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Have you ever woke up, with the feeling that you have done something stupid, not knowing what it is? In that case you know how I am feeling right now.


"Nick," a harsh voice called at me, trying to wake me up. I however had other ideas and I wanted to Sleep. After all I had probably caught Brian's flu since I was feeling like shit. My head ached so bad, and I whimpered that my stomach felt so queasy.


The taste in my mouth was the worst. It was like I had been chewing on a rat or something. At least this is how I imagine a rat tastes. I have never tried it. Never will. Howie says that they eat rats in China and I hope we never have to tour there. Besides rats, they also eat snake's blood. A friend's father was in China and he was given snake's blood in a drink. They even cut off the head of the snake and poured out the blood into the drink, right at the table. Gross.


I donīt know why I am torturing myself with these kind of thoughts since all I feel is a need puke. Big time. I gag, and the bile is rising in the back of my throat. With a groan I am suddenly awake. I push my sheets on the side and than make a run for the bathroom. Please let me make it. Someone has to be listening since I manage to get inside and kneel in front of the bowel before my insides make a great entrance.


Oh it really hurts to throw up. It feels like my innards is going to come up through my mouth and nose. Where is Howie's tea when a guy really needs it?


" Frack," I can feel a warm hand on my neck. I'd rather have a cool hand comforting me, since heat makes me feel even sicker. I guess that I should be happy that Brian is helping me out, since he is still rather sick. After I have puked up all that I can, I feel a bit better, yet I have a headache the size of the Globen.


"What happened yesterday?"


Brian is hunched beside me, holding an arm around me, comforting me, as I once again have to lean over. As I said before my stomach loves to play tricks on me. A real prankster. Brian sits beside me, waiting patiently as I am coughing and spitting the foul taste into the bowl. I canīt remember when I felt this sick the last time. It might have been New Year's Eve when AJ decided that I should try champagne. Ok, I tried. A whole bottle.


" Are you done?" Brian rubs my back and I nod weakly. " Nick what happened, do you know?"


I shake my head. " No, there is a blank." I strain my mind to remember what happened yesterday. " There was some girl and we danced and kissed and drank." I smile at the memory, then I get serious again. " And than it is all black"


" Kevin told me that you got really drunk"


Oh that was why I was feeling so strange. Might also explain the situation that I am in now. My hangover is bad!


Brian still wasnīt satisfied with my story about the previous night. " How did you end up at that club?"


" Club? I was at the meet and greet" Everything was so fuzzy and no matter how much I tried, I couldnīt remember what had happened.


" Nick, I think that Kevin and Johnny and Denise have some rather rough words to say to you."


Oh no. Do they know too? Now my ass is really fried. I wonīt be able to go out, for the whole tour. A sob escapes me and Brian gives me a hug.


" Nick it is ok. I will talk to Kevin. Donīt worry."


Nodding, I try to stand up, and immediately Brian is at my side. He would make a great parent some day. " Come on, Nick" He helps me towards my bed and I sit down heavily.


" We are going off to Gothenburg today. But first Johnny wants to have a talk to you.


I whimpered. No good.


********


'Please stop shouting,' I begged.


My headache was even worse than before, if this was possible. As usual no one listened and they yelled at me that I was immature and that I could have been into real trouble. Also what if the Press found out! O yeah that was the worst. No one would give a shit if I was sliced into pieces, as long as the press didnīt found out.


Johnny, Denise, and Kevin took turns at chewing me out and I tell you that I have never ever been yelled at so much. They had been screaming at me for almost an hour. I was counting minutes since that is what I do when I want something to end. I wanted this scene to take a fast ending since my stomach was calling for attention once again. Somehow I donīt think it would improve my situation if I laid a pizza in letīs say Johnny's lap.


Kevín had stopped shouting at me and now he was just sitting there, shaking his head like he does when he thinks that I have screwed up big time. Kevin isnīt the saint that he is trying to act. I know that for sure since I met one of his old friends. Even if Kevin was a sportsman he had been really sloshed a couple of times in high school. And then we are talking drunk.


It turned out that when I had passed out Anna had called her father telling him about the situation and Mr. Lagerskog had called Johnny at once since they were desperate with worry over where I had gone. Then they had gone to the Spy Bar and picked me up in the miserable state that I was in. This however I have NO knowledge or memory from this and it is a pity since my whole night with Anna is a total blank, What a bummer!


" Nick, this was a stupid act and I donīt want you repeating it again." Kevin looked at me. I expected his eyes to be cold, but instead they looked concern. What if Kevin really felt sorry for me?


I decided to use this situation and said in a weak and pitiful tone, " I know. I feel so bad. I just wanted to go out and be like all other teenagers" I sobbed a bit, just because I felt miserable. But also because sobbing might make them feel bad for me.


" Teenagers donīt go to Spy bar and get drunk!"


Johnny was so upset, mainly because the press could find out about my little trip. He showed no concern for me or the state that I was in. I groaned. My head hurt and I felt sorry for myself.


" I think that Nick has had it for now." Thank you Kevin. " We have all been young and I can see how you Nick, thought that going out with a cute girl was tempting. However I will NOT see you repeat this stunt again. Understand?" The tone of concern was gone and he stared at me, hard and cold in my eyes.


Johnny said something that I had learned an lesson. Denise, who was still upset at me, said that I needed to get some punishment.


I looked up, making my face statement really sad and my eyes begging for mercy. Puppy eyes. Punishment didnīt seemed too exciting and if I could, I would stall it.


I was grounded for two weeks. Just could go to the concerts, fulfill my obligations, but then back to the hotel room. Like if this was something new? I didnīt think it was too much of a punishment until Johnny told me the words that had me crying.


"And Nick, NO computer and NO NINTENDO!!!!


What???


Now I really wanted to bawl. Homesickness, heavy schedules, guarding 24/7 was nothing compare to this!!! It was like a death sentence. I would die if I couldnīt play at least one game a day. Now I know how people feels when they are waiting on death row. I begged. I pleaded. Please let me have my Nintendo!!! But Nope! No mercy for my poor soul. What was I going to do on those long boring bus rides??? Read? No way. Besides reading in a moving vehicle isnīt wise, remember Nicks Noīs. Denise, Johnny, even Kevin seemed satisfied with their decision. Me I felt like I was going to burst. This was one of the hardest things I had ever experienced. You might think that I am a whimp, but remember that I am just a teenager and teenagers have different perspective on things (Brian's words when he is trying to get Kevin to calm down). I could just thank my lucky star that if I behaved the Nintendo would just be gone for two weeks. 14 days. Counting from now.


" Now go on and pack. We are leaving at 10.30 sharp" Johnny said in a hard tone. He was upset since I had made him delay the schedule. Serves him right, I thought angrily as I walked out of the door. Sulking and hanging my head down.


Outside the room I met up with AJ and Howie. Iīll bet that they, as well as the whole hotel, had heard what had been said (shouted) in the room.


"What happened man?" AJ asked directly, putting an arm around my shoulder.


" Life is shit!" I was sulking, almost crying as I walked towards mine and Brian's room.


"Nick, itīs going to be ok" Howie was trying to comfort me, but to no use. My life was already shattered to pieces.


I don't know if the punishment was the worst or that I had been too drunk to even remember going out on my first club experience with a gorgeous girl? From now girls and clubs would have to wait until I turned legal age, I decided, since my life was slowly going down the drain. I also decided that I would NEVER touch another drop of alcohol since I couldn't understand how someone could be so stupid as to drink something that made a person so sick!!!!


"They grounded me and..." I was too sad to get the words out. " They took away my computer and." This times the tears and sobbing was for real. The guys looked at me, expecting to hear something bad when I choked out, " No..Nintendo".


AJ hid a grin. " Oh I thought you were going to say that all babes were out of the picture"


"That too," This time however I didnīt sob. The Nintendo was far more to important in my life and with girls I had it. For now.


"Those bastards!" This had AJ going. Howie on the other hand comforted me again, saying that it could be worse.


Looking through my bangs, I peeked at him, " Yeah what?"


Howie just shook his head, "Come on letīs go to Brian"


I nodded, getting guided towards the hotel room. My sight was blurry due to tears, but also because that my headache was threatening to split my skull. Bile burned down my throat and I with a whimper I mumbled that I felt sick. This had Howie into action and I have never seen anyone running so fast, with me dragging along in a tail, to a bathroom.


False alarm.


My stomach had decided that I needed a break and nothing happened. Yet I leaned over, trying to comfort the ache my body parts were giving me. I could hear Howie and AJ informing Brian about the situation at hand. Obviously they had heard it all since hotel rooms generally have thin walls. Ever thought about how easy it is to hear someone else coughing on the other side or doing other actions in a hotel room. Two parts movement, if you get my drift.


As soon as my stomach and my head was with me I started to gather up my bags. In silence. Not even Brian could get me to talk, and that is bad.



********


Trees.Trees.Trees and snow.


Is there something else in Sweden? Sulking I looked through the window, still not talking to anyone. We were on the bus going to Gothenburg, not a very comfortable one either. Mind you. We had to wait until Denmark until we got our new bus. That would be home for the next months. Brian had given up any tries to get me to talk and he had drifted on to a sleep. He was still sick as a dog and I knew that he was trying hard to act cool, when he in reality felt like he was gonna die.


Kevin, Denise and Johnny were giving me the cold shoulder, not that I cared anyway. They were the last persons on earth that I would EVER talk too. Howie as well as AJ had also tried to make small conversations with me. To no avail.


My mouth was clamped down, and I was like a mouse.


Hrm..I always wondered about that expression. After all mice do talk. They make some weird piper sounds. I know since I used to spend some summers at one of my cousins when I was younger. It was fun. There were lots of animals and rolling in the hay stacks.


Did I mention to you that my cousin is a girl. She was one of the first persons I kissed and she was the person thatI showed my Willie to for the first time. We were seven and were hiding in a barn. There I got to see the wonder of woman and got instantly hooked. Until Nintendo took itīs place. See my mind is taking a route towards those video games again.


Does this mean that I am addicted?


With a sigh I look outside the window, again. Trees, trees, still more trees.