Stormy Weather
As we walked off the plane and down to the baggage claim, I tried my best to slow my pace to Nick’s who was almost dragging his feet as he walked, his head hung down low as if he had to concentrate on every single step he took.
“It’s raining, seems perfect doesn’t it?” He asked in a joking manner.
“Yeah,” Was all I could muster up as an answer. He was right though. The dismal weather did seem almost perfect for how we were feeling. The rain was coming down so hard that it sounded like gremlins tap dancing on the roof of the airport. A cascade of water was flowing down the windows like a waterfall.
The sky was gray and dark, even though it was the middle of the morning.
My eyes were drawn from the window to a few people gathered by the baggage claim to greet us. They were holding up huge signs for us, jumping up and down eager to get our attention.
“How do they always know?” I thought I heard Kevin mutter under his breath.
“I really didn’t want anyone to know we were here.” Nick whispered into my ear. I noticed that ever since boarding the plane we were never more than an arm length apart. I think if it were up to Kevin we would have all been holding hands. His glances at security and then to us were making me so uneasy. Those looks told me he was sure we would be in danger and that we were anything but safe.
I suddenly felt myself look up at the ever increasing crowd of screaming girls. It seemed in the time we got off the escalators to getting up close to the carousel they had multiplied. What if he was in the crowd? What if he was here silently watching and observing, waiting to get one of us alone.
I searched the crowd looking for a male, any male who might look suspicious. As the years went by his real face disappeared in my mind, not that I ever had a clear picture of what he looked like to begin with but even so, I looked…just in case.
“We should go sign you think?” One of our management guys nodded and Howie then turned towards Nick and me, “We are going to go sign some autographs…you guys can stay here if you want.”
“No, we should go do that too. It’ll look bad if we just…yeah let’s go sign Bri,” Nick said as if talking to himself more than me.
I nodded to him and we made our way over to the fans whose screams doubled in volume with every step closer we got.
I have never been a fan of the clawing and screaming fan. I know it’s awful to say that and don’t get me wrong, I am really grateful for our fans. I love them with all my heart but when we are at airports or just getting into a hotel, I don’t feel like getting all smiley and friendly. Especially when they scream at me. Lou used to pull me aside way back in the early days and tell me not to wince when they screamed. They are your meal ticket Littrell don’t act like you are afraid of them! It wasn’t that I was afraid it’s just that it was too….well…just weird I guess.
So, I skirt past them whenever I have the chance. Opting to go back to my room and be me for a little while longer. It’s something that has always gotten me in trouble with people.
I looked over at Nick as he held a pen and smiled signing his name on picture after picture of himself. He never let on how much he hated it or how terrified he was. He was terrified though, completely. And me? Well I was wincing again; old habits die hard I guess.
After about fifteen minutes of signing and taking pictures, our security decided it was time for us to leave. I walked over to Nick and placed a hand on his shoulder, “You all right?” He nodded and took a deep breath.
Meeting the fans was just hard for him nowadays. Just another thing taken away from him by that sick bastard all those years ago. It’s not that he feared the fans would hurt him; it’s that he feared that they would figure it all out if they got too close, really looked in his eyes and saw what lay behind them. Saw the fear and doubt, the constant fright that lived there always on the verge of popping out but yet always sucked back in.
I knew all about that fear because it lived in me as well.
“Let’s go guys, we have a quick meeting with our sponsors then it’s off to your hotel for some R&R.”
Nick and I both looked at each other and despite how we were feeling we couldn’t help but laugh at the irony. Rest and relaxation were two words we never heard often. Figured that here of all places we’d have some down time.
Life really isn’t fair.
“Wow it’s storming like a bitch in heat out there!”
“Huh? AJ sometimes I think you just say things to hear the sound of your own voice.”
“He does.” We laughed at Howie’s quick comeback.
“I don’t like thunderstorms.”
I put my hand on Nick once again, still only an arm’s length away from me, “I know Nick…you never have.”
“Wow it’s really bad out there,” Kevin said opening his huge black umbrella preparing to make a run for the van. “Will our driver even be able to see in this stuff?”
“It’s only water it won’t kill anyone.” I made up my mind on this trip that I did not like our management. They were impersonal, arrogant jerks.
“Well, we better make a run for it then, I don’t plan on getting all soaked.” Kevin said as one of the security guards opened the door and thrust us out into the wet, cold weather. The van door slid open and we climbed in one at a time with me bringing up the rear. As I got in, something made me turn back towards the doorway we had just left behind. There was a dark silhouette of a man standing behind the doors. The rain was drowning out his face but yet I still got goose bumps. The way he was just standing there and watching us as we entered the van.
“Move it Brian so I can close the damn door!” Gary, the jerk manager said as Kevin literally pulled me inside and slid the van doors closed.
As I got settled in my seat I thought I would glance that way one more time, surely the figure standing by the door would be gone, but he wasn’t. He was still there staring out at us as we drove away. I saw his head turn to watch us leave.
“What are you looking at?” I turned to Nick, feeling the butterflies hopping around inside my stomach, wanting more than anything to get out of the car and run. I was feeling uneasy and scared. Not that I wasn’t before but just watching that guy, something snapped in me.
Was it him? The man who attacked us? Doubtful but still of course in my head it surely was. “Brian?”
“What? I’m sorry what did you say?”
“Are you okay?” He looked concerned as did my cousin who was flanking the other side of Nick.
“I‘m okay, sorry, I was just trying to think if I forgot to bring anything.”
I could tell neither of them believed me but they didn’t say anything about my little lie. My heart was beating so fast in my chest that I had to take a few deep breaths to send it back to normal.
Gary was rambling on and on about our agenda and our sponsors but I wasn’t listening. I was trying to picture what tonight would be like. How was I possibly going to make it through in a hotel room, here in this city from hell? I should have had Leigh come with me; I think she’s about the only person who could help me get through this.
It was going to be unbearable.
I glanced down at Nick’s hands which he was nervously clenching and unclenching into fists. I also noticed that even though Kevin was listening intently to what Gary was saying, he had his arm behind Nick’s back rubbing so no one could see.
The rain was coming down in pellets; it was almost as bad as hail. That’s what it sounded like in the car. Thousands of small rocks banging against the door. Our driver suddenly stopped.
“What’ the holdup?” Gary asked peering at the front seat. The driver looked through his rearview mirror and answered, “Traffic is at a standstill. We aren’t going anywhere for a while it looks like.”
“Great just fucking terrific!” Gary took out his cell phone and dialed whoever it was that we were supposed to meet. I guess I should have been paying more attention.
I turned my back towards window and the water; I never really took notice of how water distorts your view on things. When you look at a picture through a glass of water it always looks different then when you look at the same picture completely dry.
I noticed that in therapy.
Sometimes when things got too intense I would stare at the fish tank that was in the corner of the room. She had a painting right behind the tank and things just looked so out of focus when you stared at certain parts of it. Faces would become oblong, and colors would lighten. Then if you moved your head a little to the left, everything would change. When my therapist saw me staring at the fish tank, she would realize that whatever we were talking about I wasn’t quite ready to reveal just yet.
I spent many hours staring at that fish tank.
As we sat in traffic I realized the same thing happened with the rain. Especially when it came down in torrents like it was now, the cars sitting next to us looked all out of focus. The people inside those cars just looked like shadows. The thunder clapping in the sky and the occasional glow of lightening further intensified those shadows.
“Looks like we are moving again,” AJ said as he stretched his neck to see through the front window.
“Yippee.” Nick said under his breath sarcastically. That made me smile, the old Nick, well I mean the young Nick making an appearance.
“At this rate, we’ll be there next year!” Gary said, muffling the receiver so the person on the phone couldn’t hear.
“Everyone is held up in traffic they’ll have to understand.”
“Yeah? Well they don’t! They are positively annoyed with us!” Gary said hanging up the phone and directing his anger at our poor van driver. “Is there a way you can drive on the shoulder or something? The people we have to meet can not afford to wait all day for us.”
“It’s too dangerous, sorry.” He said shrugging at our manager with a small smirk on his face.
I focused my attention once more on Nick who was now shaking his leg, the same way he used to as a kid. I remember how much that used to get on Kevin’s nerves. He would threaten to super glue his leg in place. Kevin noticed it as well, “How are you holding up buddy?” He whispered.
“Okay I guess,” but I knew he was lying.
“Why is everyone asking him if he’s all right? Is there something going on?” Gary asked, you could tell he was in a mood.
“No, just having a bad day.” Kevin said thinking quickly as he continued to rub Nick’s back.
Gary turned his attention to the front of the van again, “Aren’t we all?” He muttered sarcastically.
That’s when it hit suddenly. It felt like an earthquake when it did. We were all thrown forward; I hit my head on the seat in front of me and Nick ended up almost on my lap. There was some screaming and a lot of cursing before I realized what had happened. Someone had hit us from behind.
“Is everyone okay?” Kevin asked frantically pulling Nick back to a sitting position and then glancing over at me and my head. “You guys okay?” He asked us both and I nodded but Nick said nothing.
“Howie, AJ?”
“We’re fine.” They both answered.
“Good.”
“Great this is just fucking great!” Gary said, now getting out of the car with umbrella to survey the damage. I looked back over at Nick, he looked fine but pale. Very pale.
“Nick, are you okay?” I asked once again placing my hand on his shoulder. He turned towards me with a tear running down his face, yet he said nothing.
“Rok you’re bleeding!” AJ exclaimed just as I noticed the first trickle of blood fall onto my shirt. I looked at Nick who just did nothing but stare as the blood continued to run. I noticed he had a small bruise forming on his forehead.
Kevin leaned over Nick and handed me a handkerchief, “Keep this on your head until the ambulance gets here.” I nodded and placed pressure onto the cut that was really starting to burn now.
“No ambulance.” Nick whispered as he looked straight ahead.
“Nick we need to get Brian checked out and it looks like you got a nasty bump on your head.”
“You do too Kev.” Howie said pointing to Kevin’s head which was also slowly turning a deep shade of black and blue.
“Great…just terrific!” He muttered looking at himself in the front mirror.
I turned my attention back to Nick just as he said something that in the back of my mind I was thinking, “I don’t want to go back to the hospital.”
It was too late though, I saw the flashes of red lights coming towards us. The rain distorting them, making them look like red demons flying through the sky.
There was no going back now.
Hello and hope everyone had a great holiday! I'm back lol and hopefully i'll have another chapter for you by next Wednesday. Thanks for reading!
