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We were only on this little ‘tour’ for about 4 minutes, and I finally came to the shocking conclusion that me and Nick were just not going to get along. This realization hit me after he showed me the laundry room and started explaining to me how to use the machines and where he likes his laundry put when its done. Doing this jerk’s laundry was so NOT part of my job description.

“Mr. Carter, I don’t believe that me having to do your laundry is in the contract. I think I just have to answer the phones and makes appointments and stuff like that.” He gave me a smug smirk. “I believe if you read it again that you will see that it says that you can help me around the house if your not busy.” He grinned and turned back around to the washing machine. “So, like I was saying, you can just drop the basket in my room. It’s on the second floor, turn to the left when you get to the top of the stairs, third door on the right.”

I hate him. I hate him I hate him I hate him. And I most certainly WILL be looking over that contract when I have time. “Well, I guess I’ll show you to your office now so you can get to work.” he said, leaving the laundry room and walking down the hall. Wow, why does this feel like the scene from ‘Beauty and the Beast’ where the beast was walking down that long corridor to show Belle to her bedroom. And I think we all know who the beast is in this situation. (And in case your confused, it’s not me. Process of elimination, people.) I followed him down the hall, like a good little personal assistant would, not saying a word. But trust me, in my imagination, I was so kicking his ass.

“Well, Ms. Fostern, here is your new office.” He said, opening the door. I had to hold back a laugh. I kept imagining him with a cape and a tail now. I followed behind him, walking into the large, airy white room. Everything was really chic and cool. There was a white sofa with thin tan trim, a pale tan carpet with white walls, a glass and steel computer table with a brand new iMac, and a swivel chair like I have never seen before, covered in white suede. But the most amazing part of it was the huge, floor-to-wall, wall-to-wall window that overlooked the bay. It was absolutely breath-taking. “So, there is a list of everything you should need on the desk, with my publicists’ phone number. So you should give her a call when you get all set up. OK, well, I guess your all set. I’m going to go out on my boat for a while, so….. Have fun in here.” He gave me a grin so big that I thought I was going to puke. He totally just played me. “I will, Mr. Carter.” I gave him an equally sticky sweet grin back. He walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. It took me a moment to calm myself down, regain my thought and try to scrape my pride back together. Good, no harm, no foul. All is fair in business.

Then, calmly, I picked up the nearest thing to me, and chucked it as hard as I possibly could towards the door. I let out a deep breath. OK, I feel better now. Very therapeutic. I went towards the door to pick up the object I had so mercilessly thrown. It was a small plastic figurine of a ninja with blonde hair in a ponytail. “What the hell kind of crap is this?” I said to myself. Then, within a moment, I realized that it was that stupid action hero that he had created for him and the rest of the band with Stan Lee. I rolled him. He would decorate his house with action figures of himself. Pompous ass hole. I threw it back down on the coffee table, then walked over to my desk. I leafed through the papers covering the desk, mostly from Kodi, his PR girl. It gave me her phone number and directed me to call her when I got in, just to let her know everything was going OK.

I thought about what I should tell her as I dialed her number. “Oh yeah, things sure were going swell. Mr. I’m -Going-to-go-Galavanting-Off-in-my-Boat-and-Insult-you-in-Front-of-your-Face-While-You-Sit-In-Here-and-Work sure was a stand-up guy, and I was already having so much fun and I already can’t wait for the next day to start!” Well, maybe not in so many words, but I’ll still make it sound like I’m enjoying it.

One hour later……………………

So far, the only thing I got accomplished was setting up one meeting with YM magazine for a one-page interview. And finding out that helping Nick out around the house truly WAS in the contract. So I was thrilled about that, I’ll have you know. ‘It will help in the long run.’ I chanted to myself for about fifteen minutes after hanging up with Kodi. She was actually really sweet and I could tell that I was displeased after she told me that chores were a part of my job. (She probably could tell because I blurted out ‘Are you fucking serious?’, but that’s just a guess.) Anyway, we talked for a couple minutes, and she is a really nice person. I can see me calling her while I’m sitting here bored some day just to talk.

In the midst of all this excitement, Nick popped his annoying blonde head through the door. “Hey, I’m back. If your not busy, I have some laundry you can start on so it won’t pile up.” “Thank you, Mr. Carter. That is very thoughtful of you.” I replied through cleanched teeth. “Just thinking of you.” he said arrogantly, leaving the room and shutting the door behind him.

Fucking prick.

I took a deep breath, got up, grabbed the little figurine from before, walked across the room and stopped. Lifted my arm, and threw that little plastic piece of shit so hard I thought either it broke or there would be a dent in the door.

Knowing that the figurine was him the second time around made the throw feel a lot better than the first time.