Kevin stood in the water holding his rod in his hand swirling the line above his head in circles before casting it out into the water. The hot morning sun gave way to an overcast afternoon, but that was fine with Kevin because the humidity also lessened when the sun hid behind the clouds. He glanced over at Nick and smiled as he once again took the line and swirled it above his head before throwing it out into the water from where he was seated right at the edge of the lake.
“Hey Kevin do you remember the time I got mad when I was a kid and bit your leg?”
“Yes I remember it well, why do you ask? Planning on another attack?”
“Nah…I was just thinking about that for some reason. I used to get so mad back then about the stupidest things.”
“Well if I remember correctly it was because AJ called you a baby for being homesick.”
“Maybe, I can’t even remember, I just remember you trying to pry me off of him and me biting you because of that.”
“He called you a baby for wanting to go home. You got mad and attacked him, started punching his head.”
“Wow you really do remember everything huh?”
“When you get bitten by an angry teen you tend to remember.”
“Sorry, I was so stupid back then….still am I guess.”
“Nick, you were young and it was totally acceptable for you to be homesick. Actually looking back on it, it was AJ who was in the wrong. We all said stupid things to each other back then and him calling you a baby when you just wanted to go home for a little while was uncalled for.”
“Yeah I guess but still, I friggin bit you.”
Kevin laughed, he couldn’t help it. He remembered that day so well because for him it was almost the last straw. If Nick only knew how close he came to quitting the band that day he would forever feel guilty about it but after having to break up countless fist fights between Nick and just about everyone else Kevin had had enough. He had pulled Nick away from AJ by his hair, like a caveman dragging his girl into a cave. He didn’t expect Nick to turn around and bite him. When that happened he actually had to be restrained himself. Luckily Nick was too wired to notice that part, notice Howie pull Kevin away from the tiny kid before he was able to punch him. It took a trip to a bar with Kevin and Howie drinking endless amounts of beer before he actually calmed himself down and decided to stick with the group a little longer.
“It’s all in the past Nick, besides you have done worse…remember the time you punched me in the face?”
“Back then?”
“Yeah back then.”
“I do remember that, you called me a baby. I used to hate being called a baby.”
“I know, I think we all pretty much figured that out.”
Nick laughed but it wasn’t a genuine one, he seemed sad as he once again cast his line out into the water. Kevin took notice of that and decided to go join him on the shore.
“Why were you always so angry back then Nicky?”
Nick sighed; he had his reasons of course. Around that time, when the fame really started to hit, his family life began to change. Before the first huge paychecks, his family was as tight as could be. They did everything together and when he wasn’t with at least his mom or dad, he felt empty. He was always known as mama’s boy and it didn’t even embarrass him in the least. He was proud of his relationship with his mom. She was his everything.
He didn’t understand why things changed, he was too young maybe but mostly too naïve. Before the money, his parents used to argue but about trivial silly things, maybe about spending too much money in the grocery store or why did you buy that stupid tool box you can barely fix anything. It seemed his fame brought on the more serious arguments, arguments when heard from his bedroom he’d always count how many times his name was mentioned.
It seemed like his mom and dad began looking at him as a meal ticket more than a child and that hurt, tremendously. When his parents fought about anything, it always went back to Nick and Nick’s money. How best they could spend it to help out the family, what they could do to make more money and make it last longer. This led to lot’s of fighting, much of it violent. The Carter’s were a very violent family, Bob quick to use his fists first and then think about it later. Jane was much the same way.
It does something to a child when he thinks he is always the cause of any fight that ever happens and in Nick’s case he dealt with it the angry way, and the only way he had ever known. When his parents would pawn him off on the guys so they could get some rest and go on vacation with his money, he acted out. Back then he didn’t understand why it was happening, he didn’t want to understand. He felt like he was being punished for having a job, a job that his family depended on him to keep for a long time.
He asked his mom once, right before he was dropped off at AJ’s house for a week, why he couldn’t just take a break from the boys and go with his family for once. Jane had looked him in the eyes and said, “Because this is how it’s got to be from now on baby.” As if that explanation was satisfactory enough.
“I had my reasons…it was hard for me back then Kevin.” Nick finally answered allowing himself to be taken away by those horrible memories.
“How so?” Nick wanted the questions to stop; he was tired of always answering questions.
“Well…the day I punched you…I had just gotten off the phone with my mom and we had a fight.”
“Oh.”
“The entire family was in California on vacation but I couldn’t go because of our mini tour. It’s hard to understand that when you’re 13 or 14. Why you aren’t allowed a vacation when everyone else is. Why your parents don’t ever want you around…no one ever wanted me around.”
Kevin just sat and listened, he could feel the hurt in Nick’s voice as he talked, and it was a sound only those really close to the kid could hear. It was so subtle and small that to the public it almost sounded like a half laugh, his eyes usually looking up with a small smirk on his face. But Kevin understood it for what it was, hurt.
“I had just gotten done crying about it, I used to always feel all alone back then Kevin, and that’s when you decided to call me a baby. It wasn’t really you I was hitting at all, it was them.”
Kevin was taken a back by the frankness in which Nick spoke. Had his young friend ever just come right out and said those things ever before? Usually it had to be dragged out of him and even then it was usually his cousin that was at the listening ends of those conversations.
“I’m sorry you used to feel that way Nick. It was easy to forget you were just a kid back then. I know I used to forget that.”
Nick shrugged staring out at the water, “Yeah well that was a long time ago man…it’s all good now.”
“Are you sure? I mean with home...is it all good?”
Nick looked over at Kevin and smiled, “As good as it’s going to get I suppose.”
“You deserve better than that Nick, I’m sorry.”
“I’m not sure you’re right about that Kev…but thanks.”
After looking at Nick for a few seconds, unsure of what to say to make things better, Kevin got down off of the grass and splashed back into the water, “I don’t think we’re going to catch anything from over here. The water is too shallow. To catch the big fish we have to be out in the middle of the water.”
Nick shrugged, “I guess man…good luck.”
Kevin took a few more steps out into the water then turned around, “Well? Are you coming or not?”
“I’m not allowed remember? My water privileges have been revoked.”
“I’m un-revoking them…come on in…I’m keeping an eye on you though.”
Nick plopped into the water jumping up when the cold hit him. “Its freaking cold in here you could have warned me.”
“Nick its cold.”
“Gee thanks.”
“No problem, now walk over towards me and watch where you are stepping it’s really slippery.”
Kevin watched carefully as Nick made his way next to him, holding his arm out for Nick to grab as he got closer. “Thanks man.”
“Okay steady yourself are you steady because you don’t look steady yet.”
“Good lord Kevin…relax.”
“Sorry man but in case you don’t remember you scared the crap out of me a little bit ago.”
Nick rolled his eyes but once again Kevin could tell it was just for his benefit, Nick loved the fact that Kevin was caring so much, a fact that Kevin knew and was intentionally playing up for him. He did it every now and then especially when he had that lost look in his eyes.
Kevin damn well knew that Nick wasn’t going to drown and in fact was a much better swimmer than even he was, but sometimes you have to show people how much they mean to you and that was the way Kevin did it. Small things like that helped Nick see that his older brother loved and cared about him.
The truth was Nick always needed to be babied and looked after and in a meeting one day way before Nick got to the studio; the guys agreed he’d probably always need that. It was just the way he was, it’s not like he was really immature, he was at times, but that wasn’t the reason. It was the fact that he was always so lost. Nick just has this quality about him, this I need you to guide me through everything in life quality.
The guys really stood up to the task, even when they didn’t want to. It wasn’t only Kevin that did stuff like that for Nick, they all did. They would grab him in a hug when it looked like he needed one, or check to make sure he was feeling okay when he looked a little sick. In one way or another they brought Nick up more than his parents did.
Sure enough as if Kevin knew what was going to happen next, Nick pretended to lose his balance and almost fall under the water. By reflex Kevin grabbed him which caused Nick to giggle. “Sorry Kev couldn’t resist.”
“Not funny Nick.”
“I thought it was pretty funny actually.”
“You think everything is pretty funny.”
“Hehehe I know.”
Kevin knew Nick always felt more at ease and comfortable with his band mates than without which is why he was so shocked when Nick went at it alone, a solo album, out of the blue and unexplained.
Even though everyone thought the boys hated him for doing it, they didn’t. They kept a watchful eye on their little brother, through television interviews, phone calls to body guards and the occasional front page of a tabloid. That’s basically how Kevin got all his info; how he knew how bad things had gotten for his friend during their hiatus.
One day he and Kristin decided to surprise Nick backstage at one of his shows. Before Nick noticed Kevin was there he looked tired and sullen, his face expressionless as he talked to his band and greeted his fans. It was as if he was just going through the motions. He had that lost look, the one he always displayed after phone calls with his mother and father. That look changed instantly, the second Nick saw Kevin at the end of the hallway. He actually ran to greet his big brother and threw himself into his arms. The lost boy was found, he had whispered to Kristin as they left dinner with Nick that night.
And that was Kevin and Kris’s secret name for the kid standing next to him now, the lost boy. Even as Kevin watched the lost boy transform into a man, he still had that lost look about him. Yup, he would always need looking after.
“Kevin?”
“Yeah Nick?”
“Is there something in your life you would like to change?”
Kevin thought about that question long and hard…was there?
“My, such deep questions for fishing, I think I preferred the jokes.”
Nick laughed, “Yeah me too.”
“What about you? Is there something you would change?”
Once again he asked the question because he knew that deep down inside it was really Nick that needed to answer it.
“Yeah, there are too many things to mention though.”
“Well how about giving me one for starters.” Kevin glanced over at Nick as he stuck his tongue out a little to signal deep thought, “There goes that tongue again.” He added as he started the long circular swirl above his head.
“I probably would try to not get so angry all the time. I know I have anger management issues.”
“Oh you do? I never noticed!”
“Shut up Kevin!”
“Sorry…you know Nick; you really have come a long way in that department.”
“I know but I still have a long way to go.”
“I would like to control my anger too.”
“Yeah you have a long way to go as well Kev.”
“We are a lot a like aren’t we?” Kevin asked turning towards his friend and winking at him.
“Oh giving me the Howie wink are ye?” Nick asked feeling a small tug on his line.
“Now you’re a Leprechaun?”
“Ay yes tis true….tis true…” He gave up the Irish accent when he felt a harder tug. “Kevin I think I might have caught something.” The way the fishing rod was bouncing signaled to Kevin that Nick was correct.
“Okay hang on…” Kevin immediately stood behind Nick and grabbed onto the fishing pole. “Okay slowly reel it in…not too fast otherwise he’ll crack the line….easy.”
“I feel like I’m losing him.”
“Then hold on tighter and reel it in now…you got it ….good….good job Nick…” Nick pulled back his line and sure enough a huge fish was on the end of it, squirming.
“I freaking caught a freaking ass fish!!”
Kevin laughed at the marveled look in Nick’s eyes. “Yeah you did buddy…good job!
“Wow…it’s a fish, what kind is it?”
“It looks like a trout maybe?”
“Cool beans! Nick one….Kevin zero,” Nick said making a zero with his empty hand.
“Well it’s going to be Nick zero if you don’t get that fish back to the shore.”
“Okay…wow I caught a fish.”
“Yeah, excellent job my friend.”
“It’s because I had an excellent teacher.”
As Nick made his way back to the sure Kevin watched his little brother and couldn’t help but smile at the way he walked, proudly back to the shore holding the fish up as he did. Kevin had done the very same thing when he had caught his first fish. Maybe his father had watched him walk back to the shore like he was watching Nick now.
He kept that thought in his head as he cast his line back out into the water, the sun still firmly hidden behind the clouds.
I know people are having technical difficulties today so I hope this works lol
