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Chapter 2

Finding the decorations was less of a challenge than Nick had expected. It only took him about five minutes to find everything and bring most of it down. Nick sighed as he moved the boxes into the living room and then made his way back to the attic. The tiny attic was only illuminated by a single light, which wasn't terribly bright, but did its job. Nick pulled a small stool over towards the box that he had abondened earlier in the day.

Nerviously, Nick reached into a box and pulled out a photoalbum. Reluctantly, he opened it and started to flip through the pages. Each picture in the album dipicted an amazing time in his life. A time when he was at the top of his game and no one could touch him. Many of these pictures had just been randomly shot, capturing a short time when everything was good. Nick reached up for his glasses, took them off, rubbed his eyes and then replaced the glasses. A deep sigh escaped Nick, memories beginning to surface.

Nick instantly stopped when he had come across a picture. A picture that brought back so much pain. In it was him and his fiance, Samantha, cheek to cheek, smiling happily. A tear escaped from Nicks eye as he stared at the picture. He remembered Samantha perfectly. She was his first true love. The one woman that he thought he would marry. Then one day everything came crashing down on him. The life that he had built was breaking apart and there was nothing that he could do to prevent it.

~*~

"Nick, I've got to go! I have a doctors appointment!" Samantha yelled as Nick kept his arms tightly around her. He placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"You won't be long, you promise?" Nick questioned.

"I promise, I'm just going to see if the baby is healthy and I'll be back," she answered. They were expecting their first child. Though they had only been engaged a week, they were both thrilled by the news.

"Alright, I love you," he told her as he loosened his grip on her, letting her go completely. She smiled and placed a loving kiss on his cheek.

"Love you too and I'll be back soon," she stated as she took off happily towards the front door. Nick remained standing where he had when Samantha had been in his arms. There was no explaining the love that he had for that woman. She was his everything and without her he would be lost.

~*~

Nick closed the photoalbum and put it down beside him. He wasn't sure how much longer he was going to be able to deal with these memories. They were all too much of a painful reminder of what he had lost. Struggling with his emotions, he knew that he had to think of what he had now and how happy he was to have it and not worry about the past and things that have been done. Things that no one had the power to change.

Pausing to think, Nick began to wonder if he should be doing this. He was only going to relive the pain that he believed he had overcome long ago. It wasn't worth it. Not any more. He'd moved on, so why was he letting himself to be drawn back? Allowing himself to relieve the most painful time in his life? Nick shook his head and stood from the stool. This was the time of the year when people should be happy, he thought to himself and he didn't want to spend the entire holidays down.

Sighing, Nick turned off the light in the attic and headed downstairs to find that his family had still not returned. He knew that they were going to take a while, they always did. This was really the only time of the year that they were all together any more. Nick ran his fingers through his hair and decided to go for a walk. Grabbing a sweater, he made his way down the street that he had lived on for more than twenty years now.

He and Erin had brought that house right after they were first engaged, twenty-three years ago. Erin was pregnant with Clare and they knew that they were going to need to find the perfect atmosphere to raise her in. That's when they moved there. The area was great, filled with nice people with kids of their own. Clare was sure to have made a lot of friends. Now at fourty-seven, he knew he had made the right decision. His daughter turned out to be a wonderful woman. One that he was proud to say he had a part in rasing.

As Nick continued to walk, a million thoughts raced through his mind. Many of them memories brought on by the few items from the box that he had looked at. This is probably some mid-life crisis, he thought to himself. That has to be it because I know I'm okay with what happened now, he continued. Thought after thought consumed him. He didn't know how to take anything any more. He was so confused. Suddenly, Nick paused to survay the area he had found himself in. He'd been there before but he didn't realized that he had wondered so far from home.

As he realized just how far from home he was, he knew that everyone had to be home already and wondering where he was. Nick sighed and decided that he should be heading back before they worried. Just as he was about to turn around, he spotted someone that appeared familiar to him. Nick kept his eyes on the familiar man that stood only feet away from him, not even noticing that he was even there.

"Alex?" Nick said. It had to be. This was one of the men that he had spent his youth with. The same familiar tattoos were all over his arms. Just as he had remembered them.

"Nick?" he replied, turning to look at the person who had said his name. "How have you been!?" he asked as he approached Nick. Nick smiled as he hugged his friend.

"Okay," he answered, "what about you? I haven't heard anything about you."

"Yeah it's been awhile man. A lot has happened. I got married, had two kids. I even have a grandson," Alex explained proudly.

"Married. Three kids," he answered, "not a grandfather yet. Though I wouldn't be surprised if that's the reason why my oldest doesn't come home for Christmas."

"Jake was just born a couple of months ago so I'm still trying to get used to this idea myself. How old is your oldest?," he replied. Nick smiled, he was happy about taking this walk.

"She's twenty-two. Her name's Clare."

"That's really great Nick. I'm happy for you. I know how hard everything was for you when, well you know."

"Yeah I know. I know all to well what you're talking about," he answered.

"You live around here?"

"Yeah, not to far from here. I actually went for a walk and ended up it. It was kinda ironic running into you though," Nick commented.

"Why's that?"

"Because I was in the attic today, getting the Christmas stuff and I came across a box full of things from back in the day. It was crazy. Everything just came running at me."

"Yeah, it's been awhile since we've dealt with all of that. So have you talked to any of the other guys?"

"No. Once we went our own ways, that was about it. You're the first one that I've talked to the entire time, honestly."

"Yeah, same story I have. It's too bad though. I didn't think that we would stop being friends. It's a real shame, a real shame."

"So what are you doing for the holidays?" Nick asked, hoping to lighten up the conversation.

"Nothing special. Gonna spend it with my family. What about you?"

"Basically the samething. Maybe go out and do somethings with them, but nothing too interesting," Nick answered.

"We should get together sometime.You know? Just hang out like before and we can meet each others families. But you already know Sarah so.."

"So you guys did get married," Nick interupted.

"Yeah, it just seemed right, regardless of what was going on around us."

"Well I'm happy for you. I know how much you love her."

"Yeah. So why don't I give you my number and you can give me a call after the holidays," Alex suggested.

"Okay, sounds good. I'll give you mine too," Nick stated as he pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket as well as a pen and exchanged the pieces of paper.

"Hey Nick, I've got to go," Alex stated as he saw a young woman step out of one of the shops, "but first this is my daughter, Emily. Emily, this is Nick an old friend of mine."

"Hi, nice to meet you," Emily greeted warmly as she shook Nicks hand.

"Nice meeting you too," he returned.

"Dad, I'm going to wait in the car if you don't mind, I'm real tired," she explained. Alex nodded and she headed off towards the car that they had driven.

"I'll see you around then, right?" Alex questioned as he looked at Nick.

"Yeah," Nick answered. "Just answer one thing."

"Sure, shoot."

"Why didn't we ever talk after what happened?"

"I don't know. I guess our lives were taking us in different directions."

"Isn't it ironic that we ended up living the same way. I mean having families and everything?" Nick said.

"Yeah, it is," he answered, "well I've got to be out of here. Remember to give me a call man, or I'll be callin you buddy."

"Don't worry I'll remember," he responded as Alex headed towards his car. Nick nodded and then headed in the direction of his house. He really wanted to be home right now.

~*~

"There really isn't any other way," Kevin Richardson said to the four younger men before him. "It's the only thing that we can do."

"Give up?" Nick replied.

"That's not what I said.."

"But it was what you meant. I know that Kev," Nick interrupted, angerly.

"Nick relax," Brian Littrell, one of Nicks closest friends said. "We just need to take a break thats all." Nick shook his head.

"Oh come on. You guys know as well as I do if we stop now that's it. We're done," Nick commented as he looked to his other friends, AJ McLean and Howie Dorough.

"Nick's right," AJ said. "We're basically throwing out ten years of our lives."

"We're not throwing anything away," Kevin responded. "We had a great time in those ten years didn't we?"

"Yeah, but why stop now when there could be another ten years!" Nick exclaimed. He was becoming fustrated by everything that was going on.

"That's not likely Nick," Kevin replied. "Not with the way that things have been going lately. Things are going to get a lot harder and I just don't think that we can deal with it."

"How the hell do you know?? That's just it Kevin, you don't!" Nick yelled. "I don't know about the rest of you guys but I think if we do this we're going to be making a huge mistake. We've worked to hard for everything that we have..."

"We know that Nick but things are just falling apart right now," Howie said for the first time. "It'll be too much stress for all of us to keep going like this. As much as I hate to admit it, it's true. We just can't do this any more."

"Fine," Nick spat out angerly, "as stupid as I think this is... I'll go along with it.. for now."