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Chapter 2



“I just don’t think we should bring a baby into our world right now, Sar.” Brian stated dominantly for what seemed like
the hundredth time on their ride home.

“So, when is the right time, Brian? When is it convenient for you?” Sara spun around on her heel, throwing her purse
down with a spark of anger and hurt in her eyes. It was a look that Brian had been causing too much of for his liking
lately. “Ya know, ‘Cos I don’t want to intervene with YOUR plans and YOUR work.”

“Sara, it’s not that way..”

“Really? Because ever since the doctor told us that we might have to try harder to have a baby, you’ve been doing
everything NOT to have a baby.” The anger in her eyes had disappeared and had been replaced with more hurt and
sadness. She cocked her head to one side and bit her lip. “Is there another woman? Is that it? Is that why you won’t
even TOUCH me now?”

“Sweetheart,” Brian stepped forward only to have his wife step back. “I just think that with me going on tour and you,
promoting this movie, we just shouldn’t. We’re on top right now, baby…”

“So you’ve been lying to me? Last Christmas, when you said you were ready to start having a family? Six months ago,
when we lost our first baby? 3 weeks ago, when we lost…” Tears ran with mascara down her cheeks, forming black
rivers of confusion.

“No…No, Sara. How could you accuse me of lying? You know…”

“Because, Brian, you haven’t given me any reasonable excuse to believe otherwise.” She sniffed and looked away.
“What happened to OUR dreams? Living for us and loving each other? Not caring what everyone else thought?”

“Damn it Sara! Grow UP! We can’t live like that anymore! Things have gotten more serious now and we…” Brian
stopped, realizing he had spoken with rash and harshness.

He realized it when he saw her teary brown eyes shoot through his body with a look he had never seen before and
certainly never wanted to be the cause of again. Hell, it scared him.

“How…” The man watched as his wife licked her lips in that way she did when she was trying not to cry. Man, he had
done it this time. In no time, she was flying up their stairs.

“SARA! Wait…I didn’t…” Brian had followed her all the way up to their room only to have the door shut in his face.

~*~*~*~

It was 5 in the morning when Brian was sitting against a wall of the guest room that would’ve served as the nursery for
the babies they never had. He pulled out small articles of clothing and bottles and diapers. How could he let her down
like this? How could he not give the woman he loved the one thing that she really wanted? And, Dammit, why couldn’t
he just tell her he felt bad for the whole thing instead of choosing to argue with her?

A smile curved the ends of his lips as he found the baby book that Sara had already taken the liberty to fill out in the
parts she could.

He flipped through it slowly and found a page about ‘Mommy and Daddy’. The question reading, the first thing that
mommy noticed about daddy…

And there, in her prettiest handwriting, she had written :

“Those great blue eyes that gave me new life and those hands that I knew, would never let me down.”

There had been more, but he couldn’t go on. A tear dripped onto the page as he saw their wedding picture pasted to the
next page. There, underneath her answer, was a blank space. He remembered she had asked him to fill it out, but he
had always been too busy.

A feeling of regret washed over him as he gently wrapped his arms around a bear that he had bought for his future
child on tour. Not until this moment did he realize that just being home would’ve been the better gift. The interview that
weekend had been optional but he decided to go anyways. It was the same day Sara lost the baby.

There, on the hardwood floor, Brian Littrell cried himself to sleep, the bear still close to his chest.

This is how Sara found him two hours later. The picture broke her heart. They had been breaking a lot of each other
later and it hurt too much to not do something about.

But not tonight. Walking over to a pile of stuff in the corner, she pulled out a blanket and covered her husband, careful
not to wake him. Sara couldn’t bring herself to leave him there alone though. So, quietly, she laid down beside him, the
bear between the two, representing the child it seemed they would never have.

This roller coaster of emotions had to end soon. It had to end before they did.


~*~*~*~*~


Lori woke up sometime in the mid morning hours. She had remembered something about AJ saying that he wanted a
baby. She knew that he was just drunk. Like AJ would want to start a family right now. He was twenty-six, he was
having the time of his life. Lori felt the same way. She felt that she wasn't ready for that either. It was funny though
because he had never mentioned it before.

As she lay there trying to remember last night's agenda, she suddenly had this overwhelming nausea rush through
her. She ran to the bathroom, waking AJ up in the process, and emptied the contents of her stomach. She had never
felt this bad after her usual night on the town with her husband. "Baby, are you okay?" AJ's voice came from the bed.
She heard footsteps and AJ poked his head into the bathroom.

"I'll make it, Jay." Lori got up from the floor and grabbed a washcloth out of the linen closet and soaked it with cold
water. "Just not feeling so hot this morning."

"Wow. I'm surprised that you are sober. I mean, I'm still feeling it." AJ walked into the bathroom and kissed Lori on
the head. "Maybe you should come back to bed and I can make you feel better?" Lori saw the look in his eye and was
tempted.

"I can't, Jay. I think any kind of movement right now would cause major sonsequences. Thanks for the offer though."
She smiled sweetly at him and led him back to the bed. "You go back to sleep. I still have to go get things done today."
Before AJ could answer, Lori was back in the bathroom throwing up again.

AJ was getting worried. It had been a couple of hours since they had woken up and Lori was still in the bathroom. He
wanted to help her, but he knew that the alcohol had to get out of her system.

"Baby, maybe you should go to the doctor?" he asked her when they finally made it downstairs to eat. "You could have
alcohol poisoning or something."

"Jay, I'm fine. Everyone gets sick when they drink too much."

"Everyone except you. I have never seen you get sick." AJ looked at her and repeated what he said earlier. "I think
you need to go to the doctor's."

"AJ, I don't go to doctors and you know that! Just drop it!" Lori walked out of the kitchen and went into the living room.
A few seconds later, AJ heard a thud and ran into the other room.

"Baby?" He ran over and dropped to his knees. His wife was passed out on the living room floor.