Chapter Fourteen
Jaime sighed as she stared blankly at the salad she’d ordered for lunch. When did she ever tell the server what she wanted? She couldn’t recall, and looking down at the food in front of her, it seemed unappetizing and she really didn’t feel like eating at all. A single tear fell from her eye, sliding down her cheek despite the sedatives she was on to try and calm her jumbled nerves and hysterical emotions that were prone to pop up out of nowhere.
“So, how are things with Bradly?” Anna teased, and Jaime looked up with a fogged over glaze in her eyes, not even knowing what conversations had been going on around her.
“Good,” Stephanie shrugged, “He’s a great guy and all…but you know how I feel about relationships. Just taking it one day at a time, I guess.”
“You should go for it!” Anna enthused, encouraging her friend to get back out in to the dating world, “After all, you said the same thing before dating Nick…”
“And he cheated on me,” Stephanie rolled her eyes, “Proving my point about dating to begin with…hence the reason I am a little skeptical about going there again.”
“You should give Brad a shot though,” Gloria mused thoughtfully, “I mean, he seems sweet from what you’ve told us. I mean, c’mon…offering to help you take care of a child that isn’t even his? He’s had eyes for you since you met him in that damned restaurant.”
Stephanie shook her head deciding to ignore the conversation completely. The truth was, she really did like Brad…quite a bit. But after what Nick had done to her, she just couldn’t risk putting her heart out on the line again. At least, not so soon. It was hard for her to explain. If somebody were to ask her what her and Brad where, she supposed she would say that they were dating. But if asked how serious they were, she would likely tell them ‘not very’. She knew that this left her vulnerable for somebody else to come in and whisk Brad away. After all, the man was absolutely gorgeous. To her though, it was still better than trusting him too soon. This was like a trial period. If he passed, then they would advance further. If he failed, he would be gone.
“Enough about Brad…” she stated as her friends continued to talk about her guy. Both looked at her, and she was about to say something else when Anna turned away, speaking before she had the chance to.
“Jaime…you alright?”
Jaime looked up meekly, her mouth twisted in to a frown, her eyes showing tortured sadness. When she started to nod her head in an unconvincing ‘yes’ however, that was when the tears started to flow. Hundreds of tears that had been pent up for so long as she’d tried to stay strong and tough, feeling that showing weakness was just that…being weak. She hated looking weak in public, but she knew that she couldn’t keep her guard up any longer because the wall she’d built around herself was quickly breaking down.
“I miss Lauren…’ she took in a loud sniffle.
“Aww, honey…” Anna got out of her seat to pull Jaime in to a hug, “We know you do.”
“I just… want her… back…I’d give my own… life to have my daughter… back.” He hiccupped violently though her trembling voice.
Nobody knew what to say to their friend, exchanging worried glances. It had been nearly a month since the infants death, and things didn’t seem to be getting much easier. Not that anybody expected it to, because the pain was still fairly fresh in their minds. Nobody could imagine how Jaime felt, or AJ for that matter. AJ just kept to himself though, never leaving the home. One could only begin to guess what he was doing as he sat in the dark alone, staring blankly in to space. Each and every person in Jaime’s life gave the girl credit for beginning to creep back out in to the world, knowing that she’d be depressed but with time and patients, things would get easier for her.
“Believe it or not, things won’t always be this hard.” Stephanie said softly, “It doesn’t seem like it now, and it wont ever completely go away, but one day…although you’ll miss her, you’ll be able to look back on the memories you did have, and smile though your tears.”
Jaime snorted, “Right.” She said shortly.
“You will…we promise you that.” Gloria encouraged, placing a hand on her shoulder to comfort the upset woman.
Jaime just shrugged, not feeling the energy to talk. Her throat felt raw from all of the tears, her eyes burning just the same. She knew that her friends were only trying to help, but was angry with them for saying that things would get easier in time, when they had no clue what she was going through. They could pretend all they wanted, and even try to guess, but nobody truly knew what she was going through unless they too experienced it.
“I want to go home.” She sighed dramatically.
The girls exchanged a look, wanting to do anything to make Jaime feel better. Wracking their brains to think of something that could possibly do the trick, their eyes lit up. They weren’t going to let Jaime go home and wallow just yet, because the vulnerable woman being left alone couldn’t result in anything good. If this didn’t work, then they would take her home, but it didn’t hurt to give it a try, even if it only cheered her up temporarily.
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“So, have Aje or Jaime spoken to you at all?”
Nick shook his head, not really knowing what to say. He sighed, plucking up a few strands of grass from the yard, letting them slip from his fingers. Children’s cries of laughter could be heard from nearby as parent pushed them on swings or they were caught up in a game of tag. He couldn’t help but smile at how innocent the kids were, not having to deal with the everyday stress that adults had to.
“Me either,” Kevin commented, “I’ve tried calling them, but I never get an answer. Or if I do, I always get hung up on.”
“Same here,” Nick sighed, “I wish things would get back to normal.”
All Kevin could do was nod his head in response. What more could he add on to that? Normal was as far from what his life had become as it could get. Just about a month had passed since the death of Lauren and things seemed to be continuously spiraling downhill. He was still convinced that AJ and Jaime hated both him and Nick. Kevin really didn’t blame them for this though. The guilt that he felt weighed so strongly on his heart still that he didn’t think that there was anything that could ever possibly heal it.
“Every damned time I see parents with their kids, I think that it should be Aje and Jaime.” Kevin said quietly, “It is a constant reminder of this unfair, cruel, shitty world.”
“Man, same here,” Nick agreed.
“Everything was finally getting back on track,” Kevin grumbled, “I mean, my paralysis and suicide attempt…well, it put a hold on things for quite a while. Things were finally getting back to normal and now this had to happen.”
Nick didn’t know what to say to that, for the elder man proved a good point. This latest drama would surely put another damper on the flow of everything. He wondered why it seemed that nothing could go right for any of them as of late. It seemed as if there were some evil force out to get each and every one of the members of the close knit family. After all, his ex had torn him from his girlfriend and child, and now AJ and Jaime’s child had been torn from them. Kevin’s ability to walk had been ripped out from under him, landing him in a wheelchair for what seemed to be the rest of his life. The only thought that came to Nick’s mind was ‘who will be next’?
“None of this seems fucking fair. I just wish they would talk to us…even if it is to scream, and yell, an throw a fit,” Nick shrugged sheepishly, “It would be better than nothing, don’t ya think?”
“I guess so.” Kevin sighed.
“You guess so?”
“I mean…I want them to talk to us again. I want everything to go back to how it was before I was Lauren died, before Steph left you, beore I was paralyzed, before…”
“Before the girls game into our lives?” Nick questioned, looking up with sad eyes.
“Sometimes I think it would be easier…” Kevin admitted somberly, “Damnit, I sound like a selfish prick for even saying that.”
“Its crossed my mind too,” Nick admitted, “Several times, actually.”
Kevin breathed out a sigh of relief that his thoughts were not alone. It still didn’t stop him from feeling like the worlds biggest asshole. He didn’t know what was wrong with him lately, but it was as if a deep depression had taken over his entire being. It went back further than the death of his best friends child too. Sure, for awhile he had truly been happy, but now he saw that that happiness just wasn’t meant to last. Every time he saw a glimmer of what his life could be like, it was ripped away from him with cruelty to remind him of what his life was now supposed to be like.
“I love Anna with all of my heart, and can’t imagine my life without her in it now…but…if I had never met her, then I wouldn’t be paralyzed. I wouldn’t have tried to kill myself. Steph wouldn’t be pregnant and you wouldn’t be left heartbroken over her. Lauren would have never died. Hell, Lauren would have never existed.”
“Yeah, but they say everything happens for a reason…” Nick tried.
Kevin snorted, “It just seems that the world is out to get us.”
“That’s ridiculous.” Nick expressed, “Things will get better soon.”
Kevin smiled, although it was a forced one. He didn’t see how things could ever get better at this rate. The damage was almost to the point of irreversible. It just seemed like the entire group along with their close friendships were suffering. What irritated Kevin the most was the fact that he couldn’t do a thing about it to make any of it better for anyone.
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Jaime yawned as she unlocked the door to her home, feeling sluggish and as if she hadn’t slept in days. All of her energy was gone and she was looking forward to curling up beneath the covers of her bed, falling asleep. The day and been eventful, her friends taking her to dinner and then the mall. Normally, she would still be on a shopping adrenaline rush with lots of energy to spare as she showed off her purchases to AJ in excitement, even modeling a new little piece of sexy something for him to peel off of her. But beings she hadn’t been out in two weeks and did nothing but lie around the house without moving, the day had taken a lot out of her.
Setting the bags by the door once inside, Jaime looked around her home for a moment. Once again, everything was dark, giving the impression that nobody but her was home. Letting out a heavy sigh, Jaime just leaned against the wall, making no attempt to turn the lights on. In a weird kind of way, the blackness calmed her, fitting her sullen, dark mood.
Listening carefully, Jaime hoped, even prayed, that she would hear Lauren crying out for a feeding or because she needed her diaper changed. She opened her ears, begging with all of her heart to hear something, anything, that would tell her that all of this had just been a bad nightmare and her daughter was still with her and that everything would be okay. Reality harshly hit again though and Jaime realized that her daughter was not coming back. Not now, not ever. She would never again hear the little girls infectious laughter, or look into her bright, curious eyes.
“What did I ever do to you,” Jaime suddenly cried out, collapsing to the ground, talking towards the sky, “What did I ever do to deserve this?”
Hunching over, Jaime buried her head within her hands, sobbing openly without holding anything back. Nothing could ever compare to the pain that she felt, wishing that she could just curl up in a ball and fade away from the cruel and hurtful world. She was so engrossed in her thoughts and misery, that Jaime didn’t notice AJ creeping up behind her, watching without saying a word for several long moments. He just watched, wondering what to make of the situation and contemplating on if whether or not he should say anything.
“What are you doing?”
Jaime looked up startled, seeing AJ standing above her. Quickly getting to her feet, she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, sniffling. As she looked deep within his eyes, she saw that for the first time, she couldn’t read a thing within them. It was almost as if he were soulless, the tragedy in their lives sucking out the spirit and life within him. It was having the same effect on both of them, however they were dealing in different ways.
“I…I didn’t know you were here.” Jaime stammered, not knowing what else to say.
“Where else would I be?” AJ questioned, his tone somewhat harsh.
All Jaime could do was shrug, “I don’t know…it was so dark. I figured maybe you went out with the guys.”
AJ let out a forced, bitter laugh that somewhat scared Jaime, “No…that’s you,” he nodded towards her bags, “I don’t go out shopping and forgetting what happened to take the pain away.”
“That’s not fair!” Jaime exclaimed, starting to sob all over again, “It’s not like that.”
With a snort, AJ just turned away, starting to leave Jaime alone once more, but she wasn’t about to give up so quickly. It was the first time since the death that she’d felt any sort of strain on their relationship. It had been the first time that AJ had been short and cruel with his remarks, making Jaime wonder what had chanced. She’d already lost her daughter. Losing her fiancé on top of that was something she didn’t know if she could even begin to handle.
“What is up with you?” Jaime tried, but when AJ just kept walking, she cried out more desperately, “Would you stop….please.”
AJ’s steps slowly came to a halt, but he didn’t turn around. Neither said anything for what seemed to be the longest of moments. What was there to say really? Jaime wasn’t sure, but desperately wanted for AJ to just wrap her up in a hug and tell her that everything would be okay. When he made no effort though to try and comfort her, not even noticing that she needed him, it caused her to break down all over again.
“What did you want?” came a monotone voice that was so emotionless that it shocked Jaime.
“How’ve you been?” was al she could come up with lamely, after wracking her brain for something, anything to say.
“Fucking peachy.” Was AJ’s reply, “Now if you don’t mind, I would like to be left alone.”
“Please talk to me.” Jaime asked meekly, hating to sound so desperate, “I need you.”
Finally, AJ whipped around. His eyes were finally showing something to be read, but it wasn’t the sympathy or sadness that Jaime had expected. It was anger and fire. A hatred that was directed towards her.
“Well I don’t need you.” He barked out.
Staring blankly at her fiancé in shock, Jaime wasn’t sure if she had heard him correctly, but knew she had when he spoke again, his voice coming out more harshly this time.
“I don’t need you now, and I never will…so get the hell out and leave me the fuck alone.”
“But Aje…”
“Out” he bellowed, pointing towards the door, rage surging through his veins,
“Please, let’s just talk.”
With a roll of his eyes, AJ grabbed Jaime by the top of her arm, squeezing tightly as he drug her across the house, ignoring her pleas of protest and cries that he was hurting her. He didn’t listen at all as she started to scream, frightened by his sudden change in temper and violent nature at that moment, not caring in the least bit.
“It told you do leave me alone,” he seethed, squeezing his nails into her arm so tightly that she was sure it would leave bruises. Opening the front door, Jaime’s eyes widened as she understood what was about to happen, “Now get lost.”
“AJ, no.” Jaime cried out, as he thrust her out of the door full force, causing her to land hard on the ground. With a wince, Jaime looked up, pain surging through her entire body, but the door was already closed. She was alone, and despite the fact that she was going to have to find elsewhere to stay for the night, her main worry was the fact that her relationship was suffering, and there didn’t seem to be anything she could do about it.
