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“Who’s the whiner in the group?” a reporter once asked them. Nick thinks it was for one of those teen magazines.

“Nick,” everyone says at once. Well, except for Nick, obviously. Nick silently objects. He thinks he and AJ are equals in that respect but doesn’t say so because news of intra-group fighting will spring up so he simply blushes, knowing the reporter will write that into the interview.

Now, Nick thinks about it some more. The only difference between AJ’s whining and his whining, he thinks, is that AJ uses more expletives. Nick always gets a thwap in the back of his head when he swears but AJ has been swearing since before Kevin came into the group and it seems as if even Denise’s disapproving looks can’t cure him from it.

Another difference is that AJ whines when he is in a foul mood (hence, the swear words) which is quite often. Nick whines because it’s the only way he gets heard in a group that consists of him and four older guys. It’s not that they ignore him completely, of course. Sometimes, when he actually gives a good idea, they listen. But most times, he says things that don’t make sense. Nick thinks there may be something wrong with the nerves that connect his brain with his mouth because he can never voice his thoughts in the neat, orderly way that Kevin does.

He usually whines in rehearsals when he’s tired but he never whines when he has reached his limit. It’s as if his body shuts down and his brain shuts out the rest of the world and if he closes his eyes, he can *feel* himself falling. Years of touring has taught him to sense his and other people’s limits.

That’s another difference between him and AJ. AJ never knows his own limit. He simply pushes and pushes until he snaps. That’s why Howie is good for AJ. Howie is a calming force. AJ and Howie know each other inside out but sometimes, Howie still needs Nick to tell him when AJ is nearing his limit. Howie can calm AJ down before he snaps and they will all be saved from AJ’s whining and foul moods and sheer self-destructiveness.

Nick’s talent at knowing everybody’s limit is partially why he and Kevin butt heads so much. Kevin is very obstinate. Well, they all are, only they show it differently but Kevin is quite near the top of the list. Kevin has two limits. One for Nick and one for everyone else. This makes Nick feel special and strengthens that part in him that says Kevin and the guys will always love him, no matter what.

Nick is prone to bouts of self-loathing and insecurity though, just like everyone else. It is times like these that Nick and Kevin fight the most. Nick needs to know that Kevin still reserves that part of him for Nick only. And he always apologizes to Kevin afterwards and Kevin seems to understand so it’s alright.

Nick’s knowledge makes him feel useful, makes him feel part of the group, but as with everything else, it comes with a downside.

Nick is scared when he sees Brian doing “just one more show, one more appearance” but Brian is as hard-headed as Kevin in his own sweet-talking way so he gives up talking to Brian and voices his concerns to Kevin instead. Kevin listens and tries to talk to Brian but they end up fighting.

Nick can only bite his lip and watch despairingly as Brian and Kevin stay as far away from each other as possible when they do another appearance. Nick is the first one to catch Brian when he collapses backstage.

With AJ, it’s like history repeating itself, only with different characters. The media portrays AJ as the “wild one” because of his tattoos and changing hair colors but he only does this so he can hide behind his piercing and shades. In reality, AJ is not as wild as Nick. Nick goes to club and actively searches out for a partner for the night and drinks because even when you’re underage, you can drink if you’re a popstar. AJ only goes to clubs to dance.

When the fame thing happens, they are bared to more vices than ever before. There are girls, boys, booze and drugs everywhere. They’ve all had a taste of it, of course, in Europe but this is the States and here, every little thing is amplified a hundred times more.

Nick can handle it, he can do the grown-up thing and turn away. Despite Kevin’s protectiveness, he’s had to grow up fast after a record exec corners him in a toilet. He manages to get away with a simple blowjob but he doesn’t tell anybody, not even Brian because it will eventually get to Kevin and if it does, Kevin will reach his limit and shatter.

So he bears with Kevin when he tries to put a protective shield around Nick at award shows and after parties. Sometimes Nick will snap at Kevin and tell him to “get off my fucking *back*, already” but Kevin never does and Nick learns to live with it.

Through all of this, Nick tries to keep an eye on AJ and tells the others to do the same because AJ doesn’t know his own limit.

When AJ’s grandmother dies, it’s like a wall has been built around him. This is a wall that allows no one to come in, a steel, sterile wall. AJ has snapped. For a few months, Nick hates AJ. AJ insists that he doesn’t need help when he clearly does and tells them to “fuck off” and actually means it in the most horrible way. He hates AJ for making Kevin worry until he’s literally sick, for making the lines on Howie’s face deeper, for making Brian falter in his belief in them as he paves his way to self-destructiveness. Mostly though, he hates AJ for making him feel so useless.

When they finally plan an intervention – Nick thinks of it as more of an ambush than anything else – they do it in a hotel room that Nick doesn’t know the name of. He doesn’t want to remember it, either. Kevin is furious and way past his limit.

AJ stumbles in, drunk off his ass and he looks surprised when he sees the four of them waiting for him but it quickly turns into anger and denial. AJ tries to storm out of the room but Kevin’s already there, blocking his way. Kevin’s face is red and he yells at AJ and says things but AJ punches him in the gut.

Through all of this, Nick knows he’s nearing his limit. He desperately wants to get out of the room but he knows that’s not allowed.

When AJ punches Kevin, Nick feels something ping inside his head and the next thing he knows, AJ is against the wall and a fist – Nick’s fist, he registers later – is scant inches away from AJ’s head.

Nick can feel the cold of the wall against his fist and wow, that really hurt and what the fuck? He thought he was past the hitting stage. Right after the incident with the record exec, Nick learns that there has to be compromise and stops making Kevin his punching bag.

He lets Howie fuss over him but he can see that AJ’s still against the wall, only now he’s in a crouching position, sobbing hysterically while Kevin and Brian try to talk to him. Nick thinks that the vulnerability AJ displays is beautiful.

After AJ goes to rehab – Nick never thinks of it in terms of them sending AJ away to rehab. In his mind, AJ goes willingly – they have to do appearances because they’ve decided to tell the fans. Nick wonders why they can’t just post something on the website but everybody says it has to be done so he does it.

Nick feels stupid when he lets a tear escape on national television and feels even more stupid in his room, sobbing his eyes out.

The guys find him there because Howie has an extra key to everyone’s room. They gather around him, offering words of comfort and he feels just a little bit more loved.

Brian tells him that it’s not his fault and even when he stays quiet, Brian knows that he still thinks that it is.

Brian knows that Nick feels guilty for not doing anything even when he knows AJ has passed his limit. Kevin counters that if anyone is to blame; it’s him for not planning an intervention sooner. Howie says that’s ridiculous because Kevin has done more than any of them, especially him because instead of trying to talk to AJ, he avoids him. Brian feels guilty for even considering giving up on AJ.

Nick laughs because it’s all so *stupid*. AJ is in rehab and yeah, maybe they didn’t deal with it in the best way but AJ is on his way to recovery and that’s all that matters.

“Right?” he asks Brian for confirmation.

“Right,” Brian grins back and the faith is restored.

When Nick wakes up the next morning and sees the other guys either on or near the bed, he stops hating AJ.

The Backstreet Boys is the one thing Nick loves and hates at the same time. He can’t put a limit to it and that scares the shit out of him. He’s afraid he won’t be ready if it ends.

At the end of the tour, they hate each other’s guts. One of the factors why Nick loves/hates the band as a group is that the five of them together are so intense. They love and protect each other fiercely and they fight against each other with the same intensity, too.

Nick has had nightmares about the band breaking up and it usually ends when Howie wants out. Howie has one of the highest limits that Nick has ever encountered. Nick has only seen Howie get mad, truly mad, once and it had scared them all. Usually, Howie just takes things in stride. Nick picks on Howie the most because he knows just how high Howie’s limit is. He takes everything Nick dishes out with an eye-roll or a smile. Nick thinks that everything beyond Howie’s limit is beyond repair.

During the tour, he can see Howie nearing his limit everyday. Nick is scared because if Howie reaches his limit, then there’s no hope for the Backstreet Boys.

Nick tries to convey what he’s feeling through lyrics and melodies but he still needs *something*.

When he tells them he’s going to do a solo album, he knows that AJ and Brian feel a bit betrayed but Kevin seems to understand. Howie smiles at him and wishes him luck but Nick still feels scared because Howie’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

When the media gets hold of the story, Nick has to field questions like “are the Boys breaking up?” and tries not to feel as if he is lying when he answers them.

Then, there’s the lawsuit and Nick feels like he belongs again, even if just for a moment, even though they’re using him to get out of a contract.

After that, there’s the meeting that will determine their fate as a whole. Nick knows that he’s being melodramatic but the situation feels melodramatic so it fits.

Nick listens quietly as they each speak their mind. AJ thinks that he needs time to himself again so he won’t be so tempted. Kevin and Brian say they need time for family. Nick ignores the pang in his heart at those words and turns to Howie. Howie says that taking a break – Nick tries not to flinch at the mere word – is a good idea. They all need time to themselves and he can focus a bit more on himself.

Nick doesn’t feel like being contrary or make them resent him so he just shrugs and says that yeah, maybe they need some time apart.

When his album flops, he feels sort of glad even while feeling guilty for everyone that had worked so hard on the album. It was one less part of him that he had to give to the industry.

Nick feels a bit sad one day when Brian calls him. He talks about Baylee and Nick congratulates him and promises to visit as soon as possible but after that, conversation dies. The two of them, Frick and Frack, don’t connect anymore. Nick knows that this is inevitable but still can’t stop himself from feeling sad for a dying relationship.

When all of them are invited to surprise AJ on Oprah, Nick accepts and books the first flight out of London. He desperately wants to see the guys again, to see if they still have the same intensity.

Howie hasn’t been in touch with him for a few weeks and the five of them haven’t been together in the same place for years. He knows that the logical step is to pick up the phone and call them but he feels so scared because what if Howie suddenly tells him that he wants it to end?

Nick meets up with the others at the hotel and they’re all nervous because this is big. They’re going to be airing out their laundry again but all Nick can think about is the five of them in the same room once again.

Finally, they’re in the studio and Nick feels like a dork in his suit. Nick grins when he catches a glimpse of AJ because AJ’s being contrary without even knowing it. AJ truly looks surprised when they walk onto the set and instead of covering it with false bravado, his face lights up. Nick’s smile is wide when he hugs AJ and Denise. They still have it, the intensity. They just need to be together to find it.

Afterwards, they hole themselves up in a room to talk about the business side of things but none of them are really good at the business side of things when it comes to the five of them together so they say fuck it and took the time to get reacquainted instead.

Brian shows them six rolls of film devoted to Baylee, Howie talks about his solo project and DLF, AJ talks about being sober, Kevin talks about his family and acting and Nick still talks nonsense but they all tell him how proud they are of him and how they support him all the way and Nick knows that it’s true.

After that, they go for dinner and it’s like old times again. Howie tells AJ not to talk with his mouth full, Brian and Nick throw French fries at Kevin, taking bets on how many French fries Kevin can take before glaring at them. Kristin must have mellowed him out because fourteen French fries are sacrificed instead of the usual eight.

That night, Nick slept in his hotel bed knowing that the other guys are just a few doors away.

The morning after, they all congregate to Kevin’s room for breakfast and Nick smiles his biggest smile yet as he walks in on Kevin thwapping AJ on the back of the head without taking his eyes off his paper. The Backstreet Boys haven’t reached their limit yet.