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Thank you so much to dancinpacer03,lenniluvsbrian, felicia, swenglish, ToriD, Anastacia, Azaleia, Anita and Jacque for reviewing! I can't wait to see what you all think of Chapter 1! Please read and review!

Chapter One

“Backstreets back, ALRIGHT!” Nick sang out as he entered the recording studio, bounding over to the rest of the group with high energy. Like almost every other time, he was late...the last one to arrive, “What’s up, everyone?”

Brian shook his head laughing at the blonde, who never seemed to want to slow down. There was no stopping him, that was safe to say. Now here they were, hitting the studios again and nothing had changed.

“So, now that we’re all here...” Kevin said, smiling a little at everyone, “I guess we should get down to work?”

He got several nodes, some enthusiastic, others a little bit unsure and hesitant. The reaction that caught his attention more than the others though was Howie. Every time they all got together, everybody paid special attention to him, looking for small little signs that he was heading down history’s path again. But before he’d acted completely normal, nobody seeing any of it coming. Therefore, they were looking harder for any evidence. The tiniest of odd behavior, and they were set in to overprotective overdrive mode.

“D, you okay?” Kevin asked, “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Howie drew in a sharp breath and put on what he hoped to be a convincing smile through his shaking nerves, “Yeah, I’m good. It’s been a year and a half...” his voice trailed off as he saw all four pairs of concerned eyes on him, “I think its been plenty of time to give me the time I needed to...repair myself, I guess you could say.”

Howie sighed. He should have known that this would happen. He’d prepared himself for it, but obviously not enough. He really didn’t want everybody hoovering over him like worried parents. He felt that he was fine now. Having everybody acting as if he were going to go crazy at any moment would only make him feel cornered and stressed. If he was let be, and they treated him normally, it would make his healing a whole lot easier. He’d feel normal, and not like some sort of sick case study.

“If you’re sure,” AJ replied, eyeing him nervously.

He was the one who was acting the worst. Howie knew it was only because they were such good friends and plus it probably didn’t help that AJ had been the one to him. He wanted AJ’s trust back more than anything though. Maybe AJ’s actions would influence the others. Him acting paranoid was making the others paranoid. Maybe if AJ trusted, the others would too? Howie wasn’t sure.

“You know we only care, right?” Kevin asked, his eyes soft, answering the questions as if reading Howie’s mind, “If we weren’t concerned, we wouldn’t even be asking.”

Howie shrugged and smiled, “I know.” he stated, but it still didn’t make the situation change. He wanted people to see that things would be different now. He wanted his friends, family and the world to know that he wasn’t insane.

Sensing that Howie wanted the attention completely off of him, and that he was uncomfortable with the conversation, AJ said, “Okay guys, we have a lot of work to do, beings it is day one...we’re starting over again...why don’t we get down to business?”

“Sounds great,” Brian agreed, “We’ve already gotten all of our material written, so I guess after playing around with it all, we’ll start the actual recording...for the album?”

The others nodded. Even though they already had everything written, they were looking to change their sound slightly. Unsure of what way they wanted to go, playing around with the music and lyrics seemed the best option out there. They had around forty-two songs to record, and after that, they’d all narrow down the selection to a mere twelve depending on which ones they felt sounded the best. It was a lengthy process, one that they had gone through several times. The only difference this time was, they may have to go a little bit slower.

“Since that is settled,” Nick stated, “Why don’t we take a break and order pizza’s?”

“We just got here though,” Kevin reminded him, “And it is only ten-thirty.” he added on as he looked down at his watch.

“Yeah, but I’m hungry!” Nick exclaimed, “I was running late and forgot to grab something for breakfast.”

“Niiiiick!” the group chimed out in unison, and the blonde blushed as he realized he wasn’t going to get his way quite yet.
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Howie stared up at the clock on the wall as he waited for his counselor, Dr. Robert Adams, to come and get him. For the first time since he’d been going to the man, he was late. And there Howie was in the stuffy waiting room all alone, uncomfortable and impatient. He wanted to get this session over with, because the sooner that happened, the sooner everything else could take place.

The first day in the studio had been two days ago already. It had basically just been talking and getting ideas together. Everybody had been told that Howie had one last session back in LA, where his home was, and they’d have to postpone anything further until he returned. He’d flown back home for his last counseling session the day before. After this, directly following the hour he’d be with the doctor, it was back out to Florida for good until the album was complete. A therapist had been hired for on the road with them until it was felt that he was going to be one-hundred percent okay, but whoever it was going to be wouldn’t arrive until later in to the next week.

“Mr. Dorough?”

Howie looked up to see Dr. Adams standing in his doorway staring at him. Wondering how long the man had been waiting, and how long he’d been lost in his own thoughts, Howie stood, walking in to the office, immediately taking a seat on the loft leather couch. It was all routine now. After nearly eighty weeks of going to the man, he no longer asked or had to be told to take a seat. He automatically did so, making himself as comfortable as he could get.

Dr. Adams took a seat as well in a big matching leather chair as well, taking a notebook off of the small table next to him. A notebook filled with Howie’s thoughts and spoken words. Key things that could help or be taken as warning signs. He flipped it open to the next blank page, sliding his glasses down on to the bridge of his nose as he eyed Howie.

“How are you doing today, Mr. Dorough?” were the first words the middle aged man spoke.

Howie shrugged, “A little tired. I just flew in from Florida last night. The time difference is setting me back some.”

The doctor just gave a small ‘mmm’ as he jotted some notes down in to the notebook already. Howie raised an eyebrow. Had he said something wrong already? Was it a crime for him to be tired? Did Dr. Adams think that he was tired due to sinking in to a depression funk again? For the love of God, he’d just spent an entire day on planes and airports for layovers, not to mention the three hour time change. What did the man expect?

“So, you’ve started recording again, am I correct?” he asked.

“Yes,” Howie replied, “The other day was the first in the studios, but we didn’t get much of anything done. We’ll really start cracking down once I return from here again...or at least make some headway.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said...how do you feel about getting started again?” Dr. Adams asked.

Howie thought for a moment, weighing out the pros and cons of it all. How did he feel? Sure, he’d been worried and wasn’t sure if he was ready after all. But how did he feel about everything if he really took the time to think about it?

‘I’m not sure,” Howie finally replied, “The other day went smoothly. Recording is always fun, so I’m kind of looking forward to that. It is the actual touring craziness that has me worried. It might even get to be too much once we start dance rehearsals on top of recording here in a few weeks. Before, none of it bothered me..years ago I loved it all, but since this has happened, I don’t know what to expect my reactions to be. But for now...I feel fine with it all, I suppose you could say.”

Dr. Adams looked up over his glasses at him for a moment before writing down more stuff. Howie got the feeling that the man didn’t believe him, wondering exactly what was being written about him. He always wondered each time, wishing he could take just a small look at the notebook to see if he was being called crazy or a hopeless case, or maybe something on the more positive side, being said that he had potential to live out a long, healthy life if he kept up a positive attitude. He was trying his absolute hardest to think with confidence, but did his attitude come off that way to others?

“Have you had any thoughts of turning back to cutting lately?” Dr. Adams asked, “Since the nearing of going back to work.”

Howie thought for a moment. Had he? He knew that everybody had crazy thoughts once in awhile, but he wasn’t sure if he was thinking like a normal person, or like the past crazy Howie who actually intended to do everything he thought. It was hard to tell the difference, distinguishing between the two.

“I, um...I suppose I have a little,” Howie admitted honestly, “Every time I have the urge to do something, I just get out my journal or call up a friend or go out and do something. Anything to get my mind off of things. I’ve just been trying to take things slow...ya know? Seems to be paying off nicely for the most part.” The doctor said nothing, just writing some more. Howie laughed nervously, “Did I say something wrong?”

Dr. Adams looked up, “There is no saying anything wrong, Howie,” he told him, “I’m here to help you. Honestly, you seem to be improving....it’s slowly, but there is progress being shown with every visit with you.”

Howie breathed a sigh of relief. It meant a lot to him hearing the man say that. Most days, he wondered if he was going to be okay, but the doctor seeming to be thinking that he would be made all the difference in the world to him, for the man sitting before him knew what he was talking about. Howie, on the other hand, was just confused, not knowing what to think or expect. Dr. Adam’s assurance in him pushed away all of the negative thoughts that had been swimming around in his head.

The meeting lasted another thirty minutes. Howie pretty much just talked about what had been going on and what he knew he was to expect in the next weeks, getting some things off of his chest. It felt good to talk to somebody about everything. Someone who wouldn’t judge him, or if he did, Howie wouldn’t know nor care. Dr. Adams wasn’t anybody close to him. The opinions he cared about and were worried about were the Boys. He didn’t want them to think lowly of him or feel he was incapable of anything. Howie knew he’d have to push himself to be okay and try hard not to get too overwhelmed. He had to prove he was in fact ready, even if he really wasn’t.

In five hours, Howie would be in the air again, on his way back to Florida. That was when this new chapter in his life would begin, as well as everybody elses.