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Chapter 8

“You really like him don’t you?” Ali questioned from behind me. I hadn’t even heard her come back downstairs after Benji left. I turned around and looked at her, smiling.

“Is it that obvious?” I asked her.

“If you posted it on a billboard on the highway, it would be less obvious,” she joked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Real funny.”

“But seriously,” Ali said as she started to follow me into the living room, “I’m happy for you. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you this happy about anything and he seems sincere about wanting to be with you too.”

“And you like him?” I asked, wanting to be sure that she was okay with us being together. She looked at me with a weird look on her face which I couldn‘t quite read.

“Of course I like him,” she replied, “he saved your life. I would like anyone that saved your life. Besides, I always thought that he was freakin’ gorgeous, Joel too, I mean I do have a few of his posters hanging on my wall.”

“You do?” I questioned. She laughed at me, like she expected me to know who‘s posters she had on her walls. I just never paid any attention to that kind of thing.

“Yeah, they’ve been there for a while. I am a fan of the band that he’s in.”

“I’ve never knew that,” I replied honestly as I sat down on the couch and reached for the remote control.

“Spend some more time in my room and you woulda,” she replied sitting down next to me. I turned on the TV and started to flip through the channels. Silence fell over us as we sat on the couch together. “So, when are you going to see him again?”

“He said that he would call me and we would arrange something,” I replied.

“Awesome,” she replied softly, letting the silence fall over us again. She sighed and I could tell that she wanted to say something to me but couldn’t find the right words. I didn’t say anything, I just let her find her words, she’s good that at. “Are you gonna tell me about what happened the other night?” she finally asked me. Now it was my turn to sigh.

“Nothing happened that you can’t figure out for yourself,” I answered her. Part of me wasn’t ready to relive those events again especially after that I dream I had. I was actually surprised that I was able to get it out to Benji when now I was finding so much difficulty with the same topic with my own sister. Maybe it was because that he was there, he knew and saw almost everything.

“Keeping it inside isn’t gonna help you feel any better,” she responded. I turned to her and saw the concern in her eyes. This was how it started. I was going to get pity from my family and friends and then everyone who subsequently found out about my ordeal.

“I’m not keeping it inside.”

“Well, you’re not talking about it.”

“I’m just not talking about it with you,” I said. Immediately I felt bad for saying that. Me and Ali had always had an open relationship. She looked at me with a sad and disappointed look in her eyes, a look I rarely ever saw. I felt incredibly guilty. “Ali..”

“No,” she interrupted, “you don’t wanna talk about it with me, you’d rather just talk to Benji about it.”

“Alana, you don’t know how hard this is for me to talk about,” I suddenly blurted. Something in me told me that if I didn’t clear things up with my sister, I would be forced to end my relationship with Benji. Like I’ve always said, my sister comes first and if she feels that he may be a threat then for her sake, I’ll let him go. “The only reason why I can even remotely mention anything to Benji is because he was there! He saw me in the worst spot that any woman could ever be in. In his eyes, how could I be any worse?”

“He doesn’t think that about you,” she replied softly. “I just..” she started, then quickly stopped.

“You just what?” I prompted. “You know you can talk to me about anything. You’re just going to have to give me a little time to talk to you about what I went through. I promise that I’ll open up, you just have to give me time.”

“I just wanna know if you’re okay,” she admitted. “I hardly got any sleep last night because I was worried about you and what you must be going through and it hurts me. I hate to know that you’re feeling pain, even if you won’t admit to me that you’re feeling it. A sister knows, trust me. I know you don’t want me to worry too much about you but I can’t help it, you’re all that I’ve got left,” she finished, tearing up. I felt tears threatening to escape my eyes as well. I leaned over and embraced my sister, knowing that both of us needed this. We needed to get these emotions out.

“You’re never gonna lose me,” I whispered into her hair. I pulled my eyes shut tightly to help keep myself from crying. It hurt me to know that my sister thought that she might lose me. I had always assumed that she knew that I was always going to be at her side. My heart broke because of her words.

“I came so close to losing you last night,” she replied. “I hate knowing that something like that could happen to our family again just pulls me apart.”

“God knew that and that was why He didn’t take me,” I replied. I had never been a very religious person but this was the only explanation that seemed reasonable to me. People say that things happen to for a reason. Maybe I was meant to met Benji, he was the reason why that night happened. God was trying to put us together, trying to tell us that we were supposed to have a relationship. I’m not gonna say that God thought that we were meant to be because maybe Benji was just some angel that was going to save me physically and emotionally, show me that love and romance does exist. Also, this brought whole thing me and my sister closer, she was finally able to admit to me how she was feeling. It had only been hours since this happened and already it was causing ripples in my life, though they were ripples of welcomed change. I guess this is that silver lining that everyone always talks about finding.

“But why would he punish you like that?” she questioned, her grip around me becoming tighter.

“They always say what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, maybe He was trying to make me stronger so that I can better take care of you,” I surmised. “He wanted me to be able to make it through the rough times.” A lot of what I said, was said as a way to convince myself what I was telling Ali was the truth. In my heart I felt it was the truth but there was still something had was holding me back from completely embracing those feelings.

“I’ve got homework,” Ali said, pulling out of my arms. I looked at her and brushed away the few stray tears that had made it on her cheeks with my thumbs and smiled at her. She weakly smiled back.

“I’ll always be here for you,” I said.

“I know."