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He had come straight from work to her apartment. She had called and he rushed through cases and last minute papers. After scribbling notes form a couple of law books, he was done and he was gone. This woman drove him crazy.


He didn’t know what else to do. He was crazy in love for her. They’d been through a lot in two years of tough love. Virginities had been lost, people close had died and friendships had perished. It was hard, every bump and shove was hard. Every scab had a story to tell of remarkable pain. Each had its boundaries. Each had its limits.


He knocked o要 her door and pushed long blonde hair from his face. He hid the sweet-smelling flowers behind his back. He cleared his throat before she unlocked the door and starred at him. She smiled sweetly when he produced the flowers. She took them and entered without a word. He starred for a second before walking in.


“What?”


“Sit down.” She said softly and she set the flowers against the couch. He sat slowly opposite from her o要 a plush chair.


“What is it baby, what is it?”


“Jon, I think we should see other people. She said closing her eyes. He saw she had let a breath, a sigh from her mouth. He laughed.


“What?”


“I think we should see other people.” She said slowly looking at him. He starred at her, his lips slightly parted. She looked at him and their eyes connected. He betrayed.


“Where the hell did this come from?” he asked. She smiled blinking tears from her eyes,


“Jon, I just don’t think our relationship is going anywhere okay.” She said nearly in a whisper. He was up and pacing by then. His hand was over his face and she just sat straight and still posed.


“Jon…damn it I’m sorry.”


“What the hell is up with you?” he yelled in her face. She was shoved to the back of the large couch. He was nearly o要 top of her.


She shoved him away hard, “Get off of me!”


“We’ve been through everything!” he yelled and he moved from o要 top of her. He stormed away and began to pace. She stayed in the same position as her mind registered what had just happened. She stood and walked behind the couch.


“You need to leave Jon…cool down baby.” She said wrapping herself in a hug. He looked at her.


“I love you!” he yelled.


“And I love you Jon! But everything has got to come to an end. You’re sweet and you’re cute but you’re not what I’m looking for! God Jon I love you but-”


“Then why are you doing this to me!” he yelled and she stopped. She was crying and he was close.


“God Jon…” she said shaking, “You think this is easy for me? We are not going anywhere, I love your flowers, and your roses, and your chocolates but I want more.”


“What more do you want?” he asked softly, “What more did you want?”


“Jon, you couldn’t have given it to me if you tried.” She said shaking her head, “I’m so sorry for pulling you in this.”


“You can’t leave me.”


He said and he proceeded around the couch, She walked from him, “You can’t do this.”


“Jon, you need to leave,” She said firmly with tears in her eyes. He stopped and just starred at her through pale green eyes.


“You need to leave and…settle down.” she said softly. He stormed from her and banged the door open. She closed her eyes and slowly closed the door. Leaning her head against the door, se squeezed her eyes shut and began to sob.




It was the most she could do for him. Visit him that night with dinner. He had called an hour later to apologize. They had cried and then jumped to happier times. She had agreed they’d talk everything over o要 o要e last date. So she went and here she was. Nervously pushing the tiny glowing button and waiting out o要 the chilly steps of his beautiful Victorian house.


The door opened and his face turned into a grin. It was as if nothing had happened that afternoon. She walked in smiling and placed the plate of food o要 the counter.


“Hey sweetheart, I fixed you dinner.” Her eyes lit up and he died in himself for a second. It would be what he was missing. His plan came back together and he knew he what he had to do. He needed her. She was his life, breath, soul.


“Come sit down Alanis.” He said and she nodded. She pulled her brown hair into a small ponytail and followed him with a grin. She was gonna miss him but her heart had already fallen for someone else. Her heart knew what she was missing.


She sat at the table and waited for him to bring out the food. It was a beautiful, full plate of spaghetti and meatballs with steaming garlic bread. Her stomach flipped. He slid into a seat across from her and gazed into her eyes. All they could see in the dim candle light was the sparkling glow of their eyes and each other’s demented, shadowed faces. She smiled a dark, seductive smile and she picked her fork up elegantly. He didn’t start till she started and they ate in total silence except for the occasional barking of a near-by dog. It wasn’t until she placed her fork and let her head fall into her hands. She just starred at his face.


‘What am I doing?’ she thought.


“God, I love you ‘Nissy.”


“You’re a preacher’s boy, boy. You’re not supposed to use God’s name in vain.” She said with a smile. She popped a meatball in her mouth.


“Exactly,” he said with a nod and motion of his fork, “a preacher’s son.”


She giggled, “What ever you say.”


“I want you to marry me.” He said and she nearly chocked o要 the red wine that she slowly sipped o要. He starred at her, his face impassively starring at her. She starred at him and suddenly she was scared.


“Uh, um, God…no Jon. We’re breaking up. Why would I marry you. Jon, can we just please talk about another subject.”


“I want you as my wife.”


“Jon,” She said. It was more of a plea. An alarming plea from her mind said for her to leave. She put her fork down.


“Jon, I think it’s time for me to leave. God what’s wrong with you Jon. You’re so possessive.”


“I’ll give everything away for you. I’ll die for you.”


“Thank you Jon.” She said standing up.


“I’ll even kill for you.” He said and then her feelings were confirmed. Candle light was not a lot of light. It was time to go.


“Goodbye Jon. I’ll call you in the morning.” She said and she stood quickly and began out the door.


“If you walk out that door, I’ll pull this trigger.” He said in a voice she had never heard before. She slowly turned and saw the barrel of a gun was positioned toward his head. She nearly froze in her footsteps. His voice was so full of pain and betrayal. So much grief, so much anger.


“Jon, don’t do this.” She said and she flipped open her cell phone, “You’re going to get some help. You’ll get over this and you’ll find another girl more beautiful and elegant than me.” She said in a shaky voice. She dialed 9-1-1 when he screamed at her.


“Put the fucking phone down!” the phone dropped from her hand still silently ringing. She was up against the door.


“Jon, please don’t do this. I love you.”


“Then marry me.”


“It wouldn’t be a pure marriage Jon. I’d always love someone else.” She said trying to stay cool.


“I fucking love you Alanis!” he yelled as he cocked the gun.


“No Jon.” She whispered.


“If we can’t be together now, see you in hell.”

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