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Chapter 4

"Erin, I do not want him here," Nick told his wife angerly. "Who the hell does he think he is? He just invited himself here."

"Nick," Erin began as she turned on the bed to face Nick who was standing at the window, "just get over it. He's here now and there's nothing that you can do that wouldn't hurt the holidays and I don't want you to do that."

"Clare knows how much I don't like him."

"But do you know how much she loves him?" Nick let out an angered sigh when Erin mentioned love. "I know it drives you nuts but you have to let her do things on her own now. She needs to learn how to handle things without our help."

"She's still my daughter," he mumbled.

"I know but how would you have felt when you were her age and your parents started telling you who you can and can't date?"

"That's exactly what they did. And I don't know about you but I think things turned out really well," he stated.

"Let it go," she told him. "If you get involved now you might... I don't know...," she trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"What am I going to do Erin? She's my daughter and I can tell her what I think.."

"And that's it. If you go and tell her what to do she's going to rebel," she warned.

"I'm going to go for a walk," Nick told her.

"It's almost midnight!" Erin answered. "Just lay down alright?"

"I'll be back soon," Nick said, ignoring Erin. She sighed and laid down on the bed. Once Nick was down stairs, he grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the house. Everything was just making him so angry lately. So many questions had gone through his mind that he wanted answers to. Nick continued to walk as he put on his jacket. He wasn't quite sure how long he had been walking. It was only when a frigid breeze blew across him did he notice that he was cold. Nick stopped walking once he had reached a park.

Sitting down on the bench, he sighed and let his head fall into his hands. The chill in the air caused him to shiver as he remained seated on the bench. Tears were poking at his eyes. Not from the man that his eldest daughter had brought home, but from the life that he was never able to experience. Dreams of what his life may have been like with his first love, Samantha. From the moment that they had met, he knew in his heart that she was the only woman for him.

Brian had insisted that Nick meet this woman that Brian had dubbed perfect for him. At first, Nick was reluctant. He was at a time in his life when he didn't want to be tied down. He just wanted to have some fun. But Brian kept insisting. Figuring that Brian had never successfully hooked anyone up before, he went along with the idea. From the very first moment they met, Nick knew that Brian had made the perfect match, for once.

At first, even though Nick kenw he loved Samantha, he wasn't ready to jump on his emotions. As a matter of fact, his feelings scared him. Never had he felt the feelings he had for Samantha with anyone else before. That whole experience was something new for him. Nick couldn't count the hours that he had spent on the phone talking to her. That was also something he had never done before.

Besides being on the phone with Samantha, Nick had called Brian on countless occasions. Because when it came to love, Nick had no idea what he was doing. Brian was there to help him every step of the way, just like any good best friend would have been.

Nick and Samantha had been together two years when he asked her to marry him. Everything about his relationship with her seemed so right and he wanted to keep that forever. Needless to say he was more than thrilled when Samantha had accepted. Then a week later, he recieved some of the best news of his life. He was about to be a father.

The pieces of his life were falling perfectly together. He was about to wed the woman that he knew was his soulmate. They were going to have their first child in a sequence of which he hoped would be a long chain. It was as if Nick had been given his own little slice of heaven. Then as quickly has he had recieved this gift, he lost it. It was as if his reality had been pulled out from underneath him and he was left to plumit into an endless abyss of darkness.

Shortly after having to deal with the death of this fiance and his unborn child, he was forced to see the end of the BackStreet Boys. Three blows that still left him scarred to this day. Nick took in a shaky breath as tears poured from his eyes. All of this had happened over twenty years ago, but to Nick, they all happened just yesterday.

~*~
"Nick, she's dead," Howie stated sadly as one of his best friends stood before him, his emotions running in over drive.

"Don't say that D," Nick whispered, painfully. "She's not dead. She's going to be alright."

"Please don't do that to yourself Nick," Howie replied, hoping to keep Nick calm. When Howie looked up at Nick, tears were running down his face and he was sliding down the wall and pulling his legs tightly against his chest. Nick buried his head and let his tears flow freely.
~*~

"Nick?" Erin said softly. Nick pulled his eyes shut tighter when he heard her voice. He didn't want to explain what he had been feeling to her.

"Just leave me alone Erin."

"Baby come on," she said as she sat down next to him. "It's getting really late and cold. Let's go back home and we can talk."

"No. I just want to stay here and be alone," he informed her sternly.

"Nick let's go.." she said as she lightly tugged at his arm.

"No!" he yelled as he looked at his wife for the first time since she had arrived. She froze when she saw Nicks' blood shot eyes and tear stained cheecks. "Just go home!"

"Fine," she said as she backed off towards her car. Nick dropped his head back down and listened as he heard Erins' car drive away.