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Chapter 90:

Nastasia heart started to pound as she heard Denise ask her. She never realized how important she was to Denise. She just thought she was some bother in Denise's life. She hesitated greatly as her mind wandered.

" Stazzie, honey? Are you still there? "

"Oh, yeah." Nastasia answered as she shook her head a bit. Trying to clear away the thoughts.

" Listen, if the answer is no, I'll understand. But I just want you to know I'm truely sorry. "

"No, wait. It's not the answer no. I was just surprised is all. I didn't know it mattered that much to you."

" Stazzie, you and Alex mean the world to me and the thought of losing you both is just too much. "

"You're not going to lose us."

" But Alex...I've- "

"Not yet. He's just worried right now. He doesn't want to lose Chase, just like you don't want to lose him. He'll be right back to normal once this settles down."

" If it settles down. "

"It will. After all, JJ's smart. He'll figure out that he still loves Lauren. He'll figure everything out. I have faith, why can't you?"

" I do have faith... " Denise answered quietly.

"Then that's all you need, mom."

" Thank you sweetheart, " Denise whispered, her heart relaxing and beating back in normal rhythm. She jumped a bit when her bedroom door burst open and Chase ran in.

" GRAMMY! Mommy and Grams say we're gonna watch a movie and eat popcorn. You gonna watch too? "

" Sure sweetie, I'll be there in a minute, " Denise answered with a smile.

" Who you talking to? "

" Your Aunt Stazzie. "

" OOOH! ME TALK! ME TALK! "

" Alright, " Denise laughed.

"Chazzie baby?" Nastasia asked softly, her heart crashing against her ribs.

" HI AUNT STAZZIE! " Chase exclaimed into the phone with a wide grin on his face.

"Well how's my Chaz? "

" I'm good! "

"Well that's great baby." Nastasia answered, tears threatening her ocean eyes.

" Are you gonna come see me? "

"I'm kinda busy baby. You know my job is dancing. I won't be home for a month or two. And even then, your mommy is still mad at me."

" Why is Mommy mad at you? " Chase asked sadly.

"You know what Chase? I don't even know why your mommy is mad at me. She's just like that sometimes. But you make sure you take care of her for me okay?"

" Want me to give her kisses for you? "

"Sure baby. Whatever floats your boat." Nastasia answered, laughing softly. It had been so long since she had seen Chase. She imagined his silly grin plastered over his adorable cheeks.

" Ok, I will. Aunt Stazzie? "

"What Chazzie?"

" Can I talk to Daddy? " Chase asked, his voice obvious that he missed his father.

"Oh sweetheart. Daddy's sleeping right now. He bumped his head pretty hard. He misses you terribly. How about when he wakes up I'll have him call you?" Nastasia asked softly, hoping she could pass the information around the loop and have one of the guys tell him.

" Ok... " Chase sighed.

"I'm sorry sweetheart."

" It's ok... "

"I know this is crummy, but you'll have your daddy back soon. Sooner than you think." Nastasia promised, hating the sound of Chase's voice.

" Promise? "

"Yeah, I do."

" Aight. "

"You be a good boy for your mommy, I'm going to go. Alexia needs a nap."

" Give Lexie kissie from me? "

"A kissie? How about two kissies?"

" Three kissies! "

"Oh three? So none for your Auntie Stazzie then?"

" Um...ten kissies for you! " Chase giggled.

"Oh okay, ten for me. That sounds good."

" Bye Aunt Stazzie! "

"Bye sweetheart. Tell grammy to call me later." Nastasia cooed as she heard Chase click. Her heart felt torn to bits, she missed Chase.

*****

AJ's mind wandered from one hellish place to another. He watched carefully as he was thrown onto a large stage. He jumped up quickly, putting his defenses up just in case. Suddenly a fog crept in and he looked to see a beautiful dancer twirling on the stage.

He squinted as he walked closer, to get a better view of this person dancing before him. Her back was to him, but even then, he could tell she was amazingly beautiful.

The woman turned around in a slow graceful twirl. A smile grew from ear to ear as her blonde hair swirled around like a fan. Her beautiful ocean eyes sparkling under the lighting. It was Nastasia, dancing so gracefully before him.

" Stazzie, " A.J grinned as he took a step closer, but suddenly, the smile left Nastasia's lips and was replaced by a look of fear as she stopped dancing.

Nastasia's perfect lips parted as she screamed loudly. AJ covered his ears as Nastasia continued to scream. He reached out to hug her, but she fell backwards, dodging his arms.

" Stazzie! " A.J cried out in horror as Nastasia curled up in a ball on the stage. Her face flowing with tears.

"Leave me alone! I hate you! Leave me alone! Don't hurt me! Leave me alone!" Nastasia chanted, her screams echoing across the room.

" I'm not gonna hurt you Stazzie! " A.J shouted above her cries. He fell to the ground next to her and pulled her into his arms, but she kept slapping at him, smacking him in the face, but he was oblivious to the pain.

" Leave me alone! I hate you! Get away! " Nastasia kept shouting.

" Stop! Please, don't! " A.J pleaded, his heart tearing. Suddenly, Nastasia's fighting stopped and she fell limp in his arms.

"Nastasia? Nastasia?!" AJ cried. Nastasia slowly melted from his arms. Turning into a pile of dust. He gasped in horror as she diminished from his hands.

" NASTASIA!!! " A.J screamed as he jumped up, spinning around with confusion, she was gone. He felt his head begin to pound and his body grow weak, then he felt himself fall to the ground as he passed out.

*****

A.J shot up in the bunk, smacking his head with great force on the ceiling. " SHIT!!! " he cried out with pain as he rubbed his head.

AJ felt his heart pound with extreme pain as he fell back onto the bunk. He muttered some curses as he continued to rub his head. Then he thought back to his nightmare.

The more he thought about it, it began to make more sense. And as he realized he had made the biggest mistake of his life, he could feel his heart being ripped from his chest.

"Nastasia...Nastasia...." AJ moaned loudly as he slid from the bunkbed. He looked to the back of the bus, no one. Then he caught a glimspe of golden blonde hair.

*****

Nastasia returned to the back of the bus after hanging up the phone with Chase. She was surprised that everyone had left the room and now Howie was in there waiting for her.

"Hey How-" Nastasia was about to call as she entered the room, but she felt a strong force grab her from behind.

Nastasia spun around and felt her body begin to instantly shake with fear as she stared into A.J's eyes.

"I didn't do anything! Leave me alone!" Nastasia felt her body kick into a panic attack. Her breathing began to get more shallow as she felt AJ's grip on her.

" W-wait! " A.J tried to call out shakely, but Howie had jumped up from his seat and rushed over to Nastasia.

"Leave her the hell alone!" Howie shouted as he pulled Nastasia back with his good arm. She went flying back a few steps from Howie's push. She felt her heart beat begin to rise.

" Wait, I want- " A.J tried to protest. He desperately needed to talk to Nastasia, but Howie wasn't going to give him a chance.

" Stay the fuck away from her! " Howie shouted as he shoved him backwards.

"Howie, would you just stop!" Nastasia answered shakily as Howie's good fist started to tense up. She covered her ears, she could hear her screams from her childhood ringing in her ears.

Howie turned around to see Nastasia beginning to panic even more and he didn't like it. He faced A.J again and glared at him with pure hate. " Stay the fuck away her! " he hissed and slammed the door shut before A.J could make a move.

"Would you stop it Howie, just stop it!" Nastasia screamed as she fell to the floor. Covering her ears, trying to drown the screams ringing inside her head. She rocked back and forth, everything was hurting at the moment.

Howie rushed over to his wife, bringing her into his arms, hugging her trembling body. " Baby...it's ok... "

"I hate the screaming...just make it stop...make it stop..." Nastasia muttered to herself, zoning out.

" Make what screaming stop? I'm not screaming, " Howie stated with confusion.

"Stop...Stop...Stop!" Nastasia hissed inside her head, the screaming continuing to become louder.

" Baby, calm down! I don't understand what you're talking about! " Howie said, beginning to panic himself.

"Someone make it stop! It hurts! Stop it! Stop it!" Nastasia answered back, her shivering becoming more intense as the pain invaded her entire body.

Howie could feel his body being invaded with an intense amount of panic. He didn't know what to do anymore as tears were springing to his eyes. He didn't know what he could do to help his wife. He felt so helpless and it hurt. " Stazzie, please- "

Nastasia slipped deeper into her thoughts. She felt her body slice with the knife and the throwing agaisnt the wall. She trembled more.

" Stazzie?! " Howie yelled, she wasn't alert to him. " Oh God, someone get back here! Please! SOMEONE GET BACK HERE! " he found himself shouting.

"What's the matter?!" Kevin asked as he tumbled in the door. He looked to see Nastasia trembling with her hands pressed against her ears tightly.

" I don't know what's wrong with her, I don't know what's wrong with her! " Howie shouted as his panic level continued to rise.

"Calm down D..." Kevin called as he bent down to Nastasia. He placed his hands on her shoulders gently. "She did this to me the other night."

" What are you talking about?! " Howie exclaimed.

"She zones out when she gets scared I suppose." Kevin replied as Nastasia's eyes clentched shut. "Nastasia, come on sweetheart. It's your bro Kevvy. Come on. Come on..."

Nastasia cotinued to shake as she clentched her eyes shut tighter, but she didn't respond to Kevin.

"Come on Nastasia. You have to wake up. Come on. Howie's here, he wants to talk to you. Alexandria is waking up and she wants her mommy. Come on." Kevin answered as he continued to shake her shoulders a little more harder.

Suddenly, Nastasia's body erupted into violent sobs as tears escaped her eyes, sending Howie into a deeper hole of panic.

"What is happening to her?!" Howie yelled as his body tensed up.

" Damnit D! CALM DOWN! " Kevin shouted, but he could feel his body tensing up with panic too. This was worse then the other night.

"Please just make it stop." Howie answered as his bottom lip trembled. Watching his wife sob harder and harder, no clue as to what he should do to help.

" C'mon sweetheart, " Kevin coaxed, bringing Nastasia into his arms. " Wake up. Sweetheart, wake up! "

Nastasia's eyes blinked a few times. She moaned loudly as the screams died away. She rubbed her eyes as tears continued to flow. Fear trembling inside her body. She looked back into a pair of bright green eyes, "Oh Kevvy..."

" Shhh sweetheart, everything's ok, " Kevin soothed, kissing the top of her head.

"The screaming just wouldn't go away..." Nastasia sobbed louder.

" What screaming sweetheart? "

"The screaming in my head. It wouldn't leave...." Nastasia sniffled as the pain started to dull a bit.

" It's gone now, right? "

"Y-Yeah, I'm sorry."

" No sweetheart, you don't need to appologize. "

"I'm okay now..." Nastasia whispered softly, still not so sure of her own words. These attacks had been happening more than usual.

" Baby... " Howie whispered, gulping down the tears and his fear showing in his eyes.

Nastasia glanced at him. Her heart fluttered a bit more as she saw the tears silently falling down his cheeks. She suddenly felt horrible for ignoring him so long.

Howie opened his mouth again, but no words came out.

"I think I'll leave you two alone. Glad you're okay Stazzie. Come out and join us when you're done." Kevin replied as he kissed the top of Nastasia's head and left, shutting the door quietly.

" Stazzie... " Howie whispered, pulling her into his arms, hugging her tightly and not letting go.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to get mad at you. I just was so mad at him. I don't know. I hate fighting. I never want you to fight. It hurt me terribly." Nastasia whispered as she hugged him back tighter, afraid of letting go.

" I wasn't going to let him hurt you anymore. I won't let him hurt you again! " Howie answered as he pulled back and kissed her, glad to have her in his arms.

"He didn't mean to hurt me. It slipped." Nastasia answered as she looked down at Howie's broken hand. Kevin and Nick had told her about it. She was afraid to bring it up.

" Bullshit, there's no excuse for him hurting you, " Howie snapped, but saw hurt flash in Nastasia's eyes. " I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped. A.J had no right to hurt you Stazzie, and you know that. "

Nastasia looked down for a moment, not wanting to talk about AJ much. She knew what he did was an accident, sometimes she wished so hard it hadn't happened. Blocking it out was the easiest. "Does that hurt?" She asked angelically as she traced her fingertips lightly over the ace bandage.

" No, " Howie lied.

"Like I said, you were never good at lying." Nastasia answered softly.

" How do you know I'm lying? "

"Because for one, I can see it in your eyes...and two...you just flat out admited it."

" Damn you, " Howie chuckled a bit as he leaned in and kissed her.

"To Hell with you too." Nastasia called back playfully as she let her lips linger on Howie's lips.

" Blondie, " Howie joked as he offered her a more passionate kiss, letting them get lost in their own happiness.