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Chapter 10

The mood was somber throughout the whole cabin. Everyone had woken up early to get
everything packed, today they would all be heading back o要 the road. Breakfast that morning
wasn’t filled with the chatter that had filled the table for that past week,

There was silence.

Once breakfast was over, everyone went back to their rooms. Nick and Jenn had been arguing
all morning, and neither one was very happy with the way things were going.

"Nick, I’m staying here, with the Littrells. I don’t wanna stay away from our kids any longer." Jenn
stated heatedly.


Nick placed his hand o要 his forehead and let out a deep sigh. "I realize why you wanna stay, but
I thought you understood why they are staying here and we are going."

"I don’t wanna run anymore Nick, I’m tired of it. I just wanna be with my babies." Jenn started
crying at this point. “They’re growing up, Nick. And we’re missing it all.”

"Don’t you think I wanna be with them too, but we just cant." Nick stood next to his wife, who was
sitting o要 the side of the bed with her hands to her face as the tears fell. "You just need to
understand that you cant stay here."

Jenn’s head shot up and she looked at him with red eyes. "Well I don’t want to understand
anymore. I don’t understand why I can’t just stay here while you guys continue with the tour."

Nick now sat down next to her, "Jenn, there’s no way around this, you are going with us."

They both stared at each other for what seemed like hours. finally, Jenn quickly stood up and
headed for the door. Nick flinched as she slammed the door closed.

~* 2 Days Later *~


It was December 30 now and Jenn sat in Nick’s dressing room, quietly waiting until he returned
from the concert. The silence in the room was such a contrast to all the static that was being
produced in her head. She had such a strange feeling today. Anxiety, that’s what it felt like. It
was as though she was anticipating something that made her nervous but, what could that be?
Maybe she was just getting sick again.

“Great.” Jenn rolled her eyes and spoke into the silence. The others should be coming back
soon, she thought, checking her watch. Maybe she should’ve joined Sara in watching from the
audience. As soon as she bent to grab a magazine though, her head began to pound and Jenn
knew she had made the right choice in staying where she was.

The woman had just leaned back o要 the couch to read the material when commotion was heard
in the main backstage lobby. In was less than a minute before a sweaty Nick Carter came
bounding through the door.

“How you feelin’?” The blonde bent down to kiss his wife’s head and smirked at her.

“Fine.” She spoke stiffly. They hadn’t been o要 the best terms ever since returning from
Christmas break.

Jenn watched as he took off his wardrobe and stood before her in a wife beater and jeans. She
closed her eyes for a moment, finding his face reminded her too much of Zach’s. It had been so
hard to leave the Littrells’ house after Christmas; she could still hear the cries of her children in
the back of her mind. It made her heart twist in pain and more than once had she thought about
leaving during the night to go back to Kentucky. Sitting there now, she wasn’t sure what had
stopped her.

“Jenn, are you alright?” He inquired, sitting down o要 a stool in front of her.

“Do I look okay?”

“Well, no…” Nick looked down at his hands, knowing it was his fault.

“Then I must not be.” Her voice was void of any commotion, her eyes cold as she found his.
Jenn wasn’t sure either why she was still so angry with him. She understood his reasoning,
maybe it was just the fact that she didn’t WANT to understand. How could he understand what
she was going through, though? Had he even tried?

“Baby, what can I do..”

“You can’t. I want to go back with my kids. I want to be normal again. There’s no damn normality
in this life, Nick!” Jenn couldn’t believe that those words were spilling out of her mouth but, she
couldn’t stop them.

Nick stood slowly, his eyes flickering with hurt. She almost immediately regretted the words she
had said. For some reason though, Jenn couldn’t bring herself to apologize.

“Are…are you saying..” He struggled with the idea.

“That I want to be away from you and this damn freak show? I think maybe I am!” Tears started to
spill out of her empty blue-turned-gray eyes. Why was she doing this? She turned her head and
bit her lip, knowing she caused that look of confusion and hurt that was crawling upon Nick’s
face.

“Then go. Or, you know, better yet, I’ll go!” His voice was weak and breaking with tears. He was
so scared of losing her. He didn’t want to be alone. It hadn’t been until he met her that he
realized he had never wanted to be alone again. And now, now he might be faced with that
loneliness again? Without his wife and his children? He couldn’t take it.

But he couldn’t let o要 to the others that anything was wrong. They all had their own things to
worry about. So, Nick Carter stood at the corner and listened to his brothers, laughing and
joking right around the next corner. His chest flattened and his heart began to flutter back to it’s
normal pace. Angry hands wiped away fearful tears.

The blonde entered the main room, running a hand through his blonde mess of hair. Sitting
down, his blue eyes took in the room’s surroundings. Kevin and AJ were playing ping pong while
waiting for their bus. Howie was sitting with a group of the dancers, chatting away about
performing. Then, of course, there were Brian and Sara. The man was sitting upright in his chair
with his wife laying o要 the other one with her head in his lap. Nick averted his attention to his
hands, twisting his wedding ring on and off.

Then, a laugh brought him out of his little world.

It was Brian’s laugh. Nick almost immediately felt a pang of jealousy shoot through him and, as
much as he tried to control his emotions, they were running too high already. How come Brian
never laughed with him anymore? Weren’t they known as best friends? Nick almost snorted out
loud. Not since Brian had gotten married and had a kid, they weren’t.

The young man shook his head. Why wasn’t he happy that Brian had found, well, happiness?
Maybe because he had just lost his own. His eyes watched intently as the lovers ‘flirted’ with
each other as though they were newlyweds. Dammit, he had been married a shorter time than
they had. What had happened to he and Jenn? His heart began to pound with the simple thought
of her.

Control it, Carter. His mind seemed to whisper before it was screaming at him. Brian began to
tickle her and Sara leaned up to kiss him in between laughter. That was it.

“You two make me absolutely SICK!” Nick growled as he sprung from his chair and passing Brian’
s chair with a sharp mood in his step.

Sara leaned up and her eyes questioned Brian for what was wrong with Nick. Her husband,
though, had no idea what had caused the sudden outburst but, realizing there were several
other pairs of eyes questioning him around the room, he needed to do something about it.

“Sweetheart, maybe you should…”

“Yeah, I’m going.” Brian patted his wife’s leg and lifted himself off of the chair. Walking around
the corner, he followed the same path Nick had just moments before.

Brian stopped, peering out of the slender window o要 the back door. There, he saw his best
friend, sitting lonely o要 the steps of their tour bus.

“Hey…” Brian whispered, walking outside, forgetting that he was clad only in a wife beater and
jeans in the January night air. He dug his hand into his pockets and advanced towards Nick, who
was making a feeble attempt to ignore him.

“What?” The tone was as steely and cold as the air surrounding them.

“What’s going o要?”

“When did you start caring?” Nick stood and stepped down from the steps, walking away a bit as
Brian leaned against the bus.

“What’re you talking about, Nick? I’ve always cared.” Brian narrowed his eyes and shook his
head in confusion.

“What the hell ever, Brian!” Nick tossed his head back and threw a demonic laugh into the air.
“Come o要, Bri, who are you kidding? You haven’t really cared like you used to since you’ve
become Mr. Family Man…”

“Nick! That’s not fair! You know how you feel about your wife and children. Especially right
now…”

“Obviously, I don’t according to Jenn.”

“What’s wrong, Nick? What is this really all about?” Brian’s forehead creased in question.

Nick shut his eyes, tears becoming icy with the winter wind. Turning back to face his friend,
there was nothing but an icy stare left in those blue windows.

“Don’t even TRY to get into our business this time! I already have to share my wife with you
because she thinks you hung the damn moon! You’re not going to get in the middle of this one,
Brian.” His anger was being taken out o要 an innocent bystander but, Nick couldn’t contain it
anymore. He just kept thinking of more and more reasons that he was jealous of Brian.

“Oh shut up, Nick!” Brian couldn’t take anymore of this pity party. He had watched Jenn and Nick
go down hill ever since Christmas. It was like their communication was blocked. The blonde had
pushed it now, though. “Maybe she comes to me because you don’t take the damn time to
understand her or what she’s going through. You only worry about what YOU want, Nick. How
YOU can keep everyone safe. She doesn’t need a protector as much as she needs someone to
love her right now. Someone for her to love.”

Nick’s jaw clenched tightly. His emotions ran like wildfire through his veins. He wanted to hate
Brian so much for everything he had just said but, then again, all of it was true and that just
pissed him off even more. Nick Carter narrowed his eyes and took on a quick pace towards the
older man.

The blonde grabbed Brian by his shirt and raised his fist. Then, he saw it. There in Brian’s eyes,
was everything that Nick had wanted to be as a man. A great husband, an awesome father, and
overall, a nice person. Then, there was the reflection.

A man who was none of that. Nick Carter, the beast, out of control. His hand loosened it’s grip
from the material of Brian’s shirt and quietly, he climbed into the bus.

Where Nick Carter, the boy, cried himself to sleep.