow, but he gulped it back and looked down, he didn't know what to say and only hoped she would.

"What did you want to talk about?" Nastasia asked quietly, not sure of how to act. She shifted uncomforably as she wrung her hands together. Her one finger bear, no more rings.

Howie opened his mouth to say something, but his voice caught in his throat and he closed his mouth again. This wasn't easy. He could only think to sigh and that probably didn't help.

"It's nice having a conversation by myself." Nastasia replied as she collapsed onto the couch, the one on the other side of the room. Far enough away from Howie to make her comfortable. She couldn't think straight, she only wanted to go home.

" You said one thing, how can you call that having a conversation by yourself, " Howie mumbled, fumbling the rings between two fingers.

"It's a nice conversation in my head." Nastasia replied softly.

" I don't even know what to say to you anymore, " Howie whispered, hating that he said it.

"Fine, the feeling's the same." Nastasia answered, not knowing what else to say. She didn't know what to say, it made her nervous. She loved him so much, but didn't know how to say it.

" Glad to know the feeling's mutual, " Howie grumbled, looking away from her. He now knew what he wanted to say, and it was only three simple words that meant so much, but those words wouldn't form in his mouth, for a reason unknown to him.

"Look, what did you want me for? This is useless." Nastasia replied sadly.

" Is that the way you're gonna look at it? "

"Look at what? "

" Us. "

"I don't understand Howie..."

" You think I do? "

"Can you just tell me what's wrong with you?" Nastasia asked as she sat up on the couch and faced Howie.

" What's wrong with me?! What's wrong with you?! "

"Stop turning things around on me!"

" I'm not! "

"Howie, please. I don't want to fight. I just want to know what's wrong with you." Nastasia replied, her head pounding. She bent her head and softly rubbed her temples.

" There's nothing wrong with me damnit! But you- "

"BUT ME WHAT?!" Nastasia replied, her anger rising as she stood up. She stumbled a bit, a little unsteady on her feet.

" BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM! "

"That is low Howie. I do not have a problem." Nastasia whispered hoarsley. Her eyes turning a dark color.

" Then why the HELL have you been treating me so shitty? If you don't have a problem? "

"I haven't been! What have I done?!" Nastasia screamed back.

" You've been treating me like shit! That's what you've been doing! " Howie yelled, standing up abruptly.

"How?" Nastasia asked, standing her ground as he jumped up.

" I fucking care about you, and you fucking lie to me! Then you get all fucking pissed off at me about it! Take some freaking Mydol and chill! "

"Fuck off."

" Fuck off yourself! "

"Fine, I don't understand what I ever saw in you to begin with." Nastasia spat back.

" That hurt Nastasia, that really hurt. "

"And telling me I've been treating you like crap, I have a problem, and that I need to take Mydol and chill is something that doesn't hurt?"

" That's your own damn fault! "

"Thanks Howie. Thanks a lot." Nastasia replied, not wanting to be here. "Can't you act civilized for two seconds?"

" Shouldn't I be asking YOU that? "

"STOP BLAMING EVERYTHING ON ME!"

" YOU'RE DOING THE SAME THING TO ME, BUT WHAT, IT'S OK FOR YOU?! "

"I STARTED BY ASKING YOU WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH YOU! I WAS BEING SINCERE!"

" THAT WAS BEING SINCERE? THAT'S FUNNY... "

"God! No wonder I want a divorce!" Nastasia screamed out, she collapsed onto the couch. She didn't want to be there. She wished she were dead.

" Geez, what took you so long to make up your damn mind? "

"You being the ass you always were!" Nastasia suddenly screamed. She didn't want to take it any more. She hated the fighting. She didn't want to fight, she loved him. But why did he have to be so hard? Nastasia screamed out and walked out of the back, refusing to say another word. She screamed out with another shriek, everyone glancing her way.

" SEE?! THIS IS WHAT YOU ALWAYS DO! YOU WALK AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS! YOU NEVER WANT TO FIX THEM! " Howie shouted after her as he followed her angrily.

Everyone glanced up as Howie was hot on her tail. She spun around to face him. Her eyes dark with anger, "WHAT?! How can I fix this problem when all you do is fucking rag on me?! I don't deserve this!"

" I don't always fucking rag on you! STOP THE DAMN LIES NASTASIA! "

"WHAT LIES?!"

" YOUR LIES! EVERY SINGLE LIE YOU'VE TOLD ME SINCE WE'VE BEEN MARRIED! "

Nastasia stayed silent. She couldn't believe what he had just said. Her mind whirled as Lauren shivered. The anger flaring between both her friends. She held onto AJ tightly.

" SEE?! YOU CAN'T DENY IT! I FUCKING CARED ABOUT YOU BUT YOU COULDN'T UNDERSTAND THAT! YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND! I FUCKING CARED ABOUT YOU DAMNIT! I FUCKING CARED! " Howie shouted, his face turning a firey red. Tears began to well in his eyes and fall down his cheeks, surprising everyone, even Nastasia.

"Cared? And you think I didn't? The past is the past Howie. It has nothing to do with my future. I just wanted to protect you." Nastasia whispered, tears threatening her own eyes.

" PROTECT ME FROM WHAT DAMNIT?! I DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT MUCH! "

"My past! What I've suffered! I don't want pity Howie, I just want to be normal. I wanted to protect you from what I had to deal with my entire life."

" If you had actually ever loved me, you wouldn't have ever lied to me! "

"I do love you. I have loved you every day. I just wanted to forget. Forget that I had to hide every single day of my life. Hide from the man that gave me life Howie, because every single day he would try to take that life away." Nastasia whispered, shivering from the rememberance. Lauren felt tears sting in her own eyes.

" What are you talking about? " Howie asked, his voice coming out quiet and shakey.

"My father Howie. My father."

" What does he have to do with it? "

"Everything. That's my past Howie. That's everything I've hidden from you, what AJ and Lauren have kept secret. What mom kept secret. Do you know how long it took me to get away from the suicidal stages?"

Howie stood there stunned and trembling.

"That's my past. There's nothing I can do to change it. But I can do everything in my power to forget it. AJ and Lauren understood that, why can't you?"

" How could I if I didn't know what you were trying to forget about?! "

"Don't yell at me..." Nastasia whimpered, becoming weak.

" I'm not yelling at you! "

"There you go again." Nastasia answered softly.

" DAMNIT! I'm not yelling! "

"Howie, chill..." Kevin answered softly, noticing that Nastasia was shivering even worse.

" Fuck this, " Howie hissed under his breath and stormed to the bunk area, leaving everyone in shock.

"I love him Laurie...I do..." Nastasia whispered as sobs took over. Kevin sighed softly as he jumped up and wrapped his arms around Nastasia. She gave up, collapsing into his arms.