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Just wanted to leave a quick message to let everyone know that...NO Howie has not kidnapped me...sure the cruise was great...wish that i could have climbed into Howies suitcase...but no...i could not...but when I got back home my computer wouldn't turn on...still won't...but I did buy a laptop today...so woooo for me...now i just need to track down the next chapter....Sara's lookin for it now...AND SHE FOUND IT...SO HERE IT IS!!!

Brian's face fell when Rick led them to their destination. He had never wanted to see the mattress that was thrown in the corner of that room again. Inside that room, was a secret that he had never wanted anyone to discover. Now Sara was in the room also and he knew that whatever was about to happen could mean the end for him.

Rick shoved him down roughly onto that damned mattress. Brian's body smacked hard into the wall, causing him to moan at the pain that had now coursed through his back.

Sara cried out at the sight as she was forced down into a chair. They quickly pulled her hands behind her back and bound them tightly.

"Enjoy your time while you can." Rick said with a snide look as he backed his way out of the room, leaving the door opened.

"Bri, baby, are you ok?" Sara asked as she saw her husband writhing around in obvious pain.

Brian sucked in a painful breath, "I'm fine babe, I'm fine. Are you ok?" He turned his pain filled eyes to her.

They just held each others gaze for a few moments, trying to draw strength from one another.

That moment though, was interrupted by the one person Brian feared would enter, Kara.

"Aww, baby, you brought you little whore to watch us finish up?" She threw an evil grin in Sara's direction. "Good idea, now she'll realize WE are together and she'll leave you alone."

"You bitch! Don't touch him!" Sara cried out, trying to break her restraints. It wasn't Kara's words that had made her want to break free so badly, but the expression on her husband's face and how fearful it had become when Kara entered. He knew what was about to happen. Sara wasn't sure if she wanted to find out.

"I only see one bitch in this room." Kara sauntered towards Sara, taking off her stilettos and throwing them each at the girl, each heel barely missing Sara's eye. "And that...is you."

"Leave her alone, Kara." Brian swallowed, his voice sounding so defeated. He didn't want this to happen and especially not in front of Sara. He didn't know if she would ever forgive him...if he would ever forgive himself. The overwhelming feeling of being dirty and shameful rushed over him again. Brian curled into himself.

"Oh, you want to play now, Bri Bri?" Kara kneeled on the edge of the mattress and crawled towards him until she was hovering over his face. Brian cringed as he felt the woman lean down and kiss his lips. "Mmm, delicious. Just like earlier."

That was it. His secret was out. He couldn't even bear to look at Sara now. She knew and he didn't want to see the pain and disappointment in her eyes. Pain and disappointment that he had caused.

Kara began to move her way down on Brian, satisfied when a kiss on the neck elicited a repressed moan from her victim. "Aww, you were trying to hard not to enjoy it." She laughed, making her way down his chest.

Sara knew exactly where Kara was headed and, not wanting to embarrass Brian or witness the actions set before her, she shut her eyes tightly. it came as no surprise when she felt her eyelashes wet with tears that slid down her face. This couldn't be happening.

A scream from Brian, though, was a horrible reminder that this, indeed, was all real. Very real. And they couldn't escape it. Ever.

Brian felt Kara's hands begin to slip further down his body and his body tensing with every movement. Behind closed eyes, he was willing himself not to give in to this so-called "pleasure".

"Stop. Please...please stop." Tears were sliding down into his ears as he begged Kara. The tears came quicker as he began to panic at the response his body was having to the touch. As much as he was disgusted with himself, Brian could feel his manhood growing. What would Sara think of him now? She would be just as disgusted with him. He would lose her. The only thing that could save him...

"Oh baby, you know you don't mean that." The evil seductress came up to kiss his face
hungrily. "I can feel that you don't mean it."

Brian began to start kicking his legs, looking for anyway to get free of this torture and humiliation.

"Yes, I know darling. Those stupid pants..." And with that comment, Kara kneeled at the end of the bed and began to undress him.

It was then that Sara let out a sob. Brian couldn't look at her, knowing how much she must hate him right now. In that cry, he heard the pity that she held for him. The sorrow and fright that she was keeping inside. If he couldn't protect himself, how was he to protect his wife? He couldn't. At that point, Brian Littrell decided that he was now a complete failure. A whore.

And now it had gone too far. Slowly, the man felt himself becoming more and more numb. Dirtier and dirtier.

And he would never forgive himself this time.

****

AJ blinked his eyes slowly, trying to take everything in. He hadn't slept in the two days that he had been conscious. None of this seemed real. But the reminders came to him at a fast pace. Every time he closed his eyes.

"You alright, babe?"

AJ turned his stare towards Lori. She was forcing a smile with worry etched in her tired face. he had been so scared to lose the only thing he had left that he wouldn't let Lori out of his sight. Security had been pretty much catering to their every need. AJ felt bad for his bout of selfishness, but he had seen the bad side and he knew it would be the end for him if he had to face his wife and baby being gone.

"Yeah..." AJ closed his eyes for a moment and then gave her a reassuring, yet weary, smile. "As long as you're here."

Lori smirked at the comment and rubbed his arm, squeezing his hand. "Always."

"Mr. Mclean?" A voice came with a knock on the door.

"Come in." He called wearily.

The door opened to reveal two men dressed in business suits. "Glad to see you're awake and feeling better."

"I have a feeling that won't last long." AJ replied sourly, knowing exactly what the men wanted. It was exactly what he had been trying to avoid.

"We'd like to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind." The shorter man said, nearing the bed.

"I'm not sure he's ready for that, gentlemen..." Lori stood, ready to push the men out as she had been doing ever since AJ had opened his eyes to his new world.

"No..." AJ reached a hand up to her arm, signaling her to sit back down. "Now or never." Strangely, he felt his eyes welling up at that phrase. The phrase that NIck had so carefully picked for his Solo debut. If he had only knew...

"You sure?" His wife asked, searching his eyes for truth in the comment.

After AJ nodded, Lori took his hand once more and sat comfortably in her chair.

"Well," One of the men spoke, both of them also taking their seats. "Who all was in the bus at the time of capture?"

Pictures of each of his "family members" came flashing through his mind. "Um, Nick and Jenn were taken first. They were...they were there when Brian and Sara and I got there." AJ swallowed, remembering New Years Eve. He remembered how sick Sara had been. The look of worry and fear in Brian's eyes. Nick and Jenn's bodies lying unconscious.
He remembered how scared he had been. How scared he still was. He remembered everything.

"Anyone else?" One asked the questions and one was writing everything down.

"Rick and Kara." AJ's jaw clenched, simply saying the names.

The questioning man nodded. "Damn those two." He muttered, losing his professional persona for a moment, revealing that he had taken this investigation more personally than most. AJ then remembered that this man was one who had taken care of them the first time around. When no one ever even dreamed of a second time.

"Where were the others when you were knocked out?" The writer spoke up now.

AJ took his time answering this one, trying to remember but afraid of the memory. "Um, they...they were...well, Nick was just beginning to wake up. He was beaten unconscious. J-Jenn was...knocked out. Brian was the only one awake...I think...S-Sara was locked in a room..." He shut his eyes, remembering all the noise. Nick's barely audible voice, his lost eyes searching for his wife. Brian and Sara trying to talk to each other through the door. "I remember...Nick was...he was holding me. I could hear him. I could feel him shaking. B-but he couldn't handle it. He was too weak...and so, Brian took me. And I could hear them...They...they were so worried about losing me." The man shook his head and opened his eyes, trying to hold back the tears that threatened his voice. "I didn't even try to help them. I could've woken up..."

"Baby, it's ok." Lori began to worry about what a toll this would take on him.

"No..." he shook his head, sucking in his bottom lip. "No, they...they wanted me to be alright. I could've helped them. But I didn't. I fucking let them...let them go." AJ leaned into Lori's chest sobbing now for the first time openly since he had been awake. "They're too weak, Lori. We have to find them."

A determination was audible in AJ's voice now. A strong decision he made to find his family.

Dead or alive.

****

"Brian?"

Sara had been trying to get her husband to speak to her for the past thirty minutes. Kara had finished him off and left him lying there. Crying and shivering.

Now he wouldn't even look at her, much less talk to her. She was beginning to grow more in worry when he stopped even crying. Brian laid quietly on his side, shivering under a thin sheet, visibly shaken by the current activity.

To make sure Brian stayed humiliated, Kara had emphasized the fact that he was dirty and covered him because she didn't want "the whore" to be so disgusted with him that she puked on herself. Too much of a mess, she had said. Brian had stopped fighting.

"See? he loves ME now." Kara had leaned over Sara. "Hm, easier for us both to get rid of you now."

Sara now struggled to break her restraints. The tight bands were pressing against her already cut wrists and, as painful as it had become, it was hurting her more to watch Brian slowly slipping away from her. He was all she had in this hell hole. She surely wouldn't make it without him. She needed to be near him, to reassure him of her love she was sure he was doubting now, to remind him of her heart that he still held in his hands.

The chair that she was bounded to scraped across the floor as her ties loosened a bit. Sara couldn't help but hear the soft whimper that left Brian’s lips in reply to the noise. "Don't worry Bri, I'm coming...it...it'll be okay..." Without warning, her nose began to tingle with an inkling to cry.

Brian's only response was a heavy breath...followed by a few shorter, quicker ones.

"Bri?"

No response. Only constricted breathing. Growing louder and louder. Quicker and quicker.

"BRIAN!" Sara cried out, almost screaming at him. "You're scaring me!"

He wanted to stop. He could hear his wife. But the noise in his ears was so much louder.

The touches he still felt on his body was enough to want to keep her away from him. Safe from the contamination of his world. He wanted so bad for her to help him though, to tell him it was okay. That he was okay. But he wasn't. And that's when he began to panic.

Sara fought with her bounds until they finally broke. Her wrists felt as though they would disconnect from her arms and, although her wounds were beginning to open again, nothing could keep her from the lonely figure, spinning out of control. "Hang on, Bri..."

Brian jumped at a touch on his back. His naked back, bruised and scarred from his struggle days ago. Every nerve ending in his body was so sensitive that even his wife's touch made him want to choke on the regurgitations that he kept forcing down. "Don't..." He jerked involuntarily.

Sara kept moving the sheet, seeing his wounds for the first time. Bruises and cuts were painting his arms, face, and back in black and blue. She grimaced at the sight as a fresh batch of tears found their way into her scared brown eyes. She hadn't even seen the front of him yet and already her heart knew it was too much for her to take. Her fingers found their way on his arm, resting on his tattoo, the ink disfigured from lacerations on his skin.

"I'm making you dirty. Stop it..." Brian whispered, lost in his own world now, not wanting to feel emotion anymore. He wasn't that strong to handle any of it anymore. When his wife's hand didn't retreat, Brian felt himself longing more for her. "STOP IT!" He yelled, kicking his feet behind him and moving his arms as much as he could without too much pain.

"I can't, Brian."

"Yes you can! Hate me, Sara! I'm so nasty..." The man cursed in his head, hearing the sadness in Sara's voice.

"No..." She shook her head, bringing her hand gently down his arm to hold his hand.
"Because if I let go this time..." Her voice cracked. "I might lose everything. You..."

"QUIT IT! Damn it...just...fucking stop it!" Brian couldn't handle this. The pain. The love. The sounds that kept invading his mind. Sara. He tried his hardest to get off that bed...go sit in the corner...away from everyone. He couldn't contaminate anyone if he was alone.

His feet pushed against the end of the mattress and he was off. Soon after he had been able to stand up, a wave of dizziness and nausea smacked him down to the floor. Brian rolled over onto his back, defeated again, his body beginning to shake with sobs again. His panic gave way to helplessness. Hopelessness.

When he felt Sara's presence about him again, he didn't push her away. But he didn't accept her either. How could she not hate him after that? He just cheated on her...in front of her...had sex with another woman...and she still wanted to be with him. It was too much for his mind to process.

The girl kneeled down at her husband's feet, slipping his boxers up onto his hips, hoping the facet that he was naked wouldn't be brought to his attention. He was so ashamed already. Biting her lip, she wracked her brain for a way to bring him back to her.

"I...uh...I'm not mad, if that's what you think. And, I still love you. As much as I did before any of this. maybe even more because..." Sara stopped, laying down beside him, scared he would have an outburst again. "Because now I know how I'd feel if I ever...I ever lost you." She sniffed as the last words left her lips. She couldn't remember life without Brian. Being happy without him. It seemed damn near impossible now, after all they had given each other. After Emily. "Oh God, Bri, please...please don't leave us." She cried, clinging to his hand.

He couldn't say anything. He was so damned confused. He felt so guilty. So dirty. But so thankful that he still had Sara. Or was she just saying it to make him feel better. Silent tears slid down as he focused on a crack on the ceiling, like a mirror to the crack in his being, his dignity. Brian just wanted someone to make it better. Sara was the only one he could trust with that. She was the only one that knew...

"I'll try..." Brian murmured, allowing his wife to pull him closer. He reciprocated the action, Sara being his security blanket now, the only familiar thing in his broken world. "I don't wanna go, Sar. Please...please help...m-me." Even though he was allowing himself into her, he still felt so wrong inside.

"I will, baby. I'm here...for always." Sara felt herself lean against his chest, his heart beating wildly, his chest sweating with panic. In that moment, everything that he had been through shared itself with her and she felt the pain he was feeling. She understood and it made her hold on tighter, so scared of their future. Things begin to blur...

"I love you." Brian's body was still trembling against hers involuntarily. Even in his safest place, he was still scared to death. Scared to death. The phrase held too much possible truth. As his mind whirled with words and thoughts and fear, he realized Sara was restless against him. Quiet, yet moving.

Brian looked at her face just in time to see a pained look falling across her expression, one arm unwrapping from around him and grabbing her midsection.

"Baby..." He breathed. But he knew she wouldn't respond. he felt the panic creeping up on him again, his heart threatening to explode. And his security, his safe place...was trying to be taken from him.

His world once again out of control.

A/N: again...lol...please review....the next chapter will be wonderfuly evil...im leaving for coast gaurd training on friday morning...but sara will update when i can not....we have chapter 24 done...and waitin on sara for 25...slow girl i tell ya....but still love her....REVIEW!

Jenn

Jenn