Blinking furiously, Nick glanced back to see their three bandmates shaking their heads in disbelief.
“Oh c’mon, it’d kick ass, right Nick? It’d be like a whole new image for our new album,” AJ rambled on, and Nick sensed he was just trying to hide his emotions again.
Perking up at the words “new album” though, Nick took the opportunity to ask, “So, about the album - when are we gonna get back to work that?”
All eyes immediately turned to Kevin, who shifted uncomfortably. “Well...” he said slowly. “I guess... Nick... whenever you feel up to it.”
Nick smiled. “Great. Then whenever you guys wanna get together and hit the studio, I’m down.”
“We don’t want you to push yourself, buddy,” Brian spoke up. “The album can wait as long as-“
“We’ve waited three years,” Nick interrupted impatiently. “And now that things are back to normal, I wanna get it finished and put out ASAP. I’m fine now, and I’ve been dying to get back into the studio.”
The four other guys exchanged glances, smiles slowly spreading over their faces at his enthusiasm.
“Okay, Nick,” Kevin said with an authoritative nod. “We’ll get back to work on it whenever you want.”
Pleased with the sudden control he had been issued, Nick grinned. “Awesome. Well, now that that’s settled, c’mon, Bri, I wanna go see my godson.”
Brian’s entire face lit up, and he nodded eagerly. “Okay. Come on.” And the entire group trooped out of the AJ and Howie’s suite and across the hall to Brian’s.
“Oh, Nick, it’s so good to see you,” Leighanne gushed when Nick entered the suite, throwing her arms around him and patting his back as she hugged him. Nick couldn’t help but smile, rather touched by her show of affection.
“You too, Leigh,” he told her and then looked past her to where almost nine-month-old Baylee sat on the floor, his chubby hands awkwardly flipping the pages of one of those baby books made of waterproof plastic instead of paper. “Bay-lee,” he cooed, squatting down and lightly clapping his hands to get the baby’s attention. Baylee looked up at him through large, curious eyes. “C’mere, Baylee,” he said, holding out his arms. Glancing over his shoulder at Brian, he asked, “He can crawl now, can’t he?”
“Yup,” Brian said proudly. “Give him a couple more months, and he’ll be walking.”
Nick grinned. “Baylee,” he said again. “Come here, buddy.”
“Come on, Baylee,” Brian said from behind Nick, when Baylee did not budge. “Come see Nick. Come see your god daddy.”
At the sound of his daddy’s voice, Baylee broke into a slobbery grin, exposing a few tiny baby teeth, and began to crawl across the floor. Nick intercepted him as he started to creep to Brian and rose from the floor, sitting down in a chair and positioning the baby on his lap.
“There, that’s better,” he said, grinning down at Baylee. Baylee turned his head in the direction of Nick’s voice, looking up at him with those same wide eyes. And then his lip began to quiver, and Nick groaned, knowing exactly what was going to happen next. And happen it did – Baylee screwed up his face and began to cry loudly.
Nick looked up at Brian in anxiety. “What’d I do?” he asked innocently, trying to pat the baby’s back, which only made him scream harder.
Brian smiled. “You’re fine,” he said. “He just doesn’t remember you. Give him some time, and he’ll warm right up to you.” He came forward and plucked his son off Nick’s lap, cooing softly, “Baylee... it’s okay, baby... it’s just Nick. Remember Nick?”
Nick couldn’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy as he watched the baby immediately stop crying in Brian’s arms. He wondered what it would like to be a father, to have a son, a baby that would be all his, a new life that he had created and would die to protect.
Leighanne came up, sliding one arm around Brian’s waist and smoothing Baylee’s fine blonde hair with the other. The three of them were so adorable and so utterly perfect together... mother, father, and baby... the all-American family.
Nick wanted to have the same thing some day... a wife, a child... but he wasn’t sure that would ever happen. He had been played and used by woman to the point where he didn’t trust many of them... nor did he trust himself, for he had a certain knack at being gullible and falling prey to the power beautiful women held over him.
And really, what woman would ever want to spend the rest of her life with him now? Even if his cancer never returned, no one was going to forget he had once battled it. It had left its mark... and even once the physical signs of cancer went away, that unseen mark would never disappear.
Nick Carter had once had cancer. And though he fully intended to get on with the rest of his life, he knew things would never be the same.
***
At 1:00 pm that Thursday came the moment of truth. The airing of “The Interview” on MTV’s Total Request Live. And the five Backstreet Boys gathered around the Littrells’ hotel room to watch it.
Nick felt nervous, and he wasn’t even sure why. The hard part was over; the interview was done. They had gone through with it the day before, and it had gone well. John Norris had been there, and he had asked them good questions without prying too much. And Nick had surprisingly opened up to him, even pulling off his black beanie to show his hairless head (after which AJ had done the same thing, explaining his reasoning for shaving his own head). Nick had dutifully answered questions about his condition, and the group as a whole had dispelled more break-up rumors and confirmed that the album would soon be underway again.
They had discussed that topic together many times over the two days they had been in the city and agreed to go to Los Angeles to continue work on the album in two weeks’ time. That gave Nick time to return to Tampa long enough to tie up loose ends and then head out to California, where the boys hoped to complete the album, their hearts set on an early 2004 release.
“Well, you know we here at MTV will be looking forward to that, as I’m sure the fans will too,” John had replied to that announcement, and the interview had concluded shortly after.
Now they sat watching and waiting for it to air. Carson Daly was hosting that day, and they watched him plug the upcoming Video Music Awards and introduce the number nine video, waiting impatiently for him to get to their interview. He mentioned it several times over the course of the show, but of course, it didn’t air until the last twenty minutes. That was probably a good thing though – save the best for last, right?
Nick watched himself critically, grimacing at the way he stammered and stumbled over words, like he always did when he was nervous. He always sounded like such a moron in interviews, which was why the others tried to do most of the talking for him, but in this case, he had been forced to carry most of it on his own shoulders. But under the circumstances, he didn’t think he’d done too badly.
“That’s great news,” Carson said as the camera panned away from the TV screen showing the interview. “Congratulations to Nick Carter, and girls, it looks like Backstreet’s back... all right!”
The sound of the familiar high-pitched screaming filling the TRL studio put a wide smile on Nick’s face. Right on, Carson, he thought happily.
Backstreet was back.
He was back.
(All right.)
***
