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Chapter 13

Nick watched as Clare put the last of her things into the trunk of her car. The guys had left only moments before. They decided that Nick needed time with his wife, or soon to be ex-wife. Nick smiled as Clare waved to him as she walked around to the drivers side of her car. He waved back and his smiled vanished. Now it was time to face the feelings he had been hiding for so long. He ran his fingers through his hair and turned to find Erin but stopped when he saw her standing in the doorway of the living room.

"You weren't serious were you?" she asked, her voice weak. Nick pulled his eyes shut before replying. Erin bit her lower lip nervously waiting for his answer. The last bit of hope leaving her.

"I meant every word I said," he answered.

"So you've been lying to me for twenty-three years?" Erin questioned, her voice filled with emotion. "Can you just answer me why? I love you Nick, I really do. Why don't you love me back?"

"I've tried to love you since I found out we were going to have Clare," he began. "I really did. I kept telling my heart that it has to do the right thing. I was about to have a baby but, you've got to understand how much pain I was in at the time. Samantha was my life Erin and losing her was the worst thing that ever happened to me. When I met you, I was looking for something to keep my mind off of her. I couldn't keep thinking about her. Then when we went out and after that night, I thought you were a good distraction."

"A distraction Nick? I fell in love with you god damn it and all I was was a fucking distraction! What the hell was wrong with you!?"

"I was hurt Erin!" Nick yelled as tears started to fill his eyes. "I had to watch my world completely fall apart! I lost the woman I loved and our baby! You've never had to go through that! You don't know what it's like to have everything you've ever known pulled out from under you!"

"Yes I do Nick!" she yelled back. "What do you think you're doing to me right now? You think I've been sitting around waiting for this!?"

"I'm sorry," Nick replied, moments later. "I didn't realize.."

"I know you didn't Nick. That's why we're having this fight!" she informed him. "You know what Nick, you want a divorce, you got it. I'm not going to force you to stay married to me when you obviously don't want to be." She turned around and began to walk out of the living room, stopping when she heard Nicks voice.

"Things wouldn't be like this if you hadn't cheated on me," he said.

"Oh now you're trying to turn this on me? How dare you!"

"Were you or were you not happy up until today?"

"Yes but.."

"But nothing. If I hadn't found out that you cheated, I never would have told you all of this. Things wouldn't be ending this way," he explained. She looked at him, tears in her eyes.

"Maybe this relationship was doomed to end regardless of what either of us did," she replied sadly.

"Maybe so, but if it had been under different circumstances, I would have to feel as guilty as I do right now," Nick stated.

"Guilty? You're upset because you feel guilty!?"

"Yes, I didn't want any of this to happen."

"By 'any of this' do you mean our marriage?"

"I hadn't planned on getting married but I know that it was the right thing for me to do," he answered. Trying to becareful of what he said.

"So you pitied me huh Nick?" she questioned angerly.

"No. I couldn't tell you the truth!" Nick shouted. "If I had told you then that I never wanted a relationship you would never have let me see Clare! And I couldn't just leave! I wanted to be around and I knew the only way for me to do that was to marry you! It was going to happen sooner or later!"

"I hate you!" she yelled suddenly. "I can't believe that you lied to me for twenty-fucking-three years! I should have said no to you Nick! My friends kept telling me that you were nothing but trouble but I didn't listen to them because I thought that I could prove that you were different! I guess you're not after all. You really are the jerk that everyone told me you were."

"Yeah Erin, I'm a jerk," he replied. "I did everything to make you happy for all this time and I'm a jerk," he laughed bitterly. "Go right ahead and believe that because I really don't care any more Erin." Angerly, Erin spun around and headed down the hallway. Nick dropped onto one of the chairs and sighed. He looked up for a moment to see Christian standing in the hall.

"I always knew that everything would fall apart sooner or later," he stated. Nick looked at his son questioningly.

"What made you think that?" Christian shrugged.

"I don't know. I just had the feeling. It was like you were never really happy with mom. Clare and I figured that out a long time ago, actually. What we couldn't figure out was why so we just let it go. We didn't think it was too serious. You were with mom for so long, it couldn't have been something that would break you guys up."

"Do you think I did the right thing?"

"I don't know, I wasn't there. But do you think you did the right thing? If you hadn't married mom, there'd be no Grace or me. You should look at it like that. I mean things were alright for a while. No one ever would have known any different, unless you told them."

"You don't hate me do you?" Nick asked nervously. He could deal with Erin hating him, she had all the reason to, but he couldn't deal with his children hating him. If they hated him, then he no longer had a reason for being. They were his entire life.

"No, I don't hate you dad," Christian replied. Nick let out a sigh of relief.

"You don't know how much that means to me to know that." Christian smiled.

"Well, what's going to happen now? I mean Grace is going to have to decide what she wants to do. If... when you and mom break up, Grace has to figure out who she's going to live with. She's too young to be on her own."

"We'll leave that up to her," Nick replied. "She is old enough to make her own decisions about who she wants to live with."

"I'm leaving," Erin stated, angerly from the hallway.

"Mom, where are you going?" Christian asked.

"To my parents house. It's better if I stay there for a while. I'll give you a call, okay?" She replied forcing a small smile as she looked at her son.

"Alright," he replied. Erin glanced over at Nick quickly before grabbing her bag and running out of the front door.