He met her in Starbucks. She had blue hair and a big smile. She had tended to his order for a Mocha Frappuccino. She gave him the cup with a grin and as he slipped the money to her, there beside a five dollar tip was a small piece of folded, jagged notebook paper. She didn’t see him contemplate it with various signs from fumbling with it in his pocket or biting his lip. She had seen him on various occasions in the Starbucks were she worked and she had just smiled at him briefly while others had taken his order but he had finally worked up the courage to ask her out.
“What’s this?” she asked opening the folded paper like it was a treasure map. Her face broke out into a bigger grin and she batted her eyes. He laughed and she nodded.
“I get off at five, I’ll just call you.” He nodded.
“By the way, Howard Dorough.” He said and she extended her hand. He took it back.
“Sasha Nics.” She said looking into his eyes and for a second, he saw the intensity of her crystal blue eyes.
He walked from the shop and rain pelted the hat he put on before he exited. He climbed in his car and set the coffee down in the cup holder down. As he slammed the door, it was like a rush from the past of dead, raw emotion full of cascading pain he fought to avoid everyday.
He stopped dead and nearly dropped the bags as he heard moans from inside. She moaned someone else’s name from her familiar voice. He set them on the apartment counter and slowly made his way to their room. He pushed the door open and saw them in the bed. Her eyes lit up with surprised recognition and he just starred sickly at what he saw before him.
He heard her swear before pushing him off of her and jumping from the bed. He just turned and started across the small apartment. She had a silk bathrobe on when his hand touched the door. She pulled him around and he looked at her with eyes of not anger, but understanding. He smiled softly as he touched her face.
“I understand I’m not good enough for you but do you have to rub that in my fucking face.” He said and he kissed her check before walking out. She grabbed his arm and he pulled gently from her grip.
“Howard, no! I’m sorry. God Howie I’m sorry.” She said walking with him.
“Did you tell him that when he had his dick inside of you.” He said pulling his car keys out of his pocket.
“I’m sorry!” she screamed in his face, “I was confused okay. I don’t know what I’m doing. Please. We can work this out.” She begged as he pressed the elevator button, “Just please listen to me!” she screamed as he began toward the elevator.
They didn’t hear the couple of doors shutting. In that moment, there were three things that were there in their world. Her, Him and pain. It was so intense and raw. So tragic and beautiful. So painful and poetic. He had just been stabbed by someone he loved. But he tried not to push the knife deeper than it already was. It was life. People loved, people hated. People lived, people died. People were loyal, people cheated. He tried to relate to the thousands of others but he couldn’t. It was okay if it was one of your friends. You’d call her a bitch and tell them to dump her hard but when it was you, someone you cared about, you actually loved, she wasn’t a bitch. You didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to do.
“What do you want from me Annie?” he asked, “Love, sex, money? What else do you want? You’ve taken everything of me. I mean, I loved you and you just go and do this.”
“Howard, I’ve seen you look at other women.” She shot back not noticing they had a growing audience, “I’ve seen you glance at the corner of your eye.”
“That’s not fair.” He replied calmly. He clenched his fist, “That is not…fair.”
“I’ve seen you!”
“Well, that’s another reason not to like me then.” He said and she grabbed his arm.
“No Howard. Please don’t go. We can start over. We can make this right. Wipe the slate clean. I love you…no matter how weird I show it. I was just so confused. I’m so confused. I don’t, I just don’t know anything. Help me please.”
“Be confused on your own time sweetheart because I have nothing left for you to take.” He said and she stood there as he walked on the the opening elevator, “Do whatever to my stuff you want. I hope you can find money to pay rent. Maybe he can help with that like he helped you with practicing sex.” He said and the door closed as she stood there with tears in her eyes. It was hard fighting back his. The doors closed and he leaned against the cool walls closing his eyes. ‘It’s life,’ he told himself, ‘It’s just life…’
