With a roll of his eyes, Nick retorted, “For the last time, yes! I’m fine.” Adjusting his headphones, he perched on the edge of the tall stool and closed his eyes, willing the queasy sensation that rocked his stomach to just go away and leave him alone. The group had decided to go to the studio that day to record a demo for one of the new songs they had written together. Kevin, always the worrywart, was convinced that Nick would not feel well enough to record. Nick, on the other hand, was ready to prove that he could. He had sung sick before; this was nothing.
If only he didn’t on the verge of throwing up every few minutes...
“Okay, you ready, guys?” asked Bruce, their producer, from the other side of the glass partition. Inside the sound booth, the five men nodded. The track began to play; it was a fast tempo that would require a great deal of energy and support. As AJ took a breath and started the opening solo, Nick inwardly groaned. Oh, why had he agreed to do this? This song - an up-tempo in which he had a solo part - on this day, one of his chemo days.
The chorus came, and Nick harmonized along with the others, keeping his voice low, saving his energy for the next verse. He could not let them down now, not after he had insisted to Kevin so many times that he would be fine. Sucking in a great breath of air, he opened his mouth and let the music pour out, focusing on the beat of the music and not the pulse of his nausea.
It was not his best, but it was not his worst either. He made it, and that was what counted. As AJ took over for him, singing the next verse, Nick sat back in relief. Glancing over at Kevin, he saw the older man smile at him and flash a thumbs up. Nick grinned weakly back. He could do this... no problem...
“That was pretty good, guys,” said Bruce when the song came to a close. “Shall we try it again?”
Oh no, not again, not again, Nick chanted inwardly, closing his eyes.
“Um...” He could hear the hesitation in Kevin’s voice and quickly snapped his eyes back open.
“Yeah, let’s do it again,” he said quickly, nodding in Kevin’s direction. This was part of the job; very rarely did they get a perfect take on the first try, and even when they did get a good one, they liked to go back and try it again. There was always room for improvement. It was only a demo, but Nick wanted it to sound good. And if they had to do it again, so be it. He could tough it out.
***
“All right, let’s try another take. That one wasn’t as good as the last one. Nick, you were flat,” Bruce stated matter-of-factly.
Crap. “Sorry, guys,” Nick muttered.
“It’s okay, Nick,” Howie replied cheerfully, while AJ only scowled through the glass at Bruce.
“Didn’t sound flat to me; I thought it was fine,” he argued.
Bruce gave AJ a patronizing look. “Trust me, it was flat. Things sound a lot different outside the recording booth.”
“He’s right, AJ,” Nick said tiredly. “Let’s do it again.”
“You sure?” Kevin flashed Nick his fatherly look of concern, which Nick chose to ignore. AJ, on the other hand, refused to let the issue drop.
“Look, Bruce, it’s only a fucking demo. Why don’t we just use the first take; that one wasn’t flat, was it?”
“No, but not all the parts were lined up exactly right either. You’re doing it again,” Bruce said firmly, a “cut the crap” expression flickering in his eyes as they bored through the glass at AJ.
AJ opened his mouth to protest again, but Kevin cut him off, simply muttering, “Drop it, ‘J.”
“It’s okay; we can do it again,” Nick jumped in, his stomach protesting every word. “We want to do our best, even if it is just a demo.”
AJ rolled his eyes. “Fine, fine, we’ll do it again.”
The music was again cued, and they started the song for a third time. Nick mostly mouthed rather than sang, for the notes just did not want to come out, and when they did, he knew they were less than satisfactory. When they reached his solo part once again, he took a deep breath and, squeezing his eyes shut, belted out his part. Whether it sounded decent or not, he did not know, for just the effort of it sent him into a coughing fit that disrupted the rest of the song.
“You okay, Nick?” Brian asked, as Nick coughed and gagged.
“No,” Nick gasped, holding his precariously gurgling stomach. Sliding off the stool, he glanced back at Brian and mouthed “bathroom,” then took off without a word.
“Where is he going?” he heard Bruce demand as he burst from the booth and took off on running on his peg-legged gait to the nearest restroom, not sticking around to wait for the guys’ explanation.
Once in the sanctuary of the unoccupied men’s room, Nick hurtled himself into one of the stalls, collapsed to the ground, and practically buried his head in the toilet bowl, retching so intensely he was sure he was throwing up major internal organs along with everything else. When he had vanquished his digestive system’s wrath, he cleaned himself up, flushed the toilet, and weakly hauled himself up.
As he started to unlock the stall, the door of the restroom swung open. Immediately, Nick froze, holding the door of his stall shut. His heart slammed wildly around in his chest, and little beads of cold sweat slimed their way down his back. He knew he must look horrible and did not want to let whoever had come in see him, not unless it was one of the guys.
“Nick? You okay?”
It was Brian. Breathing a sigh of relief, Nick let the door fall open and timidly emerged to face his friend.
“Oh jeez, Nick, you look like hell. Come on, come here.” Putting a strong arm around Nick’s back, Brian guided him to the bank of sinks, where he stood gazing at his macabre reflection while Brian hastily pumped out a long sheet of paper towels from the dispenser. Ripping off the coarse brown paper, Brian turned on the cold water and ran the bunch of paper towels under it, lightly wetting them. Nick stood stiffly while Brian ran the soggy bundle over his face, wiping the perspiration and heat from his skin.
“This is so stupid,” Brian said, shaking his head disapprovingly, as he stared at their reflections, side by side in the mirror. Nick stared too, comparing his sallow, unhealthy pallor to Brian’s vital, tan complexion. “We should not be trying to record today,” Brian went on. “You should be in bed, not in a recording studio trying to sing.”
Nick shook his head. “We can’t put this off because of me. I’ll be fine. I just needed to take a puke break. I feel much better now.” He smiled weakly, but Brian only frowned.
“Stop trying to play it off like it’s nothing. Come on, we are going back to that sound booth, and we’re telling Bruce that we’re done for today. You’re going back to the hotel and getting straight into bed.”
“Damn, Bri, you’re worse than Kev,” Nick joked lightly. “You ain’t my mom.”
“Aren’t, Nicky,” Brian corrected teasingly in a mother/teacher tone. “But,” he added, turning serious, “somebody’s gotta be, don’t they?”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Well, where the hell is your mother?”
“Out in LA, basking in the luxuries my cash has gotten her,” Nick replied dryly.
“Nick,” Brian sighed, “I know you and your mom have had difficulties, and I admit, I’m not crazy about her either. But she’s your mom. You have to tell her about this. And your dad and your sisters and brother. Don’t you care about them? Don’t you want their support?”
“Brian, you’re my brother. You, AJ, Howie, and Kev. I don’t need anybody else.”
“That’s nice of you to say, but you need your family. I think you should call them later today, once you’ve rested up a bit.”
Nick shook his head. “You and the guys are more my family than they are.”
Another sigh from Brian. “All right, whatever, Nick. Come on, you ready to go?”
“Back to the sound booth or back to the hotel?”
“Whatever you want.”
Nick hesitated; he really did want to go back to the hotel... but that would mean another day wasted. He’d be letting them down.
“And I know what you’re thinking,” Brian added. “You’re not going to let us down if we go back to the hotel.”
Nick cocked his head in disbelief. Good old Frick... he’d always been able to read Frack like a book. “Okay,” he relented finally. “Let’s head back to the hotel then.”
Brian smiled. “Good. Come on.” Putting an arm around a slightly shaky Nick, the two friends slowly headed back to meet the others.
***
That night, Daddy Kevin called a “family meeting” in Nick’s suite.
“So, what’s this little pow-wow all about?” AJ asked, when they were all settled around the living room area. Nick, who lay stretched out on the couch, didn’t know, but he had a feeling it had to do with him.
“I think we need to take a break,” Kevin announced without hesitation.
“What do you mean, ‘take a break’?” Nick asked apprehensively.
“I mean just that – take a short... hiatus, if you will. A couple weeks, maybe?”
“Why?”
“I think we need it. We’ve been working our asses off, and we just need a break from the work and from each other,” Kevin replied. “Besides, I don’t know about you guys, but I’d like to go home and see my family.”
Nick watched as Brian, Howie, and AJ exchanged glances. He could see the longing in Brian’s eyes in particular and knew his friend was yearning to go home to Georgia and be with his wife and son. He hadn’t seen them in weeks; none of them had seen their families in weeks. As for Nick, he hadn’t seen his family in months, but he wasn’t sure they actually counted as “family.” Well, Aaron did... and sometimes their father... but other than that, to hell with them.
“If this is about family, I think it’s a good idea,” he spoke up. “But I hope this isn’t because of what happened in the studio today. I know I sucked, and I’m sorry, but I tried my best, and if you’d just give me a few more days, till I’m off chemo, I’ll be-“
“Nick, stop!” Kevin interrupted. “This isn’t about what happened today at all. You’re a trooper, buddy, and we appreciated you dragging yourself in there today. But we all need a break. You... don’t you want to go home to Tampa and your dogs and your boat and the ocean and all that?”
As soon as Kevin said those words, Nick’s heart swelled with desire. Yes, he did want to go home... play with his dogs, sleep in his own bed, go out in his boat (when he wasn’t on chemo, that was – he didn’t think the rocking sea would do much for his nausea). “Yeah,” he said wistfully, “I guess I do.”
Kevin smiled. “Guys? Any objections?” he asked the others.
AJ shook his head immediately, and Nick knew he was thinking of Sarah. But Brian and Howie both hesitated.
“Nick,” Brian finally said, “are you sure you’re gonna be okay at home by yourself?”
Nick sighed heavily. How did he know that was coming? “Aw, c’mon, Bri, I’m not a baby. I’m an adult now, for crying out loud, I can take care of myself.”
“I know, Nick, but you’re sick and puking your guts out all day, and... what if something happens?”
“It won’t,” Nick said firmly. “So what if I throw up? Big deal – barfing ain’t gonna kill me.” Brian only sighed, not looking convinced. “Brian... you know you want to go home and see Leigh and Baylee, you know you do. So just go to them. It’ll only be for two or three weeks, right? You can call me whenever you want. I can handle myself.”
“Nick, what if I came home with you?” Howie suggested, and Nick knew he had been worrying about the same thing. God, Brian and Howie... the two them put together were worse than Kevin sometimes.
“I don’t need a babysitter, D,” Nick replied grudgingly. “Go home to your mama, enjoy that home cooking while you can.”
“Well... why don’t you come with me then?” Howie offered brightly. “You could stay at my place.”
“No, I want to go home, to Tampa, to my house.”
Kevin nodded. “Well, I think that settles it then, doesn’t it?”
“When are we leaving then?” asked Brian.
“We’re supposed to be in the studio again tomorrow... so how about the day after that?”
“Sounds good.”
And so it was settled. They were going home, Kevin back to Kristin, Brian to Leighanne and Baylee, AJ to Sarah, Howie to his family, and Nick to...
No one.
***
