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Chapter Six

“Here’s to the release of our new album, Never Gone, and to the upcoming tour!” Brian toasted, holding up a glass of sparkling grape juice, “May it go well with no complications or worries.”

AJ, Kevin, Howie and Nick each held up their own glasses of the non-alcoholic ‘wine’, clinking glasses together to finish off the toast Brian had started. It was hard to believe, but that afternoon, the group had finished recording for their album, finalizing it with the finishing touches of choosing which songs would make the cut. It was definitely an accomplishment that they were proud of and decided that it was an occasion worthy of celebrating. Each man was proud of the work that they’d done for it, and felt confident that the songs that they’d deemed appropriate would be a huge hit for it.

“I can’t believe all of this pre-tour stuff is, ya know, wrapping up,” Nick commented, “Ya know, I mean its like everything is coming together now. We have what, another couple weeks of dance rehearsals, and then just practice and then...we’ll, ya know, be touring.”

“Good job Nick!” AJ laughed, “Glad that after going through this three other times, you figured it all out. Congratulations!” He started to clap his hands and soon, the others were also joining in in a round of applause.

“Aw, bite me.” Nick grumbled, but he couldn’t help but smile.

Everything was going so good lately that Nick just couldn’t be mad. Ever since his bout with mono, everything had been sailing smoothly. There had been no complications worth putting things on hold for, the only thing being worrying about Howie, who was in his own mind, undoubtably fine. They’d all been watching him closely and looking out for any signs, but so far, there had been nothing. Nick trusted his older friend, whom seemed to be doing rather well. By just looking in to his eyes, one could read that his happiness was sincere instead of forced on, smiling as a cover.

“Do you think this tour will be successful?” Howie asked, “I mean, I know we’re all wondering it, but we haven’t really spoken the words yet aloud about how we feel.”

All was silent as each man pondered Howie’s question. He proved a good point. All of them had wondered these things, keeping it within them. Was it time to finally bring it all out in to the open? Nobody said anything for awhile, just thinking. There really was no right or wrong answer, but there would be a good and a bad way to word it.

“I’m not sure,” Kevin finally spoke, “It will be our first album release in two and a half years. It’s been two since we last toured. I mean, we’re pretty much starting over in a sense. Music has changed a lot since the last time we released an album, so its expected that our past fans taste in music has too. So yes, I think it will be successful for what we do get out of it, but as I said, we have to come to terms that it will be a little bit different.”

The others nodded, knowing that Kevin couldn’t have worded it any more perfectly. It made sense and he had brought up points that they’d all thought of but had been too afraid to say aloud. Now it was out in the open though and it was known how things were felt. Sure, this was their first album in two and a half years, however they had every intention of being around for a very long time.

“You’re a smart man, Kev.” Nick grinned, his comment causing everyone to just stare at him for a long moment in bafflement, “What did I say wrong?” he asked self-consciously when he caught on to the stares.

Nobody had the chance to reply because their server had come to the table to take their orders, interrupting the conversation for a brief moment, starting with Nick.

“Steak, medium cooked with french fries.” Nick ordered, handing her his menu.

“Cheese burger fully loaded, and um, onion rings.” Brian told the server

“Grilled chicken with a side of green beans, please.” Kevin ordered, getting his usual plate of something healthy.

“Garden salad with nothing on it. Lite itialian dressing on the side.” AJ told her.

Each man looked at AJ as if he’d lost his mind simultaneously, just staring at him in confusing.

“AJ, the king of junk food, ordering a salad only?” Brian laughed, “Are you alright man? I have never known you to be a health freak like my cousin.” this comment caused Kevin to scowl in defense, and he started to protest, but AJ’s voice was the one that projected first.

AJ shrugged, “Just in the mood for a salad, I guess.”

“Whatever man.” Brian shook his head, seeing the server walking away from the table. He laughed, adding “Bone lost his mind. Better not steal any of my freakin onion rings, dude. I’ll slap your hand off if you so much as touch my plate.”

AJ rolled his eyes, taking a drink out of his water glass. Seconds later, all was forgotten on him as the attention rolled to Nick, who’d just knocked over his own glass of liquid, it rolling across the table in all directions before dripping to the floor. Everybody groaned in humiliation as Nick just bowed his head sheepishly.

“Just like taking a two year old out.” Howie laughed, as each man tried to sop up the mess as best they could with their napkins as they got stares from all around making Nick want to just sink underneath the table and hide, his face turning a beat red. With Nick and his klutziness, it was safe to say that this tour definitely wouldn’t have a dull moment in it. Around Nick, life normally didn’t as it was.

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Kevin sighed as he made himself comfortable in his hotel room. Dance rehearsals that day hadn’t gone as well as some, but he supposed that he couldn’t complain to much as he’d been in a few that had been completely disastrous as well. They were all working extra hard to get things done in an adequate amount of time and were a few days ahead of where they should be. This gave them plenty of time to perfect whatever they were doing wrong instead of rushing and compromising with hoping that their minor glitches wouldn’t be too noticeable.

The album was in the works of being produced now. It was hard to believe that it had been nearly a week ago now that they’d finished the final steps. Now, the rest was just getting the dances down and then promotional events that would take place. Tickets to their shows would go on sale in a month. Once upon a time ago, they could sell out venues that seated eighty thousand people, easily. Now, their shows would fill smaller outdoor stadiums that sat between four and seven thousand. He wondered if they would sell out as well. It really didn’t matter though. They weren’t doing this to see how many seats could be filled. They were doing it for their loyal fans that had stuck around during their break for Howie to heal. One thing was for sure though. Each man hoped that this was the beginning of a long lasting comeback.

Kevin’s thoughts were distracted by his cell phone ringing. He snapped his head up, reaching for it on his night stand. He picked it up, looking down at the caller id display screen. The number looked familiar. It looked very familiar, couldn’t place a finger on who the caller was. He knew he’d seen the number before...

“Who is it?” Kevin muttered, really not wanting to answer the phone unless he knew exactly whom he’d be talking to.

Kevin sighed as the phone continued to ring shrilly, but then went silent. Kevin shrugged, deciding if they wanted him that bad, they could just leave a voice message. He went to set the phone back down, but it started ringing again in his hand before he got the chance. Looking back down at it, Kevin realized it was the same person calling again.

“Damn, they have perseverance.” Kevin grumbled, and suddenly panic surged through him, wondering if everything was okay. Why else would they be calling so persistently? Deciding to take his chances, Kevin flipped open his cell, “Hello?”

“Kev? Hi.” came a female voice.

The tone was firm and somewhat frosty, but Kevin looked past those facts as excitement surged through his body. He knew that voice. It was a voice he had only dreamed about hearing again someday, and here she was, speaking to him. Had it really been almost two years since he’d last spoken to her? It seemed like so much longer yet like it had only been a few short weeks ago at the same time. All he could think was that she was calling to ask for another chance, for she realized that she’d made a mistake. God, how he would love to have her back in his life, for Kevin still loved her with his life. He’d never stopped missing or loving her.

‘Kris, baby!” Kevin exclaimed, his heart pounding furiously in his chest, “Wow...how are you?”

“Don’t ‘baby’ me, Kevin. That’s not why I’m calling.” she set him straight, “In fact, it’s far from it. So just don’t get any ideas about this. It means nothing.”

Kevin drew back as if he’d been slapped. If Kristin didn’t want him back, then why was she calling? There had to be a logical explanation for this. Was he dreaming? Had he imagined the entire phone ringing? Had she missed him temporarily and just wanted to hear his voice as much as he’d longed to hear hers? Many unanswered questions ran through Kevin’s mind and he wondered why this was happening. Was God out to torture him? Maybe Kristin just wanted to be friends, deciding she’d been immature.

“Kevin, are you there?”

“Um, yes...I am.” Kevin answered, snapping from his train of thoughts, “Why are you calling? Is everything okay.”

There was a long pause and Kevin was unsure as to if this was a good thing or bad thing. It was then that he’d noticed he’d broken out in a cold sweat. God, he was so nervous. Why was he so nervous. Maybe it was because he had the sneaking suspicion that since Kristin didn’t want him back, there was something else she was calling for. Something that she would only call about if she had to and she really didn’t want to even be talking to him.

Kevin could feel his throat start to clog up as he waited for an answer. All he’d wanted for the past twenty-two months was for Kristin to come back to him. He’d thought that he was finally getting his wish, but it had been a false hope risen to an extreme high and now it had plummeted to the ground as he realized that Kristin was never going to come back to him. This actualization caused some silent tears to well up in Kevin’s green eyes and he didn’t even bother to wipe them away.

“I have a child...” Kristin began finally, “A fourteen month old.”

“We...we have a child?” Kevin gasped, shocked at what she’d told him. It was the absolute last thing he’d expected to hear coming from her lips. He had always wanted kids, but with her career, it just had never been in the equation. Until now. So was Kristin calling to tell him that she was going to grant him visitation rights?

“I never said that, Kevin...I said that I have a child.” she was quick to correct, “He’s not yours.”

“But...you said that he is fourteen months old. We...we were still together when you got...” Kevin’s voice trailed off as he realized what was happening. His wife had cheated on him and had gotten pregnant by some other unknown man. This caused Kevin a feeling of being punched in the gut, as he felt winded and his heart stung worse than he’d ever be able to imagine possible. He pressed a hand to his heart as if it would help ease the pain, but it didn’t work, it only made him feel worse, “When...how...why?” Kevin found the strength to ask through his wave of emotion and trembling voice.

“At a show a few years ago. I met a man. We’ve been seeing each other since and then...I got pregnant. We got married a year ago, but he hasn’t had any auditions for awhile and we’re running low on money since my pregnancy set my career back. So, I need you to send me a check to get us by until he has his movie audition next month.”

“You’ve lost your damned mind.” Kevin growled, suddenly angry. He couldn’t believe the request that Kristin had bestowed upon him. It was completely mind boggling and took some sort of nerve for her to even suggest it.

“I’ll blackmail you, Kevin. I swear to God, I will make sure that your name gets a bad rep if you don’t do this.” Kristin suddenly seethed, “I will say that this baby is yours and you haven’t been paying child support.”

Kevin took in a deep breath, wondering what to do. He had no doubt in his mind that this woman wouldn’t do such a thing to him. So what was he to do? He really didn’t want to help to support his ex and her new family. It just seemed unethical to him, especially when the woman had cheated on him. Kevin felt her really had no other choice in the matter though. There was plenty she could use on him to make the situation worse if he didn’t cooperate under her treaterous wrath.

“Fine,” Kevin grumbled, “Just...just this once, and then leave me alone. As you said, we just weren’t meant to be together, so stay out of my life and I will stay out of yours.”

“Deal,” Kristin replied, “Just don’t get any stupid ideas about this. I’ll be expecting that check.”

Kevin tried to reply, but the line went dead. So many emotions were running wild through his head that he didn’t even know where to begin. As he closed his phone, Kevin realized for the first time that he was now full out crying for the first time in over a year over his long lost ex. His shoulders trembled as he knelt forward, burying his head in his hands in misery as he realized just how much he still missed the woman whom screwed him over in more ways than he was even capable of realizing in his distraught state of mind.

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“I can’t believe I’m even thinking of doing this...again” he muttered, his voice trailing off as he looked in to the bathroom from his bed.

Not eating just wasn’t an option any longer because the others had started to notice him not ordering anything at all. They hadn’t come out and said it, but he could tell by the looks that they’d shot him that they suspected. That couldn’t happen. Not now. Not yet. It was too soon for him to be figured out, because he hadn’t reached his weight goal. So therefore, he had to do whatever was in his power to continue on with this without drawing attention to himself. He’d only lost ten pounds thus far, however it wasn’t showing yet. He was becoming discouraged, and he knew he’d have to try harder.

Sighing, he stood, retreating to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror, seeing chubby cheeks and a double chin when in reality, his cheeks had the image of the beginnings of sinking in. His eyes were dull with dark circles under them. And to make things worse, for the past week, he’d started eating again, only to retreat to the bathroom to throw it back up again. He’s started out eating small things...healthy things, but then decided if it was coming back up, he might as well have whatever he wanted. And why shouldn’t he? Weather he had just a small piece of fruit or a big meal, the end result would be the same within minutes after the meal.

Kneeling down, he opened the lid to the toilet seat, looking in to the bowl of clear water. He wished that his future was so clear. Instead, it was a dark, endless tube of possibilities, much like a black hole. If he didn’t get his weight down, live as he knew it would be over. He would have no future. That was what he really truly believed.

So as he knelt over the bowl, he forced his finger down his throat as far as he could get it to start up his gag reflex. Before he knew it, he was heaving everything he’d consumed just minutes before, not stopping until he was confident that he’d rid of everything in his stomach, leaving him with nothing but a nasty taste in his mouth.

Taking a minute to get his composure back, he then flushed the contents down, standing up to brush his teeth so that the pungent taste would go away and so that nobody would smell the vomit on his breath, finishing off with gargling with mouthwash. He’d thought of everything, knowing that if he wasn’t careful, weather it be his roommate or somebody from the stage crew or management team, would figure him out.

Hearing a knock on the door, he knew that he was late meeting the others out in the hall for their plans that night. Leaving the bathroom, he took off his t-shirt, pulling on a baggy sweatshirt in its place. He and the guys were going out that night to a dance club for fun to try and practice some of their moves and to just have a good, fun time on their night off. Their only night off that week.

“Be right there.” he yelled, checking his room for any last signs of his habit before grabbing his wallet and the room key off of the night stand, tucking it in to his pocket as he went for the door.