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***Chapter One***

Through blurred, double vision, AJ fumbled with the key to his hotel room as he tried to unlock the door. After many failed attempts, he finally got it, barely stumbling in to the room as he clung to the wall for support. He swallowed as he gulped in air, feeling as if his lungs were collapsing on him as his body started to shut down, his muscles and joints aching and burning, feeling heavy with lead. Almost as soon as the door was closed, AJ was on collapsing slowly to the floor, the room spinning rapidly around him, causing him to become very dizzy. The feeling to throw up became overwhelming, however the man managed to swallow the feeling away despite his mouth feeling dry and raw.

Practically crawling to the couch in the large suite, his lower body dragging behind him as if he were paralyzed, AJ grabbed on to the arm of it, hoisting his body up. He attempted to stand, but didn’t get very far as he fell again, the chair breaking his fall as he slumped over it. Only then did he heave, letting out all of the alcohol he had consumed that day. He was too intoxicated to even notice the stench of smoke and drugs clinging to his skin and clothing. He was too intoxicated and high to even remember the events from that night. All he knew was that he felt like absolute crap and that he felt nothing.

For the past months, AJ’s life had started to go downhill. At first, life had been great for him. He’d gotten his life together and had gained sobriety for a second time. The second time, he had been determined to keep things straight and not fall back in to the deadly, life-destroying path that had sucked him in before. He’d strayed away from his old crowd so that he wouldn’t be tempted. He’d started seeing a counselor and had concentrated on getting back the important relationships in his life that he’d pushed aside during his ‘dark days’, those being with his mother as the Boys, Kevin, Brian, Howie and Nick. His change had been both surprising as well as pleasant, and after gaining back the trust of the people he’d betrayed, the relationships had become closer than ever. He actually enjoyed doing the things that he loved way before and had loathed starting somewhere around his late teens and going through to just about his mid twenties. He couldn’t remember an exact time frame, but it was somewhere in there. After the depressed phase of his life that he tried to drown away, life had been great. For almost three years, it had been wonderful. But then, things slowly started to falter again...

...It had all started when his girlfriend, Katrina, had broken up with them. A two year relationship, if not longer, down the drain. Her modeling career had been taking off and after a few months of being apart more than usual, she’d decided a relationship wasn’t worth the hassle and had ended things then and there. AJ had honestly thought that she was the one. He’d been in love. Not just thought that he was in love and been cloudy headed, thinking that the girl he was with was the real deal because he was too stoned out of his mind to think clearly. No...Katrina had been it. He’d been honest to God in love with her, and his mind had been one-hundred percent clear for him to know what he was thinking.

That had saddened him greatly and he’d kept to himself for a few days, even letting a few stray tears fall. He’d quickly decided to pick himself back up though and get back out there, determined to try and go about life and concentrate on finishing up on the pre-release plans for the new album, Never Gone, and then getting back out on the road again. If only it were that easy though. In the midst of trying to forget Katrina, everything had reminded him of her. Everywhere he turned, there was something there to remind him...torture him, so to speak. And it was that which was the beginning of the end of his sobriety. The smallest things begun to stress him out and instead of keeping himself occupied to stray his mind away and hanging out with the Boys, having fun, he’d started to keep to himself more and more to shut himself away from the world so he wouldn’t have to deal with it all. At first, he’d been fine, not falling at all. But the longer he did it, the worse it became. He’d become more depressed yet, and bored. The hunger for the ‘wild’ life kept creeping up in to his veins and he had shaken the feeling away, telling himself that it wasn’t the way to go and that this funk would pass. It never passed though and he kept falling further and further until he finally cracked, getting in to the mini-bar of his hotel room, sneaking out a beer. He’d only meant to take one. Just one to relax himself. That one though, turned in to emptying the entire fridge out, his alcohol binge both satisfying and the start of another addiction. Three years of sobriety were wasted all because his life had started to gang up on him once more.

At first, he only drank a couple times a week and drugs hadn’t been a part of it. He had known that he was doing wrong, but that still didn’t stop him. Feeling guilty and scared, AJ had forced himself to go out with the Boys to keep himself away. A few times a week though, he fell. It wasn’t until the drugs came back in to the picture that AJ just hadn’t cared any longer at all. The guilt had left his soul, the caring and wanting to be proud of himself and have everybody be proud of him in return was no longer a factor. The destruction was underway. The AJ that everybody had been scared and worried for that he would end his life was back, only this time, he did a better job of hiding it because everybody knew what signs to look for.

To make matters worse, he was broke. He’d frittered most of his money away on expensive drugs, throwing hundreds of thousands at strippers every night, and paying prostitutes a high bundle for a pleasurable one night stand. The money had gone very quickly and now, he was close to having an empty bank account. Everything he’d worked so hard to earn was gone in the blink of an eye, within four months, because he’d been too foggy headed to even realize what he was doing. When he’d gotten a bank statement only two weeks before stating he had just over twenty-thousand left to his name, he knew that he was in trouble. That wouldn’t last long either though, but at least he had enough stash to keep him supplied for another couple of months. When the tour was over, he didn’t know what he was going to do because his home had been evicted as well. He wouldn’t worry about that now though, because the hotels he was staying at were grand and already paid for in advance.
Which lead him to that night. He couldn’t remember how much he’d had to drink. One shot had turned in to another, mixing drinks a distant memory. He’d smoked countless joints and snorted things that he wasn’t quite sure what was in them on top of popping a pill or two. It was amazing that he was still conscious and in ways, AJ wished that he wasn’t so that he could sleep off the ill feeling. It was the same thing every night though, and had been for just about four months now. Everything was getting out of control. Even he couldn’t deny it. He just didn’t have the ambition to try and get himself out of the hole he was digging.

Trying to get up again, AJ realized that he was done for the night as he gave up. He wasn’t going anywhere. His eyelids started to grow heavy as he heaved again, throwing up some more. He choked as some of the bile got caught in the back of his throat as he slumped over the arm again, the dizziness becoming worse. Seconds later, he was passed out, his body slowly folding on to the floor like a slinky until he was lying on the floor on a heap.

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Nicole sighed as she thought of what to write out for the classifieds ad she’d been putting together for the local paper. She wanted to have it submitted by that night so it would go in the next days paper. She and her best friend as well as roommate, Gia, had procrastinated for as long as they could, putting off the inevitable. The time had come though where it could no longer be denied that they needed help. They needed a third roommate. Especially with Gia having to take a pay cut with her job as a radiologist technician and herself starting classes again with finally getting what she wanted out of life figured out. That took money too, and living in LA wasn’t cheap. The two friends had tried to keep things going by themselves, but it just wasn’t working any longer. So as Nicole ran her fingers through her long, dark locks, she hoped that Gia wouldn’t be too upset with her for going ahead with getting things together.

As if on cue, Gia came sauntering in to the kitchen as she plopped down at a chair across from Nicole at the table. Nicole looked up and smiled, but it wasn’t convincing enough for the bright girl to catch on that something wasn’t right. She raised an eyebrow, her emerald eyes showing concern as well as a hint of suspicion as she leaned over the table trying to catch a peek of what her friend was working on.

“Whatcha doin’?” she asked in an upbeat tone.

“Nothing important.” Nicole muttered as she looked back down to hide her lying eyes.

“Nicole Adrian Resluc...”

“Gia Ann Lewis...” Nicole teased back.

Gia rolled her eyes as she reached over, plucking the paper out of her friends hand before she could stop her friend. The petite girl looked down with a grin that slowly faded as she read the words going across the page in front of her.

Two girls, age twenty-two seeking roommate in LA 2-bedroom apartment. Must be willing to pay 1/3 of rent and utility bills. Must be a clean-kept person and trouble-free. Both male and female permitted. For an interview to be set up, please call 555-0214.

Gia looked back up slowly with a scowl set upon her lips. Nicole winced, knowing that her wishes weren’t being granted. Her friend was agitated. It was only a matter of seconds before she spoke her mind about this matter.

‘Do we really have to get a roomie? We’re doing fine with the two of us.”

“G...last month, we barely got the bills paid with a measly ten dollars to spare on groceries. The month before that, it wasn’t much better. We need some help here.”

“We’re getting it paid at least.” Gia attempted with a bright smile which she hoped was convincing, “You know I don’t do well with sharing..especially with strangers.”

Nicole sighed, “I love living here...and I know that you do too. This is your dream home. I mean, c’mon...a two bedroom apartment...two-thousand square feet, split level...overlooking the water.” Gia looked thoughtful as she nodded, “This place is amazing, and we were on a wait list for two years to get in. It’s either get a roommate to help us get things paid, or move. Probably back to Ohio...”

Gia looked mortified at the mere suggestion of moving back to her home state, “Get that ad sent out!” she demanded, snapping her fingers in the air, “No time like the present. Can’t be wasting it now.”

Nicole laughed at this, the mood lightened up immediately. It was no secret that they both hated their home state and had jumped at the chance to get out. Ever since they’d become best friends nearly ten years before, they’d promised that one day, they would break free of the black hole that they’d been sucked in to upon being born. It had finally happened just as Gia had finished up the first year of her program of classes at a local community college and Nicole had decided to drop out of the culinary program at her own college. They’d moved, where both girls had worked full time, if not in to overtime, while Gia finished getting her degree on top of it all. For a year now, she’d had a full time position at the hospital, putting the degree to good use. It had been a struggle since the beginning, but living there had been so refreshing that they’d overlooked it. That was, until now. Ohio was not something that they wanted to see again, so of course they would take a stranger moving in over moving back to the ‘cow state’

“That’s what I thought.” Nicole smirked, her own chocolate eyes glowing knowingly as she stood up, walking to the den with Gia trailing behind her, “Just going to fax this over to the paper and it should be printed tomorrow.”

“Cool.” Gia replied as she stretched her lean body, twisting to each side to pop her back, “God, that felt good. I am so tense. Thankfully, today is my day off!”

“You deserve it. Putting in sixty hours a week is insane!” Nicole commented as the fax machine sent in their request, “Have anything on the agenda today?”

Gia shrugged as Nicole reached up on to a shelf to retrieve a box of thumb tacks, her five foot four stature barely making her tall enough to reach it. She took the paper out of the fax machine, sticking it to a bulletin board above the computer where several business cards were placed.

‘Troubles?” Gia smirked.

“Who are you to talk? You’re four inches shorter than I am.”

“Oh, shut up!” Gia grumbled, but a smile slowly crept up on her lips, “I think I’m going to head to the mall. You in?”

Nicole laughed, “We can barely pay the bills...hence the reason we’re getting a roommate.”

“Exactly. We’re getting a roommate, so that is more money to have fun with. Time to celebrate!”

Nicole laughed again as she shook her head. Some things would never change, but her friend proved a good point. More freedom did call for some sort of celebration. This was the start to a new and better life, or so she hoped. Nicole just hoped that they had a decent reply to the ad fast, or else they would be on a fast plane back to the place where they’d come from...kicking and screaming the entire way.

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“God damnit,” Kevin grumbled, “Where the hell is he.”

Nobody replied, afraid to do so. They all just looked at one another, waiting for somebody...anybody..else to answer Kevin’s question. The problem was, when Kevin was mad, nobody wanted to get in his way for fear of making him that much angrier. It was obvious that their silence was doing just the same though and their nervous glances at one another was just causing the tension to thicken.

“I um..I don’t know...” Howie courageously spoke up, “We never know anymore.”

There was a long moment of silence as Kevin’s stone set features hardened a little more. It was only to hid the fear in his eyes though. The same fear that they all held deep within them. Outside of touring and rehearsals, AJ was never anywhere to be seen. Even rehearsals were sometimes skipped as well as sound checks. Meetings, such as the one that day, were never attended by the man. They’d seen this pattern before. They never thought that they would again, hoping that it was just a new girl in his life.

“You don’t think...” Nick spoke, his voice quavering slightly
“NO!” Kevin interrupted harshly, “He isn’t using again.”

“But Kevin...” Brian tried, “We don’t know...”

“I said NO.” Kevin stated again, “He isn’t. AJ is smarter than that.” he shook his head roughly, refusing to believe the possibility of what was happening.

All was silent again for some time as they all sat around. Nick swallowed, knowing that he’d struck a nerve in Kevin. Or had he just been the first to speak aloud what everybody had been thinking all along? He wasn’t sure, but it wasn’t as if he had spoken something impossible. It seemed though that something that they’d been scared of was happening though. Just as they were starting to trust the man again completely, he’d gone off the deep end again. Nick hoped that they were jumping to conclusions, but everything seemed so familiar that it was like it was just yesterday...

Suddenly without warning, Kevin sprung from his seat, taking long strides out of the room that they were in. The other three exchanged glances before quickly getting up, following him out of his hotel suite.

‘Where are you going?” Nick asked.

“To AJ’s fucking room to make sure his ass is in order.” Kevin replied harshly, walking down the private hallway to his friends room.

The other guys followed up until room 1098...the room which their missing group member and good friend was in. Howie winced as Kevin pounded on the door, memories from not that long before coming back to his mind. When they got no answer, it just caused their suspicions to grow even further. Kevin pounded again, the noise loud enough that it wouldn’t be a shock if people from several floors below could hear. Still no response. Closing his eyes and gulping away fear, Kevin reached in to his pocket, pulling out a room key to AJ’s room: something he kept of all the guys in case they locked themselves out. With a shaky hand, he slid it in to the door, opening it slowly.

As all of the guys filed in inch by inch, they noticed that the room was pitch black despite it being a sunny day. The curtains were drawn. It appeared that nobody was there, but that didn’t stop them from staying in the room. Kevin let in a shaky breath as he flipped on a light, all four of them venturing in to large suite.

“AJ?” Brian called out, breaking the silence.

They got no answer, but as they entered the living area, they found their worst vision becoming a reality. There was their friend lying on the floor unconscious. If it weren’t for his loud breathing, they’d have assumed that he was dead. But there he was in a heap just beside the couch. It was seconds before they were all on the ground next to him, shaking the man awake as they yelled his name with worry in the pit of their stomachs making them sick.
“AJ!” Kevin barked, shaking the man roughly, his hands gripped tightly on his shoulders.

Slowly but surely, AJ started to awaken, his eyes open to just slits. He appeared to be dazed and confused, his body swaying. It was obvious that he was still hungover and high just by his appearance, and by the slur of his words, it just confirmed it all the more.

‘Whas goinon?”

“We should ask you the same damned thing.” Kevin yelled, “How long have you been using again?”

“Wha?”

“How LONG have you been using?” he nearly screamed.

“I dunno...coupamons?” his words ran together as he second guessed himself.”

Gasps could be heard and it was all they could do not to start to tear up, not wanting to show their sadness and disappointments in him. They’d talked about what would happen though if their friend ever fell back in to his old patterns though. Each man knew what was coming from Kevin. They winced, taking a few steps back. This would be the last day of life as they knew it. After this, nothing would ever be the same again.

“You lying sonofabitch.” Kevin bellowed, taking back a fist as he punched AJ square in the jaw. Blood immediately started to spill from his mouth as the man looked up through clouded eyes in confusion, “You betrayed our trust...deceived us. You...I can’t believe you. I can’t go through this again with you. We can’t...” he choked on his words, determined to stay angry. He could cry later, when he was alone.

“Kevin, are you sure...” Howie tried, but was interrupted by Kevin speaking again firmly.

“We did this before...and it was hard. None of us deserve this. We’re done...you’re out of the group, AJ. As of today, AJ of the Backstreet Boys is gone.”

Kevin could tell that AJ understood what he was being told, but he got no reaction at all. He didn’t stop to wait for one either as he stood up, walking out of the room. The others followed, knowing that this had to be done. Not one of them said goodbye to AJ, walking out of his room, out of his life without looking back.

For a moment, AJ just sat and stared in astonishment. He didn’t know what to do, nor where to turn. He knew that he was in trouble and that he had screwed up. He tried to get up, but still couldn’t from the previous nights events. He was broke and penniless, all of his money wasted away. It was only then that he realized the severity of the situation. He was without a job, without a home...his only survival being hotels being paid for by management over the last couple of months. He was nothing any longer, but what scared him the most was that he had no intentions of changing his lifestyle. If anything, it gave him all the more reason to keep it up. The last thing in his life was gone, and to him, that was reason enough to just give up completely.


Hi all! Hope you enjoyed chapter 1! Ayleen will be finished with Chapter 2 within a week and will then be posted. Please leave a review! We get discouraged when nobody leaves feedback and we both have big plans for this story with the entire thing outlined out.