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Chapter 6: A gleam of compassion


The concert that night went pretty well. At least for Brian it seamed so considering that he made it through the whole show while still feeling like crap. He was thankful that today there had not been one of these sound check-parties they used to do in most of the cities. Surely the fans would have noticed that there was something going on between the five of them. The usual kidding around and making fun of each other was missing. Mainly because Brian wasn’t the one to start it. He usually was. Had ever been. But he wasn’t up to this. Not today, not with them. He couldn’t just forget.

Despite the fact that he `survived´ the concert, there was not much good left to talk about. He had been very inactive on stage, had just done and said what he was supposed to be. Nothing less, but for sure nothing more.

AJ hadn’t spoken to Brian before the show, and now after it as they were rushing to get to the bus before the fans did, it seemed like he tried to avoid Brian. AJ waited till Brian had chosen a seat on the bus and then took one as far away as possible.

Brian didn’t really care right then. He was exhausted. That definitely hadn’t been his day. He looked forward to be back at the hotel, take a shower and then joining Leighanne in their bed. Tomorrow would be another hectic day as there was a TV-Interview with MTV and two smaller Interviews on various radio-stations as far as he remembered.

He stared out of the window next to him and watched the nightly city passing by. Right now they were in France, the third country in Europe they were about to tour. He decided that he would try to catch some extra sleep on the way back to the hotel since none of the others seemed to care what he was doing. Nick and AJ had a conversation about a slip that had flown onto the stage during JWYTK and what AJ had done with it, since it had magically disappeared by the end of the song. Howie already was asleep. Like always. Kevin… where was Kevin? Brian looked around the bus to see where his older cousin was. Maybe they had left him at the concert hall?

“Hey cuz!” Brian jumped in surprise as he heard the familiar voice of his cousin right behind him. Pleased too early.

Brian looked round to see his cousin coming right over to where he sat. It looked like he had been to the bus toilet.

“There a plenty other seats on the bus, take on of them!” Brian thought while again turning his head to the window.

“Hi Kev!” he replied lamely.

Kevin settled himself next to Brian looking at the younger man.

“Are you ok?” Kevin asked, but Brian noticed that there was a lack of concern in this question.

“Just tired” Brian said.

“I noticed that. I guess everybody did” Kevin sounded ironic.

“Look Kevin. I’m tired, I’m exhausted. And I’m absolutely not up for and long conversations so tell me what the heck you want” anger was building inside Brian. He knew exactly was his cousin wanted.

“Your performance today was…”Kevin started but was interrupted by Brian.

“…was lousy” Brian finished for him. “I know that.”

“You know that?” Kevin’s temper was getting the best of him, “if you do, then tell me why didn’t you do it better?” He had raised his voice by the end of the sentence.

“Stop it Kevin. This is going to bring us nowhere” Howie obviously had woken up when Kevin became louder.

Kevin sighed, then nodded and left the seat next to Brian to go over to Howie. Nick and AJ also had stopped their conversation while the two cousins where about to fight. AJ for the first time since their conversation today looked at Brian. Brian looked back for a second, but then turned to stare at the passing traffic again.

He heard that Johnny, their manager, who was also on the bus talked to Kevin: “…want to talk to you about that later. I have talked to the rest of the heads of the management team and they think that we need a solution here pretty soon.”

No good. Brian had a feeling that soon the decision whether or not Baylee and Leighanne would still be joining the tour wasn’t theirs anymore. He needed to talk to his lawyer, there was no other way. Could they forbid him to have his family around? What if they could? There was no way he would leave them in Atlanta while traveling around the world for months. Would he need to leave the group? Could he leave the group? His thoughts were rushing through his head. Inside he began to panic.

Howie listened to the conversation between Johnny and Kevin. He thought it was good that soon there would be some decision to be made. He looked over to Brian. He was sure that he had noticed Brian overhearing some word. Now he was staring out of the window, but he seemed upset.

“What does he think?” Howie questioned himself.

“What would you be thinking?” came the reply of his insides.

Howie studied Brian for some second more. He looked pale. Maybe that was due to the light in the bus? Howie didn’t dislike Brian. It was just that he never had a real bond with him. They weren’t on the same platform. He often didn’t like all the mess Nick and Brian could make. They were chaos. They were making fun of him. He, Howie, had like Brian never done anything really wrong, there were no affairs and no drinking antics. Nothing. He had a good family. Like Brian had. Now why were there rumors about him being gay and not about Brian? Why was Brian still, although he was married now, still more popular? Why did this guy, how seemed to have no yet outgrown elementary school have all the things he was supposed to have?

Now Howie was satisfied. The small amount of compassion for Brian and his twisted situation had quickly been washed away by the thoughts of how unfair life had been by sharing its pleasures between the two of them.

And wasn’t it true? Brian had had less time for all of them and their work nowadays. This was his job. His father also had to go to work every day when he was the dad to five children, him being the youngest. Surely Baylee wouldn’t died if he got to see his father a little bit less often.