The Hair
Those six weeks we waited to all be together again at first dragged. When I got home all I wanted to do was leave. I hated being confined to my house because with it I felt like I was confined to my memories. My family coddled me, held me close and never left me alone. That part I didn’t mind so much but in the end I was ready to go back to Florida and start over again. Leave all this behind and have a redo. It seemed only fair.
I went back to Florida after a month and in that time the four of us minus Nick began having small meetings with our management team about our future. The good thing was there was going to be a future for us, that much we were sure of.
I talked to Nick on the phone almost every single night, sometimes we wouldn’t even say anything just sat and listened to each other breath when we both ran out of words to say. No matter who was around me, it was Nick that I felt most at ease with. Maybe because he knew, he understood how something like this lingers. It forever would.
The one good thing that happened while I was home is that those dreams stopped coming. I wasn’t dreaming of my monster anymore, in fact I had a good dream for the first time since this whole ordeal had happened. I can’t even tell you what it was about exactly but it involved lots of laughing and joking.
Nick said he was having fun at home and that he had gained about fifty pounds from his mom’s home made meals. I knew he wasn’t telling me the truth because according to Howie who had seen him a lot during our break, he was barely touching any meals but still, I played along. Sometimes it was easier that way.
When I first got to Florida I was going to go to Tampa and see Nick but Kevin thought it was a bad idea, “Don’t do it cousin, it’ll only make him want to rush to come back and we don’t want him to overdue it” As much as I didn’t want to agree with my cousin I knew he had a point.
It felt nice seeing the other guys again but I couldn’t wait for the five of us to be together. The night before Nick was to meet us in Orlando at Trans con I couldn’t even sleep I was so excited. Color me corny but that’s how I felt.
We sat in Lou’s huge office lined with accolades mostly belonging to us, as he finally entered. We all sat in silence for a minute, which was odd but what do you say exactly?
“Hey” AJ said standing up to grab Nick into a hug. We all stood and followed suit, now that we had permission to touch him.
He looked good, still a little pale but so much healthier. He was wearing a blue tee shirt just long enough to cover his scars that would soon be just a memory. At least that’s what the plastic surgeon had said to him. With a few operations you would barely be able to tell that anything was there at all.
He also wore an American flag bandana on his head; yup he looked good, almost like my Frack again.
By the time the hellos got to me, he already looked worn out, that didn’t stop me from grabbing him in a huge hug though. “You look good” I told him as I embraced him, “You lie” I laughed.
He still had that sound in his voice, like all innocence had been abruptly stolen from him. It made me mad but a lot of things made me mad. For one that there were still no leads in the case. Once I finally did get around to telling the cops about the stab wound, they used that as a main point in trying to find the guy by searching every hospital record to see if there was anyone brought in with an unexplained stab wound. Nothing turned up which the cops say isn’t completely out of the ordinary. He might have gone to a friend to bandage him up or he’s running around town with an infected leg. Good, I hope it’s the latter…let the bastard die.
They said not to give up hope but yet start preparing ourselves for a possible open ending. That they might not ever find this guy, but they would keep looking. They explained this to both my parents and Nick’s before telling me. Jane decided it was best to leave Nick in the dark and I for once agreed. He didn’t need to know that part of it. I wish I didn’t.
I pulled away from Nick and placed my hand on his shoulders, “You look good”
“You already said that, but thanks again…now I KNOW you’re lying”
“Nick?” Lou spoke softly which didn’t go with his personality at all, I would have laughed if I didn’t know the reason. Nick was being pitied, even by Lou.
“Yeah?”
“Do you think you’re up to singing and working today? If not we can always do things and then catch you up on what you missed”
“No…I’m here because I’m ready to be here, so let’s do this okay?” Everyone nodded.
There was a brief meeting at that moment but I couldn’t tell you a thing that was said because all my attention was focused on Nick. He had his head down for most of it, pretending to take notes or listen intently. I knew he was doing neither of those things. He glanced over at me when he sensed me watching him and I didn’t turn away, just winked at him. He smiled back at me then quickly looked down again.
The thing is I saw all of us doing the same thing, we were watching Nick as if he was a brand new toy that no one had ever seen before. Kevin especially kept glancing over at him and nodding.
Poor kid, I felt bad for him. How was he supposed to feel normal if we were all acting like he was some rare porcelain doll ready to crack at any moment?
“I’ll leave you guys alone then” All of us looked up at Lou as he exited to leave along with the other people who were involved in the meeting, none of which I even attended in mind.
Once the doors closed we all kind of looked around the table, “So should we try warming up our voices?” Nick asked, I could tell he was a little annoyed with the way the four of us were acting.
“Yeah…Nicky….that’s a great idea” He stood up, “Well? Let’s go to the piano”
We all followed him.
“I love this piano, I wish I knew how to play” Kevin took a seat at the huge see through grand as we all sat on stools around it. “Maybe I’ll teach you lil man”
“I’d like that”
He bowed his head and closed his eyes as Kevin began playing scales for us to warm up. While his head was down we were all staring at him, now I was looking at his bandana trying to see his hair. He lifted his head and saw me and grimaced, “Okay look!” Kevin stopped playing.
“Stop treating me like I am some freak show okay?”
“Nicky we don’t think…”
“Yes you do Howie…you all do! You all think I’m some freakish kid with the scars who went through so much. I see that look! I KNOW that look. You know how? Because I am given that look every friggin day of my life so you stop! My family I can take, my neighbors hell even the press but YOU? NO I can’t handle it if you guys think I’m a freak show!”
There was silence as we saw tears start to stream down his face, “I’m not a freak show” He whispered.
I placed my arms around him, since he was sitting right next to me, “I know you aren’t Nick. We know you aren’t”
“Then stop looking at me like that. It’s because of the hair isn’t it?” He finally asked putting his head down.
The hair.
One night after I got off the phone with Nick, AJ had called me. He sounded very upset about something and I thought it was something small like a stupid fight with a girl. Little did I know that the days of being upset about something stupid were over for us.
“Rok I just came back from seeing Nick”
“I know he told me you were there earlier, I just got off the phone with him and…”
“Did he tell you about the nightmares?”
“No...What nightmares?”
“He wouldn’t say…just that…” The way AJ was pausing was making me very uneasy. I had just spoken to Nick and he sounded fine. Stop playing with my emotions is what I wanted to scream into the phone. Just hang up on AJ and leave it at that.
“What AJ?”
“He’s been pulling his hair out at night”
“What?”
“When he sleeps, he wakes up with his hair in his hands, huge clumps of it. He didn’t tell me, his mom did. She said it happens mostly at night while he sleeps but sometimes she has seen him tugging at his hair during the day. I wouldn’t have even noticed if his hat hadn’t fallen off”
“He’s ripping his hair out of his head?” I was unbelieving it even as I was hearing it.
“Yes, he begged me not to tell anyone but Rok…I had to”
I put my hand to my mouth to stifle a sigh or a scream, wasn’t sure which one, all I know is I was disturbed. Incredibly disturbed.
Right after I got off the phone with AJ, I went to dial Nick’s number again and stopped myself. What was I going to say about it? I mean…wasn’t I having horrible dreams of my own in which I actually had condemned an innocent man to take the blame for what the real monster had done to us. How was I going to confront this?
So I didn’t. Plain and simple I did nothing, even pretended I hadn’t heard about it.
Until now, he had brought it out, not me or AJ. Even though AJ had managed to tell us all, it was Kevin who was taking it the hardest; even harder than I had.
“What are you talking about Nick?”
“Don’t play stupid Brian… I know AJ told you about this, he can’t keep his mouth shut. I see you all looking at the bandana. I know you want to see it”
“Nick…it’s okay” I tried to console him but it was too late, he ripped the bandana off his head and when we saw what was underneath we all gasped. His hair was missing in blotches. Part of it was bald and red; you can tell it had been bleeding and scabby.
“I’m a freak okay? You think you can deal with me being a freak?”
“You are not a freak Nick! Do you understand me? So stop calling yourself a freak!” Kevin walked over to Nick and grabbed him in a hug. “I can’t stop doing it, I’ve tried but no matter how many times I try, I can’t do it...it’s like if I rip it all out the hurt will go away”
I glanced over at Howie who had his head down; he looked like he wanted to throw up. AJ was staring blankly and all I could do was shift my eyes from one to the other.
“Let’s maybe go outside for some fresh air” I suggested when the crying finally quieted down and Kevin had picked up the bandana and handed it back over to Nick.
“We’ll go outside maybe play some basketball and then come back in and try again. What do you say?”
Nick nodded finally as he wrapped the bandana around his head once again.
“Sorry about that” He whispered trying his hardest to smile.
“No need to be sorry” I said smiling at him and grabbing his chin in my hand, “Okay?” He nodded.
“So we are playing basketball then?” We all nodded at Nick.
“Good… I haven’t played in a really long time”
“Me either” It had been a long time since I played the game. At home Harold tried to coax me out of the house with a basketball more than once but every time I refused. We were playing basketball before it happened. We were actually having a good time.
“What about me Brian and Howie against Kevin and AJ?”
“Sounds good” Kevin answered grabbing the ball and heading out the door.
I pat Nick on the back, “You sure you’re up to this?”
“I’m not sure if I’m up to anything anymore Bri…but I gotta try you know what I’m saying?” I nodded at him.
“Let’s forget about things for a little bit and play some basketball”
That sounded like a great idea so that’s what we did. Work could wait for a little while.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving and i'll be back next Sunday with a new chapter plus a small gift ;)
