“So... how was it?” Nick forced himself to ask, as they sat at the table on his back deck, sipping iced tea under the shade of the table’s large umbrella. He braced himself for her answer, hoping she wouldn’t start gushing about how beautiful and romantic it was in Hawaii with Tim. He was pretty sure he would have to throw up if happened.
It didn’t.
“It was... uh... interesting, I’ll tell you that much,” Claire replied, making a face. “Not quite what I had expected.”
“Why, what happened?” he asked with interest, leaning forward in anticipation as he waited for her to elaborate.
She sighed. “Well, the very first night, Tim and I went to this sea food restaurant, right? Well, I ordered this shrimp dish, and oh my God, it made me so sick!”
“Food poisoning?” Nick asked, raising an eyebrow.
She nodded grimly. “I’m sure that’s what it was. I basically spent the next two days in the bathroom, either throwing up or, uh... well, other digestive-related things.” She grimaced, her cheeks turning even pinker.
Nick smirked. “Uh, yeah, I get the idea.”
“Yeah,” she said flatly, “so after two days of that, I was totally wiped out and feeling like crap, so I pretty much just laid around the hotel room while Tim went to the conference sessions and did his thing. I didn’t even get out to the beach till the day before we flew back.”
“Aww, that sucks,” Nick said, trying to look sympathetic instead of relieved. Really, he felt bad that she’d had such a horrible time, but a part of him was secretly glad. The thought of Claire stuck in the bathroom, puking her guts out, was not a pleasant one, but it was better than what he’d imagined her doing before, with Tim. “I’ll take you back to Hawaii sometime and make it up to you,” he offered, flashing her his famous half-smile.
She returned the smile. “Sometime, sure,” she said lightly, blowing him off. “No time soon though. The thought of hopping on a plane and flying another thirteen hours to Hawaii isn’t that appealing right now. Ugh, I’m still feeling the jet lag from yesterday.”
“I know how that is,” he empathized. “I hate flying.”
“I don’t usually, but man, that was just too much.” She ran a hand through her hair wearily and asked, “So anyway, did you have a good week? How was Aaron?”
“Yeah, it was fun,” Nick answered casually. “Aaron was alright. We hung out and stuff... it was good to see him again.”
“Good,” she said with a smile. “I’m glad you had a good time at least.”
He chuckled lightly, not sure what to say back to that. I’m glad you didn’t?
“So, what now? Do you have anything else going on with the guys, or what?” Claire asked.
Nick just shrugged. “No, not really...” he murmured. He’d sort of been wondering the same thing. What now? His life had been so busy for the past three months, what with the video shoot in July, preparing for the VMAs throughout the month of August, and then all the publicity that had surrounded him in September. Now that all that was behind him, and his week with Aaron was over, his life had gone back to the way it had been before.
Only it wasn’t quite the same. For one thing, AJ wasn’t there anymore, and he was no longer going to physical therapy. He’d attended the sessions for a few more weeks after getting his new leg at the beginning of August, but once he’d gotten used to the new prosthesis, Susan had cut him loose.
“At this point, you don’t really need my help anymore,” she’d told him with a smile. “You’re back on your feet and walking really well, which is more than a lot of above-knee amputees ever accomplish. You’ll only improve with practice, but you don’t need me to supervise you with that anymore.” She’d gone on to tell him that he could always call her if he wanted to, and that she was proud of him. He’d left that session feeling liberated and quite proud of himself, to be honest.
But now, without therapy three days a week, and without anymore Backstreet-related appearances or anything coming up, he was sort of... well, bored. During the spring and summer, he’d been perfectly content to lay around cooped up in his house, but now that he had rehabilitated and made a sort of comeback, sitting around at home and doing nothing wasn’t going to cut it anymore. He wanted to be doing something, working toward something, like he’d done all summer. But what was there to work toward? What was next?
“Are you guys going to work on another album at some point?” Claire asked.
“Why do you care? I thought you weren’t a fan of us,” he teased her, grinning.
“I’m not,” she shot back smugly. “I was just asking. You know, making conversation.”
“Ah, I see. Well, to answer your question then – you know, keep the conversation going and all –“ he winked, “... I don’t know. I’m sure we’ll do another album at some point, but I don’t know when. I mean, we haven’t even toured yet...” The words came out automatically, and she looked at him in surprise.
“Are you still going to tour then?” she asked.
Nick frowned. “Well... I don’t know,” he said slowly. Touring was usually part of a natural progression... first an album, then, a few months later, a tour. That was how it had always happened, and back when they’d released their album in February, the plan had been the same. They’d assumed they would spend that summer touring. But the shattering news Nick had received at the end of March had changed everything, and instead, they’d spent the summer trying to help Nick get his life back together. Now it was autumn, and for the most part, Nick’s life had returned to normal, as normal as it was ever going to get anyway.
So again, the question was posed – what now?
A few months ago, when Nick had been struggling to walk again and sick and miserable from chemotherapy treatments, touring had been out of the question, an impossibility. But now that Nick had recovered from surgery and chemo and learned to walk, was it so unthinkable? He’d already performed once, after all, and on live television too! And vocally, the performance had been wonderful. If his voice was all that really mattered, if they could do shows without all the dancing and movement they’d done in the past, then why couldn’t he tour?
“I hadn’t really given it too much thought before now,” he confessed to Claire, “and the guys and I haven’t talked about it at all. But... I think I do want to go on tour again. Touring... there’s just nothing like it. I mean, it gets old sometimes, riding around on a bus all day and doing shows pretty much every night. But at the same time, being up on that stage, getting to do what I love night after night... there’s just nothing like it. It’s... it’s incredible.”
Claire was smiling broadly. “Then you should do it!” she urged, her eyes bright with enthusiasm. “You guys should tour again. There’s no reason why you can’t, is there? I mean, health-wise, you’re fine, right? You’ve been feeling okay and everything?”
“Oh yeah,” Nick said, nodding. “I’m good to go.”
“Then you should talk to the guys about it and see what they think.”
Nick nodded again, smiling. “I think I will.”
***
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, Nick.”
Turning his head away from the phone, Nick groaned. Why had he called Kevin first? He should have known overprotective Kevin wouldn’t exactly jump at the idea of planning a tour. He should have started with AJ first, to build up some support. Nick knew AJ was just itching to get back on stage, especially after the VMAs. Their performance there had been like taking a little nibble off the end of a particularly delicious candy bar – now that he’d had a taste, he was ready to devour the whole thing.
“Kev, why not?” Nick argued, hearing the whine seep into his voice.
“You know how much touring takes out of a person,” Kevin replied patiently. “I don’t think we should undertake such a big thing quite yet.”
“You’re talking about me, aren’t you?” accused Nick. “When you say ‘how much touring takes out of a person,’ you mean me. You don’t think I should undertake something like this yet.”
He heard Kevin sigh loudly on the other end of the line. “Well, yes, Nick, I mean you. I don’t want you to push yourself. You’ve come such a long way over the past few months, and I admire the fact that you’re so ready and willing to do a tour, but I think it’s too soon.”
“That’s bullshit! It’s been over six months, and by the time we’d actually get everything worked out, it’ll have been a lot longer than that. Brian toured with us only two months after his surgery!”
“Yeah, only because Lou forced him too, and I wasn’t happy about that either, remember? And anyway, Nick, we’re talking about two very different things here.”
“Whatever, dude. Look, I don’t know what you’re worried about, but I’m fine now, okay? I can do this; I know I can. I did the VMAs, didn’t I? And look how that turned out – we did really good!”
“We did really well,” Kevin corrected, to Nick’s annoyance, “and that was one performance, of one song. Touring is a whole nother story. It takes a lot more work to do an entire show, almost every night, for months on end. And I’m not saying you wouldn’t do the work, Nick, because I know you would. You put 110% into everything you do, and that’s part of the reason why it worries me. I don’t want you to work yourself too hard. Your health is more important than anything; it has to come first.”
“I know that!” Nick exclaimed impatiently. “I’m just saying, you have no reason to worry! I’m fine! That’s the whole reason I let them cut my freaking leg off - so that I could be healthy again!” His voice was rising, and he could feel his blood boiling inside. He felt almost ready to cry, though he was not sure entirely why. Maybe it was just all the emotions bubbling inside him right now – he was like a bottle of soda that had been shaken vigorously and would explode with just one twist of the cap. And Kevin was definitely twisting his cap right now.
“I know, Nick, I know,” Kevin said quietly, after a moment of silence. “I just worry about you; you know that. I can’t help it. It just scares me, to think of something else happening to you. I would rather you see you take it easy for awhile, instead of pushing yourself to get ready for touring. Sometimes I think you overestimate yourself.”
“And sometimes I think you underestimate me,” Nick muttered back. “I’m not a little kid anymore, Kevin. I know my limits, okay? And like I said, you don’t have to worry about my health anymore because I’m fine.”
“And are those words coming from your mouth, or your doctor’s? I’m assuming your last check-up was all right?”
“Yes,” Nick answered, not mentioning the fact that his last check-up had been at the beginning of July and that he had not yet rescheduled the one he’d missed the week before.
There was silence on the other end of the line, and just when Nick was about to ask if he was still there, Kevin responded with, “Okay, Nick, what about this: what if we put together a concert... just a concert, but a full one – you know, about an hour and a half/two hours long – and just see how it goes? The concert could be for charity or something, or maybe we could have it televised or put it on video at some kind of comeback special or something. Whatever. The point is, it would be kind of a trial to thing, just so you could see if you’re ready for whole concerts or not.”
“Just so I could prove to you guys that I am,” Nick corrected, but really, he liked the idea. And not just because it would be a way to prove himself to them. “Seriously though, Kev, I like that idea. And doing it for charity or whatever would be cool.”
“Yeah? You like that?”
“Yeah,” replied Nick, his mind racing with ideas now. “You know, maybe we could make it a free concert for sick kids – like kids with cancer – or... or kids with, you know, disabilities and stuff. I mean, I feel like I have something in common with kids like that now... it would be a good way to give back.”
“That’s a great idea!” came Kevin’s enthusiastic response. “We could fly the kids in from all over; I’m sure we could get names from the Make-a-Wish Foundation or St. Jude or something like that. Or we could do the concert in Florida and invite kids from your neck of the woods to come. You know some of the staff at the hospital pretty well by now; maybe they could help.”
“I bet Claire could help us too,” Nick added. “She goes and reads to the little kids in Oncology sometimes; she probably knows a lot of people.”
“I should call Brian and tell him all this,” said Kevin. “I don’t know what kind of limits you want to put on what kind of people could come to the thing, but with his Healthy Heart Club, I’m sure Bri will have some good ideas too.”
“Okay. Hey, if you wanna get off and call Bri, I’ll call J. And Howie ain’t here – he’s in Orlando – but he’ll probably call later to check up on me, and then I can fill him in.”
“Sounds good,” said Kevin. “I’ll let you go then, okay, bro?”
“Alright. Later, Kev.”
“Bye, Nick.”
By the time they hung up, Nick had gone from seething to smiling. He hadn’t gotten a definite “yes” or “no” on the tour proposition, but that didn’t matter. He was excited by the idea of this concert. He liked what they had come up with and really felt as if it would be a good way to connect to some younger people who had been through ordeals similar to his own. That’s what Brian had done by starting up his Healthy Heart Club, and Nick had always wanted to be able to really give back like that. Now he would be able to... and prove himself to Kevin at the same time.
Still smiling, he picked up the phone again to call AJ.
***
