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Have a Little Faith in Me


After breakfast that day I decided I needed to do some soul searching so I asked our security if they would be kind enough to escort me to a church. Now Kevin was very leery when it came to letting me go anywhere without him or one of the other guys PLUS security and in all honesty I hadn’t been out at all since being released from the hospital.
Everyone thought it best if we kept a very low profile; keep ourselves out of the papers and headlines. Everyone did hear about the attack at least it made all the local news and papers but because we weren’t incredibly famous yet it managed to stay out of all the entertainment reports.

The police were hoping that the few instances of media attention we did get would manage to coax our attacker out into the open but he remained very much invisible.

Still Kevin thought it was best if I stayed in the hotel and away from any paparazzi that were looking for a quick buck by putting my picture all over the place.

He argued with me a bit, not quite understanding why I would let security go but not him. I wasn’t about to tell him that sometimes it’s best to be disconnected to everyone around you to talk to God. At least that is how I always felt about the subject anyway.

Some of my most spiritual moments came in solitude. Just me alone with my thoughts and my God. Prayer and faith to me have always been sacred. Just as they should be, and I knew that security…well they would wait outside but not Kevin, no Kevin would be sitting right next to me.

See I had questions for God, questions that Kevin wasn’t meant to hear or to answer. It’s Kevin’s nature to try to solve everyone’s problems though. That‘s why I left him at home.

I told our driver that I didn’t care what denomination we went to, I felt at home in any church. I wasn’t going to a service I was going just to go. We found a nice Catholic church about three and a half blocks away from the hotel.

It was beautiful and majestic like most Catholic churches were.

It took some convincing but I managed to let our security guards, the ones that everyone now felt were necessary to us, stay outside the church doors as I ventured inside.

There were only a few people in the church, a smell of incense radiating from the front where a couple of old ladies knelt while praying by lit candles. My footfalls echoed as I made my way down the aisle but no one even gave me a second look. Most of them were there to do just what I was. Maybe they had their own questions about things.

I stopped halfway to the alter, the Crucifix looming large over its magnificent marble pillars.

I sat and bowed my head in prayer, so many thoughts running through my mind it was almost impossible to collect them into coherency.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and then like water, my thoughts just began to flow.

Why Lord would you let those awful things happen to us? To Nick? He is only a kid. A sixteen year old kid. Tell me what kind of a God takes a sixteen year old kid and lets him be carved like some kind of Thanksgiving turkey? How is that fair? How is that right? I was always taught that everything happens for a reason. You have a reason for each and every one of us. What reason does Derek Jones have? Why is it that he is roaming around free and loose while I feel like a caged animal?

Thoughts like that flowed in and out of my mind; trying desperately to hear an answer, maybe even an apology. Something that would make me have faith again, because ever since this attack happened I began to lose faith in everything.

My heart started to quicken as I heard footsteps approaching me. Since my eyes were closed I was afraid to open them only to find Satan himself sitting next to me. Nevertheless I opened my eyes to see a young priest walking my way. Just to be certain, I did a quick scan of him to notice no name tags.

“Hello young man” He said sitting down beside me. It was funny hearing him call me young since he looked all of 22 if he was a day.

“Hi” I whispered back to him.

“You seem troubled about something”

“Isn’t that why everyone comes here father?” Was I being sarcastic with a holy man now?

He laughed, “That’s probably true, forgive the interruption I just like to see if the people who visit our home need to talk” He got up probably sensing an unwelcome feeling. “I’m sorry father…I guess I just have questions”

“Questions?” He sat back down and gave me his full attention.

“Why is it that God makes awful things happen to us and the people we love?” He nodded, I got the feeling that this wasn’t the first time he was ever asked that question and it probably wouldn’t be the last either.

“Well…it’s hard to say. I know this is going to sound extremely cliché and probably something you wouldn’t want to hear… but the Lord works in mysterious ways.

I smiled, couldn’t help it.

“A good friend of mine was brutally attacked father…” As the words came out of my mouth I tried my hardest not to cry. “He’s only 16 and his life might never be the same”

The priest put his hand on my shoulder and made sure to look me in the eyes, “I am so sorry to hear that”

“I need God more then ever right now but I feel like he’s turned his back on me” It felt slanderous coming out of my mouth but that’s how I was feeling.

“It’s normal to feel like God has forsaken you at times of crisis, but that’s when you have to hold your head up high and look up to him and say no matter what happens Lord, I know you will help me get through this”

I nodded at him staring down at the floor noticing one of his hands was greatly deformed. It almost looked like a lobster claw. “Faith will get you through whatever crisis you are going through right now. There is nothing more powerful then faith”

Now he lifted his hand to me, the one that looked lobster like “Faith heals son”

I once again felt myself wanting to say something biting, I have become so ugly. He didn’t give me a chance, “I was attacked when I was a child, maybe about 10 years old. For no reason a man broke into our house and killed my parents and my sister as they slept” He moved his good hand over the bad one, “I wasn’t quite as lucky…as he tortured me and I felt the flesh burning, melding my fingers together the only thing I did was pray. I’m convinced that’s why I am alive today. My faith pulled me through”

“I’m sorry that happened to you”

“Don’t be…it was a long time ago and like I said my faith got me through. Right now you have a lot of questions, just close your eyes and trust in God” He made me feel better. Not sure why, I mean really he said things that any man of faith would say. Maybe I felt better because I knew that someone else went through hell as well. If he got through it, then I could too. If I got through it then Nick would as well.

“Thank you” He stood up again and extended his good hand to me, “You’re very welcome. I will keep your friend in my prayers”

“His name is Nick”

“And I will keep you in my prayers as well Brian”

“Thank you father”

He walked away and I watched as he waved to one of the parishioners and walked past the candles. I closed my eyes and continued my silent prayers, in the distance the father apologized to someone “Excuse me” He said.

“That’s okay”

I slowly glanced up at the voice. It was low and gravelly; his asthma must have been really acting up. We locked eyes Derek Jones and I as he lit a candle and smiled at me. My heart began to race and I couldn’t find my voice. He began slowly walking towards where I sat and I couldn’t do a thing about it but just watch. As he got closer his smile grew wider. I felt like a mouse struggling to break free of a glue trap.

Then as he reached the first set of pews leading up to me, I did spring free. I got to my feet and flew out of the church. I didn’t hear him chasing me but I was not about to turn around and look. The people all looked up as I darted past them, Questioning gazes in their eyes. I should have yelled out to them to run because the maniac was in there and would most likely set the place on fire and watch them burn. But I didn’t. He wasn’t there for them, he was there for me.

I pushed open the massive oak doors and squinted at the brightness of the sun. “He’s in there” I shouted to both guards who had accompanied me to the church.

They looked at each other then one went running inside. “Are you sure?” I was out of breath but nodded, “Yes” I managed to squeak out. I was shaking so hard I looked like I had Parkinson’s disease. I couldn’t control my legs as they wobbled underneath me and for just a second I felt like I was going to fall.

The guard noticing how unsteady I was, grabbed my arm and led me to the steps to sit down, “Take deep breaths Mr. Littrell. Do you need me to call an ambulance?”

I did what he asked of me, taking the biggest breaths I could to avoid passing out and regain my composure, “No…I’ll be fine”

Within a few minutes the one guard who took off into the church called the other via walkie talkie. He walked away from me momentarily while they talked. I couldn’t believe that he followed me to church, I was overcome with the shakes again as I thought about that. How long as he been watching me? Following my every move?

“Police are on their way”

He said to me as he walked closer and knelt beside me, “For now I think it’s best to get you back to the hotel”

“Did he catch him?” I asked hopeful even though I could tell he had not.

“No, he thinks he might have gotten out some back door. The police will come and we’ll scout out the area. We might catch him this time”

“Nick?”

“Already on it. We also sent some police officers over to the hospital just in case” I nodded a little bit relieved.

When we got back to the hotel I was totally wiped out but it was nothing compared to the looks on both Howie’s and Kevin’s faces, “Are you alright?” Kev asked me walking over and giving me a hug.

“I saw him Kev…he was at the church”

“I told you I didn’t want you going alone”

“It’s okay nothing happened. Maybe they’ll catch him this time”

“They better”


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


I had about fifteen minutes to myself before a few detectives came by with of course more questions. At first when we saw them we were hopeful they were coming with some good news. I should learn to stop being so optimistic.

“Do you find him?” Kevin asked before I even had a chance to open my mouth.

“Not yet but we have our men covering a five mile radius around the church. If he was there we’ll get him”

“He WAS there” I said looking the man in the eyes.

“What was he wearing?”

“He was dressed in all black, long black coat and black turtle neck”

“And what was he doing?”

“He was lighting a candle at the front of the church”

“You’re sure it was him?”

“Positive”

“What did he do when he saw you?”

“He smiled and started walking towards me, that’s when I got up and ran out of there”

The guy took all the information down nodding occasionally as he did so.

“Is there anything else you can tell us? Anything that might help?” That’s when I remembered the priest.

“I was talking to a priest and then as he was walking away I think he might have bumped into the guy. Maybe the priest saw what direction he went?”

“Do you know what the priests name is?”

“I never asked…but he had a disfigured hand. Kind of looked like a lobster claw”

“Thanks that’ll help” He stood up and got on his cell phone.

“You talked to a priest?” Howie asked a little surprised.

“Yeah, he was nice. Been through hell himself”

The detective walked back over to us, “Are you sure you talked to a priest?”

“Of course I’m sure”

“Because the priest in the church right now said he didn’t talk to anyone matching your description”

“Maybe it’s not the same guy. The one I talked to was young”

“Okay well they are looking for him; they’re questioning the father right now”

“Good” I needed to get out of there for just a second, “I’m going to use the bathroom I’ll be right back” I said standing up, Kevin actually standing up as well. “I think I can do this alone Kev”

I suddenly knew what it must’ve felt like being Nick. The nights he would sit and complain to me about my own cousin and how overly protective he was, I would laugh and roll my eyes. Now I knew. Just something else the two of us had in common now.

I walked into the bathroom and spilled some cold water all over my face. For a brief second afraid that when I opened my eyes it wouldn’t be me in the mirror but a reflection of him…Derek Jones. So I didn’t even look, just wiped my face off and left.

When I got back Howie and Kevin were still sitting but now the detective was standing with his arms folded in front of him. I approached slowly, not really looking forward to what he might have to say.

“Did you guys find that priest?”

“Mr. Littrell, there is absolutely no priest at that church that matches the description you gave. The father said that it was just himself and another priest in his mid seventies handing out communion and offering confessions.

“Maybe they weren’t aware he was in there”

“No, they have NO priest even associated with them matching that description, could you maybe have just imagined the whole thing?”

“What? NO!” I backed up now not believing what I was hearing. “He told me about how he hurt his hand, said he made rounds and talked to all of the parishioners”

“We asked everyone Brian…not a single one mentioned a priest or a man dressed all in black. All they remember is you running out of the church”

“That’s….that’s impossible. He was there…we talked” Now Kevin and Howie were looking down at the floor as I stood there in shock.

“He said he would pray for us. He said...” Then it dawned on me, right there towards the end of our conversation…I told him to pray for Nick and he called me Brian.

“He said what?” Kevin asked no longer able to hide his concern.

He called me Brian…I never told him my name. He just new…oh my God. I’m losing my mind.

“Brian?” I looked over to them all now, “I think I might have been mistaken”

“That’s just fantastic” The detective said not even bothering to hide his anger. Howie and Kevin weren’t upset about it just confused and alarmed. They were thinking I was losing my mind too.

“What do you mean you’re mistaken Brian?” Howie asked me as the police detective walked away no doubt to call off the search.

“It seemed so real…the priest and I we were talking but he said my name. I never told him my name” Kevin laid a hand on my shoulder, “Why don’t you lie down and rest for a little bit. Maybe your memory will become clearer after you rest”

“I don’t understand it Kevin…it makes no sense” I was on the verge of losing it now.

“You have been through such a terrible thing Brian, it’s probably normal”

Yet I could tell he was thinking it was odd. “Is it possible you fell asleep in the church B? You know maybe you dreamed the whole thing. You did say you closed your eyes” I looked over at Howie lost for words. Maybe I had dreamt the whole thing but it felt so real.

“He told me to have faith”

“You should have faith” Kevin said smiling at me and embracing me once again.

Howie walked away to answer his phone when Kevin once again became serious, “Maybe you should talk to that therapist again? She might be able to help you understand what’s happening to you”

“Do you think I’m crazy Kevin?”

“Of course not. I think you are just having a hard time right now”

“Guys!” Howie’s alarmed voice broke the uncomforting silence.

“What is it D?”

“That was AJ…Nick is awake!”

One word rang through at that moment while Kevin so happily picked me up off the ground and kissed my cheek and that one word was faith.


I hope you guys are enjoying this one! THanks to those of you that have been reviewing :) I'll be back Wednesday with more lol so you see a pattern?