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Thanks for the reivew! Here is what i do believe is chapter 19...let us know what you think!! Thanks! Happy reading



Brian's still figure laid on the cool "bed". he had been broken once again. And this time, he was sure he would remember it.

His eyes had become sore from all the tears taht wouldn't seem to stop pouring. They were tears of hatred and tears of sorrow. Tears of fear and tears of shame. They had almost become a part of him within these past few hours. They were numbing his pain.

But not enough to completely erase the feelings beneath his skin.

Brian felt so lost and unclean as he focused on one of the many cracks in the ceiling above him. It almost felt as he were looking at his own reflection. Cracked. How could he have let this happen again? He had let his whole family down once more. He ahd failed as their protector. As a husband and a father.

The young man's hands grapped the stripped mattress beneath him, the pain in his back becoming stronger, starting to numb his legs. The feeling was familiar in these foreign surroundings. he almost welcomed the familiarity of it. Pressing himself further into the mattress, Brian could feel the moisture of his own sweat and tears cooling his bare skin.

How could he explain to everyone what had happened? How could it be justified? He had just laid there. He didn't stop Kara as she stripped him of his clothes. he didn't stop her as she...she...

Brian realized that within those four walls, was the worst secret he would ever have to keep.

The man jerked his head suddenly to the side, bringing a trembling hand up to his head, soothing his pounding head by shielding the dim light taht was invading anything. He felt a panic beginning to stir in the pit of his stomach and rise to his chest, out of his control.

A cry excaped his lips.

He remembered hearing Sara's screaming just moments ago. He couldn't save her.

His breathing became staggered.

He hadn't heard anything from Nick or Jenn. He had struggled to keep and ear open for anything that would let him know that they were still alive, still fighting.

Brian sucked in a deep, shaky breath.

The sound of silence. Almost involuntarily, he began to thrash about, his worn body looking for any excape.

"Hello hot lips." Kara's voice made Brian lay still again. Inside of his mind, something was telling him that if he laid as still as he could, she wouldn't see him. It was almost like when he was 4 and he had broken Kevin's new toy truck. He had stood against the wall, out in the open, hoping his cousin wouldn't find him.

Now, the thought of an angry Kevin didn't seem so bad.

"You were really good tonight, sweetheart." Kara loomed over his frail body, brushing his hair back with her slender poisonous fingers. Never had just a voice made Brain's insides quiver with a deep rooted fear. Fear taht immobilized him.

"Aww, my baby sleepy? Well, Rick wants to make sure you see some new visitors before we go fall asleep together." She put an emphasis on the last word as she watched her victim swallow and blink his eyes. Kara smiled a smile as deadly as her touch. "Come now, Bribear."

Brian cringed at the nickname. It was not her voice that was supposed to come with taht name. It wasn't those arms thatt were supposed to cradle him either. He felt so guilty, so unfaithful. He didn't like the touch or the voice, but he didn't protest. Damnit, why couldn't he just tell her to stop it. Kara calling him Bribear should've been the last straw.

But it wasn't. And now she had him, sitting up on the side of the bed while she pulled on his pants for him. That's when he saw them.

Sara's wedding rings were on Kara's left ring finger now. he looked into Kara's face and then back down at her hand, the action bringing forth new tears. "Sarbear..."

"She doesn't love you anymore, Brian." Her grip on his became tighter and she jerked him up from the bed at his whisper of Sara's name. "Forget all about that bitch."

The woman leaned in to place a harsh, lusty kiss upon his lips, too quickly for him to turn his head. He could taste the salt from his own tears melting onto his lips. It was like pouring salt into the wound. Weakly, Brian stood, Kara jerking on his wrist. Where he was going or how he would like it, he didn't know. He just knew taht slowly, Brian Litrell was beginning to go crazy.

****

Nick listened to her shallow breathing as he still held her body close to his. He was so tired, but he was afraid to fall asleep. Afraid taht when he woke up, she would be taken away again, or worse. What had scared him the most though, was that she was ready to give up.

He fought sleep for as long as he could, but it soon became too much as his eyes closed heavily. He was ripped away from sleep, as his wife was ripped out of his grasp.

"NO!" Nick yelled out as he reached for his wife.

Rick let out a chuckle as he watched two of his men manhandle Nick. Nick stopped his struggle when one of the men landed a punch to his stomach, knocking the wind out of him. "Don't worry Carter, I'll take good care of her." Rick said as he motioned for one of the mend to pick Jenn up.

Nick couldn't do anything but painfully watch as they walked out of the room with his wife, and he couldn't do a damn thing about it.

****

Brian could barely keep his eyes open by the time that he and Kara reached the closed
door. He had to stay awake though. He had to find his friends, his family. he had to take care of them. The thought almost made him laugh as he looked down at himself. dressed in only jeans and boxers, Brian's frame hung weakly, every limb shaking, his blood barely creeping though his veins.

"Heerreee we are." Kara announced cheerfully, locking her arm with Brian's and leading him into the room behind the door. He looked around, vaguely remembering. It was the room that he had left Sara, Nick, and Jenn in when they had all been separated. As soon as Kara let go of his arm, Brian found himself falling to the floor.

Opening his eyes, he found the concrete floor to be stained with blood. Shutting his eyes tightly, teardrops fell silently onto the stains. He knew these stains, this blood, belonged to his best friends. Realizing he was alone, Brian broke out into full sobs on the floor, no longer able to hold back the emotion. He would go numb again soon.

But not soon enough.

"Bri?" The voice was familiar to the older man's ears. He couldn't uncurl himself fromt he ball he had formed to look up though. He couldn't reveal how broken and fragile he was. How dirty...

"Brian? Are you...are you okay?" The voice came closer as Brain pulled his legs closer to his chest. He jumped at the touch of a finger to his arm.

"Don't Nick! I...I'm dirty. I'm so dirty." He muttered under his tears. Brian wanted nothing more than to be held. To be held by something familiar. But he was so dirty...so guilty...

"Brian, you're not dirty. What happened?" Nick was at Brian's eye level now, forcing him to look into his friends face.

"I am dirty, Nick! I'm...I'm so...bad." Brian began to scoot against the wall, scared for Nick to touch him. he was almost afraid that Nick's touch would break him even more, completely shatter him.

"Bri...please stop. You're scaring me." The blonde had tears streaming down his face now too. They couldn't take both of his best friends. Nick moved forward slowly, thinking maybe a gentle touch would soothe the situation. Nick, too, had a longing for compfort in this foreign place.

As soon as the fingertips reached Brian's skin, the Kentuckian let out a loud yell combined witha a scream that made him choke on a sob and sit up against the wall, his palms bressed against the cold, stained floor.

Nick jumped back. This wasn't Brian. This was a man...a boy...lost and broken. It was reflected in his eyes. They were a navy blue, lacking the luster they always had. his face was voice of any emotion except fear. Fear and guilt. Suddenly, Nick began to piece everything together. What had happened to Brian...was probably the same thing that was happening to his wife now...

The young man threw his face into his hands, unable to think the terrible thought. He would have Jenn back into his arms in less than a few moments. It was his job now to help Brian.

"Bri, it's okay. I...I won't hurt you. It's okay." Nick moved forward easily, careful not to startle his friend. His heart broke when Brian shrunk back from the touch, looking at Nick as if he were sometihng to be feared.

"So dirty...so...so..." Brian could feel the ruch of panic stirring in his chest again, quicker than it had before. his body began to shake and his breathing became uncontrolled.

"BRIAN!" Nick couldn't take it anymore. In one movement, he gathered Brian into his arms and ignored all the struggle that ensued by this action. "Calm down, man. You're ok..." The words were strangled with his own tears. he was relieved when Brian gave up the battle.

For a few moments, the only sign of life in the empty room were heart wrenching sbos taht were created by both men.

"Nick...Nick, I...I'm sorry." Brian finally whispered raspily, tears still falling, making him even wearier than he was to begin with.

"For what, man?" Nick's grip hadn't loosened since Brian had let him hang on.

"I...I love you." He whispered.

Nick swallowed, his head pounding, his eyes clouding once again. "I love you too, Bri."