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February 5th. Monday. 6.30 am.


What could be worse than this? Yup, you guessed it. Me, Nick Carter, sitting in a Miami airport, waiting to board a plane to Europe. Life couldn't get more shitty. I don īt know if it was because I was tired, or nervous, or just plain depressed, but I felt like crying.There I was, in the prime of my youth, sweet seventeen and I felt like I was going to attend a funeral. Hopefully not my own. Maybe it was because this was a trip where I was for once without a motherly chaperone. Maybe it was something else?. I don īt know.


One thing is for sure, AJ is right. I have a screw loose. Guys in my situation usually cheer and dance on the table when they are going on a trip like this. No parents in sight. Me, I wanted to bawl my eyes out.


I blamed it on getting up waaaay too early. Four AM sucks, especially when you are so nervous that you don't sleep for several days before that. My crying need, I call it that, might also have something to do with the stressed schedule that we had for the past year. We are trying hard to make it in the States as well as abroad. I haven īt had a full week off since August last year.


Unconsciously I must have wiped my eyes, for a concerned voice was heard. " Nick, Are you all right?"


It was Howie that shared some sympathy for me and my situation. He looked at me, giving me a small comforting smile, as I put my hands in my jeans pockets. He looked as tired as I felt, yet he tried to find the positive in the situation. Howie always does that.


I nodded, not trusting my voice to speak.


" Hey Nick, are you nervous about the flight?" AJ called out from the chair where he half sat. I looked at my other "brother," not knowing what to answer to that question. Yes! I was nervous big time. I just wasn īt sure that I wanted that information shared with the whole word. Tell AJ and within seconds everyone knew.


" Don īt be," AJ said, taking a deep breath.


What did I hear? Actual concern in AJ's voice. My body tensed. There was always something fishy when someone like AJ decided to show such concern. Especially when I knew from first hand experience that he loved to pick on poor little innocent me. I waited for the next move. And yes there it came.


" You know Nick, when pilots lose control of the plane and it crashes..." AJ made gestures with his arms, showing me very descriptively how the plane went down. Sounds and all. "Then we will all be," he stopped, clapping his hands together in a loud BOOM, " CRUSHED like bugs." Emphasizing the "crushed" part of his soliloquy.


AJ grinned widely when he saw how I paled.


" Knock it off Aje." Good old Brian was coming to my rescue again. I looked up grateful at my best friend.


He looked annoyed. Annoyed and red nosed. How can that match? Well, the red nose sure matched his red scarf that's for sure. Brian, Brian what did I tell you about that scarf. You'll never make onto any of the Top 10 Best Dressed celebrities lists wearing that ugly thing.


Howie, however, would be in the Top. He is very picky with what he wears. Only brand names and designer clothes for him. That is Howie. He is also very prudent. Heck, Howie even irons his pajamas! Can you imagine, a male ironing pajamas? Heck, someone, period, ironing pajamas. I mean next he'll be telling us he irons his boxers. Howie wears pajamas when he sleeps. Me, I wear a t-shirt and boxers. Brian just boxers. Kevin ears his boxers too. AJ sleeps in the nude. Probably because he is never alone in bed, or so he says.


Now that was an ugly thought, AJ is very faithful with Amanda. Excuse me while I cough my brains out. I can be such a joker sometimes.


Speaking of Amanda, Samantha, Brian's girlfriend and Kristen, Kevin's girlfriend were not coming on this particular trip. That might explain Brian's red nose, AJ's "Pick on Nick" mood, and Kevin's "I-have-to-make-another-call-to-my-girlfriend-or-I'll-die" mood. Howie, however, is single, at least for the moment. And I, Nicky boy, have a girlfriend behind every corner. Or that is at least what the Press thinks. Ok, I am single right now, but looking. Oh how I am looking.


Our manager Johnny Wright, as well as AJ's mother, Denise, are already in Sweden where this trip will start. They have talked with the record company and are arranging details for the whole tour. This has left Kevin in charge of the group. This was good and bad.


A loud sneeze sent my attention to my best friend again. Brian looked really bad. He had caught a nasty head cold and he was using up tissues at the same rate as AJ changed girlfriends. Okay!!! That was before Amanda!


Another cough. This time Brian made the coughing sound. After blowing his nose and throwing the tissue into a trash can he looked at me. " Nick, you don't have to be nervous," he gave me a comforting pat on my knee.


Ew, get off me or I might think that you are into patting poor boy's knees. I know. Another sick thought crossed my mind.


As always. I looked up, groaning. Oh why did he, Mr. " I am so scared of heights," have to remind me?I don īt like to fly. No wait that doesn't express it all. I HATE to fly. I have always have and always will. This was bad since we have to go on those aircrafts all the time. But hey, if there is no pain there is no gain. At least that is what my dear mother is always telling me. OK, then my mother isnīt the one that has her head stuck in an airsick bag the whole trip either.


"Why canīt Europe be in North America?" I thought. I was glad that I didnīt say it out loud since it would have been another of my famous "Nick fuck up again quotes". Oops, I did it again!!! Hearing the laughter around me I most have said out it loud. Big mistake.


"Or why isnīt Norway in Sweden?" More laughter.


Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. I know I fucked up ONCE and I have to pay it all the time. No one seemed to remember or even wanted to mention that when I let those lines slip I was dead on my feet and we had been in press conferences all that day. Plus that I had a blinding headache threatening to split my skull in half. How was I supposed to know where Norway was? All countries look the same to me. I guess you can tell that geography wasnīt my best subject in school.


"Have your tickets ready." It was Kevin, coming to tell us that we were about to embark the plane. He, on the other hand, actually looked happy. As happy as a guy can get when his beloved girlfriend isn īt on the flight.


Kevin and I are so very different from each other. Kevin actually LOVES to fly. His dream is to fly airplanes. To that I just say one thing. NOT a plane with ME on it!


A short nod. Yeah Kevin, I got it under control.

As I bent down to open my sportsbag to pick out the tickets, I was met with a surprise. A nasty one! There was no suitcase in sight. Feeling the panic rise in my stomach I croaked out, " AJ, come on. This is not funny."AJ gave me an glare, like "What is the little fucker babbling about this time?"


The panic must have shone in my eyes because Kevin raised his voice. " Nick, you took the tickets didnīt you?" I could see that pulsating vein on his temple, indicating that Kevin was fighting with great effort to keep his cool.


" I don..don īt know." I choked out, feeling once again the tears burning in my eyes. Oh, this was not a good way to begin a long tour.


" How do you lose a bag of that size?" Kevin lost his temper.


I wanted to defend myself, but too little sleep the night before as well as all the tension that this tour had built up had me in a weakened condition. Was it my fault that my mother always was around carrying my tickets and stuff?


" Take it easy," Brian said, his brain working hard trying to come up with an solution. " Nick, didnīt you go to the restroom when we came here earlier?"


"So?" I raised my eyebrows. What did my bathroom habits have to do with my luggage being lost? I love Brian, but sometimes he could be so stupid.


" Dumbass," AJ had made his point clear. " Brian is trying to tell you that you might have forgotten your luggage at the can."


"Oh," now I feel stupid! Kevin, who was an action man when it came to situations like this, rushed off towards the restroom, with me in a tow. The rest of the boys, minus Howie who was guarding the luggage, decided to tag along as well.


"What stall were you in?" Kevin asked as he rushed into the private room. I stiffened. What stall? " Uh..I don īt know," I stuttered. I always stutter when I get nervous. Looking at the five stall doors I tried to figure out which one I had used earlier on. This was starting to become embarrassing.


Three pair of eyes followed me impatiently as I tried to get my mind working. After some quick thinking on my part... slow according to AJ, but who listens to him anyway..? I gestured towards one of the stalls. " I think it is this one," to our luck or more likely my luck that stall was open and Kevin stuck his head in. I, on the other hand, was praying. Praying that the previous smell still permeating in the stall. You see, stuttering is not the only thing I do when I am nervous. Enough said.


Seconds later Kevin reappeared, holding a sportsbag in his hand. What a relief. The bag was still there. Wasting no extra time Kevin dug into my bag, throwing up stuff on the desk in the bathroom. Then at the bottom of the bag were the...drum roll...tickets!!!!


You wouldn't believe the pressure that left my poor body in that moment.


" Ok Nick, here you go," Kevin said in a low voice. "Don īt loose them."


As we walked out , or more likely ran from the restroom AJ yelled aloud, "Nick, next time bring some air freshener!" Everyone in the entire airport seemed to have heard that announcement and looked in our direction.


I wanted to die on the spot.