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Nick was slouched in a chair by his bedroom window overlooking the beach. It was nearly dawn and he’d been sitting in the same spot for hours watching as the sky turned from black, lightening to a dull gray as clouds rolled in from the west. Absently twisting the hem of his shirt, he felt as though he had a million thoughts crowding his mind and though he was exhausted, he couldn’t bring himself to leave his spot.

Confusion and shame swept over him like the waves crashing onto the shore below. What if the baby was his? He had yet to figure that out. What if the baby was AJ’s? He felt his cheeks burn with shame as the answer to that questioned surfaced…he would be jealous. Nick scrubbed a hand over his face and tried to swallow the lump of emotion that formed in his throat. As much as he wanted to deny it, deep in his heart, hope swelled that he was the father.

The silence suddenly seemed overwhelming as he watched an early morning jogger making his way down the strand. Nick felt a surge of envy. It must be nice not to have a care in the world. For the first time in several hours, he shifted his weight and felt this stiffness beginning to settle over his body from sitting in the same position in an uncomfortable chair for so long. Leaning forward and placing his elbows on his thighs, he rubbed his burning eyes. Exhaustion swept over his body, but sleep would not come easy for him, he knew. Why bother even trying? Standing up for the first time in what he guessed was four hours Nick stretched his tired body and began to slowly pace the length of his bedroom. He glanced over at the clock on his nightstand. 5:53.

“I need a shower,” he mumbled as he stripped off his shirt and strode into the large bathroom. He reached into the shower and turned on the water before shedding his remaining clothing and stepping beneath the steady stream of hot water. He rubbed his hands over his face and then began to massage his temples. He could feel his tense muscles relaxing as the water cascaded over him and he realized that he might actually be able to get a couple hours of sleep after all. Then he would start making decisions.

When the water started to turn cool Nick finally stepped out of the shower. He wiped through the steam on the mirror and surveyed his distorted reflection; he hadn’t shaved in a couple of days and was now sporting a noticeable five o’clock shadow. There were also dark circles beneath his dull blue eyes. Disgusted with himself, he turned away from the image staring back at him; the man in the mirror wasn’t him anymore…just someone who resembled him. Someone he hated.

After pulling on a pair of boxers, Nick slipped between the covers of his king sized bed. He felt himself relax completely and he willed his body to give in to the warmth that was enveloping his mind and lulling him into a deep slumber. He felt a faint smile tugging at his lips when an image of Bianca crossed his mind and before he knew it, sleep had finally taken him.



Bianca neatly folded another sweater and placed it inside her suitcase before pulling the zipper closed and lifting it from the bed and placing it next to the door. Her flight would be leaving in just a couple hours and she had to remind herself to take enough winter clothing. She was scheduled to sing the National Anthem at the Carolina Panthers football game on Sunday, but she was leaving early to spend time with her family.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you? It’s not too late for me to get a flight,” AJ said as he entered the room.

Bianca smiled as he slipped his arms around her waist and shook her head. “No, I understand that you have things going on here, baby. Plus, I’ll be fine. It’s no big deal.”

“Well, I’ll miss you,” he murmured against her hair. He dropped a soft kiss on top of her head with a sigh. “Let me know if you change your mind.”

Bianca turned around in his arms and smiled up at him. She absently traced one of the tattoos on his arm before leaning into him completely. Closing her eyes, she felt a rush of guilt; something she felt quite often when she was with AJ. “I will, but I promise you I’ll be fine. I’m not telling you that you can’t come with me, baby. I just know that you have things scheduled here that are important. Besides, it’s only for a few days.”

“You’re right.”

“I know,” she grinned.

Giving her another squeeze, AJ reluctantly released his hold on Bianca and sat down on his side of the bed. He watched as she made her way back and forth between her backpack and the bathroom. Glancing over at the nightstand, he saw that there was an old message still on the answering machine. He lingered over the delete button for a moment and he decided to listen to the message just in case Bianca left it for him to hear.

Bianca, this is Doris from Dr. Wilburn’s office. I was just calling to let you know that we have the results of your blood test back. If you could, please give me a call at your convenience. Thank you.

AJ looked up to see Bianca staring at him wide eyed. Dr. Wilburn’s office? He wasn’t an expert when it came to all of Bianca’s doctors, but he was pretty certain that Dr. Peter Wilburn was an OB/GYN. Shaking his head, he replayed the message in his mind and then looked back at his wife. “Bean? What blood test?”

Bianca offered a nervous smile and quickly dropped her toiletries in her bag before taking a seat next to AJ. Running a hand through her hair, she looked down at her feet and slowly lifted her gaze to meet his questioning brown eyes. “Well…see…”

AJ waiting patiently for her to find the right words for her explanation, but his patience was quickly fading. “Bianca, could you please let me in on your little secret?”

Oh god. He looked disappointed and hurt. This was killing her, but she didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t planned on telling AJ just yet. Just in case… “Well, baby, I was gonna surprise you when I got home since I just found out today,” she felt sick as the lie tumbled effortlessly from her lips. “I wanted us to be able to celebrate and all…”

AJ looked shocked for a moment, but remained quiet. He silently urged her to continue because he wanted to hear her say it. He needed to hear it.

“Baby, I’m…we’re…pregnant.” Bianca watched as a mix of emotions crossed his face. She wasn’t able to tell what his reaction would be right away.

“Pregnant?” he asked in a quiet voice. “We’re seriously gonna have a baby?”

She only nodded. Oh god, he’s not happy about it. He’s upset. Oh god. What am I gonna do?

Suddenly, AJ jumped up and pulled her into his arms, swinging her around delightedly. “We’re gonna have a baby? Oh my god, we’re gonna have a baby! I’m gonna be a daddy!” he cried joyously and dropped to his knees in front of her. Lifting her shirt, he placed a kiss on her bare belly and nuzzled his face into her skin. “Hey, Lil Bit, it’s your Daddy…”

Bianca squeezed her eyes shut and forced back the tears that were threatening to spill onto her cheeks. She ran her hands through his short hair and sighed. What am I gonna do if this is Nick’s baby?

***

This is Nick. Leave a message.

Bianca took a deep breath and tried to think of what to say. “It’s me. Give me a call tonight after about 7 your time. I’m on my way home, but I need to talk to you about something.”

“Are you ready?” AJ asked. He had a permanent grin on his face and seemed to be absolutely glowing. “Who was that?”

“Oh, just calling Holly to let her know I would be back home for a few days.” Another lie and another wave of nausea. “But yeah, I’m ready.” She smiled and turned off her cell phone; she didn’t want to take any chances that Nick would call while she was with AJ. She would never be able to lie her way out of that one.



Howie looked up from his desk when his telephone rang, expecting to see Mia’s name on his caller ID. He felt a pang of disappointment when he saw that it was Kevin. “Hello?” he answered.

“Hey, how are you man?” Kevin asked.

He suppressed a sigh and thought over the question. “I’m okay. Busy, but okay. What about you? Is Chris still with you?”

“I’m great actually. Yeah, Chris is still here. Tara won’t be back for another couple of days, so it’s just him and me. That’s why I was calling…I thought if you weren’t doing anything you’d wanna catch a movie with us or something. I know you have Mia and all, but man, I need some grown up time. I love spending time with Chris, but I just caught myself groovin’ to Barney. Something like ‘Finding Nemo’ I can deal with, but Barney? I’m way too macho for that.”

Howie laughed at Kevin’s honesty and mulled over the offer. Mia hadn’t called him all day and she wasn’t answering her home phone or her cell phone. He’d left one message on both voicemails telling her to call him, but he wouldn’t leave any more. She was a big girl, and he knew she was probably just relaxing. She had been feeling a lot of stress from her job in the last few weeks, and she was probably just spending some quality time with herself and the girls. Besides, they weren’t a clingy couple who had to check in with one another every second of every day and he would have his cell phone with him if she did call.

“Sure, I’m up for it. What movie should we see?”

“Man, I don’t care. Chris is amazingly attentive when it comes to watching television so as long as it’s something geared toward him, he’ll be happy. And as long as there are no purple dinosaurs, I’ll be perfectly happy.”

Howie laughed aloud, but couldn’t help but agree. That would be one for the rumor mill: two ex-Backstreet Boys taking a toddler to see a giant purple dinosaur that sings? Yeah… people would definitely speculate their sexual preferences after that one. “I’ll meet you in an hour or so.”

“Sounds good. Chris is already excited,” Kevin laughed. “See ya in while.”



If you love someone…

Brian paced back and forth in front of the hospital entrance. He probably looked like some crazed lunatic because he had been mumbling to himself the entire time. He knew Julie was working tonight because he’d seen her car when he passed the hospital earlier. After going inside to see if she was still there, he found out she was on her lunch break and he’d just missed her. His breath caught in his throat when he saw her car entering the staff parking lot.

“Get a grip on yourself, Brian,” he grumbled causing an older lady to give him an odd look.

“Brian? What are you doing here?”

Brian abruptly stopped pacing at the sound of her voice. What am I doing here? Good question. He suddenly couldn’t think of a good reason to give her, so he decided that he might as well offer the truth. “Do you have a few minutes before you have to get back to work? I thought it might be good to talk.”

Julie sighed. She didn’t really feel much like talking, but she couldn’t exactly turn him away after he’d tracked her down at work. She knew how he hated hospitals. She gave Brian a curt nod and motioned for him to follow her, but didn’t say anything. Passing by the triage station, Julie opened the door and looked at the heavy set nurse currently taking someone’s vitals. “Gail, I’ll be just a few extra minutes, okay?”

“Sure thing, hon. I brought my dinner tonight, so you take your time,” the older woman smiled sweetly.

“Thanks,” Julie smiled appreciatively. Turning to Brian she said, “Follow me.”

Brian remained quiet as they entered the lounge and Julie walked over to a locker. He wasn’t sure what to say or if she even wanted to speak to him. He almost got the feeling that she only agreed so he would leave her alone.

“Look, Brian, I’m not trying to be rude, but I’m at work. Gail told me to take my time, but I would feel awful if I kept her from going to lunch for too long.”

“No, I understand completely. I…uh…I’ll be honest. I don’t know exactly what it is I want to say to you, but I just feel like there is a lot of tension between the two of us. We’ve never had that before, and I don’t like it at all.”

Ya think? “Brian, I don’t like tension either, but… ever since… it’s just different now. Things change. People move on. Obviously, we both have.”

No, we both haven’t. “But I feel like we need to resolve the matter, Jules.”

“What is there to resolve, Brian? Things are fine.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“Yes,” she mentally kicked herself for sounding weak.

Brian felt his shoulders slump when he realized she wasn’t going to answer any differently. “Well, I guess I should get going so you can get back to work,” he took a step toward the door. He hesitated for a moment contemplating the words he wanted to say to her. “I don’t know why you ran, Jules, but I wish you hadn’t. I don’t for one second regret what happened between us, and I really believed that we could have made us work. I genuinely believed that.”

Julie choked back a sob, but did not turn to face Brian. When she heard the lounge door close and she knew he was gone, she finally let herself break down. She couldn’t stand how hurt he sounded, but it was for the best. But she couldn’t help but wonder why, if it was the best thing for them, it hurt so much.

…Let them go.