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No one has seen Kevin all morning. They had gone back to their own California homes
now, a week after Jenn had been there. Today, the group was expected to be gathered at
the venue for a charity concert at noon to run through things.

At one o’clock, there was still no word from the eldest member of the band. A slight,
unspoken worry hung in the air as it was out of character for Kevin to be late. For a
reason unbeknownst to her, Jenn volunteered to go find him.

Receiving questioning glances from both AJ and Nick, she only shrugged and grabbed
the keys to her brother’s car. "I’ll be back with Mr.Richardson."

It was 1:30 before Jenn reached the gate to Kevin’s house and another ten minutes
before she remembered the code. She shut off the ignition and stared up at the house
from inside the car, sucking in a deep breath. Now that she was here, she had regretted
being the one to come. Jenn was almost positive of the reasons that Kevin was late and,
at the time, she thought it better for the Boys not to find out this way. But now, she wasn’t
sure if she could handle this by herself.

The woman rang the doorbell twice before finding Kevin’s key on AJ’s key ring. Her
hands, trembling, stuck the key into the hole and hesitantly pushed forward.

The sight that welcomed her was not at all like something that would be owned by Kevin
Richardson. It did not smell of clean air like it had in the past. Glasses sat around every
room, pillows and blankets tossed about from makeshift beds for nights when he was too
tired to climb the stairs. Jenn bit her lip, finding two joints on the end table and a baggie,
with one pill left.

And still no Kevin.

With more of a shake about her now, the woman made her way up the stairs, hoping to
God that she’d find Kevin there. Sure enough, as soon as she opened his bedroom door,
her nostrils were filled with the unwelcome scent of alcohol and pot. There, in the middle
of it all, clad in boxers, was what she had been looking for.

Jenn swallowed, taking in the vision of Kevin’s body slowly. He was so much thinner than
he had been just days ago and, even then, he hadn’t been as toned as he had once been.

"Kevin…" She whispered, nearing him. Jenn’s heart jumped when she saw how white his
face was, such a contrast to the black of his sheets. His lips were shut together tightly and
his hands were curled in fists against his chest as if he were cold. Jenn was concerned to
find that, as she placed her hand on his back, his skin was coated in sweat.



"Kev, c’mon, wake up baby…" Her voice was low and deep with worry now as her mind
raced with a thousand things she should be doing for him. Kevin didn’t even flinch. "Oh
God, what’s happening to you?"

Quivering, Jenn stood to walk to the adjoining bathroom. She found a washcloth in Kevin’
s closet and began to wet it underneath the faucet when her phone rang.

"Hello?" She tried to her best to sound calm.

However, the voice on the other end was not doing the same. "Where the hell are you and
Kevin? If you’re doing what I think you’re -"

"Alex, shut up! Kevin…he’s….really sick. I think."

"You think? What do you mean you think?" He blew out smoke from his 3rd cigarette in
the hour.

"I mean, I know. Damn it! Just hold your damn horses! Kevin’s not there to take control
and you guys all freak the fuck out! He’s allowed to be sick every now and then!" Jenn
almost screamed through the line, anger filling her. Maybe she understood Kevin in that
moment. He had too much responsibility and not enough love. Tears began to sting her
eyes.

"Since when do you take up for him, Jenn?" AJ asked, almost laughing.

Then she hung up on him.

Jenn was in the midst of calling Nick to explain to him that she was trying her hardest to
get Kevin where he needed to be when she heard it. It was an odd sound, one that she
couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t even really a human sound. Maybe it was his dog, she
thought to herself, turning off the faucet. Walking back inside the room, though, proved
her wrong.

Kevin was now face down in his pillow, vomit leaking out of his still closed mouth, his
eyes still shut. Suddenly, his body began to shake, struggling for breath. After a moment
of shock, Jenn realized he was choking. His lips were beginning to turn blue…

Oh my God, the woman thought as she dropped the cloth onto his bed and grabbed him,
he’s going to die right here in front of me.

That’s certainly what it looked like. Even as Jenn got a hold of him and sat him up, Kevin
wouldn’t quit choking. His eyes were open now, though, and they were wide with fear. She
was the only one that could help him and he knew it. He was begging her. For some
reason, he couldn’t get his brain to allow him to breathe correctly.

Jenn leaned him over a trashcan, hoping he would get the message to open his mouth
and let it out. She breathed a sigh of relief when he did as she hoped. Kevin gasped for
oxygen for a moment or two afterwards and then fell back again.

"Oh no…" Jenn breathed. "Come on, you’re supposed to be with the other Boys right
now. I’m not leaving you here a hung over and stinky mess."

But he wasn’t hung over. He hadn’t even drank last night. If she only knew…if he could
only tell her how his mind wasn’t even focusing…That he couldn’t even form any words
with his lips…

"Get up." The reason for her pushiness came from her deep rooted fear. Inside of her,
there was a new life growing, life that they would share. He didn’t even know about it and,
if he couldn’t take care of himself, should he even get to know about it? It scared her, the
condition he was in…and the way she still felt about him.

Finally, she wasn’t sure how, but Jenn got Kevin into the bathroom and into the tub. She
didn’t bother to remove his one article of clothing, seeing as he still shivered, and the let
the warm water submerse his body. His eyes blinked slowly now. Jenn hoped it was a sign
of his return to reality.

Jenn sighed shakily as she wiped away the vomit from Kevin’s face and chest. It was like
taking care of a child. Her emotions began to stir within her and, dropping the cloth into
the water and hoping he would get the hint to finish, Jenn traveled back into the
bedroom.

Opening Kevin’s closet, she felt the hot tears once more as she realized all of these
clothes seemed far too big for the broken man. She would finally decide on an old
Kentucky shirt and khaki shorts. Pulling a new pair of boxers out of his drawer as well, she
headed back for the bathroom.

"KEVIN!" The woman shrieked as she sat his clothes down on the sink. Kevin had begun
to sink into the water, his washcloth in hand. "Well, you tried…"

Jenn lifted a soggy Kevin out of the tub and put him on the towel on the floor so that he
could sit up against the bathtub. "Please talk to me, Kevin."

What she got in response was not what she had expected at all. Kevin’s chin quivered for
a moment before he bit his bottom lip and tears started to fall. "I’m such a fuckin’ loser.
I…I’m sorry."

Jenn stopped drying him off and met his eyes with her own. In them, she saw the fear
dying and a lost look beneath. He needed someone to be for him. But she wasn’t sure if
she could be THAT one… "You need to lay off what you’re doing, Kevin."



"I don’t know if I can." He shook his head and looked down. "I don’t mean to do it in the
first place." His mind began to race with all sorts of things, making it hard for him to keep
focus.

"Then, let’s get you help, Kev. You’re strong. You can fight this…" She brought her hand
to his face, caressing his cheek. He turned away.

"I have to help myself. Alone. They…they’ll hate me if they know…" Kevin spoke in a
dreamlike state, as if he were talking to himself.

"Nobody is going to hate you, Kevin!" Jenn swallowed, lifting his chin. "Nobody hates
Alex."

"I told him I hated him…" The man whispered, as if remembering that day. "And I…I don’t
want him to…hate me…"

"He won’t, Kev." Jenn ran a hand through his wet hair. "If you get help now."

His green eyes looked up again, greener than they had been before. "W-would you help
me?"

The girl stopped again and read his face. There was something so special about him that
she couldn’t lose, as much as she hated him sometimes. "I will, Kevin." She nodded and
smiled. "Let’s get you dressed and to the venue and then we’ll talk about this tonight."

Kevin nodded and lifted his hips to change his boxers and pull on his pants. Jenn pulled
his shirt down over his head and grabbed a Kentucky hat to match. "The venue will be
crazy by now. You were supposed to be there like two hours ago."

"Not like I sing anyway…" He mumbled, walking down the stairs behind her. He didn’t warn
her that he still felt waves of nausea.

Jenn shot a disapproving glance towards him as she sat down into the driver’s seat.
"Kevin.."

He threw his hands up. "Just stating facts."

Jenn only turned up the radio in response. Biting her lip, she wondered if she could help
him find his way back. She wondered if she could love him like she used to. Like no one
had ever known about.

She wondered if she would ever find the right way to tell him that he would soon be a
father. Maybe…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jenn and Sara watched from the side of the stage as the Boys performed to a sold out
crowd. No one could say that their age had taken away their energy, they still possessed
an amazing stage presence that made girls crazy. Hell, it had even gotten to the people
backstage, for they were just as wild as the audience.

Although AJ’s sister had been just as enthusiastic about the performance as the rest, she
still focused intently on Kevin. No one would know that just hours ago, he had been child-
like, choking on his own regurgitations. No, nobody would even suspect that the man who
was dancing around like a moron, had a problem. A big problem.

But she was going to help him. Even though Jenn and Kevin hadn’t gotten along too well
in the past, except for a few occasions, there was some strange bond between them. And
she worried deeply for him. He was letting go of reality so quickly…too quickly…

"Thank you Los Angeles! We had a wonderful…wonderful time tonight! God Bless and We’
ll see y’all soon!" AJ blew a kiss to the audience as the others followed with similar
messages and they took a final bow.

Jenn felt an anxiousness about her now as the Boys ran off of the stage. What WOULD she
say to Kevin? How would she get around to telling him about this baby?

She watched and smiled as the group joked around in masses backstage, some of them
watching the next performance from the side, others simply sitting around and chatting,
waiting for their vans. Jenn felt a tinge on anger run through her veins as she watched
Kevin inconspicuously lift a beer out of the cooler while talking to a stage crew person.

He casually drank it until the bottle was empty and then reached for another before
heading back to his dressing room.

~*~*~*~

"What in the HELL, Kevin?!" Jenn screamed. She had followed him into his dressing room
shortly after he had left the main room. She had only wanted to help him. Instead, she
found Kevin with a bottle of vodka now, shaking a bag of cocaine, seeming to contemplate
the idea. "THE HELL YOU WANTED MY HELP!"

In a fit of rage, she reached for the half empty bottle and flung it across the room, sending
it to shatter against the opposite wall. Jenn had her hand on the doorknob when she
turned back around. "You’re right Kevin, they would hate you if they knew what you were
doing. You’ve ruined it for yourself because you’re worthless. You won’t get help and you
fuckin’ lie to everyone around you…"

Kevin had gone from tears to sobs and as much as Jenn didn’t want to hurt him, she
couldn’t stop. This wasn’t the man that she had left a few weeks ago. This was a pitiful
excuse for a man. A broken boy. A man that had hurt her. Hurt himself. Tears from her eyes
started to match his own. "Is this what you wanted, Kevin?!" She cried in a low whisper.
"Did you WANT everyone to hate you so that you’d be right?" She sniffed and looked
around. "You’re doing a damn good job. I’ll see you around."

With that, Jennifer Mclean left the room, brushing past her brother and Nick who tried to
get her attention, and didn’t stop until she reached AJ’s car. Unfortunately, AJ was hot on
her heels.

"What the hell happened in there?" He inquired, more concerned than upset.

Jenn smiled bitterly and shook her head. "Honestly? I don’t know…"

"What do you mean…"

"You don’t want to know, Alex." She put her hand against his chest and shook her head. "I
shouldn’t have come. I don’t want to know what I know now."

"Did you tell him?" AJ asked, his eyebrows furrowing together.

"I wish that was my problem." Jenn bit her lip and looked off into the sun. "I’m leaving…"

"You can’t leave! You’ve just been here a week!" The man tried to figure out just what had
happened in that room.

"I’m leaving, Alex." Her voice had a firmer tone to it this time, as if to confirm her
statement. "I’ll call you…sometime before the baby’s born."

"But…"

"You can get a ride from Nick, right? Tell him I love him and…to call me soon." With that,
Jenn kissed her brother on the cheek and got into the car.

She would cry all the way back to AJ’s house and the whole time she was packing. Jenn
decided she would return home in Florida for a while and then move somewhere else.
Somewhere where no one would find her or her child. If she kept the child…

Jenn laid down on the bed once more, thinking about things before it was time to catch
the flight that she had just booked. There, she gave in to a restless sleep.

It was a ringing phone that would wake her at 3 AM that would shake her world forever.