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Chapter 6

Oh my god, what am I doing? I thought when my lips reached Benji’s. He’s probably going to think I’m crazy. What the hell happened to me? Just a minute ago I was telling myself to behave because I need Benji to stick around for a while. I need his friendship. I’ve definitely fucked up. Suddenly and surprisingly (at least to me), I felt Benji respond. He put his arms around me to pull me closer to his body and onto his lap. Benji ran his tongue over my lips silently asking for entrance and I didn’t deny this to him. Once our tongues met, they dueled passionately. This kiss was making me crazy.

I was feeling things I’ve never felt before. Now this was no where near my first kiss. I’m twenty-three and have had more than my fare share of kisses but this one definitely takes the cake. I moaned into his mouth when I felt his hand gently slide up my hoodie (we, his hoodie actually) in search of the feeling of bare skin. I loved the feeling of his hands on my body, it made me forget about everything except me and him. I pulled my lips away from Benji’s and rested my forehead on his with my eyes shut. Quickly, he kissed my lips again, this time it was only a quick peck.

“I’ve been wanting to do that since we were sitting on the bench in the police station yesterday,” Benji admitted, his voice nothing more than a whisper. “But I was afraid. I didn’t want to scare you away. I mean you went through a lot of shit yesterday and I thought that if I made any moves you would think that I was taking advantage of you. Hell, if I had just been attacked, I wouldn’t appreciate some stranger putting the moves on me. It would make me feel uncomfortable and I didn’t wanna do that to you.”

“You’re a great kisser,” I muttered and we both laughed.

“Hey, you’re not too bad yourself,” he replied.

“What’s going to happen from here,” I questioned seriously, getting straight to the point. I really wanted to know where me and Benji stood now. From what he just said to me, about wanting to kiss me, made me think he wanted a relationship and surprisingly, I was willing to give that to him. I was willing to give myself to him completely and I had never done that before nor was I ever willing to do it before. I can’t explain the control that Benji has over me, I doubt he even knew that he even had that control.

“I don’t know..” he stated. “It’s up to you. I wanna be with you but you have to wanna be with me too. You need to feel like you’re ready for a relationship. Shit about what happened is gonna get to you and that might affect how you act towards me…”

“Never,” I interrupted. “You’re the reason why I’m alive. You saved me Benji and no matter what happens, I will always be grateful to you for that. You’re always going to be special to me,” I told him, looking into his eyes. “I want to be with you. I’m ready to be with you. Shit, I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind. You’re all I’ve been thinking about.”

“Look,” Benji said, running his thumb across my cheek, “I’m yours and you’re stuck with me babe, and I promise that I am going to treat you like a queen. Anything you want or need, you got it…” Benji’s words were comforting to me. He always seemed to know exactly what I needed to hear, but I don’t need nor do I want him to hand things to me like he said he would. I am old enough to take of myself. Besides, I’ve been able to take care of myself before Benji and I would be able to take care of myself after Benji. That was something that I prided myself on.

“Benji, you don’t have to..” I started but was cut off when Benji put his finger on my lips, silencing me.

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to because you deserve it.”

“How do you know what I deserve Benji? I don’t want you to act a certain way because you feel bad for me. I don’t need your pity.”

“I’m not pitying you,” he said immediately. His voice sounded hurt. I felt bad for reacting like that but I needed to make sure that my feelings were known. I don’t want to be trapped in a relationship where the man doesn’t know my feelings.

“I know you aren’t,” I replied earnestly. “Look, I didn’t mean to sound so harsh but I needed you to know how I felt.”

“I wanna give you everything because you’re my girl now and I always treat my girls good, I always take good care of them,” he said softly. “I want to be a good guy and make you happy.”

“Benji, all I need to be happy right now is you,” I stated. “As long as I have you around to talk to and stuff, I’ll be happy. I’m happy knowing that if I have a bad dream or get scared by something silly, you’ll be there to make sure I’m okay.”

“I’ll always be there,” he whispered to me. I let out a deep breath and moved my head to rest on his shoulder. He moved his arms around my waist and I smiled at the sensation that they were giving to me.

“Things have just been so hard for me,” I blurted out.

“I know they have.”

“I didn’t know what the hell was going to happen after my folks died. I thought that was the end of the world. I mean, how was I going to be able to take care of my sister? I wasn’t too worried about myself, it was her that I was worried about more than anything. I knew if I didn’t step up and show that I could take care of her, the state could take her away and she’d have to live in some shitty place where no one cares about you. I couldn’t do that to her, I couldn’t do that to myself. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing that because I wasn’t good enough to take care of her,” I vented through my tears. I hadn’t admitted this to anyone before and as I spoke, it felt like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

“You’re a great person Ang,” Benji replied, “so I know you’re doing your best but don’t stress yourself out too much alright? You’ve got me to help you out when you need it and I’m sure your sister is helping out too.”

“What did I do to deserve you?” I asked Benji, closing my eyes, letting his smell enter my senses and relax me, there was something about the way that he smelt that had the calming affect on me, maybe it was because he gave me his hoodie which was completely engulfed in his essence and that gesture of kindness was exactly what I needed at the moment. My fingers were lazily running up and down his chest as he laughed.

“You know what, I was just thinking the same thing about you.”

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whoooo a new chapter