[ - ]
Table of Contents [Report This]
Printer Chapter or Story Microsoft Word Chapter or Story
- Text Size +
Brian walked into the playroom, planning on not thinking of the hospital he had decided he’d have some quality time with his precious son. He noticed Baylee had been building a tower, using colored wooden playblocks. But now he was just sitting there, staring at his babyblue trunk where they kept most of his toys. When Brian approached him, the little one turned his head and Brian could now see he was looking a bit sad. Brian sat down next to his son, picked him up and sat him down on his lap. “Hey buddy, what’s wrong?”
“Where’s auntie Wendie?” Brian was surprised by this question, even though he had been expecting it to come up eventually. They had taken Baylee to see her a week before she was supposed to be transferred, but after that, Baylee had caught a cold, and because Wendy’s immune system was still a bit weak, Dr. Greene had advised them to not take their son to visit her until she had been transferred. Brian wanted to be as honest as possible with his son, but he wasn’t going to tell him that she was sick again. “In the hospital, Bay..”
Baylee nodded as if he remembered. “Go see?” he asked his father.
Brian shook his head as he kissed his son on top of his head. “Sorry, buddy but you can’t..” He hoped his son would somehow understand, but he wasn’t counting on it. He himself hardly understood what had happened these last few months. “She not wuf me?” Baylee asked as tears welled up in his eyes. This broke Brian’s heart. What could he possibly say to that other than that wasn’t the case? He hugged Baylee and kissed him again, now on his forehead, trying to smile at him, but a huge lump in his throat made it almost impossible. He thought of a way how to say this so his son would understand, without making him even more upset. With a shaky voice, he somehow managed to say: “She’s just very tired, baby, like you are when you’ve played with uncle Nicky all day..” Baylee nodded. “Very t-ti-tired.. Like this daddy..” and he faked a yawn. Brian snickered. “Yeah like that.. So she has to sleep a lot.. Do you understand?” Again, Baylee nodded his head.
“Daddy? You read me like auntie Wendie?” Brian tried not to chuckle when he heard the request.
He must be desperate if he asks me to read to him, Brian thought to himself. Usually he finds that pretty boring, as he always fell asleep after he had read only about two pages to him. “Sure! What do you want me to read?” Baylee rolled his eyes, a trick he learned from Nick. Brian made a mental note to tell his friend not to do that anymore in front of his son. “Miffy, daddy.. Miffy in zoo!!” The father chuckled, feeling stupid for a moment. Ofcourse he wanted his dad to read him a “Miffy story”.. Ever since Wendy had introduced the little white bunny to Baylee, he was hooked. After Brian had put his son on the floor, he got up to get the specific book from the shelf. When he found it, he walked up to the rocking chair in which Baylee loved to be read to. Brian had a feeling that the rocking made him feel safe, because he somewhat had the same feeling. Baylee walked up to him and Brian put him on his lap. The son snuggled op to his father, resting his head on daddy’s chest. Brian put one arm around him as he softly made the chair rock back and forth. He misses her, Brian thought as he looked at his son, who was waiting for his daddy tell him the story on how Miffy went to the zoo and saw all the different animals. He misses her.. And so do I..

~~~~

“I’m not supposed to be here. I should be in jail where I belong.” That was all he could think of as he was standing there, with his friends standing close to him. Brian’s right hand on his left shoulder, Howie’s left hand on his right. The others were right behind him, trying to comfort him. They wouldn’t be here if they actually knew the truth. Well, they would, I wouldn’t. They’d never talk to me again. And that was exactly the reason he could never tell them, because he needed them. And now that she was gone, he needed them more than ever. They must have stood there for at least half an hour, when Brian softly said that they should be going. Kevin nodded his head, knowing his cousin was right. They should be going, but how was he supposed to leave?

“You guys go wait in the car. We’ll be right there..” he heard her say. Brian met haar glance and understood what she was trying to tell him without saying a word. He hugged the older man before he turned around and walked away, scared that he might not be able to handle this. The others followed his example.
“Kev?” she asked him as she put her hand on his arm. He turned his head and looked at her.
“We’re here for you. Don’t forget that alright. I don’t know, I have a feeling there’s something you’re not telling us. If you need to talk, don’t hesitate to call, alright?”
Kevin slowly nodded, knowing he never would. Not about this. That was just impossible.
“Listen Kev, this may sound corny, but it is the truth. If you need to talk, cry, laugh, or anything, doesn’t matter what time it is, call me or one of the guys. If you want to crash and burn, do so. You’re never alone.. We cannot make you forget, or make the pain go away, but there’s one thing we can do. We can hold you.”
Unable to say a word, Kevin hugged her, feeling as if he was about to break and let the pain get out, after he had been able to keep it in for a few days. They were all being great friends like they always were, but this time was different. This time, he didn’t deserve it..

He was sitting at the kitchen table, before him a bowl filled with milk and cereals floating in it. After he had fainted and fallen down the stairs because of his weak body, he knew he had to try and eat something. He had somehow managed to get down a few bites without throwing up immediately. He knew he should try to eat some more, but on the other hand, he didn’t want to push his luck. The bump on the back of his head felt sore, as well as the rest of his body, which had probably worsened by the fall.
He had to go see her. He needed to be there with her as she was fighting this. But how? Brian wasn’t going like him visiting her, and Kevin was wise enough to know he couldn’t argue right now. He had already waited too long, he couldn’t put it off anymore. Even though there was no way to tell if she could hear him, he had to tell her everything. Why he hadn’t been visiting her, why he ran off and even the secret he’d kept from all of them for such a long time. Kevin closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. He had to find a way to go see her, hold her hand and kiss her. But right now, he was too tired to come up with any plans. Carefully he got up and made his way to the stairs again. He walked up very slowly, holding on to the banister tightly. When he had reached the top of the stairs, he let out a sigh of relief. He made his way to his bedroom, crawled in the bed, covered himself up to his chin and closed his eyes. For the first time in weeks, he almost immediately drifted off to sleep, getting his body the rest it so desperately needed.

~~The following day~~

“Who’s getting married, Debra?” Katie asked her as she saw the magazine her collague was flipping through. She saw all sorts of wedding dresses, white and coloured ones, with or without lace and some even had pearls embroidered on them. Debra looked at Katie, saying her best friend was going to be married, and that she had asked her to be her maid of honour. “That’s great! Wow.. these dresses sure are nice!” Katie pointed at a white dress that didn’t have any lace on it. It was a simple, but very classy dress, with a long train. Debra just smiled. She knew it wouldn’t be long before she would wear one of these dresses, that’s why she had bought the magazine, so she could already see what dresses fitted her taste.

~~~~

Kevin couldn’t believe he had slept for eight hours straight. The last time he had slept that well, was the night he was holding her, except for the nightmare that woke him up. Now he couldn’t even remember if he dreamt last night. Stacey hadn’t been there with him, telling him to leave Wendy alone. Somehow he felt guilty about not dreaming of her. Even though it were nightmares most of the time, he knew he deserved them. And seeing her in his dreams, she was still close to him, even if it weren’t in the happiest times of their lives together. He felt like he had betrayed her all over again, simply by not dreaming about her. It still felt as if she was his wife at times, even though she had passed away over three years ago. His heart was somewhat torn. A part of it belonged to Stacey, and it always would, but Wendy had somehow managed to move into his heart too, which made the guilt grow even stronger. He knew he had promised Stacey he’d love her until death did them part, but since he had been the one who had caused her death, it felt as if he should love her for the rest of his life, and not let any other woman close. But his feelings for Wendy were too strong. He could no longer deny them, he had to tell her how he felt about her, even though Stacey wouldn’t approve of his love for their friend. He closed his eyes and tried to picture Stacey’s face. At first it was hard, but after a minute or so, he could see her clearly. She was such a beautiful woman. He tried to picture himself standing in front of his wife, holding her hands and looking her straight in the eyes. Stacey just stood there, not saying a word. He knew he had to do this, even if it felt ridiculous, talking to your late wife in your imagination. He had to tell her somehow and this was the only way for him to do so. He told her he was sorry, but that the feelings he was experiencing were too strong to just ignore them. He told her that he needed to move on with his life, but he would never forget her or stop loving her. All that time, her expression didn’t change because Kevin didn’t want it to.
“I’m sorry baby.. I’m so sorry for what happened. But I have to try to let you go.. I need to move on. I won’t leave my memories of you behind, I promise. I need to start living my life again, holding you close in my heart for the wonderful years we spent together. But I need to think of my own well-being from now on. I’m not even sure I deserve to be loved again, I’m probably not.. Please forgive me..”

Having whispered those words, he opened his eyes again, feeling a bit relieved he had sort of explained these things to her, but still feeling guilty for what he was about to do. He knew it was time for him to take action. After having breakfast, which to his own surprise he had been able to keep down again, he came up with a plan of how he was going to sneak into the hospital, without being thrown out by his cousin. He didn’t want to run into him, because even though he felt a little bit better, he was by no means up to argue with anyone. The headaches still kept him company, as well as the dizziness, and he was always cold. After he’d carefully taken a shower and got dressed, he flipped his cell open and dialed the number he unfortunately knew by heart. As he pressed ‘dial’ he let out a big sigh. He had to do this, there was no way back.

“Intensive Care Unit, this is nurse Debra speaking. Can I help you?”
Kevin knew he had to say something, but it was as if he had lost his voice. He cleared his throat, and then replied with a quivering voice. “Hello Debra, this is Kevin Richardson, calling about Ms. Hamilton.”
“Goodmorning Kevin,” Debra said enthusiastically. She had been right all along. He would contact her, he would ask her out. Finally. She looked down to the magazine, and with her index finger, she stroked the page on which she had seen the most gorgeous dress ever. That one she was planning on wearing for their wedding. “What can I do for you?”
“Can you tell me how she’s doing?”
Damn, that wasn’t supposed to happen. He was supposed to be interested in her, not in that bitch. But Debra held back those words, and politely told Kevin that she now could breathe on her own again, but that there was no sign of her waking up. “Debra, is any of the others with her right now?” Kevin knew that she’d probably wonder why he’d ask her that, but he had no other choice. He could only go visit her, if she was alone.
Debra didn’t understand, but was too upset that Wendy was the center of his attention again to ask him any questions. She hadn’t seen any of the others, but to be certain she asked Katie, who shook her head. She told Kevin that there was nobody with her at the moment.
Kevin let out a sigh of relief. He could go see her, hold her hand, kiss her, talk to her, just be there with her. It saddened him that she was still in a coma, but at least she did no longer need the life support. That was probably a good thing, but first he had to make sure Debra and the other nurses would help him out.
“Debra, can I ask you something?”
She immediately lightened up. This was it. This was her moment, their moment. The moment their future would finally begin to take shape, but that dream immediately got shattered as she heard Kevin’s request. Realizing that he would only come over if they’d help him, she agreed with it. And when he’d see her, he’d eventually ask her out, she was positive. Maybe he didn’t want to ask her over the phone. That was probably it. He’d want to hold her hands when he asked her. A smile lightened up her face again, as she turned her attention back to the magazine. In her mind, she already was working on her vows. “My love.. Us being together was meant to be..”

Kevin closed his cell, still feeling a mixture of emotions. A part of him felt guilty. She was fighting for her life, so how could he be feeling excited about seeing her again? She should be home, or at the rehabilitation center, anywhere but in that big grey building. But all he could think of was holding her hand and stroking her hair. He was afraid of what seeing her would do to him. His love for her had grown since the last time he had seen her, even though he didn’t want it too most of the time. But there had been occassions when he was glad to have those feelings, it made him feel human again. Like he wasn’t some kind of robot, but a human being, with emotions, a beating heart in his chest, not a granite one when it came to feelings of love. He was scared of what he’d feel while walking into her room, seeing her again after all this time. Maybe it’d all be too much for him to handle, or maybe he wouldn’t feel anything at all. The latter scared him the most, that’d mean he had forgotten how to love again, just as he had learned how to get in touch with his feelings after all this time. He didn’t want to be in the dark all over again. Being able to see nothing but darkness for three years had changed him into a person that scared him even more than the person he was when he killed Stacey. Kevin let out a big sigh as he raked his hands through his hair. He had killed one of the women he loved so deeply.. There was no way of telling that wouldn’t happen all over again.