At the end of July, the nominees for the annual MTV Video Music Awards were announced, and to the Boys’ surprise, the video for their first single had gotten several nods, including a nomination for the Viewer’s Choice award, which they had won in the past. Nick took that as a good sign “ at least MTV thought they were still capable of receiving the most fan votes. He only hoped their second video would go over as well as the first had. The second video was actually why Kevin and Brian had flown in that week. They would be premiering it on TRL and had decided to call into the show as a group.
They had considered going to New York and actually appearing on the show, but between the VMA nominations and setting up the TRL phone interview, the producers at MTV had come up with a different “ and more extreme “ idea.
A surprise appearance and performance at the 2004 VMAs.
The Boys’ management, despite pushing them to shoot a video a month earlier, was unsure about the idea.
“A video’s one thing, but a live performance? In front of a huge audience? Do you really think you’re up to that?” their manager had asked Nick skeptically over the phone.
Nick was quite uncertain himself, but he had to admit, though the very thought of it half-terrified him, he liked the idea. A surprise performance... no one would know they were going to be there ahead of time... no one would expect it. And if the fans were still out there, if they still cared... they would go crazy. He could hear the wild screams now, and the memory filled him with longing. How long had it been since he’d worked a crowd and gotten them to scream like that?
“I could be...” he said slowly, considering the proposition. A live performance in Radio Music Hall, not only in front of a whole house of fans and other stars, but broadcast across the country. It was definitely intimidating, but he couldn’t say no, not just yet. He had been through too much to quail in the face of a challenge like this.
Initially, he told management and the other guys, who were just as uncertain, that he would think about it. And he did. And the more he thought, the more it began to seem like something he wanted to do. The largeness of made it quite appealing. It would be his true comeback, and he would certainly come back with a bang. And why couldn’t he perform live? If he could shoot a video, he could sit on a stool onstage and sing.
Once he had made up his mind, the other guys, who had held back at first, showed their enthusiasm for the idea and started making plans immediately. The VMAs were to be held at the beginning of September, and they knew they would need lots of time to rehearse, having not performed in months. This was part of the reason Kevin and Brian had come to Tampa. The next two weeks were going to be dedicated to making final preparations for the awards show.
Nick had spent the first two weeks of August getting used to his new prosthesis, which he had gotten at the beginning of the month. The “C-Leg,” as it was called, was every bit as good as Susan had made it sound. It was very different from his old prosthesis, heavier and much more high maintenance. It was computerized and battery-operated and therefore had to be charged up at night by way of a cable connected to his laptop. But the hassle was worth it. The leg had been programmed to fit Nick personally, and the sensors and hydraulics inside it made walking much easier than before. After months of having to concentrate on every step just to avoid falling, Nick was astounded to find that with this new leg, he could walk almost effortlessly, without thinking. It was probably as close as he could come to actually having his real leg back, and once he had adjusted to the new leg, his confidence was boosted immensely.
Which was another reason why he had made the decision to appear at the VMAs. This was as good as it was going to get; now was the time to stop feeling sorry for himself and move on with his life. AJ and Howie, who had seen him through all the ups and downs of the past four months, were especially pleased by this attitude change, and Kevin and Brian were relieved as well. The old Nick seemed to be back for good.
They were all in good moods the day they called in to TRL to premiere the music video. Carson Daly, who rarely hosted the countdown show anymore, was there to host that day and had been hyping up the video premiere and promised phone call for a week. The Boys were scheduled to call near the end of the show, and when they turned it on at Nick’s house to watch the beginning, they were thrilled to see that the studio was filled with Backstreet Boys fans, many sporting Bsb clothes, some holding posters with supportive messages about Nick. There were even more gathered outside in Times Square, and Nick felt his heart swell as the TV camera panned across them all, zooming in on signs that read “We Luv U, Nick!” and “THE BSB PRIDE IS STILL ALIVE!”
He was very nervous when the time came to call in, but he was comforted by the realization that there were fans out there who had accepted what had happened to him and still loved him anyway.
“And here’s the moment you’ve been waiting for, Bsb fans! On the phone we have the Backstreet Boys!”
At Nick’s house in Tampa, the guys had turned off the TV, but even over the phone, they could hear the TRL studio erupt into cheers. The sound filled Nick’s heart with joy, and he chorused a “hey” with the others, who were gathered together in the living room, all on cordless phones so that they could all talk.
“Guys, it’s been awhile, and I know we have a lot to talk about. How’s it been going?” Carson asked.
“Um, pretty good,” Howie answered. “Things have been going a lot better lately.”
“Is that Howie? Where are you calling from?”
“We’re down in Tampa right now, just hanging out,” said Howie.
“So you’re all down there together right now?”
“Yeah. AJ and I have been here for awhile actually, hanging out with Nick, and Brian and Kevin just flew in a couple days ago.”
“Well, that’s great,” said Carson. “And Nick, Nick are you there? I know you’re the one a lot of the girls here in the studio want to hear from.”
Nick blushed and spoke up. “Yeah, I’m here. Hi, y’all.”
There was brief screaming, and then the studio fell very quiet, and he knew they were all waiting for him to talk.
“Nick, it’s great to hear from you,” Carson said sincerely. “The MTV family has kept you in our prayers the last few months, and I know your fans have too. For anyone watching who doesn’t know what’s been going on, Nick had part of his leg amputated about four months ago because of bone cancer. Nick, how are you doing now, health-wise?”
“Health-wise, um, I’m doing real good,” replied Nick, clearing his throat. “I had a rough spring, ya know, but lately I’ve been feeling good and just been working on rehabilitating and that kind of thing...” It made him uncomfortable to be talking about this over the air on live television, but he figured it would pay to be honest. He knew now that there were people out there who still genuinely cared about him, and he wanted to talk to them and to assure them that he was going to be all right.
“Well, it looks like you’ve come a long way. You guys recently shot a video, which we’re going to premiere here on TRL in just a few minutes. I’ve seen the video, and it looks great... but the thing I think most people will be surprised to see is that you’re walking in the video. And this was just shot earlier this summer, right?”
“Yeah, we did the video about a month ago, so it was definitely shot after... you know. But, yeah, um, I am walking again, with the help of, uh, a prosthetic leg.” Even sitting there in his own living room, Nick could feel himself turning redder and redder, and he had begun to perspire. He was suddenly very glad they had decided not to appear on the show; sitting in front of a studio of teenagers and trying to talk about this would have killed him. He was self-conscious enough as it was, without having to actually face them in person.
“And how about the rest of you? How have you guys been doing?” Carson asked, moving the attention from Nick to the others. Relieved, Nick was able to breathe easy as questions were directed to his bandmates instead of him. “Brian, how’s the baby? He’s, what, going on two now?”
Brian laughed, a radiant smile lighting up his features, and answered promptly, “He’s wonderful, such a joy in my life. He’ll be two this November.”
“So is he talking a lot now? Or singing? Have you taught him any of your songs yet?” Carson teased.
Brian chuckled again. “Oh, he’s talkin’ a lot; he’s a little motor mouth. As for the songs... well, we’ll get there. One of these days...”
Nick smiled and felt a little guilty; he hadn’t seen Baylee since the beginning of that year. He was also a little envious, listening to Brian talk about his family. Brian had had so many wonderful things going on in his life the past two years, while Nick, it seemed, had only had problems.
For the past year and a half, his world had revolved mostly around cancer. And whenever it seemed his cancer was a thing of the past, something else would spring up. Problems with his mother, the big break-up with Leah, fights with Claire. When was the last time he had been as happy as Brian sounded whenever Baylee was brought up? He wished that just one part of his life could be that perfect. He wondered if he would ever have a family of his own. A wife, a child... would that make him complete, make him happy?
“And AJ, how about you? How you been, dawg?” Carson was now asking.
“I’ve been pretty good,” answered AJ. “Staying sober, staying clean, you know.”
“Awesome, awesome. Well, guys, I’m sorry we can’t chat more, but we don’t have a lot of time left, so is there anything else you’d like to say, maybe to the fans, before we get to talking about the video we’re going to premiere?”
The guys all looked at Nick, questioning them with their eyes “ did he want to say anything? He gave a quick nod and cleared his throat nervously. “Yeah, I’d like to say something,” he put in. “Um... I just wanna, um, thank the fans for... for their support. The past four months have been the hardest of my life, and, um, it’s good to know that y’all are still there for me. We had the TV on earlier and were watching the show, and I saw all y’all’s signs and stuff, and um, it really... it really meant a lot to me. So thank you.”
He glanced over at Brian, who grinned and nodded, silently letting him know his mini-speech had been good. Over the phone, he heard faint “aww’s” and then a whole bunch of applause and cheers. He smiled.
“Could you hear that, Nick?” Carson yelled over the noise in the studio.
“Yeah, yeah, I hear it “ thanks, guys!”
“Well, let’s move on to your video, which we’re about to show for the first time ever in just a minute. The song’s called ‘When Morning Comes.’ What can you guys tell us about the video before we watch it?”
Nick settled back again and let Kevin talk this time. Their eldest member launched into a whole spiel about the video’s origins, the director, the concept, where it was shot, how long it took to shoot, etc. Finally Carson cut him off and thanked them for calling in.
“And Nick, take care. We wish you all the best and hope to see guys back in action before too long.”
“Oh, I’m sure we will be,” said AJ, his voice carrying a playful tone that only those who knew what they had in store for the VMAs would notice. “Thanks, Carson.”
They all said quick good-byes and hung up, turning on the TV to see their video played for the first time. They had already seen the finished product, and it had turned out very well.
“You got balls, Carter,” AJ muttered, as they watched the sequence they had filmed the second day, with the five of them walking down the road together.
“Uh, I know, J,” Nick replied. The others laughed.
“Nah, you know what I mean... you got guts, kid. It took real guts to agree to do this video so soon and to call into TRL and talk about everything. Not to mention perform live at the VMAs.”
Nick chuckled nervously. “Don’t go getting ahead of yourself; we haven’t gotten through that yet. Who knows how it’ll turn out...”
“It’ll be fine,” AJ assured him with confidence. “You will kick ass, Nick, because you’re good, and you’re brave.”
Nick rolled his eyes. “Brave, right. Do you know how freaked out I was just now, just talking on the phone? I’m not brave.”
“Not true, Nick,” counted AJ, looking Nick right in the eyes, his expression entirely serious. “You’re the bravest person I know.”
***
