Nicky’s Tale
I looked over at my friend, curiosity lighting my eyes. I so desperately wanted to hear his side of the story but yet, I was terrified to hear it. I remember one night while Howie and I were downstairs in the cafeteria getting a cup of coffee; he looked over at me and said, “God I hope he wakes up with no memory of this at all don’t you?”
I was so tossed with that idea at the time, the time when Derek Jones was without a doubt my assailant and the doer of all the evil deeds. “I hope you’re right D because to remember those things would be hell” I had taken a sip of my coffee and as that conversation had died it had only continued in my head, “Pure hell like the hell I’m going through slowly remembering everything. I wouldn’t wish this on anybody D, not anybody in the world”
We had finished our coffee in silence after that, both imagining things in our heads although mine was much more vivid than Howie’s I’m sure.
Nick closed his eyes and for a moment I thought that maybe that was a sign for me to not ask what I needed to ask. I glanced over at Kevin who was staring back at me. I know he wanted answers too.
“I was lying on the floor in the bathroom…” We both turned our heads to Nick who still had his eyes closed, as if in a trance. Maybe he was going back to that day or maybe it was just easier for him to pretend he was talking to himself. Either way we all just listened, none of us saying one word…
“I was having a really hard time breathing, it hurt so bad…I can’t even describe what it felt like. I thought I was on fire. I tried to sit up but I was too weak and whenever I put my hands down to push myself up off the floor they would slide around from all the blood…my blood.
I heard water and for a minute I thought I was maybe in a creek or something, like in the middle of my childhood when you stop to realize everything you have been living was nothing but a huge daydream. But I felt the water slowly puddling around me and opened my eyes to see it overflowing out of the bathtub.
When he put the water on I don’t remember. That part of it all is just kind of not there anymore….”
He looked over at me for a moment and I smiled back at him. Why I smiled I have no clue. “I remember you leaving me, telling me to say your name and then just like that you were gone. I wanted to hold on to you but I couldn’t…I just…” He swallowed and closed his eyes again.
“It’s okay Nick, you’re okay now” Kevin said in his most soothing voice.
“I was so scared” Now I saw tears falling from his eyes and like watching someone yawn, I immediately felt mine falling as well. “I thought he had taken you out of there and killed you Brian. I called your name hoping that you’d hear me. I wanted to know you were alive…but then when I didn’t hear you anymore I thought maybe you were…I mean maybe he…”
“I know” I whispered wiping my tears away and sighing.
“I got really tired after that, maybe I was just sick of fighting and wanted to quit, so I closed my eyes. It hurt so much, my arms and chest were burning” He moved his hands over his chest where another MINE was hiding under his hospital gown.
“I closed my eyes and prayed for death…I wanted to just make it all go away. I feel so bad for thinking that way” He sighed and I could tell that this was all too much for him at the moment. “Nicky, why don’t you rest for a little bit and we can talk about this later? You just woke up and I don’t want you to…”
“No” He opened his eyes again and grabbed my arm which made me flinch. No more sudden movements around Brian anymore. I would forever shy away from them.
“I have to keep going Brian…I have to”
I nodded and he let go of my arm, his skin felt so hot to the touch. “I think you have a fever” I said as I looked over at Kevin hoping he’d take that as a sign to go get a doctor. “Yeah why don’t you take it easy buddy” Kevin said now moving closer and placing his hand on Nick’s forehead, “You have already been through so much, just rest and we’ll be here when you wake up”
Nick tried sitting up a little bit which was very painful for him. He groaned and bit his bottom lip, “Kevin…please let me just talk…I need to talk okay?”
Kevin smiled and nodded as I just stood there staring at my friend who looked like he had aged about ten years. He didn’t have that innocent look anymore, I hope he gets that back one day. He used to wear it well; the I’m only a kid why are you asking me? look.
After a few more seconds of silence, he continued his story, “I thought I was dead, I swear the pain was even starting to go away and in the distance I could swear I heard someone saying my name. A nice voice, a friendly one. But when he walked back into the bathroom, I realized the voice I heard was AJ calling my name. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t get any sound out. The guy closed the door and put his fingers up to his lips to keep me quiet, “I’ll kill them all if you make a sound” He said to me. I remember believing him 100 percent.
I’m not sure exactly how long he was in there with me in the bathroom because I was having the hardest time keeping my eyes open. The floor was beginning to be comfortable, it felt like my bed. All I wanted to do was sleep. He stood over me; I could feel him there even though my eyes were closed. I didn’t care anymore; all I wanted was to sleep.
Then I heard him leave me, he said, “See ya later” And he was gone”
“He was in there while we were in there?” Nick nodded at Kevin who suddenly shivered.
“He must have snuck out using Nick’s room while we were still in with Brian” All eyes went to Howie when he said that. The color draining from his face as well. They were psyched out from just hearing that the maniac was in the next room, imagine if they were either me or Nick.
“The police said you didn’t remember anything” I felt guilty and ashamed as I nodded. How was it that I messed things up so badly?
“All I remember is being hit on the head” Nick looked down at the floor, “I was so scared when he did that to you”
“I know you were”
“I tried to run over to help you but he pulled me away from you. I really wanted to help” I looked over at him and I saw myself. All the guilt I had been feeling about not being able to do more, shining right back at me through Nick. He was feeling the same exact way.
“I know you did Nick, don’t worry about it. What’s done is done”
“Your head was bleeding; I noticed that as he dragged me away. He was pulling me by my shoulder blades; I thought he was going to rip them right out of their sockets. He was so much stronger than me, I couldn’t fight back. I couldn’t do anything but let him drag me into my bedroom while you laid there unconscious and hurt” Once again his tears began to spill and I reached over and wiped them away. I was sitting on the bed with him at this point. The closer the better, if I could have jumped into his skin to make this easier for him I would have.
“He threw me across the room, I swear I went flying. I landed on my back and for a minute I thought it was broken. He grabbed a chair and placed it in the center of the room while I tried to scoot away from him. I didn’t even try to scream…I mean how dumb was that?”
“Not dumb…not dumb at all”
He looked over at my cousin and smiled, “Thanks”
I placed my hand on his arm and instantly pulled it away when I felt the word underneath. He didn’t even flinch though; I think his memories were consuming him.
“He pulled me up and handcuffed me to the chair, telling me how I was his destiny and that he was waiting for this day forever. I didn’t understand what he meant I just kept trying to wriggle my way out of the cuffs. I felt my wrist cutting while I struggled. I think he was drunk, he smelled”
Now that he said that, I remembered that as well. He smelled like alcohol but it might have been Listerine, but he also smelled like urine. That I do remember now.
“He walked around my room humming one of our songs; he would hum until he got to the chorus, then he felt free to sing it. Quit Playing Games I think it was. Anyway…” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes suddenly. “Are you okay Nick?” He nodded, “Just a little dizzy. I think I need to sleep” I pat his arm, “Good idea…you sleep” I went to stand up and he grabbed me, “No, please don’t go…just stay right there okay?” I nodded, “Of course, you close your eyes and rest” I whispered to him as if he was a child I was trying to lull to sleep.
Within minutes he was sleeping as soundly as possible I suppose, leaving Kevin, Howie and I just sitting in there trying to make sense of it all. “I don’t know if I want to hear the rest” I freely admitted once I felt enough quiet time had gone by. “I mean…I could barely stand to hear what he was saying just now. I don’t know if I can deal with whatever else he might have to say”
“Maybe he won’t finish Brian” I could tell that Kevin was hoping he was right.
But he wasn’t right because only ten minutes later Nick stirred himself awake. His groaning made us all move. I as promised never left his side, sitting right next to him on the bed. I had moved towards the end where there was a bit more room.
In the ten minuets that went by Kevin must have changed his position in his chair at least a thousand times. Howie flipping the channels on the TV just to have something keep him company other than us. AJ had also popped in looking tired but happy. He brought us all a box of Munchkins from Dunkin Donuts because he knew how much Nick liked them.
I think the smell of them woke Nick up.
“Hey buddy did you have a good sleep?” I asked him doing my best to smile from ear to ear. My smiles have never felt forced before but they did now.
“I am achy”
“So you want a doctor? Let me go find a doctor” Kevin said jumping out of his chair. He wanted to get out of that room like no ones business.
“I’m okay Kev…really”
“You sure?”
“Yeah”
“Okay well if you’re sure” He said sitting back down and once again shifting his position.
“Look what I brought you Kaos….time to make the donuts” He smiled, I’m sure in another time or place that would have brought out an infamous Nick giggle but there was none to be had. Just a polite, “Thank you AJ”
AJ walked over and helped Nick adjust the bed so he could sit semi up straight and then he placed his hand in the box and tried pulling out a munchkin. He was so weak he couldn’t grasp it fully so I placed my hand in the box and helped him out.
“Thanks”
“Sure thing”
He took a bite out of the donut, just one bite and that was all. He handed the rest to me and I smiled at him as I threw it in the garbage. “Why does everyone do that?”
“Do what lil man?” Kevin asked perplexed by Nick’s sudden mood change.
“Keep giving me that fake smile, like everything is all peachy?” I wasn’t expecting that which is weird because out of the four of us I should have expected it. That’s how I felt too wasn’t it?
“We know it’s not peachy Nick, we know how hard this is for you” He sighed and placed his head back on the pillow. “We’re just trying to make it a little easier” I smiled again as Howie nodded and actually tried to stop myself. Turn my smile into a frown, which is what I felt more comfortable doing anyway.
“I just don’t want you guys to act like everything is okay because it’s not okay” He began crying again and stopped me from trying to hug him, “Don’t’” He made a fist and wiped his tears away with it.
None of us knew what to do, once more feeling helpless as he cried silently just wiping his tears away as a FedEx commercial played in the background. I remembered seeing how scared he looked handcuffed to the chair. His eyes were bulging with fear and as I looked at him; now that face hadn’t changed. I placed my hand on his leg, hoping that it would make him feel better. When I did that he looked over at me and asked me the one thing he had over and over again in all my dreams.
“Why?” His voice was badly breaking now as he just started to full on bawl his eyes out. Within a second of it happening, the others were surrounding his bed. Kevin sitting on the one side while I was on the other. My cousin grabbed him in a hug and rocked with him as he cried, “Shhh…its okay let it all out Nick…let it all out. You’re safe and we are all here and we all love you”
“Why me? Why did he have to do those things to me?” I felt a hand on my shoulder and saw that Howie was behind me trying to wrap himself around me as protectively as Kevin was doing for Nick.
“I don’t know Nick…I wish I did…Shhhh”
“It hurt so bad Kevin…I hurt so bad”
I looked over at AJ who was standing against the wall, like he had been pinned there or something. He was trying to escape the grief in the room. I don’t blame him; it was a suffocating feeling, much the same way as the guy who tried to strangle me made me feel.
“Why?” He asked again but this time he was muffled into Kevin’s shoulder.
“I don’t know” Came the whispered reply.
“He said see ya later, he’s going to be back again” My own eyes lit with horror when he said that. “No he won’t Nick…he won’t ever be able to hurt you or I again”
He pulled himself away from Kevin and motioned for me. Maybe he just remembered he hadn’t gone through this alone, that he would forever have an ally when dealing with the feelings he was dealing with. A partner to help him and hold onto for support who felt the same way he did.
I scooted closer to him and pulled him into a hug, “I love you Nick…and we’re going to be alright”
I felt the whole world melt away then as I sat and hugged my best friend. Realizing we were going to be closer now than ever before.
Be back on Sunday with chapter 19 ;)
