I was with my friend in his room for all of about ten minutes but it felt like an eternity. I wondered in that time if that was what hell would be like? No rock collecting while a demon whips you if you go to slow. No walking in a circle around and around turning some wheel for no other purpose but to become totally exhausted. Not anyone of those things. No, hell would be looking at the face of a friend who was brutally tortured knowing you were lying in the next room asleep.
Now I know I wasn't just sleeping. The guy had hurt me to, but it was nothing compared to what he did to Nick.
Nothing.
Maybe if I had forced myself to open my eyes, I could have crawled in there and stopped him. Maybe he then would have gotten mad at me and hurt me instead. That was the good Brian talking. The one who lied deep within me though, the scared one, the one that people would say is the logical one thanked God I hadn't met the same fate.
When Kevin brought me back to my room neither of us said one word. He tried to once; he tried telling me the details. For some reason maybe he thought I was finally ready to hear them but I wasn't so I stopped him. I said now was not the time and that was that. Conversation dropped.
I wish it had dropped in my head though. No, in my head thoughts about that night went on and on. Was he awake when that happened? Or maybe he was carved after he was beat with the bat. Did he think he was going to die? Did he wish he had died? Did he wish that it was me who that guy was torturing instead of him?
I decided at that point that my relationship with Nick would never be the same. Could I ever look him in the eyes again knowing how lucky I was and how unlucky he was? When he smiled at me would I see the secret resentment he had in the back of his eyes? Maybe he would blame me for not helping, not doing more to make sure he was okay. I was his hero as everyone said to me all the time. "He looks up to you Brian, you're his hero"
Some hero.
Yeah I made up my mind. I couldn't bear to see him anymore. Not after this.
"What's on your mind?" I looked at my cousin who had been standing by my side the whole time. Trying to help me back into bed.
"Nothing" I lied.
"Brian, he's going to be okay. He keeps getting better everyday"
"He will never be okay Kevin. Neither will I"
"Of course you will" I wanted to argue but what was the use? He wouldn't understand. I wasn't sure I wanted him to understand. He helped me into my bed and even placed the covers on top of me.
"Thanks" I said secretly wanting him to leave me alone. All I wanted was to be left alone.
"Brian" Again I gave him that look. He understood and stopped.
"Well, I’m going to let you get some sleep; I’ll be back later okay?" He was asking my permission to leave. I could read my cousin like a book. No one else much understood him and I would find it amusing. I was always able to tell when he was mad or sad or frustrated or like now, when he desperately wanted to escape an uncomfortable situation.
"Okay sounds good" I smiled at him, giving him the reassurance he wanted.
After Kevin left I wanted to close my eyes and just go to sleep but I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, sleep would not come. Maybe I was just afraid to see him again. My assailant. Feeling his hot breath on me while he placed his hands on my neck. Or maybe it was really Nick's face I was afraid to see. I sat up straight suddenly needing to make sure that security was right in my view.
Unfortunately as soon as I was briefly reassured that he was there I also saw one of those detectives enter my room.
"Mr. Littrell, I have to say you are looking a lot better"
I smiled, "Thanks" I really didn't feel like dealing with this right now.
"I heard you paid a visit to your friend today"
"Yeah I did and I’m kind of tired so if you don't mind..."
"Mr. Littrell"
"Remember you can call me Brian"
"Right, my bad...Brian, how did you get that name again? Derek Jones?"
"Did you find something out about him?" Finally the break I was looking for.
"Not exactly, I just wanted to get that story from you again. I'm kind of confused about it"
"He came into this room and was wearing a name tag"
"But Brian, there was no way this man could have come into your room. Are you sure it wasn't a dream?"
"It was real" But even as I said it, I was having doubts.
"Maybe it was a repressed memory. Sometimes when you go through something like you did, details come out in strange ways"
"You a therapist now?" I didn't want it to come out as sarcastic as it did but I just couldn't deal with this.
He seemed not in the least surprised by my reaction which made me mad in a disturbed kind of way. Like he thought I was lying or something, he even smirked. Now I found myself wishing that Kevin hadn't left me alone with this guy.
"If it's okay with you and your doctor Brian, I would recommend that you talk to a therapist. It might help us find this man before he maybe attacks someone else"
"So you couldn't find Derek Jones?"
"No" I shook my head in frustration. They even had his name! There was a long pause, I thought he was going to leave but instead he continued, "One other question"
"Okay"
"Your friends said they found you unconscious when they entered your hotel room"
"Yes"
"And the last thing you remember is the guy..."
"Derek Jones" I was quick to correct him.
"Right, Derek Jones said something like nighty night to you and hit you with a bat"
I shuddered at the memory, "Yes"
"Where was Nick at that time?"
"On the bed watching"
"So nothing had happened to Nick yet?" I shook my head. "Besides the guy kicking at his feet"
"Right I remember you saying that" He stopped and headed towards the door, "There's just something that makes no sense to me Brian"
"What is that?"
"When you came in you were a bloody mess, most of it was from your head injury but you also had Mr. Carter's blood all over your hands. How do you explain that?" I felt my heart start racing as I looked over at the detective. Was this some kind of weird game he was playing with me?
"That's impossible...he was fine unless the guy maybe came back to me after he had..." I couldn't even finish my thought. The picture of Derek torturing my friend then coming back to me with Nick's blood on his hands. "Maybe he thought I was dead and wanted to check?" I couldn't even look at the detective at this point.
"Why would he just leave you alive like that?"
"I-I-I don't know"
"His blood was under your fingernails Brian. Nick's blood" I felt a tear fall down my cheeks. Hoping that at any moment I would wake from this nightmare. Find myself in another pick up truck with the guys and my brother.
"I don't know how" He nodded just as Kevin walked into the room once more.
"Hi detective"
"Hi...well I’m glad you are feeling better Brian. I hear they are actually going to let you go home soon" He smiled at me once again as fake as can be. I looked away still tears running down my eyes.
Kevin walked closer to me not realizing I was crying, "I don't like that guy" He said placing a small bag on my lap, "Oh my God what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
"Did you know that I had Nick's blood on my hands?" I asked looking him straight in the eyes. I wasn't dumb, I realized he did know but chose not to tell me.
"That son of a bitch! Did you say anything to him Brian?"
"I didn't have anything to say" Kevin walked towards the door again as if to try to catch the detective and wring his neck.
He looked out then came walking back, once again sitting on my bed. "Did he say anything else to you?"
"No, why would I have Nick's blood on my hands Kevin? Did you touch Nick then me?"
"No Bri, but you shouldn't worry about that right now"
"It makes no sense..." I rambled trying my hardest to think back to that day. "He told me to see a therapist"
"He what?"
"He is going to recommend that I talk to a therapist"
"Maybe that's a good idea" He said warmly moving my hair out of my eyes.
I tried to take my attention away from what I had just learned and focused on the bag, "What's in the bag?"
Thankful for the change of subject Kevin went to the bag and lifted out a frame, "I know how hard this whole thing has been for you I just thought you might like this by your bed" I grabbed it from him and in the frame was a picture of Nick and I arm in arm wearing cheesy grins and our Frick and Frack hats. I started crying once again; "Thanks" I was barely able to get out.
"I don't think I can ever see him again Kevin"
"Maybe that's a good idea...until he is awake and his smiley self again" He faked a laugh as I held the picture frame closer to my chest.
"I mean never, not after this"
He sighed, "Brian you don't mean that. Right now you are not thinking clearly. I'm sure he doesn't blame you"
"He doesn't have to...I do"
"Brian...is there anything else that happened that you’re not telling us?" I was confused by that question. I seemed to come out of nowhere.
"Of course not why do you ask?"
"Just wondering. You can tell me anything you know. I'll never say a word"
"There's nothing"
"Okay" he said half smiling at me but the concern on his face was showing through.
I looked at the picture once again staring at our happy faces. Friends forever the caption under the picture said.
Friends forever.
