“Pretty good,” he replied automatically, knowing he wouldn’t be able to use that same answer within a matter of hours. So, what are your plans for the afternoon, Nick? Well, I’m gonna go home and barf my guts out all day, how about you? Fun, fun.
“... complaints?”
“Huh?” Head jerking up, Nick realized he had been spacing out again and had no idea what the doctor had just said to him.
Dr. Kingsbury smiled patiently. “How have you been feeling lately? Any complaints?”
Nick shrugged. “Nah, I’ve been okay, I guess.”
“How’s your leg been? Any pain?”
Nick grimaced. “Yeah, it still kinda hurts when I walk on it, and other times, it just throbs, even when I’m just sitting there. The painkillers help kinda, but not all the way.”
She nodded. “Well, we’ll do the usual x-ray on your leg, and then I’d also like to get some other tests run today as well. A CT scan, bone marrow, and a chest x-ray.”
Bone marrow. Those two words screamed through Nick’s brain, and he could have sworn he heard a mental “dum dum dum” of doom accompany them, but maybe that was all in his head. In fact, maybe the whole thing was just in his head... maybe she hadn’t said those words at all... maybe...
“Nick? Did you hear me?”
“Uh...” Nick felt his cheeks turn crimson, “did you say a bone marrow test?”
“Yes.”
NOOOOO!!! “Again?! But... but I just had one!”
“Over two months ago, you did. But I need to do another one, just make sure we’re still in the clear. To make sure the cancer isn’t spreading.”
“Spreading? But I thought that’s what the chemo was for! To keep it from spreading!”
“Shh, calm down.” Dr. Kingsbury rested a gentle hand on his shoulder and continued, “That is what the chemo is for. I just want to make sure it’s doing its job, that’s all. You’ll be having these tests every few appointments until you go into a good remission. I know it’s not exactly fun, but it’s important. Early detection is crucial, as I’m sure you know.”
He had stopped paying attention at the word “remission,” his mind beginning to wander again. Remission. The word was an oasis, a slice of Heaven in the midst of Hell, a destination that lay just behind the horizon in a place he was sure he would never reach. It was the lighthouse shining from the rocky coast, beckoning to him as he struggled against the relentless waves to row to shore, throwing his whole weight into each stroke of the oars only to be pitched right back again by the rapid waters. It was the top of the endless stairs in Super Mario 64, which you could only reach by getting the required seventy stars; otherwise you would just keep going and going and going, like the small, Italian version of the Energizer bunny, never quite able to reach the gateway to the third and final Bowser level that lay at the staircase’s pinnacle.
“Nick?”
“Oh. Sorry. I’m listening.” Nick blinked, forcing himself to focus on what Dr. Kingsbury was saying. God, he had to have the world’s shortest attention span... maybe he had ADHD...
“Good. All right, so anyway, I’ll do a quick physical exam, and then I’ll take you for your x-rays and CT scan. We’ll save the bone marrow aspiration for last.”
“Oh yeah, gotta save the best for last,” Nick muttered dryly.
Dr. Kingsbury just gave him a sympathetic smile and slid her stethoscope into her ears. She slipped the other end down the front of Nick’s gown; he winced as the cold metal touched his skin. “Now take a deep breath...”
***
The chest x-ray and the scans of his leg were simple and painless, but, sitting nervously in the exam room an hour later, Nick knew the upcoming bone marrow test would not be. He was dreading it with every fiber of his being, even more so than he had done the first time around. The first time, he had gone into it naïvely, ignorant to the massive needle and crushing pain that went along with it. Now he knew. And he was scared shitless.
He swung one of his long legs back and forth, the other held stiffly in place by the brace, and prayed for a fire drill or a bomb threat or anything to get him out of that godforsaken place and save him from that hellish procedure.
No such luck, he realized unhappily as Dr. Kingsbury came back into the room.
“All right,” Dr. Kingsbury sighed. “Just this last test, and then I’ll get your pump attached and turn you lose, okay?”
“Yay,” Nick replied without emotion.
She just patted his shoulder and helped him lie down on his stomach on the padded examining table. His heart pounded, slamming crazily against his ribcage as panic crept up on him. All of a sudden, a high-pitched beeping sounded.
“Oh, my pager,” said Dr. Kingsbury, and Nick looked over his shoulder to see her remove the beeper from her pocket and look at it. “Oh no, it’s the ER...” She sighed. “Oh, Nick, I’m going to have to run down there and see what they need. Do you mind waiting a little while, or do you want me to just get a nurse to do the bone marrow?”
He quickly considered these options and quickly made his choice. “I’ll wait for you,” he replied. This was good because A) Dr. Kingsbury was a doctor, not a nurse, so maybe it wouldn’t hurt so bad when she did it, and B) this would give him longer to stall, maybe even escape.
“Are you sure? It could be awhile...”
“It’s cool. Don’t got any other plans for today,” Nick said, flashing her the Carter half-smile, which she couldn’t help but return.
“Well, all right. I’ll try not to keep you too long. Be back as soon as I can. You just relax.” Then she darted out of the room.
***
