It’s so hard for me to describe what happened next. I felt like I was in a womb. I know it sounds silly, because how on earth would I even remember what that feels like in the first place, right? Good point, I don’t, but if I had to give this particular sense a feeling, it would definitely be womb-like.
It was dark and quiet, the kind of quiet you experience before a huge storm, you know when all the birds and outside sounds suddenly disappear. That was always so eerie to me. Growing up, it wasn’t the hurricanes themselves I was afraid of, but the quiet that they brought along with them. Because at any moment that quiet could go away in a roar of wind.
I stood there in that dark place, waiting for that roar of wind to come out of nowhere and take me to wherever it was I was meant to go, unless this was it?
A sobering thought occurred to me at that point and that was, maybe this was all there was to the after life. Maybe all the talk about light and family and angels playing harps was nothing more than a fairytale. Maybe all that was truly waiting for you on the other side was darkness.
Yup, that’s when I started to panic; I couldn’t picture eternity being this still and quiet. There had to be more, something much better than this. I mean they could have at least given me a flashlight or something. Grim sucks at his job! Seriously!!
“Hello? A little help here!” I decided to shout into the nothingness. Maybe this was some kind of lesson that ‘death’ was trying to teach me. Maybe ‘death’ and Kevin were working together on some kind of master plan to punish me for constantly disobeying pretty much anything they’ve ever said.
“Kevin!” I yelled because why not, right? I mean if I was right, then Kevin would answer. Maybe he’d come out of the darkness with a flashlight and say, “See? Next time Death tells you to do something you do it!”
“Did he just say something? Nicky…can you hear me?” Oh my God!! Howie’s here!
“It sounded like he said Kevin’s name…I’ll go get Kevin!” No! Don’t go get Kevin, he’ll just yell at me for something and where the hell are you AJ? How come I can hear you guys but I can’t see a damn thing?
“Nicky…can you hear me?” Why must Howie always repeat himself? You know, he does that all the time.
“He said my name?”
“Clear as day.”
“Nick!! I’m right here little man…talk to me.” Oh great, now I’m really in trouble.
I couldn’t understand why it was I heard them but didn’t see them. It was if they were just out of my reach, so I walked a tiny bit ahead. I was kind of afraid to do that because for all I knew there was a giant abyss with my name on it, just waiting to eat me up. Wow, that would suck monkey balls huh?
“Where’s Brian?” Yes, that was an excellent question Kevin. He’s the smart one though, he always has been. Why would he hang around in the dark? He’s probably back at camp playing basketball and mocking me for not following him.
“He went to go get the doctor; he should have been back by now.” Wait a minute…did he just say “doctor?”
“Nick... hang on the doctor is coming…he just said doctor did you hear him?” Kevin sounded very excited about this but then again so was I because Brian going to get a doctor meant that I was still alive, unless there are doctors in heaven…if this is even heaven. Why would you need a doctor in heaven anyway? That would make next to no sense but then again, who said that life or death made any sense?
I reached my hand out just to see what would happen, yes I was curious…I’m Nick. “His hand is moving!” Cool!
I heard a door open, “How long ago?” That was a voice I was unfamiliar with, it was probably the doctor.
“About five minutes ago, he said my name and then he said the word doctor.”
Suddenly I was uncomfortable, I felt myself being poked and prodded and didn’t like it one bit. That’s when it occurred to me that I was still in pain. I didn’t think about it before but once I realized I was alive, the pain began to increase. My anxiety grew when I suddenly saw a huge flash of light. Maybe this was all a trick, some kind of mind game Casper was playing on me. Make him think he’s alive and then at the last minute pull him away from that and into the light.
“Seems like he’s trying to wake up.” And the master of the obvious award goes to…I wonder where he got his medical degree from?
The light disappeared and once again I was left in darkness. I’ve always hated the dark. I can’t sleep unless there’s a little crack of light coming in from somewhere, usually a bathroom door or hallway. Brian, who is lucky enough to room with me most of the time, understands this about me. It’s kind of an unspoken thing, he lets me do it, no questions asked and in return I leave him alone when he wants to talk to his girlfriend.
I think that’s a fair little arrangement we have. Now when I get stuck with the others, I have to be slyer about this. Generally, I make up a story about me being clumsy and needing the light to stay on so I can make my way to the bathroom. For some reason they always believe me about the clumsy part, not sure why.
Okay I know they probably figured out that I just hate sleeping in the dark, but props to them for not calling me out on it. Well almost all of them, AJ always makes fun of me because he’s an idiot…but everyone else was cool.
I felt someone’s hand on my forehead, it was so cold. “Nick, can you hear me?” That was Brian’s voice this time and I couldn’t help but feel a little relieved.
I found myself hopping around. I was aggravated that I couldn’t see them. They were right there, I heard them and now I even felt them. Brian’s hand was so cold; it felt nice because I was getting pretty hot. Gah! I hate the “dark!!!”
“What Frack?”
“HE talked again! Listen, he’s talking again!” Kevin is going to be the kind of dad that brags to everyone when his kid finally poops in the potty.
“He’s smiling, Nicky why are you smiling?” I guess the thought of Kevin bragging about shit made me happy? I’m weird.
I had to get out of here, I wish I knew how…there should be exit signs or something. “Dark…”
“He’s afraid of the dark!” Brian, shut up! I can’t believe he just said that.
“Then just open your eyes silly!” AJ is such a…oh.
I slowly opened my eyes, as best as I could. It felt like someone was fighting me to keep them closed. Maybe a hundred little eye jockeys or something, each one racing my lashes in some kind of weird Kentucky Derby or something. Get off of me eye jockeys, I need to see!
My vision was very blurry at first but there was no mistaking who was looking down at me. Even with cloudy eyesight, those brows stood out. He looked tired and scruffy. “Kevin?”
Wow, that was hard to say. My throat felt so dry that I swear I heard my tongue crack. My eyes wondered from Kevin to Brian, who still had his hand on my forehead.
“Well look who’s awake. You gave us quite the scare little man.” Kevin whispered to me with tears in his eyes. Good lord that boy will cry about anything.
I was so thirsty suddenly; all I wanted was “water.”
I saw AJ running for the pitcher of water out of the corner of my eye. He looked tired too, “Here ya go buddy.” He said as he poured me a glass of water.
Brian sat beside me on my bed and both he and Kevin helped to move me up to a sitting position. The room was so bright it was killing my eyes and I swear that when I groaned I thought Kevy was going to have a heart attack. I missed them so much.
Kevin placed the glass right by my mouth, “Drink slowly little man,” which was going to be no problem for me because I was so weak I could barely open my mouth, within two sips I was all done.
I felt my eyes closing again, I tried to fight against sleep but I couldn’t help it, I guess I had a rough day. Coming back from death will do that to you.
When I closed my eyes I was in another place. Actually it looked a lot like the campground I had just escaped from. “No freaking way!” I said standing up in frustration. It looked different somehow though, not menacing at all. There was no wind or rain, it was perfectly sunny and there sitting next to the fire with a stick in his hand, sat Casper. He looked up at me and smiled.
“Ugh! Not you again!”
“Gee, it’s nice to see you too Nick.”
“What’s going on? Why am I here?”
“Relax, it’s only a dream this time. I guess this is your brain’s way of finding closure for all that’s happened to you.”
I let out a deep breath and sat beside Casper as he offered me a marshmallow and a stick. “You know, I should be dreaming about naked girls or something not having toasted marshmallows with a ghost.”
“I’m not a ghost.”
“Oh that’s right, well not that you being Death makes it any better.”
Casper laughed at me, “Okay, you have a point.”
“Do I? What’s going on Cas…Grim…What do I call you?”
“I like Casper.”
“Okay fine…Casper; what am I supposed to do now?”
He shrugged at me, “You know, I have to say I’ve never had these before, they are very tasty.”
“Uh….can we focus please?”
“Sorry…I don’t know Nick…maybe tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I feel like you betrayed me back there, I thought we were friends but in the end you betrayed me.”
“Yes I did…but only because you expected me to, didn’t you?”
“Well…maybe.”
“Definitely, Nick…you always think that everyone is going to eventually betray you and leave you and that once they do, you’ll never be able to handle being alone. I just proved you wrong, that’s all.”
“You didn’t prove me wrong; you DID leave me and betray me!”
“Yes, but you were able to make it home alone. It was your strength that brought you back here Nick. Your strength and love for the people you care about.”
“I’m not strong at all.”
“There you are very wrong. It took a lot of courage to do what you did and believe me, many people in your situation weren’t so lucky. You stood up to me; you fought Death and won…how cool is that?”
I smiled, “Wow, I never thought about it that way before.”
“I know, but I have a feeling that from now on Nickolas, you will be rethinking a lot of things…whoever thought up the concept of sticking marshmallows on a stick and burning them is a genius.”
It sure was nice to know that Death had the same attention span that I did. “So, I’m confused…are you a bad guy or a good guy?”
He stuck another marshmallow in his mouth, chewed on it and then finally answered, “I’m not a guy at all.”
“Whoa! Is this the part of the dream that you morph into a naked chick?”
“Not quite.”
“Bummer.”
“This is the part of the dream where I say goodbye.” He stood up and put his hand out for me to shake. I was a little leery at first whether or not I should take him up on that offer. I mean he could grab my hand and take me off somewhere, it would suck to come this far only to be done in by a stupid kindergarten type trick…the fake handshake.
I looked at him and decided that maybe trust should start with a good old fashioned handshake with Death. He grabbed my hand and we both shook once before letting go. Weird thing was as he turned to leave, I didn’t want him to. “Don’t you want to just stay and hang out for a little while longer?”
He smiled at me, “There is a man I have to meet in a little bit, and he’s in the room next to you. I have to lead him into the light.”
“Oh. That’s sad.”
“It’s not sad Nick, he had a full life and he’s now ready to move on. It happens to all of you. So…Until we meet again, young Nickolas Gene Carter.” He nodded at me.
“I hope it’s a long time from now.” I was afraid to say that because I didn’t want to hear the ‘well actually I’ll be back in five minutes,’ answer I was sure I would. But he didn’t say anything one way or the other; he just smiled at me and faded away.
When I opened my eyes it was nighttime, there was a light on over my bed, probably because Brian had let the world know about my fear of the dark. It was a little easier opening my eyes this time, they didn’t hurt quite so much and I also felt like I had a little more strength.
“Hey there.” I looked over and saw Kevin sitting in a chair next to me. “I wasn’t sure if you would wake up again, but I wanted to be here just in case.”
“Hey.” I was surprised by the weakness of my own voice. I sounded like crap.
He smiled and moved his chair closer to me, probably so this way he wouldn’t wake up Howie who was noticeably snoring across the room. I could recognize that snore anywhere. He sounds like a penguin with a cold.
“Do you need anything? Are you in pain?”
I shook my head at him. “Parents?” I couldn’t help but notice that since I was awake, they were nowhere around.
“They have been here this entire time Nick, they had to go home but once they heard you woke up they are working on getting back here as soon as possible.”
“How long have I been asleep?”
“About four days…the four longest days of our lives I think.” He was tearing up again but this time I joined him. Maybe everything finally hit me, how close I came to actually dying, how scared I was but most importantly, how much I loved them and how much they loved me.
It occurred to me that for the four or so days that I have been unconscious they probably haven’t left my side. Judging by the way Kevin looked, I doubt he even slept.
He stood up, “Why are you crying, are you in pain, do you need a doctor?”
“No, I’m just sorry I made you guys all worry so much.”
He stood up and sat on the bed next to me, “Listen to me Nicky…there’s nothing to be sorry about. I just thank God you’re going to be okay. There was a little bit that we…well…we…”
“I know.”
“You do?”
“Yes, I thought I was a goner too, but you know what saved me?”
“What?” He placed his hand on my forehead and moved some sweaty hair away from my eyes.
“You all did…I love you guys.” And to make it a truly ‘very special episode’ moment, a tear streamed down my face.
“Well, the doctor said you are officially out of the woods buddy…so you’ll be back to yourself in no time!”
I couldn’t help but laugh when he said that. If Kevin knew how true that little saying was. Maybe that’s how it came about in the first place. Maybe someone had completed the same journey I did and then said it over dinner, next thing you know…voila…a new phrase is born!
“Or maybe I’ll be an even better person.” He gave me a surprised look and then smiled.
“Maybe.” As soon as he nodded we heard a flurry of activity coming from the hallway. A pile of doctors and nurses all ran into the room across the hall from me and that’s when I knew. When Kevin saw me looking out that way, he quickly tried to shield me from what was happening but I stopped him. “Don’t worry about what’s going on in there little man…just worry about yourself.”
“It’s okay Kev…he’s moving on to a better place.”
“Nick…don’t think like that…” He kept going but I only concentrated on what I saw next, and this time I knew I wasn’t dreaming. It was a lady and she was walking an older man down the hall. He looked confused and scared but the lady had her hand on the man’s back trying to calm him down.
She looked in at me and nodded and in that instant, I knew it was him…Casper…Grim…Death.
I wasn’t scared this time because for now, I knew I beat him. I took my little journey into the woods, I had fought my inner demons and I won.
“What are you staring at?”
I looked over at Kevin and smiled, this is something I was going to keep to myself for a long time until maybe one night over pizza and video games I’d blabber about it to Brian or something. Instead, I looked around the room seeing all my friends sleeping in various positions all over the place, including AJ who was actually in a ball on the floor and I said one word.
“Life.”
Yes it’s time for the author’s note :O)
I can’t believe I have reached the end of another story…go me!
This one has been SO much fun to write and I loved watching your reactions as it went a long. I can’t even tell you the number of times I waited in anticipation knowing the big reveal about the woods, Nick’s illness and Casper was getting closer and closer. I had so many conversations about it with Mersey
“Do you think they’ll hate it?”
“Am I coping out with the whole it’s only a dream…kind of sort of thing…”
But in the end, I’m so glad I stuck with my original intent.
So, as always I just wanted to say one last time, thanks so much for reading this. I hope you never saw it coming and yes, I did leave a lot of unanswered questions, as always. lol
Until next time folks!
~ Mare
