“What’s so funny?”
Shocked to hear a voice that was not his own, he jerked his head toward the door, where Claire Ryan stood, leaning casually in the doorway, a wry smile playing on her lips.
He grinned sheepishly. “Nothin’. So, you all done?” She was dressed in street clothes, purse slung over one shoulder. It was a pretty safe bet that she was on her way out.
“Yup. How about you? Almost done?”
He shrugged. “Basically... still got the, uh, bone marrow test to do... Dr. Kingsbury’s gonna do it, but she got called to the Emergency Room.”
Claire grimaced and gave him a sympathetic look. “Ugh, bone marrow, huh? That sucks the big one. Have you had one before?”
“Oh, yeah, once,” he said, trying to be casual, as if it was no big deal. He didn’t want her to know what a big baby he was.
Claire gave him a skeptical look. “Oh yeah, right, like you’re not freaking out. Don’t even tell me it didn’t hurt. They always say it’s not supposed to, but I beg to differ.”
He quickly ended the macho act and gave her a wavering smile. “Uh, yeah,” he admitted. “It killed. It was horrible.”
“Ha, I knew it.” She smiled triumphantly. “I knew you weren’t so tough, Mr. Backstreet Boy.”
“Hey! I resent that! We Backstreet Boys are tough! We’re, like, you know, from the streets. The-“
“back streets,” they said in unison, and Claire giggled. “Oh yeah, you guys are real ghetto all right,” she teased, and Nick just laughed. It felt good to do that, and for a moment, he almost forgot the terror of the bone marrow exam. Then there was a pause, and the feeling of panic came back in full force. Damn.
“I saw you guys on MTV last week,” Claire said, her face sobering. “I gotta say, I think that was really cool of you, going on live television in front of all those people and telling them this. I think I would’ve rather crawled in a hole and died.”
Nick smiled, somewhat flattered by this. “Really? You don’t seem like the type to be all embarrassed.”
Claire blushed, refuting that statement just by body language. “Nah, I would be... I try to be outgoing and stuff, but that’s just a way of covering up being self-conscious. I literally would have died up there in front of all those people.”
“Well, I seriously was about to,” Nick laughed. “Talk about being self-conscious. Y’all probably think I’ve got it all together and am all confident and shit, being a popstar, but I’m not. Not at all.”
“That’s good to know.” Claire smiled. “Nice to know that you’re human, I mean. I don’t like guys that are too overconfident and all egotistical. And I have to admit, I used to think that you would be that type. Hell, that’s part of the reason I started talking to you that day we met in the chemo room. I mean, I recognized you and all, and I wanted to see what you were like. Well, that and the fact that I was the only person in there, and it was boring, and I wanted someone to talk to.” She shrugged, grinning.
“Well, that’s fine by me. I’m glad you did. You’re like my little cancer buddy now.”
“’Little cancer buddy?’” she repeated, feigning an offended look. “Gee, I feel special.”
He laughed. “Well, I didn’t mean it like that... sorry... I’m not too good with words.”
She snorted. “I can tell. Nah, it’s all good though. Maybe I can just be your buddy though? The cancer part’s kinda... I dunno... morbid? And, well, I’m not exactly ‘little’.” She glanced down at herself, and suddenly, Nick saw what she meant about being self-conscious.
“Hey,” he said softly, “don’t diss yourself. You look fine... and besides, you can’t really help it, can you? It’s the medication?”
“Yeah... but still, I kinda look like a chipmunk at the moment... and I feel like a lard ass. I’m actually much thinner normally... you’d just never know it from looking at me now.”
“Oh no, I knew that... you were a lot skinnier when I met you before.”
She smiled sadly. “I know. I used to be almost disgustingly skinny, all gaunt and stuff from the chemo. Now it’s the total opposite. Just another lovely side effect – isn’t chemo great?”
He laughed cynically. “Well, it’s made me lose weight... so that’s good, I guess... but other than that, hells no.”
“Got that right,” Claire giggled.
There was another brief silence, and, watching her standing there in the doorway, Nick suddenly felt guilty for keeping her there. “Hey, you can go anytime, you know. You don’t have to stay and talk to me if you don’t want to; I can wait here by myself like a big boy.”
“Oh yeah,” Claire laughed. “I’d leave, and the next thing you know, you’d be scaling down the building, trying to escape.”
Nick stared. “Dude... I was just thinking the same thing!” he exclaimed in amazement. Chuckling, he added, “That’s what I was laughing about when you came by.”
“Oh,” Claire laughed. “That’s weird. Great minds think alike, I guess. Believe me, I’ve considered formulating an escape plan many times too. But anyway, do you want me to go?”
Well, how was he supposed to answer that? If he told her yes, she would think he didn’t want her there, which wasn’t the case, for he rather enjoyed talking to her, and it was definitely helping to take his mind off the bone marrow aspiration. On the other hand, if he said no, she would feel compelled to stay, and he didn’t want to make her stay there if she didn’t want to. And why would she?
“Um... well... I don’t care,” he finally answered. “Totally up to you. If I were you, I’d get my ass out of here as quick as I could – which wouldn’t be that fast, on this leg – but I don’t mind you being here if you wanna stay. Helps get my mind off the damn bone marrow thingie.”
She smiled. “That’s kinda what I thought... well, I can stay, if you want me to. I’ll even hold your hand, if that would help.”
“Hold my hand?” Nick repeated doubtfully, feeling like a five-year-old. He laughed, “Uh, I don’t think that’s necessary.”
“Why not? My older brother used to always come with me and hold my hand. It helps, trust me. I probably almost broke his hand, I squeezed so damn hard, but hey, it kept me from screaming.”
Nick laughed. “Well, I wouldn’t wanna break your hand...”
She grinned. “Hey, I’m tough, kid.”
“Kid? Who you callin’ kid? How old are you, anyway?” He began to realize how little he knew about her.
“Twenty-three. You?”
“You’re twenty-three?” She really didn’t look it; he had always thought she was more like nineteen, twenty at most.
“Sure am. How old are you?”
“Heh, I’m twenty-three too. Not such of a kid, huh?”
She smiled. “Guess not.”
All of a sudden, they heard footsteps coming down the hall, and Nick’s heart begin to race again, thudding around in his chest in rhythm with the approaching footsteps.
Claire peeked out into the hall and then looked at Nick, grimacing. “I think that’s your doc.”
“Aww...”
“Okay, I’m back,” Dr. Kingsbury announced breathlessly as she breezed into the room, followed by a nurse whose name Nick did not know. “Oh!” Dr. Kingsbury stopped abruptly, noticing Claire standing just inside the door. “Well, who are you? Girlfriend?”
Claire laughed, her cheeks turning red. “Not quite. Just his... buddy.” She winked at Nick, who couldn’t help but smile, despite his nerves.
“Yeah, uh, she’s gonna stay in here with me... if that’s okay.” He looked hopefully at Dr. Kingsbury, who nodded casually.
“Sure, that’s fine. Nick, if you could just flip back over on your tummy again, and... sorry, what was your name, hon?”
“Claire.”
“Claire – if you could just go on this side of the table... that’s the way. Okay. Let me just get set up here, and we’ll get this over with.”
“Great,” grumbled Nick, rolling over so that he was lying face down. Claire pulled up a chair next to one side of the table, and Dr. Kingsbury and the nurse stood on the other side.
“All right, Nick,” Dr. Kingsbury said after a moment. “Debbie here is just going to help keep you lying still-“ A.K.A. hold me down, Nick thought. “-and I’m going to give you a little shot of anesthetic to numb your hip.”
Yeah, that was the easy part. Nick barely flinched when the small needle slid into his hip, knowing the second needle was going to be much, much worse. Wordlessly, he felt Claire take his hand, and he let his fingers wrap around hers gratefully.
“Okay, Nick... you’ll feel some pressure now... hold very still...”
He squeezed his eyes shut, gripped Claire’s hand (trying not to hold it too tight), and waited for the pain. And it came, and it hurt like a bitch, just as much as last time, even with Dr. Kingsbury doing it. His eyes began to water, and he unintentionally cut off the circulation in Claire’s fingers, but in some small way, it helped just having her there. It didn’t relieve the pain, but it somehow made it more tolerable. Maybe it was because he knew she had been through the same thing, more times than he had. She knew. She empathized.
She understood.
***
