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Chapter 6

Kevin rubbed his tired eyes one more time and looked up as Brian read the letter once
again, this time, under his breath. The more he read it, the quieter he became. Any
moment, he would be expecting his cousin to stop mid- sentence and break down. He
looked around as AJ, Lori, Howie and Sara watched him as well, waiting to catch him when
he fell apart. They all listened, too, the words scaring them more each time.

My beautiful Jennifer,
I've missed you so much. All this touring has been hell, huh? Hell for me too, trying to
keep up. I think maybe once we stop, you and I should settle down, start a family, maybe? I
think it's a grand idea! Oh, Jenn, what would you do with me and my lovely thoughts?
Don't worry about that blond thing you call Nick. I'll take care of him and this time, pretty
boy won't interrupt our plans either. Yes, Kara has even better plans for him this time
around. Maybe he won't be such a pretty boy after she's through with him. But, anyways,
back to you and I. We'll get rid of the world baby, and those "friends" of yours. Knock
them to the ground so that they die in their own sea of red. Yes, sounds quite lovely.
Can't wait to see you again. Maybe you could bring your kids this time. Time is running out
quickly enough. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Love, Rick

All the couples had been resting in their rooms when they heard all the commotion out in
the hallway. Brian and AJ seemed to simultaneously open their doors to find Howie tightly
grasping Nick who held a paper in his hand and Kevin embracing Jenn, who seemed to be
beyond upset.

"Guys? What's going on?" Brian swallowed, fearing the worst as he felt Sara come up
behind him.

He didn't want to know though. He wanted to close the door and pretend that nothing had
happened. Pretend that he was still lying on his bed with his wife sleeping against his
chest. Reality was fighting him much too hard these days though.

So, here they all sat in Kevin's room without Nick and Jenn. It was decided that they
should go back to their room and rest, while security was being enforced and everything
was kept even tighter. They were left with the letter, two pictures of their children leaving
at the airport, and six pairs of eyes that were wondering if this shit would ever end.

It didn't sound like it.

"Maybe we should just cancel tour." AJ concluded hoarsely, running a hand through his
hair as Lori placed a hand on his shoulder.

"No…" Brian whispered softly from his chair, reaching for Sara's hand and then looking
up. "That'll just make it easier for them and…I'm can't go home without Emily. I don't want
to put her in.. danger too." He stopped. "But I don't want to put y'all in danger either."
Tears brimmed his eyes. "Oh God, what do we do?"
"Listen, Christmas break is in a couple of weeks. Let's just access the situation then, if
nothing forces us to before then." Kevin spoke, sitting on the edge of his bed.

"We should just sleep on it." Howie put in. Would it be fair to the fans to perform in the
emotional state that they were in? Could they even fake it now? The Latino played with his
fingers, he wasn't that sure of anything anymore.

Brian sat, emotionless, staring at the picture of he and Sara and Emily in the airport just
before she left. There was one with Nick's family to match. They had been there the whole
time.

And no one even knew.

~*~

"Jenn, it's okay now, baby. I'm here and no one is going to get us." Nick spoke quietly,
embracing his wife tightly.

It had been the 3rd time she had broke down since they had come back from the bus.
When she wouldn't lay down and rest, Nick suggested that they sit in the living room area
of the suite and find something to watch. He pushed open the balcony door a bit to allow
a cool breeze to drift through the room and then, grabbing a warm blanket off the bed,
Nick sat on the couch and Jenn snuggled against him. Soon, they found a Christmas
movie to watch, but neither one was paying much attention to it.

They had not been sitting there 10 minutes when Nick heard the sniffles coming from the
head on his shoulder. Without even having to look at her, he knew she was breaking
down slowly and he only put an arm around her shoulders, rubbing gently. It was no use
to try and stop her. Hell, he wasn't sure if he could keep it together himself.

So, there they sat, making no attempt to stop the tears that now flowed freely. The TV had
been turned off and the Carters sat, tightly huddled together.

"W-what if they get Zach and Nicole, Nick?" Jenn murmured in a quiet voice unlike her
own.

"They won't, baby." Nick swallowed, he had to sound confident. "Brian's mom doesn't let
ANYONE in her house. Hell, one year on Thanksgiving, she barely let Brian and I in."

Jenn cracked a little smile but it was mostly just to satisfy Nick. There was so much
insecurity and fear in her heart right now that it was almost unbearable. It was times like
these when she was so grateful that she married a man like Nick. Jenn knew that he
would never let her down.

"It's going to be okay, Jenn. In the end, we'll all be alright." He whispered, feeling her
anxiety.

She sniffed, relieved a little by his confidence. "Happily ever after?"

"Happily ever after." Nick held her tighter and it was then that he realized his believable
acting abilities.

~*~

Sara sat, restlessly watching the stars that were twinkling outside the window. She
smiled, the small shimmers reminding her of Brian's blue eyes.

That twinkle that was so hard to find these days.

Her eyes wandered back to the bedroom door. Her husband had been in there for at least
an hour, claiming that he had wanted to be alone. Sara sighed, damning herself for
thinking that today would be normal and getting her hopes up that maybe, just maybe,
they could find the love they used to know so well.

Today had been so great. So…almost perfect.

As Sara began to think about their lives together, she realized that the silence coming
from the bedroom was much too quiet for her liking. At least at first she had heard the
quiet cries that broke her heart with each audible sniffle.

She quietly knocked on the door, hoping with all her heart that he would let her in this
time. That he would even answer her would be good enough. When the woman received
no response, her heart began to flutter with a bit of fear.

Opening the door though, Sara found everything to be alright. Brian had simply cried
himself to sleep. She approached the bed with a sad smile pulling at her lips. It was the
only time he looked peaceful now. Even when they were alone together, there was
something in his eyes that told her that he wasn't at ease.

Almost like he had guilt. Like he was hiding things he found too hard to talk about.

The brunette kneeled beside the bed and ran her fingers through the curls in his hair, not
surprised to feel moisture beading on his forehead. Sara bit her lip, seeing that Emily's
carebear was nestled tightly in his arms.

"My poor baby." She whispered quietly, worry creasing her own forehead. Careful not to
disturb him, she took his warm hand and held it in her own, sliding off her knees and
sitting down on the floor.

Soon, she too fell into her own dreamless sleep.

At around two that morning, neither Brian or Jenn could sleep. They were both sitting in
the common area of the suite, needing each other for comfort. They just sat there for
about an hour in each others embrace.

Brian felt like his chest was about to explode. He felt like he needed to talk to someone
about something that he really wasn’t too sure happened, and there was only one person
who could answer his question. Looking down into Jenn’s face, he saw that she was just
staring straight ahead. Her eyes showed that she was thinking about many things.

Brian sat up a little, “Jenn, I…I have to ask you something.” His voice came out a bit
shaky.

Jenn turned her head up towards him and bit her bottom lip. “Sure Bri, what is it?” She
could tell by the tone of his voice that something was bothering him really bad.

Brian let out a frustrated sigh, “I don’t even know how to tell you this.” A few tears fell
down his face. “I…I feel like I cheated on Sara.” He let out quickly.

Jenn just stared at him, “Brian, why would you think that?” Jenn pulled his face up to
look into hers. The look of anguish in his face almost caused her to break down.

“When we…when…when Kara…you know…her and I….” Brian was barely able to get out.

Jenn’s face now held a look of confusion. “Brian, I don’t know why you would think you
cheated on her. What happened…then…wasn’t in our control. Don’t do this to yourself.”

“I can’t help it. I’m almost pretty sure that I had…had sex…with HER, and I don’t think I did
anything to stop it. I’m a horrible husband.” Brian dropped his head into his hands as he
began sobbing

Jenn quickly pulled his face up again, holding it so hard that Brian was surprised by her
strength. “Damn it Littrell! What happened down there, neither of us could control. Don’t
go hurting your relationship with your wife over this. I’ve managed to stay strong, you
damn well need to do the same too!”

Brian didn’t want to feel this way, but he knew that he couldn’t help what he was feeling.
Jenn just didn’t understand, he thought to himself. The look in her eyes however, told
him that he needed to answer her. “You just wouldn’t understand.” Brian said sadly.
Brian was shocked at what he heard come from her next.

“That’s where you’re wrong Brian.” Jenn now had tears shinning in her eyes. “I
understand more than you know. Where you doubt what happened between you and
Kara, I remember EVERY DAMN THING! Damnit Brian, I see Kara doing the things to you.
I…I can still feel the things…that…that Rick did to me.” Jenn let out a loud sob at that
statement.

Brian looked at her quizzically, “Jenn, is there something you haven’t told me?”

Jenn looked up at him with uneasiness, “I know exactly how you feel about what Kara did
to you. Cause Rick did the same damn thing to me.” At that Jenn finally collapsed against
Brian’s shoulder, crying her heart out. Brian couldn’t do anything but try to console her,
as he too, cried.

***

The next morning everyone was up at 5 and getting on the busses. Kevin had insisted
that once again, he ride on Nick and Brian’s bus. The last one to get on his bus was AJ,
he just didn’t want to leave Lori behind.

“I really wish that you could be with me.” AJ said as he pulled Lori into an embrace.

“I know you do baby, but I have to work. Its only 2 weeks till the Christmas get together, I
can wait that long, if you can.” Lori said not letting go of AJ, as if she didn’t want to.

AJ sucked in a deep breath, “Two weeks, I think we can handle that. But please, be
careful. I couldn’t stand it if anything happened to you.” AJ was happy that even though
it was still pitch black outside, that he had his glasses on. His eyes had watered up, and
he didn’t want Lori to see that, but it was as if she had a sixth sense about it.

“Baby, I couldn’t stand it if anything happened to you either. So you be careful too.” She
said as she reached up and placed two of her fingers underneath his sunglasses,
smoothing away the unseen tears. Then his lips met hers and neither of them wanted the
kiss to end.

“Sorry, to break this up…” Howie said interrupting them. “But we need to get going.”

With their faces still only inches apart AJ whispered, “Just be careful, two more weeks.”
He reminded both of them. With a silent nod they both let go, and Lori watched as the bus
pulled away with tears in her own eyes.

***
Sara walked into the dinette part of the bus looking for the orange juice. She wasn't able
to fall back to sleep as easily as Brian had and, after a few minutes of fidgeting and a loud
snore from her husband that made her want to hit him with a pillow, she decided it would
be better to just get up.
The brunette yawned and covered her mouth, searching the wall for a switch that would
bring some light into the area.

"Couldn't sleep either?" A voice behind her caused her to fall over the step in front of
her.

"Damn, Nick!" Sara gasped, taking a breath in. "You scared me."

"Sorry." He smirked a bit, sitting down in a booth by the window. "Jenn kicked me out of
bed."

"What'd you do now?"

"Nothing. She literally KICKED me out. I thought I would let her take the whole bed
tonight. I'm not that tired anyway." Nick explained, rubbing his hair down with his hand.
"Give me whatever you're having."

"Do I look like your maid, Carter?" Sara asked with a raised eyebrow, standing in front of
the refrigerator.

"Hm, Brian DID tell me about that French maid outfit you used to have…"

Sara's eyes widened and Nick hunched forward as a Sunny Delight bottle hit him in the
stomach.

"Geez! You definitely don't throw like a girl anymore!" The blonde said, rubbing his
stomach.

"That's what motherhood does to you. After that pain, you don't do anything like a girl
anymore." She sat down across from him, opening her own bottle and taking a drink.

"Mmm, yah." Nick smiled again, thinking about the birth of his children. Well, Zach, at
least. His heart pained everytime he thought about having to tell Nicole where he was
during her birth. Or, even, that she was a twin..

"You alright?"

"Yeah, just… thinking."

"Hmm, dangerous." Sara spoke, leaning her head against the window and closing her
eyes.

"So, are you and Bri planning on having anymore children?" Nick asked innocently,
thinking about how happy Emily had made them when she was born. Brian didn't shut up
for weeks about her. Nick would even have to listen to her baby noises if he called Brian
during that time.
The question though, had sent Sara's eyes flying open and staring directly into Nick's.
Immediately, he knew that this was the wrong question to ask.

She licked her lips and then bit them, looking down and then looking back up again.

"We, uh, we haven't made love in two years, Nick." Sara wasn't sure why it was so easy to
tell him but, it had just come sliding out of her mouth like he was her best friend.

"Oh," Nick looked down. "I'm so sorry, Sar. I didn't know…"

"I know. It's alright. I'm just trying to figure things out between us." She twisted a piece of
hair around her finger. "I just…I miss him, ya know? I miss that insatiable feeling you get
when there's no one in the world but the two of us. That ecstasy you feel lying there
together that you want to laugh and cry, all at the same time…" Sara's eyes narrowed and
tears began to blur her vision as she looked down, putting her hands in her lap.

Nick quickly moved to her side of the table and did the only thing he could, hold her close
and let her cry. "I know, hon. Even when Jenn and I make love now, I don't have all of her
there like I used to. Some of her is still lost… out at sea somewhere."

The girl nodded against his chest, knowing exactly what he meant. Even the times that
she and Brian had tried, the fact that he wasn't all hers made it not even worth it. It
seemed to hurt him more than pleasure him. She couldn't deal with that. He had already
been through too much.

"Don't give up though, Sar, 'cos everytime Jenn and I sleep together now, everytime her
body nears mine on cold nights and I hold her so close to my heart, we're getting better.
It's kind of like falling in love again. Learning to trust and knowing that our hearts are
beating only for each other and nobody…ever… can take this love away from us." He
paused, rubbing her back. "Brian will understand that too, in that. You two love each
other and everyone knows that. Things are gonna work out.."

"I hope you're right." Sara leaned up and kissed Nick's cheek. "Thanks, Nick. I don't know
what I'd do without you."

"Nick?" A sleepy voice sounded from the direction of the beds.

"Hey baby…what're you doin' up?" Nick smiled at his wife, looking dazed and confused.

"I figured I kicked you out. Juuusttt wanted to say sorry." Jenn rubbed her eyes and yawn.
"And to tell you I'm cold so get your ass back in bed."

The blonde laughed a little and stood, helping Sara up too. "See? Tonight's just one of
those nights."

Sara smiled as Nick went and picked up Jenn to carry her back to bed. The couple
laughed a bit and Nick looked back towards Sara.

"Go to him, Sara. Fall in love again."

That night, Sara crawled back into bed and cuddled close to Brian.

"Hey.." He smiled groggily. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Falling." She answered simply and only smiled as he wrapped an arm around her.

In the other bed, Nick and Jenn held on to each other tight. Nick kissed the top of her
head gently, hoping that someday they would all be back to normal. And one day, Jenn
would give her whole self to him again.

Until then, he would be waiting patiently, with his hand stretched towards her. With open
arms.

***

It was the middle of the night, Kevin and Brian had been the only two awake when the bus
pulled into their next stop. After waiting for a half an hour inside of the bus, Kevin had
gone outside to wait.

“Man, they should be here by now.” Kevin said as he paced in front of the bus. The first
bus had contained Kevin, Brian, Sara, Nick, and Jenn.

“Kevin, I’m sure it’s fine. They probably got caught up in some traffic. They are gonna
pull up any second.” Brian said from his seat on the bus steps. He was worried too, but
didn’t want Kevin knowing that.

“I can’t help but worry, I should’ve been on that bus.” Kevin let out a deep sigh.

Brian knew where this was going, “Don’t blame this on yourself. It’s not going to help
any.”

Kevin didn’t answer as he looked up at the road. Headlights appeared and Kevin felt
relieved as the silhouette of a bus appeared next. Turning on his heel, he started making
his way to his cousin when two loud pops broke through the night air.

Brian’s head snapped up when he heard the loud noise. He nearly had a heart attack at
the sight that greeted him.

Kevin took two faltering steps back at the pain that exploded in his chest. Looking down
at the front of this shirt, all he saw was red. He suddenly felt faint, and began falling to
the pavement.

Brain managed to run to Kevin’s side and caught him before he crashed to the ground.
“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” was all Brian could get out as he cradled his cousins head in
his lap.

Pain etched into Kevin’s face as he tried to get in a breath. He couldn’t believe that this
could be the end for him, he wasn’t ready to die. He heard feet hitting the pavement and
was suddenly worried if it was the same people that had shot him.

“Oh my god! What happened?!” Howie cried out at the sight. Kevin was relived to hear
that it was one of their friends, and not some killer coming to finish them off.

Brian let out a cry, “I…I think he was sh…shot. Call 911!”

As everyone else made their way out of the busses the cried were heard through the
night air. Nick held onto Jenn and Sara as they cried into his chest. AJ was frozen at the
door of the bus. Howie had quickly pulled out his cell phone and was talking to the 911
operator.

“They should be here in about 5 minutes.” Howie relayed as he approached Kevin’s side.
The operator had asked him to look at the injuries. Howie wasn’t too sure if he could
handle this, but his friends life was on the line, and he knew that he had to.

“Kev, stay with me!” Brian yelled out as Kevin’s eyes began to flutter shut. Kevin
groaned and forced his eyes back open.

The operator instructed Howie to remove Kevin’s shirt, and he quickly ripped it off. He
was shocked when he was no holes in his chest.

“Th…there’s no wound!” Howie said to the operator in confusion. The sirens were
quickly approaching, basking the area in swirling lights. Howie began feeling around
Kevin’s chest for any kind of wound.

Kevin let out a painful moan when Howie pressed down on the center of his chest. The
pain became unbearable as his surroundings began to blur together, and he passed out.