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Wednesday November 22
4:30 pm

Ok, Lauri. Breathe in... and out. In and out. Breath.... stretch... shake.... let it go. I had to bite my lip from laughing. I guess I was using anything now to try and perk myself up. But I guess standing here on the front steps of my mothers’ house is NOT the place to take care of that. Taking in one last deep breath, I rapped on the door lightly. Hopefully, she didn’t hear me, so then I could think she ‘wasn’t there’ and I could say, “Well, mom, I came, and you weren’t there so I went...” But in the middle of my glorious daydream, the door swung open and there she stood, in all her glory. “I was waiting for you to knock, Lauri. I heard the cab drop you off ten minutes ago.” I should’ve remembered she had ears like a fucking bat. Now, anyone ELSE’S mother, upon hearing the cab dropping their daughter off, would run out of the house with open arms, greeting their kid , paying the cab fair, and even help her inside. But no. Not Clare Fostern. “Hi mom.” I said, trying my best to give her a smile. She looked me up and down, and then met me at eye level. “You’ve put on weight.” She commented, picking up the small backpack and carried it into the house. I stood there for a minute, eyes closed, trying to regulate my breathing. “Only four days.” I whispered, picking up my one suitcase and lugging it into the entry hall. I dropped it on the floor, then walked into the living room. My mom was already on the sofa, drinking what I guessed was sweet tea or something, watching the View. “How was your flight?” she asked, visibly uncaring. “It was um... it was fine. A little turbulence...” I trailed off. Her mind was obviously not on me. “So, how is everything here? How Karen and the rested of the girls?” I asked. ‘Karen and the girls’ were my mothers’ friends. It was weird to imagine her having friends, laughing and holding normal conversation with other humans, but she did. “They’re fine. Karen and Mary are coming over later tonight.” She stated, stirring her tea with a spoon. “So, how is life in Florida?” she asked. “It’s good. I got a new job, a new apartment. Everything is going really well.” “You just got a new job and you already bought a new apartment?” She asked, eyeing me suspiciously. “Yeah, it’s actually this really cool program that the company I work for offers. It’s for students that come straight from college. They offer them housing until they get financially stable. It’s actually a really cool program because they have had studies showing that employee productivity incre...” “So it’s like welfare? I knew. I knew you were being foolish going out on your own so far away. You never listen to me.” She cut me off. I dug my nails into the armrest of the chair I was sitting in. “No mom. It’s not like welfare. It’s an employee productivity program.” I continued. I was going to go on about it, but she would never understand, so I just left it at that. “So, who did you have to sleep with to get into that program?” she asked, taking the last sips of her tea.

I banged my head against the back of the chair. “MOM! I didn’t have to sleep with anybody! I don’t whore myself.” I groaned. “I’ve just never heard of that program.” She said curtly, shrugging. “Oh, OK, you’ve never heard of it, so OBVIOUSLY I made it up and am really sleeping with my boss. Mom, how DO you get me so well?” I asked, rolling my eyes. It’s not often I get sarcastic with my mom, but sometimes she really just brings it upon herself. “Don’t get snippy with me, Lauri.” I took in a deep breath. “Ok, mom, I’m going to go put my stuff away in my room, get freshened up, and give us each some alone time. While I’m gone, take some more time to think of some mommy-daughter type questions to ask me.” I said, grabbing my suitcase.

When I was finally upstairs, I fell straight onto my bed. As much as I didn’t want to, I felt tears burning at the corners of my eyes. No matter how much I say I hate her, I guess I really do just want her to accept me. Just once. About something. Anything. But that was never going to happen. For a few years, I kept saying to myself, “She’s just not an emotional person.” But as I got a little older, I realized we were just one of those unlucky mother/daughter pairs that don’t click.

‘Come on Lauri. You knew it was gonna be like this. No use crying over it.’ I said to myself as I wiped a tear away. I slid off of my bed, unzipped my suitcase and groaned as my purse fell out. As I picked it up, Nick’s psycho turkey drawing fell out. I picked it up, leaned my back against the side of the bed, and smiled. It’s kind of ironic, how Nick, the guy a few days ago I hated and who also had ‘mommy issues’ was the one making me smile now. I ran my fingers across the stick turkey’s body and laughed. “God he is a weirdo.” I whispered, putting the drawing back into my purse. For about a half hour, I unpacked my suitcase and put my stuff into drawers. I only had about four outfits, but I just did it really slow so I didn’t have to go down to my mother so soon. When I finished, I walked down the hallway and into the bathroom, splashing some water onto my face. After wiping my face dry, I took a few steps back and looked at myself in the full length mirror. “You’ve put on weight.” was the only thing that kept replaying in my mind. True, the last time I saw my mom I was a size six, and now I was an eight, but still. That’s not fat, right?

Oh my God. Look at what she is doing to me. Of fucking course a damn size eight was fat. What is this woman doing to me? I pushed the bathroom door open, and walked briskly down the stairs. My mom was in the kitchen, taking some pie out of the oven. Damn, isn’t she just miss All-American right now? “Whatcha baking?” I asked, trying my best to be friendly. “A pie. I told you Karen and Mary are coming over. I like to do something nice when my friends arrive.” She said.

‘But not your daughter.’ I thought bitterly. “That’s nice. What kind?” I asked. “Apple.” She replied simply. I hit myself in the head while she was turning around. I was TRYING here, mom. Meet me half way. “So Lauri, did you stop going to the gym?” my mom asked me, leaning against the counter. “Yes, mom, actually, I did. I really don’t have time anymore, seeing as how I have a full time job. She shrugged slightly and turned bake doing some Susie Homemaker crap with her pie. “Well, you should really try to fit it into your schedule. You’re too young to be letting yourself go already.” I bit my bottom lip to stop from snapping back. ‘It’s only gonna make things work. Just let it slide.’ I whispered to myself. “Do you need any help with anything?” I asked, closing my eyes, already knowing the answer. “No, I got it. But if you want to start setting the table up so we wont have to do it later, I would appreciate it.”

Happily, I jumped out of my chair and went into the dining room. Hey, five minutes without my mother is five minutes without my mother. I don’t care if I'm setting the table.


5:45

The rest of the afternoon went just like the beginning. At one point we had somewhat of a normal conversation going about my job, but once I told my mom that I worked at Nick’s house, she was convinced we were sleeping together. By the end of the conversation I had said, “Yeah, mom, we’re sleeping together and I’m pregnant with his kid. You’re gonna be a grandmother in eight months.”, and she got mad at me. I mean, I tell her what she wants to hear and she still gets pissy.

I was sitting on the sofa, watching a re-run of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire when I heard a knock at the door. “I’ll get it.” I called to no one in particular. I knew my mom wanted me to get it. I knew her. Her master plan was for me to get it, greet the guest, and then she could walk out of the kitchen in an apron looking like super mom.

I jumped up and went over to the door, swung it opened and revealed two ladies in their late fifties smiling at me, both holding some kind of small baked good. “Lauri! It’s so good to see you!” They both said happily as I moved aside to let them in. “Nice to see you too, Mrs. Evers, Ms. Thomson.” I replied, giving them both an akward ‘I-haven’t-seen-you-since-last-year-and-you’re-both-holding-akwardly-shaped-dishes’ type of hug. My mom walked out, in all her glory, of the kitchen with her damn apron. Mind you, she hasn’t worn an apron all day while in the kitchen.

“Hello ladies!” my mother called, walking over and giving them both a hug. It made me sick to my stomach. When I walked through the door this afternoon, I didn’t even get a welcome home. Whatever. I’m already over it.

“Well, come on into the kitchen. Dinner has just finished. You can put those in the fridge and we can get to eating.”

Dinner started out semi-normal. There was mindless chatter between my mom and her friends about the new rec. center that was being built near Bangor, the remodeling being done at the local hair salon, of course, the latest gossip about Alicia’s mystery man.

And I was ok with amiling and nodding, and laughing at all they’re stupid jokes. But soon, they started talking about me, and my accomplishments in college, and my new job. Karen and Mary went on about how proud my mother must be of me and this and that. And my mom just started going off. “Oh, yes, I’m so proud of my Little Lauri. I always knew she would do good for herself in the big city. She has always been such and amazing child.” She said, staring at me with a loving smile on her face.

For a minute, I sat there stunned. Really? Has she always thought this? Has she always been proud of me? Maybe it really was just her nature to not show affection.

But then as she kept on talking, I realized her underlying plot. She just wanted to show off in front of her fucking friends! I stood up as quick as I could, my chair falling down and crashing onto the floor in the process.

“Fuck you, mother.” Was all I said as I walked out of the room and up the stairs to my room. As quick as I could, I began to pack all of my clothes into my suitcase, hot tears now freely falling down my face. That’s all I was to her. A trophy. Her big city girl she can show off to all of her friends. While I was shoving all my clothes into my suitcase, I fumbled for my cell phone from my nightstand. As quick as I could, I dialed the number I remembered from the side of the cab I rode here in and gave them the address. They had old me it would be pretty had for a cab to come all the way out here, especially the day before Thanksgiving, but I promised the driver an extra 100 bucks, so they were happy to oblige. By the sound of the dispatchers voice, I thought she was gonna come up to here and drive me back to Florida. She told me the cab should arrive with the half hour, so I hung up and continued packing.

About fifteen minutes later, I pulled my suitcase and purse down the stairs, listening to them clank the whole way. I didn’t care. I wish I could’ve made a hole in her stupid wooden steps, but sadly, that didn’t happen. My mother was still in the kitchen with her friends as I went to sit on the couch. I guess upon hearing me, she decided to come out and play mother with me. “Lauri, dear, what’s the matter? Are you feeling sick?” She asked. As much as I wanted to slap her, I didn’t. Plus, I was about to seriously embarrass her in front of her friends, which would probably hurt her more anyway.

“No, you fucking bitch. I’m perfectly fine. I did, however, just realize that no matter what I do, you will never accept me. No matter what accomplishments I achieve, I will never live up to your standards of perfection. And I have also discovered that to you, I am only some prize that you can flaunt to your friends. Look at the honors student that Clare Fostern birthed. Isn’t she fucking special?! I’m sick of it. I’m sick of coming here for MY vacation, only to be put down the entire time! I’m....” She looked back between me and the kitchen, where Karen and Mary were now intently watching the scene unfold before them. She was about to interrupt, but I stopped her. “No mom. Don’t speak. Just listen. I’m sick of you calling me fat and a whore and stupid, but as soon as guests come over, you feel like you have to pamper me like the fucking Princess of the Nile. So, Mrs. Karen, Ms. Mary, look at Clare’s perfect daughter. You’ll never have to see her again.” I finished, looking my mom straight in the eyes.

Don’t ask me. I don’t/will never know where all that courage came from. I have NEVER spoken to my mother like that. I mean, I called her a fucking bitch. (Which, is pretty cool). No matter how proud of myself I just was, I was still really upset. My mother didn’t say anything. She just stared at me. Finally, after both of us stood unmoving for a few minutes, she just slowly nodded. “I’m sorry Lauri.” She said quietly. Then, without looking back she walked into the kitchen, and finished dinner with her friends.

I sat there for about 20 minutes on the sofa, listening to her act like nothing had just happened. I could tell by her Karen and Mary’s voices that they were a little uncomfortable, but she just went on.

Finally, I heard my cab pull up. Silently, I brought my bags out, and without saying goodbye, we drove away.



At the Airport

I sat in the terminal for two hours, reading over a few magazines I had purchased at the book stand. On the cab ride, I had called Sara and had explained the situation to her as best as I could without getting emotional. She told me as soon as my plane lands to call her and she would pick me up. It seemed like now I was spending Thanksgiving at Sara house with her family. For a few minutes, I debated calling Nick, but I decided against it. I mean, he would probably understand the situation a little differently that Sara could, but he has his own Thanksgiving problems to worry about without having to deal with mine, too. Plus, I didn’t know Brian or his family and I didn’t want to barge in on them. But having Thanksgiving dinner with Sara and her family sounded pretty pretty amazing right now.

When I had first gotten to the airport, I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to get a ticket, being it WAS the day before Thanksgiving. Thankfully, not too many people from Maine fly out to Florida near Thanksgiving, so I got one of the last tickets. “You’re a very lucky young lady.” The guy behind the counter said as he printed my boarding pass. “You have no idea.” I replied, putting my luggage on the scale.


Friday, November 24th

I think Nick almost pissed himself when he walked by my office and saw me inside, typing up a storm. “You’re home?” he asked, walking up to me. “No, I’m in Maine. I’m a figment of your imagination.” I quipped. “Oh... welcome home. I just thought you wouldn’t be back till Monday.” He said. “Well, you thought wrong.” I snapped back. I know I shouldn’t be being mean to him, but I just wasn’t in the mood to play nice right now.

He stood there awkwardly for a couple of seconds, unsure of what to say next. “I guess this would be a bad time to ask you if you brought me a present?” he ventured. I looked up at him, suddenly really emotional. Then, all of a sudden, without warning, I burst into tears.

Hard, body-racking tears. “It’s OK if you didn’t. I was just kidding. I’m not really gonna fire you.” He said, running over to the side of my chair. I had to laugh just a little. “I know, loser. It’s not that. It’s.... it’s just....” it took me a while to finally get the whole story out. He listened quietly the whole time, rubbing my back. I finally ended my speech with a few hiccups and an “I’m sorry I freaked on you. I don’t know why I’m getting so upset all of the sudden.”

“It’s OK. I know how it can be.” He said softly.

And that was the last thing he said before he leaned over and kissed me.