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He found himself in the parking lot of a hospital close to his home, not even knowing how he got there. He was just standing there, unable to move a muscle, scared stiff of what the doctors inside might tell him about her condition. Brian called him that he needed to get over here as quickly as possible, that this was an emergency. By his cousin’s voice he could tell that this was bad, really bad.

“Come on Kev, we need to go see how she’s doing.” Howie said to him, while gently dragging him towards the entrance door by his arm. Kevin looked at him while they were rushing in, Howie’s facial expression told him that he was scared to death of what the doctor was going to tell them.
When they entered the family room, A.J., Nick and Brian raised their heads, disappointed to see only Howie and Kevin standing there and not anyone who could tell them how she was doing. “How is she?” Kevin softly asked them. “We don’t know, Kevin. No one will tell us anything. She’s still in surgery.” Kevin sat down next to A.J. and sighed. A thousand thoughts on his mind, scared to death that she wouldn’t pull through. The woman he loved more than life itself, was now fighting for hers.

“Kev, Dr. Harris is about to tell us how she’s doing.” Brian softly said to his cousin after he gently poked him for his attention. Kevin hadn’t heard the doctor come into the family room.
“I’m so sorry. We did all we could, but we lost her. She passed away on the operating table. I am so sorry for your loss.” Dr. Harris softly said. “You can go see her in half an hour, if you want to.” He then left the family room.

The five men were shocked. Brian just broke down, Nick bit his lip while holding his best friend. A.J. cried without a sound and Howie closed his eyes and had a silent discussion with God. Kevin just sat there. He didn’t cry, he didn’t move, he didn’t do anything. Brian now turned to him and pulled him into a hug, crying on his shoulder. Kevin held his cousin, not shedding a tear himself. Guilt rushed over him. He was the one who did this to her, he made all of this happen. He couldn’t tell the others, they would kill him for sure. He just had to live with all of this for the rest of his life, which he hoped wouldn’t be too long.
“She’s gone, Kev..She’s gone.” Brian cried. Hearing those words come out of his cousin’s mouth, it now hit him that she was never going to smile at him again, he would never be able to hold her again while they were asleep and she would never have his child. “Owh my God, she’s gone.” Kevin cried out as he broke down. Brian held him as they both cried. Owh my God, I killed her.. Kevin silenty thought. I killed her.

Kevin wanted to see her, he just wanted to be alone with her for a few minutes. Dr. Harris took him to the operating room, where her body was still on the operating table. He told him that he could take as much time as he needed and let Kevin enter the room. Kevin still couldn’t quite believe all of this was happening. They had put a green hospital gown on her. She hates.. hated green, Kevin sadly smiled. It looked as if she was asleep. They had removed all of the tubes and had closed her eyes. Her beautiful eyes. Kevin could not handle all of this. He would never be able to drown in those beautiful eyes again. She could no longer run her fingers through his hair. He held her hand in his. It was already cold. Tears ran down his cheeks again, not holding them back anymore. He couldn’t believe he was in here, that she was dead. This was all his fault, he did this to her. He closed his eyes and just sat there, devastated. No more joking about his snoring, no more holding hands, no more making fun of Brian, no more.. No more..

“I’m so sorry..” he softly said.
“No, you’re not.”
Kevin opened his eyes and looked around to see who had said that to him. When he finally spotted the one who had spoken those awful words, he almost fainted. “But.. you.. how..”
“You did this to me, Kevin.” She spoke with hatred in her voice. “Look at me.”
Kevin couldn’t believe his own eyes, she was standing there before him. He looked back at the operating table, but she was still there. This cannot be happening, I’m just seeing things that aren’t there.
“Look at me, Kevin.”
He turned around again and now he saw what she was talking about. She was covered in blood, with several wounds on her head and upper body. “YOU did this to me.” She said as she pointed her finger at him.
He knew she was right. He had done this to her, she was dead because of him. “But.. I love you..”
“YOU did this to me, Kevin, you killed me.”
“I..”
“You did this to me, and now you are about to do the same thing to her.
Leave her alone, Kevin. LEAVE HER ALONE!!!” With those words he fell into darkness, no sparkle of light to be seen, hearing her voice, saying the same thing over and over again. ”Don’t betray me Kevin, leave her alone.”
Followed by Brian’s voice saying: “You’re dead to me.. dead to me..”

Kevin shot up straight, his body covered in sweat, tears running down his cheeks. The nightmare, again. I can’t help it, the feelings I have for her are just too strong. I’m sorry Stacey, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to have feelings for her, I don’t want to hurt her,
I really don’t want to love her. But I do.. I truly do..