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Chapter Eleven

By mid morning, the rest of the group had made it to the hospital. Still, nobody could get a hold of AJ or Jaime and nobody had heard a single word on Lauren’s condition. They didn’t know whether to take that as a bad sign or as something positive. Either way, they were all waiting in extreme fear, nobody saying a whole lot, which was to be expected. They all equally shared the want of knowing what was going on though. Each one of them however was in the dark, and each minute that passed drove them a little more crazy. All six of them refused to leave the hospital though. Not until something was known for certain.

To look at the group of friends, one would assume that they’d been through hell and back. In their minds, they were currently in hell. Each looked tired and ragged with bloodshot eyes from both lack of sleep as well as from many fallen tears. Their appearances were unkept with wrinkled clothing and disheveled hair, however none of them even cared. In fact, it was the absolute last thing on any of their minds, even with the odd stares people were giving them as they passed by on their way to their own destinations.

At around ten, one of them finally spoke, breaking a long overdue silence. The question, though perfectly acceptable, seemed out of place. Especially with it being the first thing said in hours. Nonetheless, it was an ice breaker of sorts, which the others were thankful for. In the gravity of the situation, every time one of them had started to talk, they’d stopped themselves, afraid to speak their worries out loud. Maybe Brian’s voice would give the others the courage that they’d needed all along to actually speak their thoughts in to the open.

“I’m going to get some coffee.” He’d stated as he stood, unable to just sit there any longer. He couldn’t take the silence and he was becoming stir crazy, needing a change in scenery, “Anybody else want anything?”

At first, nobody responded at all. They just sat there and stared at one another, all mute. Then one by one, they declined the offer, not knowing if they’d be able to stomach anything being put in to their systems. Ill was how they all felt, as if each had caught a nasty, contagious bug that kept being passed back and forth amongst just them.

“Okay then,” Brian hesitated, “I’ll be back then in a little bit.” he started to head away, but was stopped by one of his friends after only a few steps.

“Hold up I’ll go with you.”

Brian turned to see Nick getting up from his seat, stretching his joints and muscles that had grown stiff for a few seconds before joining him. They didn’t say anything more as they disappeared out of the waiting area together in search of the nearest cafeteria in the enormous hospital. It seemed to all of them like no time had passed at all since the last time they’d been in the place, when Kevin had been in a deep coma after his suicide attempt. Sure, it had been a different part of the hospital but when it came straight down to it, it was all the same.

‘God, I wish they’d answer their damned phones,” Kevin said aloud out of nowhere, “They need to be here and I refuse to leave a message on voice mail saying their daughter is in the hospital. They need to be told from a person...not a damned machine.”

“Wishing it won’t change anything,” Stephanie told him logically, “When are they due back?”

Kevin shrugged, not having a definite answer. He wished more than anything that he had one. All he had though was, “I don’t know. Sometime tonight, I guess.” he was dreading their return and them finding out something was wrong with Lauren, ‘Of all the nights for this to happen.”

“It wouldn’t have changed anything.” Anna told him softly.

Kevin snorted, “I’m not so sure.” He stated bitterly

“Kev, honey...please don’t.” Anna pleaded, “You did nothing wrong. I swear to you on that.”

It was obvious that the older man didn’t believe a word that Anna said by the way he fell so silent. She leaned in to kiss him, but he tensed and heard the young woman sigh. He could feel fresh tears threatening, but none would fall. He, as well as the others, were all cried out. Only dry tears came in the form on choking on their words. Other than that, there was nothing. Nothing to ease their one tracked minds.

Nothing more was said for twenty minutes. Those twenty minutes seemed to slip by ever so slowly and it was then that Nick and Brian returned, each with a cup of coffee and Nick with a large blueberry muffin. It was typical if Nick to find comfort in food...even in the worst of times. Normally, somebody would crack a joke at him to lighten the mood. Nobody found it within them to do that this time though. In fact, they’d hardly even noticed nor acknowledged the two mens return.

“Any word yet?” Brian asked as he took a seat, already knowing the answer before it was spoken out loud by the looks on everybody’s faces. He felt stupid for even asking.

“Not yet.” Howie spoke up for the first time pretty much since his arrival. He heard Gloria sniffle and he gave her hand a comforting squeeze, “They have to tell us something soon. It’s been what...ten hours?”

“Something like that,” Nick agreed, “Maybe they’re waiting for her parents to get here...since they know Kev and me were only babysitting. Remember when Kev was here and they almost didn’t tell us anything cuz we weren’t directly related?”

Everybody inwardly agreed that Nick proved a very good point. Maybe they were wasting their time sitting there because no doctors were going to come out. Despite this fact though, nobody moved. Either way, they felt it was the right thing to do to wait things out and see what happened. Once more, everyone grew eerily quiet. All fears had already been spoken and laid out on the table. There really wasn’t any need for repeating anything.

It took all of the willpower Kevin held within him not to go up and demand to speak to a doctor. He wanted nothing more than to jump up and punch somebody square in the jaw for torturing their minds like this. Then again, picking fights and yelling wouldn’t exactly help them any. If anything, it would set them back even more. Besides, it wasn’t as if he could leap from the wheelchair even if he really wanted to He was restricted still and was quickly reminded of that when he was unable to do the things he truly wanted.

For a short while, everybody tried to think positive thoughts as best they could. It worked, keeping their minds preoccupied with the things that they all most wanted to hear. That all ended though when finally, a doctor came through the doors. He looked exhausted and somber and for some reason the group got a vibe that this time, the doctor was there for them and they all quickly came crashing back down to reality.

“Mr and Mrs McLean?” he announced, assuming that the non present parents were already married.

‘That would be us.” Kevin bravely spoke up as he took charge.

“I’m Dr. Lawrence,” He greeted, “Which ones of you are the parents of Lauren?” the man asked cautiously.

Nobody spoke at first, each of them exchanging looks of worry. It was obvious that the doctor was going to challenge them, making things difficult, and their pause had been far too long for them to lie now. The question now was what could they say to ensure that they got answers right then?

“None of us are.” Kevin finally replied nervously when nobody else volunteered to, “Her parents are out of town. I was watching her with a friend. We can’t get a hold of Jaime or AJ. If you could just please tell us what is going on...”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t release information to anybody who is not blood-related.” Dr Lawrence interrupted.

Everybody stared at the man in disbelief. Everyone except for Anna who kept her composure as she bluntly spoke up, “Damnit...I am the mothers sister. I deserve to know. Jaime would want you to tell all of us. So would AJ. We’re all freakishly bonded, so please tell us what is going on with my niece.”

Dr. Lawrence’s eyes clouded over sadly with pity as he tried his best to regain his composure. His professionalism was appreciated, however his pause was unwanted. A long pause only came followed by bad news. There was no turning back time now. They were finally going to get some long awaited answers.

“I’m very sorry to tell you this, but Lauren passed away. She was announced dead when she was brought in.”

“And you’re just now telling us this?” Kevin angrily yelled, the words spilling from his lips without even thinking. He was in a state of shock. He snapped out of it quickly though as his breathing became ragged and tears started to fall fiercely down his cheeks. He choked on his words as he cried out, “Oh God...” reality settling in.

Dr. Lawrence didn’t pay any attention to Kevin’s outburst, knowing that each one would deal differently with the news. All of their faces had paled, each one crying, “Apparently, Lauren had a medical problem that was missed when she was born...a heart defect. “

Kevin closed his eyes, wanting nothing more than the doctor to go away. This was the absolute last thing he’d expected to hear, even though he knew he should have expected it. After all, she hadn’t been breathing when the ambulance had come to get her. Still though, he’d hoped that by some miracle, she would survive and be okay. Just like his cousin so many years ago now. This proved that not everything ended positively. Lauren had been taken from them and now he had the sorrowful duty of telling AJ and Jaime.

“There’s really nothing that can be done and you staying here won’t change anything. I suggest you go home and get some rest.” the doctor told the stunned and tearful group, “Do you know when the parents will return home?” his response was shaken heads and he sighed, “As soon as they return, you need to tell them to come down right away. Again, I am so sorry to deliver such news.”

He then turned and walked away without giving any more information and without saying another word of condolence. Although they knew that he probably felt anything more would be best saved for Jaime and AJ, it didn’t help anybody to feel better. In fact, the longer they sat there in stunned silence, the more the shock wore off completely and then out of nowhere, Kevin became hysterical as he blamed himself as his tearful friends helped him slowly out of the waiting area. They were no longer needed there. All they could do now was go home and wait. Starting now, things would never be the same again.

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“Kevin, baby...are you okay?”

Kevin didn’t respond to Anna. He just sat in the darkness of the home of AJ and Jaime feeling numb. Most of the others had since left, leaving Kevin and Nick to carry on their duty of delivering the horrible news to them upon their return. It was going on five and they still weren’t home and had their cell phones turned off. Knowing her boyfriend would need comforting, Anna had opted to stay behind and wait with the two men.

“Kevin?” she sniffled as she neared him cautiously.

There was a moment of silence before Kevin said out of nowhere and without warning, “It’s all my fault.”

He sounded so pathetic and Anna’s heart broke for him at his self-accusation. She tried to stifle a sob, but failed as fresh tears poured from her eyes once more. To say that she felt at an all time low would be an understatement. Anna could only imagine how the two men were feeling. Especially Kevin, whom was more than ready to put the blame on himself.

“No...” she tried to correct him as she leaned over, pulling him in to a tight embrace.

“It is,” Kevin argued harshly as he pulled away, “I killed Lauren. If only I hadn’t fallen asleep with her on me...”

“It would have happened anyways,” Anna said softly, desperate to make him see this important fact, “The doctor said that it was a medical defect...it was missed when she was born. It was just a matter of time.”

By now, Kevin was sobbing openly again. Anna tried to hug him once more. Kevin was reluctant at first, but soon fell in to her, his tears of despair soaking through the thin material of her shirt. She just held him as they cried together, forgetting about Nick’s presence momentarily until he spoke up for the first time.

“Anna’s right. We didn’t do anything to cause this,” he too was crying silently, sitting alone several feet from the couple. More than anything, he wanted to flee. It was his responsibility to stay though, and as hard as it was, he was going to carry through.

“But she died in my arms...” Kevin protested, “If only I’d put her to sleep in her crib...”

“It still would have happened,” Anna interrupted as she pulled back to look in to his eyes through blurred vision, “Whether you were holding her, you put her in her crib or if Jaime and Aje had been here instead. It wouldn’t have changed anything.”

“I just feel so helpless...” Kevin stated, speaking freely of all of his worries. It was the only thing to keep him sane through all of this, “They’re going to hate me.”

“No, they won’t,” Anna said firmly, “They’ll be upset and angry, which is to be expected,. Not at you though. They know you would never hurt Lauren. You loved her as if she were your very own.”

Kevin wasn’t so sure, therefore he said nothing. All he knew was that if it were his child, he would be buying a voodoo doll to cast nasty spells on whoever had been in charge. He figured that AJ would be no different. He’d just lost his first and only child. If only the defect had been caught. Lauren had been sick for days. If only she’d been taken to the doctor. Maybe something would have been caught and it could’ve been prevented before it was too late. If only she’d been lucky like Brian...but unfortunately, unlike his cousin, she hadn’t been so lucky. The odds had been against her and she’d been taken from the world just shy of a year old.

What confused Kevin and made the situation even harder to believe was that up until the night before, Lauren had always been such a happy infant. She’d seemed so healthy and he’d never seen her cranky until the night that had been her last. It had happened without warning. Maybe if she’d shown signs of discomfort and being ill or had been short on breath or had an irregular heartbeat that had been noticed, something would have been looked in to. Kevin still blamed himself, but more than that even, he blamed the doctor who hadn’t checked her more carefully, missing the deadly disease.

“I wish they would just get home already, so we could get this over with,” Nick stated. He shivered, feeling cold even though the house was set at a comfortable warm, “This waiting is just too much to handle...”

“I don’t,” Kevin interjected, “I’m dreading this more than anything I’ve ever dread in my entire life.” For a single moment, he found himself hoping that the couple had been killed in a car accident on their way home so that they could avoid telling them. He immediately felt horrible for thinking such a fate on his best friends though.

“It has to be done sooner or later,” Nick pointed out solemnly, “I’d think it would be easier if it was sooner...it would be over with quicker.”

Kevin couldn’t argue with that. T he waiting and wondering when AJ and Jaime would return was torture. They all knew that they could be expected at any minute now. What was to happen and they reaction they’d receive would be the same no matter what. Holding off would do absolutely no good. Kevin was beginning to realize that now. The more that reality set in, the more it pained him, things he’d tried not to think about becoming fresh in his mind.

“I honestly can’t believe this is happening,” Anna muttered as she sat on the couch next to Nick. She buried her face in to her hands, “I just...fuck.” she cursed, not knowing exactly what to say.

She honestly believed that Jaime was one of the best friends anybody could ever ask for. She, of all people, didn’t deserve this. She was a great mother and AJ an amazing father. They had been overjoyed with parenthood and had given Lauren everything she needed. It was hard to say exactly how this would affect their relationship. They would need each other now more than ever though. Anna just prayed that they would have the strength to support one another through this seemingly impossible time.

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“Well, here we are.” AJ announced as he pulled his car in to the long driveway, “Home sweet home.”

Jaime offered a tight smile, knowing that the weekend in paradise was officially over. It was now back to the normal, everyday life. The time away had been nice while it lasted. Perfect, in fact. Although Jaime wished that they could’ve stayed longer, in a way she was glad to be home for one reason.

“I wonder if our little girl missed mommy and daddy.” she thought aloud as AJ turned the car off. She unbuckled her seatbelt, getting out of the car at the same time as her fiancé, “I can’t wait to see her.”

AJ chuckled as he met Jaime on the other side of the car. Together, they walked up the few steps from the garage to the door. He had to admit that he’d missed his little angel too. He wasn’t used to leaving her overnight and was glad to be home where he could be close to her. He vowed that the next trip, Lauren was going with them. It had just felt too weird being without her and he knew that Jaime agreed by the anxious look on her fact to get inside and see her.

“I hope she’s feeling better,” AJ mentioned, “I hated leaving her when she was sick.”

“I did too...but she was in good hands with Nick and Kevin,” By now, they were in the house, startled to find it completely dark. Jaime furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, “Huh...I wonder if they’re even here.”

“But Nick’s SUV is in the garage,” AJ pointed out, “Unless one of the others picked them all up.” he frowned, wondering what was going on. He hoped that they were there because he wanted to see Lauren, “Nick?...Kevin?” he called out.

The couple walked slowly through the house, flipping on lights along the way to brighten their view. At first, they’d heard nothing but the more steps they took, both could hear soft voices of their friends talking. As they round the corner in to the living room, the couple found their two babysitters plus Anna sitting in total darkness. They did nothing to greet their friends, avoiding looking in their direction to greet them back. Jaime could tell right off that something wasn’t quite right.

“H...hey guys.” she waved, “How’d things go?” She noticed that her daughter wasn’t there with them, “Is Laur asleep?”

Nobody replied , just looking at one another. All were somber and their expressions read help. This caused her apprehension to rise even more. She let go of AJ’s hand as she quickly ran towards the stairs, taking them two at a time to Lauren’s room. AJ watched her go before turning back to his friends with confusion written in his face. He looked at each one before speaking, his voice coming out firm.

“What’s going on, guys?”

Again, nobody replied. Anna choked on a sob coming up as she hugged Kevin. Kevin just burred his face in to her shoulder to avoid eye contact, rubbing his girlfriends back as if fidgeting and ignoring AJ would make it all go away. This left only one person to speak and that one person was Nick. With his voice shaky, his eyes red-rimmed from tears both past and present, he started to talk, not knowing exactly what he was going to say.

“Aje...something happened while you were gone...”

“And that would be?” AJ demanded with interruption, not even giving the man the chance to continue.

Nick swallowed, about to carry on, but was cut off again by Jaime running down the stairs. By the frantic sound of her footsteps, it was obvious that she’d found her daughters room empty. By now, she was wondering exactly what was going on and probably freaking out. She had reason to be, but neither parent knew exactly how serious it was.

“AJ,” her voice alarmed with panic as she ran down the stairs, stumbling towards the bottom. She ran quickly to meet back up with everybody.

“Jaime, calm down...” AJ pleaded, taking his distraughtly confused girlfriend in to his arms. He then turned back to everybody else with fire in his eyes, “What’s wrong?”

Jaime swallowed, trying to remove her hysteria before jumping to conclusions, “I...Lauren isn’t there...she’s not there,” she cried out, “Where’s my daughter, AJ? Where is...is she?”

AJ didn’t answer. He just turned away from Jaime who was crying in to his chest without even realizing the depth of the situation. The man glared at all three of his friends, making them feel as if they were about an inch in height. Kevin cowered down a little more, willing himself not to let his tears fall. It would only make the situation worse, if that was possible.

They say nothing is more devastating for a parent than having to burry a child.

Kevin winced as he thought this, feeling as if his heart were being pierced apart. Again, nobody spoke. He knew that his friends, like him, were afraid to. The consequences could be deadly and suddenly he wished he had fled the country and joined the witness protection program or something along those lines with Nick and Anna by his side. It was too late for that now and telling what had happened was already long overdue.

“Care to explain where Lauren is?” AJ asked with a stone cold voice. When nobody answered, he rose his voice in to a harsh shout, “Damnit, where is my daughter? Somebody fucking answer me now.”

Anna winced, looking at both men and then back to the couple. Jaime was now looking at her with pleading eyes to tell what was going on. She could tell by the look on her face that she already knew yet there was a glimmer of hope somewhere in there that she was going to be wrong. Sadly, she wasn’t and her motherly premonitions were correct. Anna would do anything to take away the pain that was about to be bestowed upon her friend. Anything at all. Unfortunately, life was being cruel and nothing could be done now.

“I’m so sorry,” Nick chose the wrong words to speak first because it just triggered AJ a little bit more, “Lauren...we fell asleep and woke up and she...she...” he couldn’t finish, so Kevin attempted to fill in.

“We took her to the hospital...called the ambulance...I...” he choked on his words, “We...they couldn’t do anything.”

“Where is my daughter.” AJ bellowed, not catching on as quickly as Jaime was. She was already on the floor screaming in hysterics, choking on her sobs. AJ was seeing red though, too caught up in his anger to notice his collapsed fiancé. Anna was already by her side, hugging her friend as she rubbed her back. Both girls were crying as AJ screamed, “Tell me...now.”

Kevin closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt his friend like this and all of the guilt he’d been feeling started to come back. Or had it even left in the first place? Maybe it had just been misplaced temporarily. Either way, AJ was waiting for an answer and he knew that it was now that he’d have to deliver the news. The only thing that gave him any comfort was that he wasn’t completely alone.

“We...we took her to the hospital. There was something....missed when she was...born.” Kevin explained with tears streaking his face again. God, he felt as if he’d done nothing but cry. His sensitive soul was on overdrive, “They lost her...”

“No.” AJ yelled. He shook his head back and forth, refusing to believe what he was being told, “You are a sick bastard. What kind of fucking sick joke is this.”

By now, Jaime was crying harder and Kevin had paled, knowing that this was going to be harder than he originally thought. If only AJ would just accept it. But then again, if it were himself...Kevin wasn’t so sure he’d believe it either, or rather he’d try to be in denial so he wouldn’t have to.

“It’s not a joke.”

Out of nowhere, AJ lunged at Kevin, punching him in the eye and they the jaw. Kevin winced, but his emotional pain was too raw for him to really feel the physical. All he did was take a few more blows before using all of his upper body strength to push his smaller, younger friend off of him. It took a few seconds because of the fierce amount of adrenaline rushing through his veins, but eventually he succeeded, sending AJ tumbling to the floor.

“You sick fuck. Where is she? Where is Lauren? The joke is over.”

“It’s not a joke,” Nick piped up timidly, afraid that AJ would bestow the same fate upon him that he’d just witnessed with Kevin, “We’ve tried calling you over and over. The hospital called...”

Nick didn’t get the chance to finish because AJ was already digging in to his pocked, fumbling around with his phone as he brought it up, turning it on. He dialed in to voice mail, bringing it to his ear. All could tell that he was desperately hoping that he wouldn’t hear what Kevin and Nick were telling him. It was obvious that it was all becoming clear to him with each message he deleted once hearing the essentials. And finally, he closed his phone. At first, there was nothing but then he looked up with tears coming all at once, is breath catching in his throat. It was then that he saw Jaime on the floor crying, curled up in a tight ball. He dropped next to her, pulling her in to his arms.

“You killed my daughter,” he accused.

“No...it was a birth...” Nick tried to correct to Kevin’s defenses.

AJ ignored it though, “You’re just so fucking bitter that you can’t get it up long enough to fucking produce a child that you went and killed mine. What did I ever do to you. What did Jaime do?”

“I loved her like she was my own.” Kevin yelled.

“And you killed her because you couldn’t have her.” AJ yelled. He started to grow dizzy at the thought of never seeing Lauren again, “Get out of my house before I KILL you.” he seethed.

“AJ...I didn’t”

“OUT!” he screamed, leaping to his feet and heading towards Kevin again, who quickly wheeled himself backwards out of AJ’s path. He had no doubt in his mind that AJ would kill him, “I hate you. I fucking hate you and NEVER want to see you again.” Nick just sat stunned and cowered back when AJ’s anger filled eyes darted at him next, “That goes for you too.” both men just stared, stunned. Everybody in the room was in tears. Jaime had quieted and Anna was still hugging her for moral support, “GET OUT!” he screamed again, “I want you OUT...NOW.”

“I’m sorry...” Kevin tried, but stopped when he saw that his now former friend would have no problem murdering him. Slowly, he wheeled himself away with Nick getting up, trailing behind him without another word.

Watching them go, Anna hugged Jaime, whispering for her to call if she needed anything. She knew that both Jaime and AJ would need time alone to grasp the entire situation. Getting up, she smiled sadly at AJ through her own tears before darting after Kevin and Nick. It was out in the open now and all that could come to her mind was What next?